Chapter 5
Your Toolkit
As a mom entrepreneur, you have many resources available to you (some you may not even realize you I have) that can help you in your business. We call these resources your toolkit. This chapter focuses on helping you identify those resources so you can put them to work for you. These resources include strengths, skills, personality traits, education, and past work and volunteer experience, as well as your human resources, your connections, and your support system. It’s likely you know how to use at least some of these to your advantage as a business owner. Perhaps just as important, it’s likely there are tools in your kit that you don’t currently use that could prove to be very helpful.
Even if you have been in business for a while, it’s well worth taking the time to reassess the items in your toolkit from time to time. We’ve established that being both a mom and a business owner comes with its own set of challenges (is that the understatement of the year?), so the goal here is to use all the resources you have to make things as easy as possible on yourself. To ensure that you leave no stone unturned, it’s important to articulate your resources and write them down. By making use of everything that is available to you, you can more easily build a business that doesn’t require you to stretch yourself thin at every step. Now let’s get you on track to owning all of those assets and determining what you can do to make them work for you and your business.
Strengths
Let’s start by jotting down your strengths.
What do you do better than most people? What do other people always tell you you’re good at? Strengths can be surprisingly hard to come up with because you might just take them for granted. They are so easy for you that you just assume everyone can do them. Think back to your childhood, your time in school, and other work experiences you’ve had. Your parents, teachers, and past bosses all likely let you know what they saw as your strengths. In addition, think of the things that just come naturally to you. Are you great at connecting people? Do you have a flair for helping others understand complicated ideas? Are you naturally organized? Do people constantly tell you that you give the most creative gifts? Take some time to think about the things you can claim as your strengths and then write them down. Be sure not to edit yourself. You may think of something you’re good at but discount its importance because it doesn’t seem to relate to your business. Write it down anyway. There’s a chance you won’t be able to use it to your advantage, but you might, so make sure it’s on your list.
If you’re having a hard time coming up with your strengths, we highly recommend Tom Rath’s Strengthsfinder 2.0.1 The book comes with a code that allows you to take the well-known Strengthsfinder assessment online. Completing the assessment will go a long way toward helping you know and understand what you are good at. For instance, it could help you discover that your love of learning is a strength. Or maybe it will uncover your strength of researching information. The assessment might also help you realize that despite being told all your life you talk too much, one of your top strengths is being a powerful communicator—a highly valued skill in today’s workplace. Whether you call them strengths, gifts, or talents, these are the unique elements that make you who you are. And, as Rath points out in Strengthsfinder 2.0, you’ll go much further in life by playing to your strengths than by trying to compensate for your weaknesses. As an entrepreneur, playing to your strengths will definitely save you time and money as well as help propel you toward your goals.
Once you’ve made your list, be sure to ask close friends and family members what they see as your strengths. It can make you feel vulnerable to ask a question like this so feel free to tell people we are making you do it—we’re happy to take the blame on this one. If it’s more comfortable for you, send the request via e-mail. That way, nobody is put on the spot, and the recipients have some time to gather their thoughts before responding to you. A simple e-mail like this will do the trick: “Hi. I’m doing a self-assessment for which I need to gather opinions from the people who know me best. What would you say are my top three strengths?” Be sure to add to your list based on the responses you get.
Skills
Skills are the things you see listed in a Help Wanted ad or on your own resume. It’s possible you listed some skills as strengths. That’s fine; there is often some overlap. But for skills, think about more specific, task-based actions such as Website design, copy writing, or bookkeeping. Skills are those things that you can do that not everyone can do. Again, this isn’t the time to limit yourself. If you spent a few years in college teaching dance lessons but you can’t imagine how that will help you in your current business, write it down anyway. This is meant to be as exhaustive an inventory of your skills as possible, so include any and all that you can think of. Maybe you studied Spanish for years and can pass for fluent. Chances are your skills will include things like running a fundraiser, managing a budget, or public speaking. When compiling this list, think about past education, past jobs, past volunteer experiences, hobbies, and even some of the skills you’ve acquired as a mom. Pretty much every mom we know has acquired some mean project-management and logistics skills throughout the years. Write down whatever comes to mind, and leave space because you just might think of more things as we go along.
Personality Traits
Let’s move on to some personality traits that can be valuable to mom entrepreneurs. We have spoken to hundreds of mom business owners throughout the years, and these same traits have come up again and again: grit, courage, confidence, and patience. Of course, these aren’t the only worthwhile traits to have as a mom business owner, but these, along with passion (which we covered in Chapter 1) and vision (which we covered in Chapter 2), are the ones that really seem to stand out.
Now, some of these traits may come naturally to you, and others...well, not so much. That’s okay. We are pointing them out so that you can give yourself credit for them in your toolkit and put them to work if you have them. They can all be learned and/or strengthened if you choose, so please don’t despair if you look through the list and feel as though none of them are words you would necessarily associate strongly with yourself. Let’s dive a little deeper and explore these personality traits a bit, shall we?
Grit
Grit is defined as perseverance and passion for long-term goals. We think of it as the willingness to stick with something no matter what. It’s the ability to keep going even after you’ve run into obstacle after obstacle. Grit is a strong internal force that drives people toward their goals. This characteristic is one that researchers are now paying a lot of attention to because studies have shown that people with grit tend to have more success than those without it. One of the main researchers studying grit, Angela Duckworth from the University of Pennsylvania, says, “The gritty individual approaches achievement as a marathon; his or her advantage is stamina.”2 Did we mention that owning a business—especially as a mom—is a marathon and not a sprint? Grit comes in really handy when you’re working on something long-term.
Think about the people you know who seem to have a lot of grit. You may have noticed them because they are so committed to their goals and aspirations that they don’t let anything else get in their way. Sure, they have their challenges. Life turns upside-down for them at times, just as it does for all of us. But the gritty among us don’t let obstacles derail them. Instead, they adjust their path. They overcome complications. They move mountains if they have to, and they stay the course. And because of their level of commitment, life works out well for them. Some call it luck; others know that what they are seeing is actually grit.
Studies have shown that people who have grit have greater success in a variety of pursuits. The principle is one that even the smallest child can understand: how many times have you given in to your kids just because they weren’t willing to stop asking? It’s a similar situation when you are looking for sales for your company’s product or service: deciding to take every no as a “maybe later” seems to be one way to secure future business.
It’s not just about being persistent with your customers. It’s about having the ability to fail, dust yourself off, and try again because you just know that what you are doing is worth it. The most successful people in work and in life understand that the best learning is in the mistakes, and that not every effort proves fruitful. Those who keep going no matter what are rewarded. It’s as simple as that.
It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.
—Albert Einstein
Grit isn’t something you need to call on all day every day. It’s almost as though it’s simmering in the background so you can access it when you need it. And we don’t all have it in equal measure. Those who have easy access to grit can usually go the extra mile, whereas those who haven’t yet learned how to summon it might choose to get in bed and pull the covers over their heads. But this is not a place for despair; you can have less grit and still find success. You just might want to put into place the support you need to keep at it, such as hiring a coach or finding an accountability partner, because the journey you are on will call for grit, and it’s worth your time if you can build that muscle.
You can easily see that a non-negotiable inner commitment pays off. You, as a mom entrepreneur, are going to face many conflicting priorities and challenges daily, and you don’t have the luxury of waiting for things to be convenient or easy. That’s why dedication to your dream and perseverance is so critical. The women whose stories you just read put a stake in the ground, and from then on, everything they did came from that one decision. The stake created the path for them to move toward their goals without anything (at least not anything permanent) getting in their way.
Here is the glaring, undeniable truth: sometimes it would be easier to just throw in the towel. Managing the responsibilities that go with being a mother and a business owner could overwhelm even the most steadfast among us. But grit, that unwillingness or even inability to give up, can be a big asset. Some might call it stubbornness; what we know about it, though, is that even if every day can’t be a total success, keeping at something that you truly want to do and that reflects who you are will lead to great things.
Confidence
Many of us have been held back by the belief that we don’t have what it takes or what others are looking for. From our experience working with women, we can’t begin to count the number of times our clients have downplayed their experience or assumed that what they had done was not enough to result in all that they wanted out of life. But when you look at real-life examples of successful people, you’ll notice they will often say that it was a stroke of luck that got them where they are. Or it was hard work and blissful ignorance of how much they didn’t know. Much of what successful people do has to do with believing in themselves and having the ability to make others believe in them too, even if that doesn’t happen right away. Unwavering confidence and knowing you can get the job done even if you fail along the way? Seems like a winning combination to us.
A sense of self-worth or confidence is largely tied up in knowing that you can fail without being a failure. If you feel as though you are enough just as you are, then you will have the confidence to go out into the world, be told no, and not take it personally; you’ll have the confidence to fall down and get back up; you’ll have the ability to make a wrong choice and then choose differently the next time. Often, that’s the difference between someone who keeps going and someone who gives up. Those who lack confidence lack the willingness to take the next logical step in life and in business, and if you don’t move forward, guess what? Not much happens to get you where you want to go.
What if you are lacking in the confidence department? Is there a way to build it? Of course there is, and it’s easier than you may think. One of the best ways to build your confidence is to fail. That’s right, ladies, we are encouraging you to fail. It’s not the failing that builds confidence, though; it’s what happens afterward. When you dust yourself off and get back up so you can keep going, you’ve just increased your confidence (and your grit). Voilà!
Another great way to build your confidence is to do something that makes you feel a sense of success. It doesn’t even have to be related to work. Run a 5K, make a soufflé, or finally spend an hour or two putting together a photo album (you know it’s on your someday list). Getting a bit of success under your belt is a fabulous way to build up your confidence (and if you get to eat soufflé as a result, then so much the better).
Ridding your life of comparisons is another way to bolster your confidence. We mentioned this earlier but it’s worth repeating: when you are constantly measuring your self-worth by what others have accomplished, it’s a losing battle. Instead, how about setting some benchmarks for yourself and then taking action on them? Measuring yourself today compared to where you were a year ago is a much more constructive and accurate way to see what progress you’ve made. And measuring where you are today against where you eventually want to be can give you the motivation to keep going. This is why creating and working according to a business plan is so helpful. You get to set powerful goals for yourself and then see your progress. We’ll dig into that in Chapter 6.
Courage
Someone has to be the first at everything, and it’s usually those people who know they don’t know how to do something but forge ahead regardless, flexing their courage muscle along the way. Of the many women we spoke to when working on this book, a clear theme was that they didn’t know what they were getting into and that the not knowing was actually an asset in many ways. Did they give up when they didn’t know? Did they retreat to a safe place? No, they admitted they didn’t know. They sought out and asked questions of those who might know. And they moved ahead, making mistakes along the way, until they were solidly in the camp of knowing. (Have you noticed a theme here around making mistakes, failing, and then getting back up again?)
That’s how learning works. First, though, you have to admit you don’t know, and that’s a scary place for many people. Admitting that usually leads us to seek a safe haven, which almost always means retreat. And that’s the opposite of what a successful business person does. It takes a certain amount of courage to start something new. If that something new is a business and you plan to start or grow the business while also being a mom, it takes a monumental amount of courage. The English word courage comes from the French word courage, which means heart. So when you muster up the courage to move forward toward a goal or outcome that you want to accomplish, you are actually moving toward it with your heart, and that can be a vulnerable place. The women we spoke with had a lot of heart, and although we readily admit that it takes more than just heart to succeed as an entrepreneur, if you’re willing to lean into the experience and be courageous, you’ll be off to a great start.
Many women we spoke with about their journey as entrepreneurs found more courage along the way than they thought they had. It’s funny how once you decide to pursue something important, you aren’t willing to let not knowing or the threat of looking stupid stop you. And guess what? If you don’t let it stop you, often others won’t stop you either. Believe it or not, our dumb mistakes are often just the thing that makes others like us. Those mistakes make us human. Plus, not knowing sometimes allows you to break some of the unwritten rules that, if followed, just might slow you down or get in your way. And one more thing: often, when you turn up the volume on your courage, the volume of your negative self-talk turns down on its own. Try it. You just may love the results.
Courage, as with the rest of these traits, is something you can build. It’s going to take getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, though. You’ll need to take risks. You’ll need to not know and be okay with that. Rather than feeling fearful in a new situation, try to focus on the fact that you are about to learn something. It always helps to focus on the intention and the desired outcome, which, in this case, is moving you closer to your vision for your life.
Just for fun, think of some small things you could do to increase your level of courage. You’ll know you are on the right track when you feel butterflies in your stomach or think to yourself with a tiny grin, Could I actually do that? Write down two or three things that you’ve been thinking of doing but that also scare the bejeepers out of you.
Patience
In this fast-paced world of ours, patience seems to be a dying trait. We want what we want and we want it now. (Does that sound familiar? Are you now suddenly and inexplicably thinking of your children?) However, successful business owners know the value of delayed gratification and have learned firsthand the lessons of that old adage, “Good things come to those who wait.” There is a real art to knowing when to push through full-throttle and when to note that the timing might not be quite right in that moment. Most mom entrepreneurs wish they could do it all at once, but many realize that by having patience and allowing things to unfold naturally, they are readying themselves for future success.
As we mentioned before, growing a business is much more of a marathon than a sprint. Those who are used to near-instant success will find that the process may take much longer than they would like. Building your business is like being pregnant: there is that initial rush of excitement followed by months of changes that show gradually. (We’ll expand on this analogy in the next chapter.) The average new business doesn’t make a profit for three to five years, so, although you may dream of instant success, and we can always hold out hope for that, it’s a good idea to have a hefty supply of patience in your back pocket just in case you need it.
Some people may confuse being patient with just sitting back and passively waiting for things to come their way, but patience is really more about action. Those who are patient don’t expect instant results, so while they are waiting for what they want they are also actively pursuing things that will bring their goals into reality. Patience isn’t a license to kick back and eat bonbons (what is a bonbon, anyway?). Patience means gracefully and continually pursuing things that will get you where you want to be.
Patience is a virtue, and it’s one that not many of us have in excess. In today’s fast-paced world, it is almost a lost art. We believe that patience and persistence are like yin and yang: one requires and completes the other. Our contributors were able to point toward this fact: if you can be patient while still working toward your goals, that ability will likely pay off. Plus, just think about the benefits to you and your family if that patience muscle of yours gets stronger. We picture your loved ones not having to endure that frantic “hurry up and get your shoes on” hollering as often, and maybe that huge client you’ve been carefully and persistently following up with for months finally telling you he’s ready to sign on the dotted line.
We’re not suggesting you have no control over when and how things happen; as an entrepreneur and a mom, you’ll have plenty to keep you busy. Waiting for success also gives you time to get still during those impatient moments and listen to your inner voice for guidance. It also gives you a chance to practice for when you hit the big time.
Now that we’ve explored the personality traits in your personal toolkit, let’s move on and explore another area that is usually full of tools you can leverage in your business.
Work and Volunteer Experience
Education, jobs, and volunteer experiences are other places to look for things that can be included in your toolkit. Some of the items here may overlap with strengths or skills, but it’s still important to mine these areas for valuable resources. For instance, if you studied marketing in college, you may not consider it a strength or a skill, but you know more than someone who didn’t study it. If you volunteered at a women’s shelter, that experience may not seem to connect directly with selling whatever fabulous product your business specializes in, but something you learned during that experience just might come in handy.
Take some time to go back through your experiences and add to your list for your toolkit. Maybe you used to schedule someone else’s meetings and you got pretty good at it. Perhaps you started out working on spreadsheets in Excel and, though you haven’t done it in a while, you might still remember a thing or two. For example, one of our clients was an attorney in her former life. Although she was excited to leave that career behind when she opened her preschool enrichment programs, her experience in reading complex legal documents and in negotiating led to her successfully orchestrating franchise deals for her company. Go ahead and jog your memory by pulling out a copy of your resume. You just might come across something you had completely forgotten about.
While we are on the subject of past experiences, it’s also a good idea to think about negative experiences you’ve had and what you learned from them. For instance, Erin had several jobs between college and Magnolia Workshop. All of them were in marketing or advertising and in all of them she had a boss. Common enough, but here’s the thing: She never really thrived while she was working for someone else. She did fine; she got through the days and did a good job. But it wasn’t until after she had kids and began working for herself that she realized how much she truly flourished with the independence, flexibility, and autonomy she now had. We never like to say never, but there is a pretty good chance that Erin will not go to work for someone else again. With someone? That’s a real possibility. For someone? Probably not. Although what we just described isn’t really a tool, it is valuable information for Erin to have as she moves forward in her career. Think about some of your seemingly negative experiences and write down any lessons you can glean from them.
Your Human Resources
Although “knowing people” isn’t a tool in the same sense as the other things we’ve talked about, who you know can be pivotal in moving your business in the direction you want it to go. You know the saying: “It’s all who you know.” Well, we wouldn’t say it’s everything, not even close, but it really can lead to shortcuts and faster growth. Take some time to think about your business and about the people in your life who could potentially help you in some way.
Related to that, every mom we interviewed had created a strong support system. For some, that was their husband and children. For others, it included friends, extended family, and mentors. Because of the world of social networking, some of the women we spoke with said that their most ardent supporters were women they had never even met in person. Thanks to sites such as Twitter and Facebook, the support available to mom entrepreneurs is seemingly endless. We feel lucky to be named among our clients’ greatest supporters, many of whom we’ve never met in person. (Did we mention that even though we wrote a book together, we hadn’t met face to face until it was written? We were happy to discover that neither of us was some old man sitting in his basement...it would have just been weird, you know?) No matter what your support system looks like, know this: most of us would not get by without one. If you’re just starting out on this journey as a mom entrepreneur and you don’t yet have a strong network of supporters, building one should really be your first order of business. It’s that important.
The role of your support network will vary from day to day. Some days you might need a friend to listen to you complain. Other days, a family member may be called upon to pick up your child from school. Your husband may be your sounding board for new business ideas. Your coach or mentor can be the one you rely on when it comes to making pivotal decisions for your company. And your kids can help you package up products for shipping or be responsible for getting dinner on the table. (Who doesn’t love cereal and toast for dinner?) Having a wide network of people on whom you can rely can make the stresses of starting and running your own business much easier to handle.
This seems like a good time to point out something that may be obvious: Your support system is not there to always tend to your needs. It’s likely that these same people will need your help from time to time. In fact, in our humble opinions, it’s the reciprocity factor of these relationships that makes them work so well. So think about how you can lend your support and help to others. We’ll give you a chance to cultivate and grow your support network later in this chapter. For now, here are some examples of just how crucial your friends and family can be.
We just can’t do it alone. No matter how independent you are, we can guarantee that you will need some help along the way. Having a strong support system lets you handle the unexpected and lifts you up when you need it. Numerous studies have shown the benefits of having a strong network that you can count on. According to studies cited in an article by the Mayo Clinic, those benefits include: a sense of belonging, an increased sense of self-worth, the feeling of security, and a greater ability to combat stress.3 All of these benefits will greatly improve your chances of success in both business and life.
If you want a strong support system, you have to build it. And, as is often the case with creating something that involves other people, you will likely get out of it what you put into it. So, let’s get to work. Grab a pen and paper and draw two columns on the paper. In the left column, list a person (or just list the role if you don’t yet know whom you’d call on for this support). In the right column across from each person/role you list, consider what support you can count on them to provide.
Here’s an example to get you started.
Person/Role |
Support They Can Provide |
Partner/spouse |
Childcare, household help, errands, brainstorming |
Older children |
Household, dinner, laundry, packaging, data entry, childcare |
Neighbor |
Help with packaging during busy season |
Friend |
Pick up your child from school in a pinch, act as a cheerleader when you need someone to encourage you |
Putting Your Toolkit to Work
There are several reasons we’re asking you to articulate the tools in your toolkit.
One: We want to jog your memory for any hidden assets you may be able to call on down the road.
Two: This is a confidence-builder. Once you take a look at a written list of all of the things you can do, you’ll likely start feeling pretty darned proud and competent.
Three: When you play to your strengths, things go much more smoothly. Think about how much easier it is for an adult to cut up her food than it is for a kid. Using a knife and fork is new to a child. It’s a weakness. But for the adult who has been doing it for years, it’s probably a strength; not one you want to hang your hat on, but it’s a strength nonetheless. Now, think about the frustration that often comes the first several (hundred) times kids try to cut their food. Think of the ease with which you do it. Which one seems more appealing? This leads us to the last purpose.
Four: When you are doing things that come easily to you or that you’ve had practice doing, you don’t have to spend much energy doing them. That unused energy can then be used elsewhere.
There is one thing we want to mention again here because we know at least some of you will go to this place: If you find that your strengths, skills, personality traits, experience, and community don’t look as good on paper as you would hope, please don’t despair. This is not meant to make you feel bad about what you don’t have. After all, many factors go into building and managing a successful business, and many people have found great success without the “right” education, without much past experience in the working world, and without having what they deem to be enough connections. If you find your list lacking in some way, please don’t use it to limit yourself or what’s possible for you. We know you’ve gained some great skills and experience in the last few decades, and this is your chance to shine a light on them and put them to good use.
Strengths and Skills Inventory
Grab your pen and divide a piece of paper into three columns as you see in the following example. In the left column, list first your strengths and then your skills. In the second column, write “yes” or “no” to say whether you’re leveraging those strengths or skills in your work now. In the last column, note whether you would like to use each strength or skill more or less in your work. Here’s an example for you.
Strengths/Skills |
Do I leverage it in my work now? (Yes/No) |
Do I want to use this more in my work? (+/-) |
Leadership |
No |
+ |
Writing |
Yes |
+ |
Yes |
- |
|
Researching |
Yes |
+ |
Now, take a look at your Strengths and Skills Inventory. Does anything strike you about it? Any “ah-ha!” moments? Do you have 40 skills listed but realize you’re only using five of them on any given day in your work? Did you run out of room on your paper and have to grab another sheet to keep listing all the skills you’ve acquired since you became a mom and an entrepreneur? Or did you discover some skills that have perhaps become strengths? For any items on your list you want to use more of in your work, consider how you can make that happen. For example, Lara has learned from doing her podcasts and TV interviews that she really enjoys working in and with the media, so she is actively seeking opportunities to do more coaching via television and radio platforms. Few people ever sit down and catalog their strengths and skills like this, and even fewer make the decision to purposefully incorporate their best talents into their everyday lives. But you’ve got the smarts and the guide right here to do it for yourself, and you’ll be happy you did.
A Bonus Tool: Intuition
The last part of your toolkit is intuition—an often overlooked tool. As moms, we rely on our intuition to tell us if we need to be concerned about a new friend our child has made or a situation our child is (or isn’t) telling us about. Intuition is mysterious but it’s also very valuable, and because women are known to have a heightened sense of intuition, it would be silly of us not to put that to work for ourselves in the business world as well.
When it comes to intuition, do you listen to it? Do you value it? Or do you dismiss and ignore it? Sometimes we aren’t even aware that we have ignored it until later, when we realize too late that our intuition was trying to tell us something. Sound familiar? For some reason, things that we can see, taste, touch, and smell are more often more valued in our society than things we simply feel. We can tell you, though, that we’ve worked with many women who wished they had listened to their gut, and we have worked with many who chalk up their success to trusting their gut when they truly had no idea how something would work out. Using your intuition can save you time, money, hassle, and heartache, so it’s worth paying attention to.
Whether you are just starting out or have a well-established business, this chapter has offered another opportunity to true things up. Are there some tools in your toolkit you had forgotten about? Have you gained some new skills throughout the years you have had your company? For example, if you’ve recently expanded your team, maybe you’ve discovered you totally rock when it comes to managing and motivating people. Add that to your list of skills, or even add it to your strengths if you feel it’s bigger than simply delegating and telling others what to do. Sometimes the skills we practice over and over do indeed become strengths or tap into some natural talents we never knew we had. In the example we just gave, the skills of managing people and being a good delegator could morph into a strength we call leadership. We are inviting you to acknowledge all your skills and talents now and evaluate how you can leverage them successfully in your business.
Bottom Line
A mom entrepreneur’s toolkit is made up of many different kinds of resources, many of which you may have forgotten you have.
Even personality traits can be counted among your tools as a mom entrepreneur.
As you grow in your business, it makes sense to occasionally reassess the contents of your toolkit to make sure you’re using all the resources you have available to you.
There is always an opportunity to increase, improve, or acquire new tools to support you as you grow.