Walking toward Wisdom

Debbie and Blake had agreed to meet in the coffee shop but Blake asked if they could meet later than usual. Debbie had no problem with that.

This time, Debbie arrived first. Blake came rushing in, still five minutes early, but feeling as if he were late.

Before he even said hello, Blake said, “Sorry, I’m late.” He was almost out of breath.

“Good evening, Blake,” Debbie said. “You’re not late.”

“I knew it was going to be close. I had a meeting this evening.”

“That’s a little unusual,” Debbie said. “Why’d you guys meet so late?”

“Oh, it wasn’t a meeting at work. I decided to look for a way to apply a few of your GROW concepts outside work.”

“Good for you! What’d you come up with?” Debbie asked with a smile.

“As you know,” he began, “I’ve been fairly busy. But I didn’t want to use that as an excuse. Instead, I started reviewing my notes, looking for a way to multitask.”

“You were looking for a way to multitask regarding your leadership development?”

“Yes, I wanted to Reach Out to Others in a way that fits with who I am and what I’m passionate about. Do you remember when we talked about my strengths and passions?”

“Yes, I do.”

“One of the things I’ve always enjoyed is working with kids.”

“Yes, I remember, you were a camp counselor during your summer breaks in high school.”

“See if you can connect the dots. I love kids. One of the ways leaders grow is through cross-cultural experiences. Plus, leaders grow as they help others grow. What do you get when you combine all of this?” Blake asked.

“I’m dying to know,” said Debbie.

“I signed up to tutor a child from Asia. We’re working on English as a second language.”

“That’s awesome! I’m proud of you. I’m guessing this is going to help you more than you know.”

“Maybe it will, maybe not. But that’s not my motivation. I was really looking for a way to help someone else. Sam has really helped me at work, and he challenged me to pay it forward in the future—to help someone else get a great start. I decided I didn’t have to wait until later. Although I know I’ll enjoy some personal benefits, I’m really doing it for Deshi—that’s my new friend’s name.”

“Was tonight your first meeting with Deshi?”

“Yes.”

“How was it?”

“Challenging. He really doesn’t speak any English. I think all I managed to communicate tonight was ‘My name is Blake.’” He laughed.

“No, you did something else far more important. You communicated that you care. I can’t wait to see how this goes in the weeks and months to come. I want to hear about all the lessons you learn on this adventure.” Debbie took a sip of her tea. “So what’s going on at work?”

Blake spent the next fifteen minutes updating Debbie.

“It looks like you are finding opportunities to help others GROW. I see several teaching opportunities—both formal and informal.”

“You are correct.” There was no doubt in Blake’s mind that he was growing as a leader. “In the time we have left,” he said, “I really want to know the fourth arena in which leaders need to GROW.”

“Napkin, please,” Debbie said.

Blake opened his notebook and pulled out the artifact of the previous meetings.

“You know what this has become?” Blake asked.

“What?”

“It’s more like a treasure map than a napkin.”

“I like the spirit of that metaphor,” Debbie said, “but there is a fundamental difference.”

“And that is?”

“In a treasure map the prize is at the end.”

Blake picked up from there. “And this treasure can be found all along the journey.”

“Exactly. Growth for the leader is the treasure that funds the future journey. Stop finding the treasure along the way and the journey ends. That’s why what I’m teaching you applies to leaders at every phase of their careers.”

They were now both looking at the ideas Debbie had shared previously. “There’s at least one more way in which the best leaders GROW,” she said. “As they journey, they Walk toward Wisdom.” Again, she wrote on the napkin.

“That sounds deep and almost presumptuous.” Blake said. “Can I—or any leader—actually influence our growth in wisdom?”

“Absolutely,” said Debbie.

“Please tell me more.” Blake felt this was the most daunting of the four ideas he and Debbie had discussed.

“What are your questions? What are your reservations about this?”

“It seems like wisdom is something that’s only given to special people, like saints and sages. Although I suppose if you gain knowledge, reach out to others, and open your world, you will get wiser. Does it happen automatically?”

“Wisdom can be an outcome of gaining knowledge, reaching out to others, and opening your world. However, it is not automatic. How do you define wisdom, Blake?”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about that a minute.” They sat quietly for a moment while Blake gathered his thoughts.

“Okay, here goes. Wisdom is the ability to apply your knowledge, skills, and life lessons in the appropriate ways at the appropriate time.”

“That’s a pretty good definition. Wisdom is different from knowledge. It’s deeper than mere knowledge. It’s the application of knowledge, discernment, insight, experience, and judgment to make good decisions when the answer may not be obvious. The ability to do that is not automatic. There’s an ancient proverb that challenges us to pursue wisdom. That’s what the best leaders do.”

“So how do you pursue wisdom?” Blake asked.

“Growth in wisdom has no formula, but it almost always involves at least one of four elements: rigorous self-evaluation, honest feedback, counsel from others, and time.”

“It sounds like you’ve given this some thought,” said Blake.

“Very much so,” said Debbie. “Let’s take a quick look at each element.”

“Self-evaluation is the ability to look in the mirror and tell yourself the truth. Not your version of the truth—the real truth. What are you doing well? Where are you struggling? What are your real strengths? What are your weaknesses? What are you doing that’s adding the most value? What are you doing that adds the least value? It was Socrates who said, ‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’ Self-evaluation is a tremendous starting point as we pursue wisdom.”

When Debbie paused, Blake said, “That sounds like it could be hard.”

“It is one of the hardest things a leader must do. And to compound the situation, the higher you go in an organization, the harder it is to do an honest self-assessment.”

“Why is that?” Blake asked.

“There are probably many reasons, but two immediately come to mind. Successful leaders often fall prey to their own press clippings. If the enterprise they lead is successful, they can overvalue their contribution to that success. That leads to pride and ego and other destructive attitudes that impede honest self-evaluation. The second reason is that leaders are often removed from the real, day-to-day work. It is not their work. As a result, they can become isolated. Isolation impedes honest self-evaluation.”

“That reminds me of a story I heard recently about a man who owned a hotel chain,” said Blake. “He was hearing complaints about the service in his hotels. He commented that he personally had never had a bad experience in one of his hotels. Clearly, he was out of touch. Is that the kind of thing you’re talking about?”

“Exactly,” said Debbie.

“So how does a leader maintain perspective and do an honest, rigorous self-evaluation?” Blake asked.

“Here are a couple of ideas: Ask yourself the questions we just discussed on a regular basis. Become a heat-seeking missile regarding the truth. And, don’t ever rely completely on self-evaluation. It can yield tremendous results, and it can also fail you.”

“So, that’s where the next idea comes in, right?”

“You’re correct. In addition to self-evaluation, those pursuing wisdom need honest feedback. And as we’ve just established, that can sometimes be hard to get. But it is usually available. There are a lot of ways to get the type of feedback we’re talking about. For some leaders, their organization helps them.”

“How?” Blake asked.

“In some companies, feedback is part of the culture. It can come from your supervisor, your peers, and even those you lead. How does Dynastar help leaders get feedback?”

“I don’t know. But I can ask Sam.” Blake made a note to himself. “What if Dynastar doesn’t help with this?”

“It doesn’t matter. You’ve got to get feedback anyway. Ask people you work with what you should start doing, keep doing, and stop doing. You can do this in the form of an e-mail or a face-to-face meeting. You can probably learn a lot by just asking those simple questions.”

“Sounds easy enough.”

“It is simple, but it may not be easy. It amazes me how many people will not tell you the whole truth. That’s why getting feedback from others is tremendously helpful, but usually not enough on the path to wisdom.”

“Luckily for me, I can play the new card,” Blake said.

“What’s the new card?”

“I can approach people and legitimately say, ‘I need your help,’ which I do. ‘I’m new around here, and I really do want to get off to a good start. Can you please give me some feedback? I have only three questions. What should I start doing that I’m not currently doing? What should I stop doing? What should I continue to do?’ I think the new card will help.”

“You may be right. If I were you, I’d play that card as long as I could. But in addition to rigorous self-evaluation and feedback, you need to seek counsel from others,” Debbie said.

“What’s the difference between counsel and feedback?”

“Great question! Generally, feedback is about the past, and counsel is about the future. Counsel is often derived from the experience of the person you’re talking with. You get to benefit from their experiences and possibly even their wisdom. Both feedback and counsel are extremely helpful for leaders.”

“Okay, so what type of counsel about the future am I looking for?”

“I’m talking about your pursuit of wisdom, on any topic. Be sure to proactively seek the counsel of others.”

“How does that work?” Blake felt like he was trying to catch up on this one.

“Again, there is no formula, but a tremendous skill you can cultivate is the ability to ask outstanding questions.”

Blake asked, “Can you give me a few examples?”

“Sure. Here are a few of my favorite generic questions,” she said.

• What decisions in your life have made the greatest contributions to your success?

• What are the biggest lessons you’ve learned so far in your career?

• What do you know now that you wish you had known 20, 30, 40 years ago?

• What books have had the greatest impact on your life and your leadership?

• If you were my personal coach, what advice would you have for me?

As Debbie shared each question, Blake captured it in his notes.

“This is a lot to take in,” he said.

“I don’t ask all these questions in every situation. And with some people you’ll be pursuing a specific point of view on a specific topic. Questions are a great way to glean wisdom from others.”

“I like that idea,” said Blake.

“Gleaning wisdom from others can save you a lot of grief. It means you don’t have to make all the mistakes yourself. That realization alone is a little bit of wisdom.”

“Tell me about the fourth element of wisdom,” said Blake.

“The fourth element is time,” Debbie said. “Wisdom is accumulated over months, years, and decades. You’ve got to stay with it. The pursuit of wisdom, like the other areas of growth, is never-ending. Don’t try to rush it—and never stop seeking it. If you’ll do the things we’ve discussed, over time, you will grow in wisdom.”

“Wow! Prior to this conversation, wisdom was off my radar. Now, I know it has to be part of my growth agenda—even if I am only twenty-two.”

“The earlier you start, the more time you have to gain wisdom,” said Debbie. “And trust me, time flies. If you’re not careful, you can end up like the man my company had to let go of recently. Lots of years, not much wisdom.”

“I’m sure I’ll have a lot of challenges and my fair share of problems during my career, but this won’t be one of them,” said Blake. “I will work diligently to grow in wisdom.”