As we saw in chapter 6, building helpful relationships with others can give you a huge boost during your career and can come in especially useful when you’re hoping for a move up the ladder. As well as building your wider network of contacts, you may also want to consider working with a mentor, either within or outside your current organisation. Mentors can be a great source of advice and encouragement, especially during fraught or tricky times at work.
Turning to your boss (or anyone else in your department, for that matter) for this kind of support is not always a safe or wise career move: let’s say you and another colleague have both applied for the same promotion, clearly your boss cannot be seen to be helping one of you more than the other. You may not even have that great a relationship with your boss and you might be worried that this is blighting your promotion prospects. This is where mentors come into their own.
A mentor is someone who is committed to helping you find a path to success, helping you to gain the insight and contacts that you need in order to understand the steps to your future. He or she should also be able to provide wise advice for your incidental crises and decision crossroads. Read on to find out if working with a mentor can help you get the career results you’ve been looking for.
Step one: Think through some common questions about mentoring
1 Can I trust my mentor to keep what we talk about confidential?
You should be able to. How else would you be able to learn, if you didn’t have someone to ask all those questions you’re too embarrassed to discuss with your boss? The ideal mentor relationship is based on trust and open communication. If you decide to work with a mentor, make it clear from the very outset that you’d like anything you say to him or her to remain between the two of you.
2 What if there is no-one at my company whose guidance I especially value?
Your mentor can come from anywhere: he or she could be a current or former colleague or even someone you’ve met at a special interest group or conference. In fact, you can have more than one mentor. It doesn’t matter at all where they come from, as long as they’re not your direct supervisors or in your department, and as long as they have the insight and experience that you value.
3 Do I have to pay for these services?
No. Most people are incredibly flattered to be asked to take on a mentoring role and see it as an honour. Those who have been high achievers in their own careers consider it good professional ‘citizenship’ to help those just starting out. It’s natural that there will be some people less willing to help, of course, but try not to get downhearted: see it as reflection on them, not you.
4 Can I be a mentor, too?
Yes. Although you might not be that high up the career ladder to be someone immediately marked out as a mentor, any time you’re willing to share advice and information to benefit someone else, you’re fulfilling that role. Many organisations consider mentoring a valuable hallmark of leadership material. While you may be doing it out of kindness, others will take note and it will benefit your career in the long run.
Step two: Decide what you want out of a mentoring relationship
As with any scenario at work, you’ll get much better results if you know exactly what you’re hoping to gain. For example, are you:
looking for guidance on building a career within one particular organisation?
looking for help in developing your professional skills?
looking for introductions into seemingly ‘closed’ circles of influential people?
The answers to these questions will help you decide whether you need a mentor within your company or elsewhere in your community or profession.
TOP TIP
Don’t think that mentoring is a way of being spoon-fed useful information. The mentee has an important part to play in setting the agenda for the relationship and he or she also has to be in the right frame of mind to make it work.
Just as importantly, you have to think about whether you’re the right type of person for this type of relationship. What could you bring to it? For example:
Are you committed to contributing to the profession as well as developing your career?
What will make the mentor glad to have invested time and energy in helping you along?
Do you listen carefully to expert opinions and follow advice, or do you resist guidance?
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Some people just aren’t very good at taking any feedback about their professional life, even when it’s meant constructively. Do be honest with yourself, and, if you are one of these people, having a mentor just might not be for you. You may feel under attack, and the mentor may become discouraged if their advice is always batted back at them.
Step three: Look for candidates
If you’ve decided that you would benefit from a mentoring relationship, you now need to find the right person. Let people know that you’re on the look-out for a mentor in a specific area of your life and ask for recommendations.
Also, check whether there’s an official mentoring programme sponsored by your company and, if one does exist, let the organiser know that you’d like to participate. Eligibility for mentorship varies from one organisation to another. If you’re ineligible where you work, look for mentors elsewhere. Spread your net wide and think creatively. You could look for a mentor in your professional association, community centre, local chamber of commerce or service organisations, your college or university association, for example.
Step four: Interview your candidates
It makes a lot of sense for you to whittle down your potential mentors into a shortlist and then find out the best candidate. Don’t take the first one that comes along, just because you’re keen to get things moving. The relationship you have with your mentor will be a working one, so you need to know that you’re personally compatible and on the same wavelength.
Let the candidate interview you, too, without getting defensive or stressed. This is a low-pressure, getting-to-know-you step that, if done properly, will save a lot of time in the future.
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Remember that you can end a mentoring relationship at any time. It may be that, as your relationship progresses, you find that your views on life aren’t as compatible as you’d thought. Don’t feel as if you’ve failed: just move on and appreciate the progress you’ve made anyway.
Step five: Establish ground rules
Once you’ve picked your mentor, it’s a good idea to work out the basic practicalities of your relationship. Once you’ve got these sorted out, you’re both free to concentrate on the task in hand. For example, ask yourself:
How often do you and the mentor want to meet?
Does your mentor mind being called during the working day and/or at home?
How often do the two of you want to review the relationship?
How will you handle disagreements?
If one of your goals is to meet people who could help you climb the career ladder, what will your mentor need to feel confident enough in you to start introducing you to his or her circles of influence?
Step six: Consider being a mentor yourself
Being a mentor is a rewarding way of building both your career and your profession in general. It can connect you with fresh ideas and ways of looking at the same old problems, and is an excellent way to network. As your mentees move on in their own careers, your network and sphere of influence expands as well.
Common mistakes
You look to your boss to be your mentor
Avoiding that mistake is simple: just don’t do it. If you’ve told your boss that you’re hoping to work with a mentor, he or she may feel offended if you choose someone else, but explain diplomatically that it is common practice to look outside one’s immediate circle at work to find a mentor. It means that there are no conflicts of interest.
You became frustrated
In your initial conversations, make sure that you and your mentor share the same goals for your relationship. Also discuss your ideas of how quickly to expect projects to be done and what kind of reporting system will work for you. The clearer you both are about what is supposed to happen when, the less likely you are to have basic misunderstandings. Be prepared for things to go awry at times: not everything will work on the first attempt, but review your progress so far, and keep positive.
STEPS TO SUCCESS
Understand what mentoring can offer you. It’s an excellent way to benefit from someone else’s experience.
Mentoring is a relationship you have to work at. Don’t expect it to lead to an automatic shoe-in to a top job.
Your mentor doesn’t have to come from within the company or organisation you’re working for at the moment—in fact, it’s probably better if he or she has some professional distance.
Your boss could feasibly be your mentor, but someone not involved with the nitty-gritty of your everyday working life is much more likely to see better ways of working or new opportunities you may not have noticed.
Mentoring relationships should be confidential and your mentor will understand that. However, it can’t hurt to state this clearly before you start to meet.
Mentoring is not something you pay for. If any of your potential mentors suggest that you should, politely decline and walk away.
To get the best from this type of professional relationship, be very clear about what you’re expecting to get from it. This will help ‘frame’ your meetings and help your mentor to understand your personal goals.
Do make sure that you’re the right type of person to enter into this type of relationship. If you find it hard to concede that others may have a fair point or to take constructive feedback positively, it could be that working with a mentor just isn’t for you.