27
Take a Mulligan

I AM NOT an avid golfer. Actually I’m what some people would refer to as a hack—you’d best take cover when I’m at the tee. Admittedly, I have no business playing golf around people who take it seriously. But I do have a great appreciation for various aspects of the sport, one of the most intriguing of which is “taking a mulligan.” Even if you don’t play the game, the concept is easy enough to understand: a mulligan is a “second chance” that is typically offered in informal golf when you hit a bad shot. In other words, you are given the opportunity to hit your shot over again and the first one is forgiven.

Taking a mulligan in golf has many parallels to daily life. When we hurt people’s feelings, we apologize and can take a mulligan if they give us the chance to make it up to them. When we disappoint people, we can take a mulligan if they give us the chance to regain their trust. When we fail or fall short of others’ expectations, we can take a mulligan if they give us the chance to retrench and give it another try. Likewise, taking a mulligan is an opportunity we can give to others when they go astray, make mistakes, or don’t live up to the mark.

Not too long ago I had the chance to chat with Wally Armstrong, who cowrote The Mulligan: A Parable of Second Chances, a wonderful story that uses golf as a metaphor for life. After Wally shared the philosophy behind his book, I asked him, “Aren’t there situations when a mulligan isn’t warranted—does everyone really deserve a second chance?”

“I sure hope so,” Wally responded, “though I know it’s tough for a lot of people to think that way. Sometimes it’s hard to see the good in everyone.”

“But aren’t some acts unforgivable?” I continued, trying to clarify my point.

“That’s a tough one,” Wally replied. “What’s clear to me is that we are all capable of doing wrong to varying degrees. However, we are also capable of doing right once we see the error of our ways. I’m personally a fan of giving people second chances. But true forgiveness—the ultimate expression of letting someone take a mulligan—can only come from our hearts.”

Wally’s statement was powerful and thought provoking. Did I have enough compassion in my heart to let someone take a mulligan after doing me wrong or breaking my trust? Could I simply let it slide and move on without being bitter? I reflected on a long-term friendship I had ended several years ago because forgiveness did not feel like an option. At the time, I was very hurt and angry. Yet now time had passed and a part of me regretted not having buried the hatchet with my friend. On a whim I decided to give him a call. While the conversation was a little uncomfortable at first, it was not long before we were laughing and recounting old times as we caught up with each other’s lives. At some point in the discussion we talked about the circumstances that had driven us apart. By letting my friend take a mulligan, both of us were able to put the past behind us and move forward. Once I forgave him in my heart, it not only resolved my feelings of regret but also opened up the opportunity for us to start rebuilding our friendship.

A mulligan is a gift you give people when you think they deserve another shot. It says you acknowledge that they are fallible and that you have the compassion in your heart to forgive them. It also helps alleviate the regret you may have felt if you left the situation unresolved. We can only hope that others will return the favor the next time we make a mistake. But we also need to learn to offer ourselves a mulligan—at times we can be harder on ourselves than we need to be. While we may do something wrong the first time, taking a mulligan provides a second chance to make it right.

Give people the
gift of forgiveness
and a second chance
to make things right.

∼ When in your life have you given someone a second chance to make things right?

∼ When has someone given you a second chance?