Quick hits
David, Susan. “Manage a Difficult Conversation with Emotional Intelligence.” HBR.org, June 19, 2014.
Conflict can’t be resolved with logic alone: You need to tend to the swirl of strong emotions, too. This practical article by coaching expert David shows you how to approach a conflict with greater emotional intelligence. You’ll learn to recognize the emotions at play in your situation, understand why those emotions exist, assess the impact of those emotions, and develop strategies to manage them.
Goulston, Mark. “How Well Do You Communicate During Conflict?” HBR.org Assessment
This brief questionnaire by business psychiatrist Goulston will help you assess your communication skills during a conflict. Tailored results offer advice and additional resources for improvement. You’ll get tips on being direct, sensitive, patient, open-minded, and sincere—all critical qualities for resolving misunderstandings and repairing relationships.
Hedges, Kristi. “Five Essential Communication Skills to Catapult Your Career.” HBR.org Webinar, September 5, 2014.
Develop your ability to express yourself in a variety of scenarios with this webinar video and slideshow by communications expert Hedges. Learn five essential communication skills: creating an intentional presence, getting buy-in, presenting ideas confidently and succinctly to a senior audience, developing a virtual leadership style to connect over technology, and giving and receiving direct feedback. Complete with questions to ask yourself, real-life stories, and actionable advice, you’ll learn strategies for making every conversation more productive.
Books
Halvorson, Heidi Grant. No One Understands You and What to Do about It. Boston: Harvard Business Review Press, 2015.
Halvorson introduces you to the various lenses that color your everyday interactions and explains how understanding those lenses will help you communicate more clearly. Her work is based on decades of research in psychology and social science. Using the advice Halvorson gives in this book, you’ll be able to send the messages you intend to send and improve your personal relationships and authenticity.
Harvard Business Review Press. HBR’s 10 Must Reads on Emotional Intelligence. Boston: Harvard Business Press, 2015.
Strengthening your emotional intelligence will help you in all areas of your work life, but it’s especially useful when you must conduct a difficult conversation. Take a deep dive into this essential leadership competency with this compilation of HBR’s best articles on the topic from experts in the field. It will inspire you to monitor and channel your moods and emotions, make smart, empathetic people decisions, manage conflict, and regulate emotions within your team.
Weeks, Holly. Failure to Communicate: How Conversations Go Wrong and What You Can Do to Right Them. Boston: Harvard Business Review Press, 2010.
Looking to overcome the combat mentality, emotional maelstrom, and confusion that can poison difficult conversations? Communications expert Weeks explains why we often rely on ineffective tactics when we’re faced with difficult situations. You’ll learn strategies for mitigating aggression and defensiveness, tips for avoiding the worst pitfalls, and come away with the skills you need to get through hard conversations with your reputation and relationships intact.
Classics
David, Susan and Christina Congleton. “Emotional Agility.” Harvard Business Review, November 2013 (product #R1311L).
We know that the ability to manage one’s thoughts and feelings—emotional agility—is essential to business success, but how do we actually develop it? Executive coaches David and Congleton offer practical methods for mindfully and productively approaching your inner emotions. You’ll learn to recognize your patterns, label your thoughts and emotions, accept those feelings and thoughts, and act on your values. By gaining an understanding of how to anticipate and solve problems, you’ll develop the emotional agility you need to successfully take on difficult conversations.
DeSteno, David. “Who Can You Trust?” Harvard Business Review, March 2014 (product #R1403K).
It’s easier to resolve a problem through a difficult conversation at work if you have a high degree of trust with your counterpart. This article draws on emerging research to show how trustworthiness works and offers four points to keep in mind the next time you’re deciding whether or not to trust a new partner: Integrity can vary, power does corrupt, confidence often masks incompetence, and it’s OK to trust your gut. From the useful sidebar “How to Prompt Trustworthiness in Others,” you’ll also learn techniques to improve and foster others’ trust in you. You’ll benefit not only from conversations that are less stressful but also from enriched relationships in all areas of your work life.
Manzoni, Jean-François. “A Better Way to Deliver Bad News.” Harvard Business Review, September 2002 (product #R0209J).
Giving difficult feedback is one of the most difficult conversations any manager faces. INSEAD professor Manzoni will help you change your mind-set in how you develop and deliver difficult feedback. You’ll learn to recognize biases and reframe criticism in a way that opens up honest dialogue.