A supportive community is a great asset in software development. This is true whether the community in question is the team itself, like-minded software developers in the local area, or the global community. Communities provide a safe place to voice problems and share experiences. Communities are a good place to find a sympathetic ear and give the gift of listening.
Community is important because everyone needs support sometimes. Relationships provide a safe, stable place to experiment. You can check out your new experiences with others to find out to what degree your discomfort is a normal reaction to change. In turn, when someone else in the community needs perspective, you can listen and, if asked, offer your opinion.
Listening is a far more important skill inside a community than talking. For open, honest communication to take place in a community, the participants must feel safe and understood. Sometimes all a speaker wants is to be heard. Kvetching, dumping, venting, showing off your cleverness, whatever you call it—if the response is a torrent of unasked-for advice, the community is not safe. If the speaker has something to say from his heart, he needs to be confident that it is safe to speak and that he'll be acknowledged.
Communities can also be a place to study together. XP includes many skills that improve with practice. There are local area XP groups that study topics of interest to the participants. If there isn't such a group in your area, consider starting one. Groups inside companies can be useful. However, having diverse perspectives reflecting your experience is valuable, especially if they aren't bought into the same corporate culture you work with every day.
Communities also provide accountability, a place to be held to your word. Today you may provide that service for your fellows, tomorrow they for you. Accountability is particularly important when making changes. Trying shortcuts or reverting in other ways might appear attractive in the moment. They are harder to justify if you know you will have to report you behavior to your peers. Accountability underscores the need for communities to be safe. Respecting confidentiality, offering advice only when asked, and suspending judgement all contribute to safety.
Communities are a place for questioning and doubt. Each individual's opinion holds value to the community. Conflict and disagreement are the seeds of learning together. Squelching conflict is a sign of weakness in a community. Valuable ideas can withstand scrutiny. Members of a community don't commit to full-time unanimity; they agree to respect each other while they work out their disagreements. Compliance is not a requirement for participation in a safe community.
XP has several active communities online that you can easily join. The most active is hosted by Yahoo!, and can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/extremeprogramming. Different languages also have their own XP mailing lists, which you can find by searching online. You can also find local users' groups online. Most meet once a month, but some meet as frequently as once a week.
Participate in communities, local and global. Look for communities that encourage you to be your best self. If you can't find such a community, start one yourself. If you are wrestling with difficult questions, you are not alone. As a community we can accomplish more than we ever could in isolation.