28.

Office Romance

One plus one equals two, even in the virtual workplace. But did you also know that more than a third of those “twos” are fired once their office romance is exposed? Another 17 percent resulted in a transfer and yet another 5 percent resulted in some form of lawsuit (Challenger, Gray, and Christmas 2018).

As a manager you can’t be caught thinking, “But online relationships are just that—online—who’s going to know?” Is company equipment being used to fan the flames of a relationship? Are they texting on a company phone? On company time? Is there a swell of instant messaging or are logs of emails filled with adorable love messages building up on an organizational platform?

This happens far more than you realize. In 2017, the wedding website The Knot surveyed more than 14,000 engaged or recently married individuals and reported that 19 percent of brides met their spouses online (Ross 2017). Fun fact, did you know that 100 percent of virtual employees also work online? Because that’s the same “online.” Another fun fact? In the stationary workplace, more than 38 percent of people have dated someone in their office at least once and more than 31 percent said that romance led them to the altar (Careerbuilder 2011).

So take the fact that online relationships have become ubiquitous and mix it with the prevalence of romance found in the office, and the likelihood is quite high that, as a virtual manager, this is something you will eventually have to deal with. The question you should be asking yourself is simple: How should I or my organization handle this dynamic?

Do you know your company’s office romance policies? Do they contain elements that pertain to online and virtual environments? If you’re reading this chapter, we would suggest they should. Let’s talk about a few areas to consider.

Make It Clear: No Means No

Statistics are just that and sometimes you don’t want to become one or have an employee of yours become one. As a manager, the easiest thing to do is to create and enforce a policy that sets the expectations of professional conduct and any consequences of office romance.

While workplace romance can feel like a taboo topic, you still need to address it. The potential for online romance is real in the virtual workplace, because it’s surprisingly easy for employees build virtual relationships and think they’re in love with co-workers they’ve never met. After all, we’ve spent the last 28 chapters stressing how easy it can be to build real relationships online as a manager.

As you can probably tell by now, we’re fans of being straight-shooters. So, when it comes to office romance the key is being fully transparent and simple with your policies about it not being OK. Keep your policy short and unsalacious, like this one:

Make It Possible: Create a Relationship Contract

Maybe it’s not a good fit with your organization’s personality to fully prohibit office romance. Instead, a better fit could be to build a few processes and policies that govern its existence in the workplace and online. This process would include a two-party system of disclosure—like a relationship contract submitted to a manager or HR. Relationship contracts not only protect the two people who are considering or engaged in a romance, they also help to protect the organization as an employer and you as a manager.

In addition to the general disclosure of the relationship, the contract should also address a few other things to ensure both parties fully understand your virtual workplace policies, such as:

• What virtual office equipment can and cannot be utilized within the nature of said relationship.

• How overt displays of affection are prohibited at work, including email, workplace technology, and conference calls.

• How employees must behave professionally and in a business-like manner while at work as well as at all company functions.

• That romantic squabbles should be left outside the workplace.

• The appropriate and inappropriate use of emojis; yes, emojis. Have you seen how painfully overused the heart or heart-eye-smiling emojis are in the early stages of love? What about some of the others? You know what we mean … the eggplant, the pointer finger, and the OK sign? They represent a misuse of company equipment if not addressed.

In addition to mutual disclosures, a solid relationship contract should also address several standard issues, no matter the virtual or proximity nature of employment. These issues might include:

• protection against harassment

• non-fraternization policies

• direct report and manager-based romantic situations.

All in all, the point of a relationship contract is to appropriately acknowledge the voluntary nature of the relationship. The disclosures should contain a reminder of the company’s harassment, discrimination, and retaliation policies, as well as a clear acknowledgment that the relationship is consensual. And they should support any way the employees can find one another—online and off—therefore representing an understanding of how office technology use will and won’t be tolerated within the relationship.

Make It Safe: Give People an Appropriate Voice

We are in a new era of workplace relationships and sexuality. And as such it’s important to not only give people a voice to mutually declare a romance, but also to effectively decline office romances or report unwanted romantic advances.

In addition, companies and managers should not make the mistake of building policies and language that inherently gender or specify sexuality between two consenting parties. You might consider bringing in an outside consultant to help navigate LGBTQ topics and cultural understandings.

And we get it, all these considerations might make you far more prone to go back to the top of this chapter and re-read the “no means no” section. However, we implore you to consider wise, progressive policies that feel purposeful for your organization and employees. Working in a virtual world often lends itself to even more easily attained exposure—social media, email, texting, and so on—and that means your organization should be very thoughtful about how to ensure the security and safety of its employees and their livelihood as a business practice and policy concern.

A Few More Thoughts

If you’re dealing with an office romance issue in real time and don’t have a current policy, we can assume a few things:

• You’ve stumbled on a virtual romance and it’s affecting company resources.

• You’ve been told about a virtual romance and other employees are talking, too.

• You’ve discovered a virtual romance and you’re just generally confused about how to deal with or address it.

Based on these assumptions, we have a few suggestions to offer:

Contact HR for support. No matter what you think you do or don’t need by way of guidance or support, you need to contact HR to address the lack of policy and how best to get your needs supported.

Don’t write policies and procedures with a single example in mind. If one couple or relationship reveals a flaw in your policy design, don’t immediately make a bunch of policy-driven changes. Like any other policy, you need to consult with experts in the given field and your HR team to conduct the appropriate level of policy design and support the policy’s broader implications.

Consult other organizational policies. Your problem might be supported by other existing policies, such as inappropriate use of tech, communications, and the like. These policies likely offer ways to address the issues outside the formal relationship, which will still allow business-as-usual behavior.

Signing Off

One thing we can say with confidence is that much of what an effective proximity-based office romance toolkit demands—policies, disclosures, examples of technology conduct, and so on—are also necessary in a virtual setting. The difference is that it’s not always as obvious to spot the virtual romance, so making it culturally conversational and easy to access your organization’s policies and purpose is more important than ever. Communicate expectations up front to minimize awkward conversations later. This often means ensuring it’s part of your larger onboarding and orientation models, and that romance doesn’t come off as a taboo subject overall.

In the end, you want to be transparent and clear with your employees. They deserve at least that much when faced with trying to navigate the world of budding love and romance. That love stuff is hard enough without work over-complicating or under-addressing the consequences.