Marriage and the Wealthy
Sociologists tell us that more than half of all first marriages end in divorce, and that even higher percentages of subsequent marriages end in divorce.3 But even these statistics understate the true rate of marriage failure, because many couples stay together for religious or financial reasons, or simply out of inertia. The simple truth is that long-term happy marriages are quite rare. And, given the challenges posed by living together with another human being, this should come as no surprise to us. The only way to eliminate divorce is to prohibit it, and the only way to eliminate unhappy marriages is to abolish marriage itself.4
The rich face all the same challenges to staying happily married as anyone else. But, in addition, we face the temptation to buy our way out of the irritations that inevitably accompany our marriages. The classic example of this is the spouse who routinely treats the other spouse badly, then “makes up for it” with an ISB (I'm Sorry Bauble), carefully sized to the scale of the offense. The message the offending spouse sends with the ISB is this one: “I can treat you any way I wish, as long as my offensive conduct is followed by an appropriate ISB.” The message the offended spouse is sending is this one: “You can treat me any way you like, as long as you pay for it with an ISB.”
There is nothing wrong with ISBs—even a poor spouse can afford a small bouquet of flowers or a fifth of Johnny Walker. The trouble comes about when the ISB is not a token of our remorse and our love, but a substitute for it. If we have done something that hurt our spouse, even inadvertently, the way to “make up for it” is to apologize sincerely, to let our spouse know that we are remorseful, to assure our spouse that we will do our best not to let it happen again. Skipping this extremely difficult step, and proceeding straight to the ISB, is simply a way of buying our way out of happiness, and it's a road that is especially easy for wealthy spouses to take.
Marriage is a difficult business, and most marriages will fail in one way or another. But being one half of a happy marriage is perhaps the most certain route to happiness for rich, middle-class, and poor alike. Simply being aware of the temptations that bedevil wealthy spouses can go a long way toward avoiding the pain that results from a failed marriage, or from being alone in life.