CHAPTER 5

The Gift Formula

Victoria says it so well: “Complaints are like oysters: they might not be pretty on the outside, but inside you will find a beautiful gift—a valuable pearl.”

A Complaint Is a Gift is a compelling title. It’s not what we generally expect when we see or hear a complaint heading our direction. However, there is value in customer comments, especially when customers are dissatisfied. We call this value a gift.

We’ve looked at understanding complaints, learned about who complains, and examined why complaints are gifts. Next, we’ll discover how to find those gifts and get more of them. We’ll start with the Gift Formula, a go-to response when you hear a complaint.

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Complaints as Birthday Gifts

Let’s clear things up. The gifts within customer complaints are not like a birthday present. They’re a metaphor. Frankly, we’re disappointed, or ought to be, when we hear a complaint because it means that we disappointed a customer. Sometimes, these complaints are difficult to fix. Why do we then offer a Gift Formula that reinforces the idea that a complaint is a gift? The gift is the communication with customers that will help fix their issue and turn them into satisfied—and maybe even happy—customers.

When complaints are made, your mindset about complaints has a significant influence on what will happen. It probably helps more than just about anything else you can do when handling complaints. Instead of rushing to judgment, such as “Why can’t these customers talk a little faster?” or “How many times do I have to explain this to them?” you will see the gift that is being offered to you. If you see the complaint as an opportunity—as a gift—it helps.

You need to develop and nurture this mindset. It’s helpful if your teammates talk the language of complaint giving as gifts. Adopting this mindset will be easier if this idea is reinforced at every meeting, on wall posters, and in all conversations and training sessions about customer service.

LTIO: List one specific thing you can do to reinforce your mindset about seeing complaints as gifts.

How can you reinforce the mindset that a complaint is a gift in the minds of all the people you work with? List three ways.

You can also strengthen the mindset that complaints are gifts by personally reinforcing any of your company’s policies, operational systems, communication systems, mission, vision, and values that support a complaint-friendly philosophy. List what you can do to reinforce your company’s efforts to bolster the idea of complaints as gifts.

LEARNING POINT: When it comes to accepting a complaint as a gift, your mindset matters!

Notes:

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What Is the Gift Formula?

Imagine a good friend gives you a lovely wrapped gift to celebrate your birthday. Everything about you would show how pleased you are to receive their present. After saying hello, you would immediately thank them. “Wow! Thank you. Thank you for remembering my birthday. You know, you didn’t need to bring me a gift.”

What if you opened the gift and found a box of candy—chocolates, your favorite! What would you say? “Wow! Thank you. I’m so pleased. I haven’t had these candies for months! How thoughtful of you. I’ll think of you as I eat each one. In fact, why don’t we both take one right now!”

Okay, maybe you wouldn’t say exactly that, but something along those lines.

Now imagine you work in a call center handling issues about cell phones. A customer calls with a complaint: “My name is Sam Johnson, and I can’t get decent reception on my new phone. I keep getting disconnected, and yet your advertising goes on and on about how you’ve got the most reliable network around. And that’s not all. But that doesn’t surprise me.” Would you say, “Thank you for calling and telling us about this. How thoughtful of you. I appreciate it”? Probably not.

But when we receive a birthday present, we do not hesitate to say, “Thank you.” Why do we do this?

We thank our friend because they took the time to get us something we would like. What about complaining customers? Are they friends or enemies? What are most of them trying to do?

It’s as if they have gifted us with a box of chocolates named, “Listen to Me, Treat Me Well, and I’ll Continue to Be Your Customer.”

You don’t want to respond with “Go away. I already ate a box like this last month. I’m on a diet, and I don’t want to eat anymore. I’m already too heavy.”

When encountering a complaint about products or services, many CSRs will start by asking a barrage of identification questions: “What is your name? How do you spell that? What’s your phone number? Is that your cell phone? What’s your email? What’s your address? When did you start your service? What is the product number of your phone? (By the way, it’s on the bottom of the box in which it came in such tiny digits you’ll need a magnifying glass to read it.) Do you have your monthly bill in front of you? And when did you send in your last payment?”

Telephone company CSRs may blame the weather, sighing and saying, “We hear a lot of complaints about this, but it’s due to the high winds we’ve been having.” They may attack their own company by saying, “Those dropped calls on cell phones happen a lot, but we’re dealing with a lot of issues that we have no control over.”

If customers are fortunate, they will get an apology. But few customer service people will say, “Thank you,” right off the bat.

Have you ever complained and heard “Thank you” from the CSR immediately? Probably not. It’s extremely rare. If you ever hear “Thank you” right after you complain, check in with yourself to see how you feel.

Some complaint handlers may say “Thank you” at the end of the conversation, by which time customers are likely so annoyed, it’s a meaningless phrase.

Most people think it would be wonderful to live in a world where every complaint is received as a gift. But mostly complaint handlers think customers should change and become the gracious ones.

What if we could learn to be gracious to customers—not only the ones who are purchasing but also the ones who complain about those purchases? What if we could learn to accept feedback from friends, colleagues, and family graciously? Let’s not wait for everyone else to change. Let’s change ourselves first.

LTIO: What do you do when you get a gift you don’t want? What do you say? What might you be thinking?

Notes:

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The Gift Formula Overview

The Gift Formula is organized into a series of steps so you always know where you are in the process. Having said this, you may find occasions when it is more appropriate to vary the sequence or enhance the suggested phrases with your own equivalent language. But the most robust way to begin is with a simple “Thank you.”

You can also combine the steps. We’ve heard some good combination of phrases. When you first use the Gift Formula, try to follow it as written here. But our intention is not to give you a script but rather to provide guidelines.

The Gift Formula is broken down into three main steps, some with their own substeps.

1. Respond by building rapport.

a. Say, “Thank you.”

b. Briefly explain why you are happy your customer spoke up.

c. Apologize briefly but sincerely.

d. Tell your customer what you will do.

2. Recover by fixing the issue.

a. Ask for information.

b. Fix the issue as quickly as you can.

c. Follow up to check for satisfaction.

3. Address the issue inside the organization so it doesn’t recur.

If you are acquainted with the first or second edition of A Complaint Is a Gift, you may recall there were eight steps. When we worked with a large cruise line where most of the crew’s mother tongue was not English, we found it was easier for them to remember three steps. As a result, we grouped the eight steps into three. Everything is still there. It’s just easier to remember with three steps.

LTIO: To remember what you need to do to treat a complaint as a gift, repeat the three steps with their subsets until you can say them from memory.

Notes:

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Respond by Saying “Thank You”

Rapport is a French word that means to create a relationship where people understand each other. When you have rapport, you get along and cooperate.

Rapport is great to share when you handle a complaint. You’ll especially want to create this feeling when your customer arrives in a bad mood. Under those circumstances, the quicker you can build rapport, the better for both of you.

If you have a good rapport with your colleagues or neighbors, it doesn’t matter if you make a small mistake. You fix it, and they don’t attack you. The same is true when it comes to customer complaints. Customers will likely share their complaints without hostility if you start with rapport because they know you intend to help them.

People who are in rapport are usually open, tolerant, and cooperative. They feel confident in how you will take care of them, which is not a bad place to start when handling a complaint. The four substeps of this Gift Formula item will move you toward a relationship of rapport. The four substeps of this Gift Formula item include the following:

• Say, “Thank you.”

• Briefly explain why you are happy your customer spoke up.

• Apologize briefly but sincerely.

• Tell your customer what you will do.

These four short, simple steps, which are all about building rapport, will move you toward a good starting point for handling your customer’s complaint.

Remember, you are receiving a gift. What do you say when receiving a gift, even if you don’t want it? You say, “thank you.”

We know it feels a little uncomfortable to start with saying “Thank you,” especially if the customer doesn’t look happy.

But the customer isn’t expecting to hear “Thank you.” It startles them. Often, they will get a surprised look on their face, and then they are likely to say, “You’re welcome.” After all, people are expected to say, “You’re welcome,” after they hear “Thank you.”

In almost all languages, “Thank you” is followed by some form of “You’re welcome.” It’s built into our communication exchanges. We’ve lost count of how many people have told us how angry complaining customers settle down when they hear “Thank you.”

LTIO: The next time you hear someone share a complaint, give them a chance to complete their sentence. But as soon as they pause, say “Thank you.” Just try that much. We’ll show you what to do in the next activity. Watch the video of Janelle demonstrating the Gift Formula at www.ciag.online/31.

Notes:

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Build Stronger Rapport

Building rapport isn’t difficult to do. People engage in rapport-building activities all the time when they want to maintain a sense of harmony and goodwill.

As a CSR, don’t just wait for the customer to build rapport with you. Take the first step yourself.

LTIO: Rapport can be strengthened in a number of ways. List four ways that can help you and your customer enter into a supportive relationship. We’ve started the list with smiling, which is the easiest way to begin building rapport. Someone who is smiling looks like they have your best interests at heart. It disarms people when they are upset.

1. Smile at your customer.

Saying “Thank you” is also a good way to begin the process of creating rapport. Even though it’s not enough to take care of a complaint, it builds the foundation for establishing a relationship where that can happen.

When you fix a customer’s problem, you take the customer to the emotional space where they felt good—when they first made their purchase. But to keep them as a long-term customer, you need to move them beyond that original good feeling and help them feel better. Showing your gratitude helps.

You need to say what hearing the complaint means to you and why you appreciate the feedback. “Thank you” by itself can sound cynical or scripted.

For example, the information they are sharing with you will allow you to better fix the problem or change something in your service processes to make sure others won’t face the same issue. You can say, “Thank you for speaking up,” “Thank you, I’m really glad you told me so I can fix this for you,” or simply, “We’re better than this. Thanks for letting me know.”

Your complete thought needs to go something like this: “Thank you for telling me about this problem. You can’t imagine how many customers just walk away without saying anything, even though they’re really dissatisfied, and we probably lose their business. They then tell other people without giving us the opportunity to make things right. And we definitely want to keep your business. That way we can be better at giving our customers what they want. That’s why we really do appreciate your taking the time and trouble to come up to us and say something. Thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.”

That’s the complete mindset, but don’t say all of that. You’d probably scare customers away. But you can think it.

Then you need to apologize like you mean it. And finally, tell them you are going to take care of their problem. Wouldn’t you like to hear that?

LEARNING POINT: Remember, you aren’t just fixing a problem for your customers. You need to address their emotions and help them feel satisfied so they want to return.

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Apologies Matter

A recent national customer rage study asked customers what they wanted when they complained: 75 percent said an apology, but only 28 percent receive one.¹

When customers complain, they may not hear an apology even if one is given. If a customer doesn’t hear your apology, you might as well not have given one. They were probably so involved in complaining they didn’t hear it. That’s why it’s a good idea when writing a response to a complaint to apologize close to the start of your response and then apologize again at the conclusion.

Be careful not to overapologize. One business school studied apologies and found at call centers that CSRs who inspired the most confidence did apologize. But then they didn’t repeat those apologies. They said it once or twice when handling a call, but then they stopped saying it. It becomes burdensome to the customer. Customers feel compelled to say something in response to the apology, such as “Never mind, that’s okay.” The customers can begin to feel they are taking care of the CSR instead of vice versa.²

Many organizations tell their employees to apologize first. Is this your company’s approach? We think there is a better way.

LTIO: If you have been told to start your complaint handling with an apology, ask someone in your organization why that decision was made. You can tell them that this program you are completing recommends a better way—that is, say “Thank you.”

Beginning with a “Thank you” starts a chain of effective communication both the speaker and listener can exchange. When we hear “Thank you,” it makes us think someone will do something for us.

When we hear, “I’m sorry,” it leaves us feeling that is all we are going to get—and that’s why the person is apologizing.

You can give an apology, but don’t start with “I’m sorry.” Wait until you have created rapport.

LTIO: What does an apology mean to you? When you hear someone say, “I’m sorry,” what impact does it have on you? List three positive reactions you have when hearing an apology.

Does saying “I’m sorry” have any negative consequences? What we say affects our customers, so we need to understand both the positive and negative sides of these words. List three negative reactions you have when hearing an apology.

LEARNING POINT: An apology isn’t just a bunch of words. It means something special. For many customers, it’s the most important thing they receive when complaining. But it can be overdone.

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The Power of Apologies

Apologies involve a special kind of sharing. They make it easier for customers to forgive service or product problems.

For some of our customers to continue doing business with us, they need to forgive us. This requires that they hear an apology. People often struggle to let go of the past without forgiveness.

Social psychologists have said that forgiving is one of the most fundamental processes that keeps relationships strong.³ If our customers don’t forgive us for something we did to them because they never heard an apology, they won’t be sure if they want to come back to us. Or if they do return, they are likely to walk in with a chip on their shoulders. It will be easy to offend them again, and we’ll never know why they are upset.

Many CSRs assume the customer is just an unpleasant person in situations like this. They probably don’t consider that this customer may be carrying old baggage. They never received an apology from us—or our colleagues—for something.

LTIO: How easy is it for you to provide a sincere apology? This doesn’t mean saying a quick “Sorry” but instead offering a sincere apology that our customer or someone else can hear. Circle one option below to describe how hard or easy it is for you to apologize to someone.

Easy            Not so easy            Difficult

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What Do Apologies Mean to Me?

Some people think that if they apologize that means they are responsible for what happened. They may recognize that their customers would like an apology, but when CSRs are listening to a specific complaint, such as, “This item broke before I even got it home,” they are thinking, “Why should I have to apologize? I wasn’t even there.”

LTIO: Instead of reacting defensively, what could you say to yourself? For example, you could instead think, “It really doesn’t matter that I wasn’t there. The customer felt the impact. I can apologize about that.” How could you respond in the following situations?

• Instead of “I didn’t make that mistake. It was my colleague,” I could say:

• Instead of “Why should I apologize? They were so nasty to me,” I could say:

• Instead of “Just a simple mistake. No need for an apology,” I could say:

When service providers demonstrate their concern for their customers with apologies, exchanged empathy becomes a part of the communication process.

The wonderful aspect about apologies is that most people will tell you things are okay once they hear the magic words, “I’m sorry.” Most customers will respond, “Look, it’s really okay. I know you didn’t do it yourself. It’s just the system, but I appreciate your apology.”

But you’ve got to mean the words. There’s nothing worse than a faked, forced “I’m sorry.”

In the complaint-handling business, if you don’t feel your apologies or emphathize with your customers, you are better off not using the powerful words, “I’m sorry. Please let me apologize.”

Notes:

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Now Fix It!

At this point in the complaint-handling process, you need something from the customer. You’ve quickly established rapport so the customer knows you will follow through and do something for them. But you need more information: “For me to help you, could you please give me some information?”

Don’t say, “I need some information; otherwise, I can’t help you.” You’re now the one asking for help. The customer brought you a gift. You’ve thanked them, told them why you’re grateful, apologized, and said you would help them.

Get as much information as you need. Make sure you ask for enough, or you’ll have to come back for more. Sometimes when you ask for information, you learn what’s truly bothering your customers. They may have said one thing, believing they have accurately presented the problem, but after asking a few questions, you both may discover the issue is different. At this step, a genuine problem-solving discussion can take place.

When you fix the customer’s complaint, do it as quickly as possible. Speed means a lot to customers. You should give them as much information about what happened as they need.

LTIO: After fixing a problem at your next customer interaction, ask “Are you satisfied? Have we taken care of everything? Is there anything else we can do?” What type of responses did your customer make after you asked the above questions?

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Your Company Needs to Make It Right

Wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t have to keep hearing about the same problems over and over again?

After you’ve established rapport with your customers and fixed specific problems, you and your organization need to learn something from these experiences. After all, you don’t want to keep hearing the same complaints, so it’s time to manage them. You were handling them by creating rapport and fixing problems. Now you need to manage the complaints to prevent them from happening again in the future.

How did this problem happen? You probably have some idea what needs to happen after talking with customers. No doubt people were involved in the issue, but what types of processes generated the mistake?

The root causes of the problem must be identified for the complaint to truly become a gift. As a Hewlett-Packard executive in the customer-satisfaction department located in Cupertino, California, once said, “We can say we’re listening, but it’s not until we take action that things really start happening.”⁴

Don’t just fix problems for the customer you helped. Correct these issues for all customers as well as your entire company. If you’ve got an idea, share it with your manager. Become the fixer who discovers the revenue that comes from correcting problems.

LTIO: List the three most common complaints you receive. Check to see if your coworkers agree with you about your choice.

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Say It Like You Mean It

Why is saying “Thank you” so magical? Many studies report that showing gratitude produces neurotransmitters in the brain, which makes us feel good. This occurs in both the grateful person and the receiver as well.⁵

For this release of hormones to occur, the “Thank you” must sound sincere. Are you sincere when you apologize?

LTIO: Go to www.ciag.online/38. Mark each audio on the chart below with whether the speaker’s “Thank you” sounds genuine or fake. Describe what makes you believe it’s genuine or fake.

LTIO: Ask for direct feedback from two colleagues and two family members after you use the Gift Formula. Ask if you sounded sincere when you said “Thank you.” If you didn’t, ask them why. Use them as your coach until you can say these two simple words from your heart.

Notes:

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Follow Up with Customers

When you follow each step of the Gift Formula, you are participating more fully in your company’s business. You are learning that to succeed in business, you need to satisfy your customers. Whatever you end up doing throughout your life, you’ll succeed by continuing to act on this statement.

LTIO: Choose a customer you have helped with their complaint. You’ll need their email address or their telephone number to do this. Perhaps give them a heads up that you will contact them to make sure their issue was handled.

Call or send them an email saying that you are checking in with them to see if everything is okay. They’ll probably fall out of their chairs if you do this. If the problem persists, you can help them again, and you will have a very grateful customer. You will have come full circle, and likely they will say “Thank you” to you.

Notes:

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Victoria’s “Thank You” Story

Victoria learned the Gift Formula more than twenty-five years ago. She taught these concepts and practiced them in real life every time she heard a complaint. She was so committed to the strength of the Gift Formula, she would teach her students the concept and then check in to see if they still used the formula—even weeks, months, or years after they took the seminar.

In March 1998, the Gift Formula became Victoria’s most valuable lesson learned. She was at home, seven months pregnant, while her husband, Tom, had dinner with friends. Around midnight, Tom called to say he was coming home. A short while later, in a terrified voice, he called to say, “Call the police, I’ve been kidnapped! Call—” Victoria could hear a man asking who he was talking to. Imagine being in such a situation!

Victoria was desperate. A minute later, she got another call, this time from the kidnapper himself. In a menacing, aggressive voice, he said, “I have your husband, and I’m going to kill him if you don’t give me a million pesos now! You understand?” What would you have said?

Victoria didn’t even think about it. After using the Gift Formula so many times, it was now in her unconscious brain. The first words she said were “Thank you! Thank you. I know you will be a good man and take care of him. I’ll give you all I have, everything, just please take care of him. You see, he’s going to be a father in a few days.” Silence followed.

Victoria imagines that he must have been confused. Tom told her later that the kidnapper, laughing, told the others, “This woman is nuts!” He certainly didn’t expect her response.

In a much less aggressive voice, he asked Victoria, “Okay, what do you have?” She described all that she had, including jewelry and cash. He said, “It’s not much, but okay. I will meet you at X location at 2 a.m.” And then he added, “If you call the police, I will shoot your husband. If you call anyone, even your family, I will kill him. If you are not on time and bring all you said you have, I will shoot him. I will be monitoring you. And if you don’t show up alone, I’ll shoot him in front of you.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll bring all I have. Just please don’t hurt him. I know he’s in your good hands, and you’ll be kind to him. Thank you. I’m sure your mother raised you to be a good man. Are you a father?” He grumbled and hung up.

Victoria started loading everything in her car—money, jewelry, VCRs, CDs, and even a microwave—a heavy load for a pregnant woman!

At 2 a.m., she got to where he told her to be. She was alone, and her car was loaded on a deserted street in a dangerous part of the city. She waited, and waited, and waited. 2:30 a.m. 3 a.m. 3:30 a.m. Nothing.

Victoria thought they had probably killed her husband and that they wouldn’t show up. She was scared and crying. Every possibility went through her mind. Finally, she got a phone call.

It was her husband. He was alive! He said that after the kidnappers spoke to her, they changed their minds. They stopped punching him. They put him in the trunk of the car, drove far away, and then left him—beaten and with no money or mobile phone, but alive. They kept telling him, “Keep the blinders on until we leave.” He did that and then walked miles until he found a phone to call Victoria.

This never happens with kidnappers! Whatever Victoria had said to the primary kidnapper must have completely shook him. To this day, every time Tom meets Janelle, he thanks the Gift Formula and her for saving his life.

LTIO: We know this story sounds almost too good to be true, but it really did happen. Write down your reaction and what you learned from reading about Victoria’s experience.

Notes:

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Practicing the Gift Formula

We have both learned it takes practice to feel at ease and start by saying “Thank you” when hearing a complaint. This means practicing the Gift Formula in nonchallenging situations—such as with colleagues, friends, and family.

LTIO: Set up practice sessions with someone who is also going through these materials. We’ve listed several complaints below. Because they are so varied, most will not hit the mark precisely for you. But that’s okay because you are practicing.

After you read why this customer is complaining, practice going through just the first step of the Gift Formula to build rapport. You don’t need to go through the second or third steps.

1. A customer has called to say his order promised for delivery two days ago still hasn’t arrived. He really needs this item, but he is more upset about your company not keeping its word.

2. A customer walks up to you in a retail store and doesn’t know what to do. She has been waiting for more than a half hour and has to leave to pick up her child. The customer doesn’t know what to do as she feels she has waited too long to just leave. Can you help?

3. You work as a host in an upscale restaurant. A couple walks in expecting to be immediately seated because they have a reservation—or at least they thought they did. They are upset. They can see that someone is at their favorite table that they usually get. The couple are regulars, coming in at least twice a week. You turn to tomorrow’s reservations and see their name there. How do you handle this?

4. You are a CSR in a big company and happen to be walking out the door. A woman close by you slips on some water in the lobby. She is shaken even though she doesn’t fall. She starts to complain in a very loud voice. What do you do?

Notes:

SELF-CHECK: The Gift Formula

Why should you start your response to a complaint by saying “Thank you?” List three ways how that opening statement is likely to impact your interaction with your customer.

Which of these tasks do you think is part of your role as a complaint handler? Put a check in the box next to each task that applies to your work.

Listen to customers about what they want

Identify loyal customers

Uncover marketing information

Control negative word of mouth

Be part of a customer-retention team

Pay attention to quality control

When customers complain, how and to whom do you pass information to inside your organization about what you learned? If this is something that doesn’t happen in your company, how can you start doing this?