INDEX
A
Abundance:
rerouting your vibes from awful to, 149–150
and Team Abundance versus Team Scarcity, 150–152
Achievement(s):
and affection, 65
and happiness set point, 235–241
honoring, 167–168
Acknowledging your Big-Deal Self, xxiv
Action(s):
of others, absorbing, 192 (See also Borrowing superpowers)
parlaying delusion into, 158–162
Advancement trajectory, 194
Affection, equating achievement and approval with, 65
Affirmations, 58–59
Age expectations, 232
Amos’s Armish Market, 174–176
Angelou, Maya, 115
Anger, from suppressed issues, 92–93
Appearance:
and attire in dressing up your dream, 164–165
Approval:
examining your need for, 79–80
love and affection seen as, 65
Approval seeking, xviii–xix, 76–85, 100
defined, 71
forms of, 76
and personal responsibility, 79
results of, 77–79
strategies to move away from, 79–85
Attitude, borrowing (see Borrowing superpowers)
Audacity, xi–xiii
to accept and support someone else’s mission, 224–226
and Big Deal Energy, xii–xv, xviii–xx, 69–70
borrowing, 179–180 (See also Borrowing superpowers)
external influences on (see External influences)
fear of, xvii–xviii
to follow inner GPS, 18 (See also Intuition [inner GPS])
gendered judgments of, xv–xvii
increasing or decreasing your, 249–250
levels of, xx
paradox of (see Paradox of an audacious life)
in reaching your dream, 161
what holds us back from or contributes to, xx–xxi
(See also specific topics)
Audacity remorse, 220–224
Authenticity:
authorization of, 51–52
and borrowing superpowers, 180
your people’s approval of, 80
Authorization:
of authenticity/genuineness, 51–52
of your intuition, 5–6, 16, 130
B
Baltimore, Maryland, 6–7
BDE (see Big Deal Energy)
Becoming your own bestie, 210–220
by getting to know yourself better, 215–217
by reframing how you think about yourself, 215
by setting goals that matter to you, 217–220
Belief(s):
defining your, 232
reconditioning your reaction to, 56
in self-sourced endorsements, 163–164
in what you can do, 124–125
in your dream, 161
Belonging, price of, 209
Bestie, becoming your own (see Becoming your own bestie)
Bestie blinders, 148–150
Big Deal book club, 261–264
Big Deal Diary, xxiii–xxiv
borrowing superpowers, 199–201
dressing up your dreams, 170–171
external influences, 246–248
fake-news fears, 57–60
inner good girl, 100–102
intuition, 27–30
jealousy, 153–154
listening less, 126
paradox of audacity, 227–228
purpose, function, and value of, 27
Big Deal Dreams (see Dressing up your dreams)
Big Deal Energy (BDE), xii–xiv
to activate audacity, xix–xx, 69–70
compounding your, 69
defining, xviii–xix
evaluating where to invest, 23–25
feeling, 53
individual differences in, 241
in reaching your dream, 161
from rejoicing in rejection, 81–82
as secret superpower, xix (See also Borrowing superpowers)
Big Deal moments, sharing, 54
Big Leagues program, 259–260
Big moves, having to tell people about, 8–9
Big-Deal Self:
acknowledging your, xxiv
convincing yourself of, 158 (See also Dressing up your dreams)
loving your, xv
price of being your, 10–11
stepping into, xxi–xxiii
and what makes you different, 23–26
Blame, 44
Borrowing superpowers, 173–201
Creator cape for, 181, 188–193
efficacy of, 179
formula for, 181–182
options for, 181
results of, 178–179
for sales, 173–178
Seeker cape for, 181–183
selecting super squad for, 193–198
from those you are jealous of, 129–130
Warrior cape for, 183–187, 205–206
Boston marathon, 233–234
Boundary setting (see Saying no)
Bravery:
borrowing, 74 (See also Borrowing superpowers)
medium, 48–54
Brian (brother), 233–238
Bridesmaids (movie), 210
Business:
distinguishing your self from your, 44
double standard in, 68–69
permission asking in, 73–75
using Warrior cape in, 183–187
women’s opportunity to be heard in, 104–105
C
Canfield, Jack, 41
Change:
evolving, 214
reactions igniting, 165
success and, 55–56
Changing your mind, 209, 222–224, 238
Cheer squad, 196–198
Choosing, 12–14, 169, 207–210 (See also Decision making)
Cleopatra, xvi
Clinical Psychological Science, 163
Clubhouse, 123
Community(-ies):
online, 45–46
sense of, 210
surrounding yourself with, 212–213
Comparison:
evolved into competition, 138–148
and rerouting your vibes from awful to abundant, 149–150
on Team Scarcity, 151–152
Competition:
evolving comparison into, 138–148
on Team Abundance, 151
Complacency, 141
“Condescending” haters, 108–109
Conrad, Lauren, 68
Courage, 211
COVID-19 pandemic:
and Boston marathon, 233–234
Good News network started in, 119
loss of community during, 213
negative effects of, 111
oldest looking players contest during, 50
reinvention during, 82
Waiters and Creators in, 112–114
wearing Creator cape during, 188–191
Creating:
waiting versus, 112–114
of your home, 232
The Creator cape, 181, 188–193
Creators, 112–114
D
Dating, 233
Death, reflecting on, 241–245
Decision making:
changing your mind in, 209, 222–224
in double-standard world, 69
external influences on (see External influences)
habits affecting (see Inner good girl)
intuition in, 12–14 (See also Intuition [inner GPS])
others’ reactions to your (see Reactions of others)
persisting in your decisions, 220–222
and sleep quality, 20–21
uncertainty in, 207–208
Defending others, 196
Deletion decisions:
and approval seeking, 77–78
others’ reactions to, 9
Delusion, parlayed into action, 158–162 (See also Dressing up your dreams)
Demands:
saying no to, 22–23
success and, 55
Different, discovering your, 23–26
Digital health strategy, 137
Distanced self-talk, 163–164
Double standard, 66–69
Dressing up your dreams, 155–171
by buying dream dress, 164–165
and parlaying delusion into action, 158–162
by powering up with Post-its®, 163–164
by spreading the word, 167–170
and truth versus lies, 155–158
and waiting on wishes, 166–167
E
Earhart, Amelia, xvii
Edge, maintaining, 141
Efficiency, T2T strategy for, 121–122
Emotional uncertainty, 208–211
Energy:
borrowing (see Borrowing superpowers)
positive and negative vibes, 148–150
Enthusiasm, 166
Epictetus, 103
Evans, Tami, 150–151
Expectations:
of others, 28, 217 (See also External influences)
success and, 55
Experience, borrowing (see Borrowing superpowers)
External influences, 229–248
and happiness set point, 235–241
and reflecting on death, 241–245
types of, 230–233
F
Facts versus feelings exercise, 223–224
Failure:
enjoying state of, 247
learning from, 32
and loss of faith in self, 36–37
mourning period following, 45
others’ reactions to, 38–41
releasing feelings about, 46
separating your self from, 44
stories about, 33–36
from subjective standpoint, 38
success scars from, 45
Faith in self:
loss of, after failure, 36–37
in unfriending outside approval, 80–81
Fake news (see Fear(s))
Faking it (see Borrowing superpowers)
Fanzo, Brian, 47–48
Favorite, need to be the, 94–98
Fear(s), 31–60
of audacity, 7–8
being stuck in cycle of, 245
following failure, 37
imperviousness to, 31–32
of others’ reactions, xvii–xviii, 8–9, 20, 38–41, 244–245 (See also Inner good girl)
as protection, 41–42
of rejection, 38–41
that you’ll look stupid, 47–54
that you’ll screw up, 42–46
that you’ll succeed, 54–56
Feedback:
and online disinhibition effect, 119
processing, 84
Feeling(s):
about failure, releasing, 46
of Big Deal Energy, 53
emotional uncertainty, 208–211
facts versus feelings exercise, 223–224
of freedom, 208
of gratitude, 142–143
with mantras, 247
Fight for greater issues, Warrior cape for, 183–187
Finding genius, 127–130
Finding new options, Seeker cape for, 181–183
Fisher, Carrie, 92
Freedom:
feeling of, 208
success as, 219
Friend flirting, 194–195
G
Gallop, Cindy, 127–130
Gassner-Otting, Laura, 123–124
Gender differences:
being a woman in male dominated industries, 232
in changing minds, 222
in concern with looking stupid, 50–51
and double standard, 66–69
and positive and negative evaluations of traits, xvi, 67–68
women’s equality issues, 98–99
and women’s opportunity to be heard, 104–106
Genius, jealousy as, 127–130
Genuineness, authorization of, 52
Germanotta, Stefani, 111
Getting to know yourself better, 215–217
Ghosting your inner good girl, 69–70, 90, 98–101
Ghosts of childhood, 65–66
Giving up, 223
Goal(s):
of borrowing superpowers, 199
and happiness set point, 238
of living a life you love, 3
reaching your, 234–235
that matter to you, 217–220
“Good girl”:
inside you (see Inner good girl)
at universal level, 66–69
Gratitinis, 141–144
Gratitude:
feeling of, 142–143
honoring accomplishments with, 167–170
Greater good, fighting for, 183–187
Gregorek, Jerzy, 207
Grit, building, 82
Gut guide (see Intuition (inner GPS))
H
Habits:
limiting, 56 (See also Inner good girl)
swapping, 140–141
Hamilton, Bethany, 48
Happiness:
and reflection on death, 242
set point for, 235–241
Harassment, fighting, 184–187
Hartman, 155–156, 158, 159, 203, 216, 242
Haters:
during COVID-19 pandemic, 112–113
“how dare you,” 114–117
identifying, 108–110
listening less to, 106–111
listening to, 106–107
online trolls, 118–119
plan for dealing with, 107
truth tellers versus, 107–108
who judge how you get stuff done, 120–122
your hater voice inside you, 122–125
Health issues, people pleasing and, 85–86
Healthy interactions, 29
Healthy jealousy:
as competition in action, 132–138
unhealthy jealousy versus, 130–132
Hedonic treadmill/adaptation, 233–235
Highlights with Erin King podcast, 32, 192
“Holding you back” reactions, 38–39
Holiday, Ryan, 242
Home, creating your, 232
“How dare you” haters, 114–117
How you get stuff done, judgments of, 120–122
How you think about yourself, reframing, 215
Hustle, taking break from the, 230–231
I
Identity, owning your, 232 (See also Authenticity)
Impostor syndrome, 51, 125, 126
Inheritance systems, 66–67
Inner good girl, 61–102
and approval seeking, 70, 71, 76–85
evaluating your, 62–64
ghosting your, 69–70
and ghosts of childhood, 65–66
and global good girl ghosting society, 98–99
and need to be the favorite, 94–98
and permission asking, 70–76
and perpetual people pleasing, 70, 71, 85–91
and resentment from suppressed issues, 92–94
and saying no, 86–91
typical triggers of, 70–71
and universal “good girl” concept, 66–69
Inner hater voice, 122–125
Intuition (inner GPS), xix, 1–30
attempting to silence, 10–11
authorizing your, 5–6, 16, 130
creating space for, 12–13
and fear of success, 56
guts needed to go with, 14–18
ignoring your, 11
individual nature of, 208
and kindness, 19–23
for knowing how, who, and where, 130
listening to, 5–13
and living a life you love, 2–4
others’ reactions when you follow, 8–9, 16–17, 20
and sleep quality, 20–21
and thinking about changing your mind, 223
and what makes you different, 23–26
J
James, Neen, 150–151
Jealousy, 127–154
and bestie blinders, 148–150
and embarrassing moments, 144–147
and evolving comparing into competing, 138–148
as genius, 127–130
healthy, 130–138
and Team Abundance versus Team Scarcity, 150–152
K
Kim (Cool Kim), 148–149, 174–179
Knowing:
doing versus, 153
genius feeling of, 128–130
in reaching your dream, 161
of your Big-Deal Self, xiii, xv
Krasinski, John, 119
L
Lady Gaga, 111
Lauren (sister-in-law), 213
Learning from failure, 32
Leveling up, xxi
catch with, 11
competition inspiring, 133
with gratitinis, 142
starting place for, 4–5
(See also A life you love)
Lies:
in parlaying delusion into action, 158–162
truth versus, 155–158
Life journey:
reflecting on, 241–245
reframing, 238–241
A life you love, 2–3
benefits of, 18
big mistake in identifying, 4–6
choosing, 12–14
as a goal, 3–4
identifying (see Intuition [inner GPS])
Limiting habits, 56 (See also Inner good girl)
Limitless (Gassner-Otting), 123
Listening:
gender expectations for/differences in, 104–106
to haters, 106
to others’ negative opinions, 106
value of, 103–104
to your inner GPS, 5–13
Listening less, 103–126
to the hater voice inside you, 122–125
to haters, 106–111 (See also Haters)
to “how dare you,” 114–117
to online trolls, 118–119
to those who judge how you get stuff done, 120–122
and Waiters versus Creators, 112–114
Loneliness:
in paradox of audacious life, 208–215
reframing, 215
and social media use, 140
when things crash and burn, 221
“Looking out for you” reactions, 38
Looking stupid, fear of, 47–54
Love:
equating achievement and approval with, 65
online, 78
from your cheer squad, 196–198
Loving your Big-Deal Self, xv
M
Madeline (friend), 225–226
Mantras, 247–248
Marcus Aurelius, 242
Massive Deal Energy, 69
Medium brave moments, 48–54
Memories, of negative reinforcement, 66
Mind, rewiring, 40
Mindset:
borrowing (see Borrowing superpowers)
of “rising tide lifts all boats,” 151
Money:
in achieving your dream, 165
as power, 67
and success, 218–219
Motivational relationships:
finding, 192–193
super squad of, 193–198
(See also Borrowing superpowers)
N
“Name-swapping” experiments, 67–68
Negative reinforcement, memories of, 66
Negative self-talk, 122–126
Nightingale, Florence, xvi–xvii
Nosey haters, 108
O
O’Connor, Cara, 14–18, 182–183
O’Connor, Carly, 14–15
Online communities:
Socialite Agency’s creation of, 46
Online disinhibition effect, 119
Online trolls, 118–119
Oscars, 160–161
P
Paradox of an audacious life, 203–228
becoming your own bestie, 210–220
changing your mind about decisions, 222–224
emotional uncertainty in, 208–211
paradox of the, 224–226
persisting in your decisions, 220–222
and ghosts of childhood, 65–66
Passion, 166
People:
importance of, 244–245
“your people,” everyone else versus, 80, 81, 84
(See also Reactions of others)
People pleasing:
healthy, 71
perpetual (see Perpetual people pleasing)
Perception(s):
power of, 52–53
Permission asking, 71–76
catch-22 with, 73–74
in corporate environment, 73–75
defined, 70–71
phrases used in, 76
recognizing lack of need for, 72
Perpetual people pleasing, 70
defined, 71
and learning to say no, 86–91
and need to be the favorite, 94–98
pausing your, 85–86
and resentment from suppressed issues, 92–94
Persisting in your decisions, 220–222
creation and development of, 34, 35
investor meeting for, ix–xiii
online community of, 45–46
Political views, 231
Post-its®:
for borrowing audacity, 190
powering up with, 163–164
Potential, xix
Power:
competition as source of, 132, 135–136
of external forces (see External influences)
of money, 67
Price of belonging, 209
Procrastination, xiv–xv, 54–55
Productivity, 194
Protection:
fear as, 41–42
super squad players for, 196
PUB method, 160
R
Radical gratitude, 142–143, 215
Reactions of others, 203–207
audacity extinguished by, xiv–xv
fear of, xvii–xviii, 8–9, 20, 38–41, 244–245 (See also Inner good girl)
influence of (see External influences)
judgments of how you get stuff done, 120–122
and kindness, 19–23
“looking out for you” versus “holding you back” reactions, 38–39
online, 118–119
our perceptions of, 52
size of, 39–40
and their need to be the favorite, 96–97
when you dress up your dreams, 165
when you follow your intuition, 12–14, 16–17
(See also What others think)
Real you:
being, 233 (See also Authenticity)
and internet approval seeking, 79
role you versus, 57–58
“your people’s” approval of, 80
Reality:
facing, 156–157
turning dreams into (see Dressing up your dreams)
Reality check, combining gratitude and, 141–144
Reflections:
on death, 241–245
reactions of others as, 17, 39
Reframing:
of how you think about yourself, 215–217
of life journey, 238–241
of rejection, 83–84
Reinvention:
with Creator cape, 188–193
during pandemic, 82
realities of, 221–222
Rejection:
fear of, 38–41
others’ successes felt as, 93–94
rejoicing in, 81–85
and saying no, 86–87
when borrowing superpowers, 176, 178–179
Religion, defining your, 232
Resentment, releasing, 92–94
Resilience, building, 82
Role you, real you versus, 57–58
Roosevelt, Eleanor, 101
S
Saying no, 101
to demands of others, 22–23
techniques for, 86–91
Scarcity mentality, 93–94, 151–152
Screwing up:
fear of, 42–46
successes from, 46
The Seeker cape, 181–183
Self-reliance, 211
Self-talk:
distanced, 163–164
“good girl” (see Inner good girl)
negative, 122–126
(See also Intuition [inner GPS])
Sexism, 67–69, 105 (See also Gender differences)
Shannon (sister), 213
SheNoters, 150–151
Sleep:
need for, 216–217
quality of, 20–21
“Small-minded” haters, 109
Social media:
and approval seeking, 78–79
comparing yourself to others on, 131–132, 140–141
hate groups on, 111
posting opinions on, 110
profiles on, 52
“The Social Media Spa,” 191
Socialite Agency, 46, 114–117, 159
Some Good News network, 119
Spreading the word, 167–170
Stories:
about failure, 33–36
of success, 32–33
Stupid, fear of looking, 47–54
Success(es):
discounting of, 32–33
fear of, 54–56
freedom as, 219
honored with gratitude, 167–170
personal vision of, 218–220
suiting up for, 164–165
Super squad, 193–198
for borrowing superpowers, 193–198
defensive players on, 196
finding women for, 197
offensive players on, 193–196
sideline sisters/cheer squad on, 196–198
Super-connectors, 197
Superpower(s):
Big Deal Energy as, xix
borrowing (see Borrowing superpowers)
for different scenarios, 177
in real life, 180
in sales, 173–178
Suppressed issues, releasing resentment from, 92–94
T
Teams:
super squad for borrowing superpowers, 193–198
Team Abundance, 150–152, 193, 226
Team Scarcity, 150–152
Technology, reprogramming relationship with, 140–141 (See also Social media)
Time planning, 237–238
Timothy 2:12, 105
Travel, 232
Truth, lies versus, 155–158
Truth tellers, haters versus, 107–108
T2T method, 121–122
U
Uncertainty:
in decision making, 207–208
emotional, 208–211
Unhealthy interactions, 29
Unhealthy jealousy, 130–132
V
Vee, Gary, 124
Vibes, positive and negative, 148–150
W
Waiters, 112–114
Waiting:
creating versus, 112–114
on wishes, 166–167
The Warrior cape, 181, 183–187, 205–206
Webster, Noah, xvi
Webster, Tamsen, 150–151
What others think, xi–xv
about what you should do, 5
caring about, xviii–xix (See also Inner good girl)
when you change your life, 16–17
(See also Reactions of others)
What’s right for you:
knowing, xix (See also Intuition [inner GPS])
and what makes you different, 23–26
Wishes, waiting on, 166–167
Women’s equality issues, 98–99
Words:
affirmations, 58–59
watching your, 167
Y