7 Myths About Coming Out at Work
by Raymond Trau, Jane O’Leary, and Cathy Brown
MORE AND MORE BIG BUSINESSES are providing workplace protections for LGBTIQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, and queer) people.1 It’s becoming clear that when workers can bring their authentic selves to work, they are more productive and engaged. Research shows that coming out increases job satisfaction, intention to stay, and emotional support from coworkers, whereas staying “in the closet” has costs—both for the individual and the company.
And yet, many people are still reluctant to come out at work. In our study we surveyed 1,614 LGBTIQ+ Australian workers and held focus groups with 60 participants across various industries. We found that 68% of respondents were not out to everyone at work. This number decreases to 46% in the U.S., according to a Human Rights Campaign report, and 35% in the UK, according to Stonewall, the LGBT rights organization headquartered in London.
We know that when LGBTIQ+ people work in a safe environment they are more willing to come out. But while workplace policies and practices are critical, the decision to come out at work is a complex and personal one. It involves other factors, like when, how, and whom to come out to.
Our research considers this and digs below the surface to examine the experience of LGBTIQ+ people at work. We challenge myths that are drawn from common assumptions about coming out and offer suggestions to organizations that want to help their workers feel safe being themselves.
Myth #1: Coming out at work is not a big deal—after all, it’s the 21st century!
Though the LGBTIQ+ community has seen big wins in the past few years—same-sex marriage is now legal in 26 countries, and around 20 have passed some kind of legislation recognizing transgender rights—coming out is still dangerous in many areas of the world and can be deadly for trans and gender-diverse people. Even in countries that are economically developed and progressive, like Australia, homosexuality has only been decriminalized since 1997, and marriage equality was just legalized in December of last year. The LGBTIQ+ rights movement is still very much in progress, and this factors into some workplace cultures and how comfortable people may feel about coming out.
Myth #2: Coming out is similar for all LGBTIQ+ people
The LGBTIQ+ community and their workplace experiences are diverse. In Australia, there has been a gradual transformation in gay and lesbian rights over the past 40 years that has also brought greater support for and protections of gay and lesbian people at work. However, trans and gender-diverse workers have historically been overlooked. They are often less willing to come out at work due to fears of discrimination and social exclusion. Our research finds that 32% of trans and gender-diverse people fear they would lose their jobs if they came out at work, as opposed to just 6% of LGB (lesbian, gay, and bisexual) people. Not surprisingly then, 49% of trans and gender-diverse workers try hard to conceal their identity from colleagues, compared to only 13% of LGB workers.
Myth #3: LGBTIQ+ workers have complete control over whether they do or don’t come out at work
For some LGBTIQ+ workers, living authentically at work remains an aspiration. While almost three-quarters of our respondents indicated coming out is important to them, only one-third are out to everyone at work, suggesting that not everyone who wants to be out feels comfortable being out. For others, decisions about when and how to come out are often beyond their control. Some individuals are outed against their will, while others are forced to come out because of workplace policies. One transgender respondent wrote, “Give me a choice to NOT disclose—the reason HR knows I am a trans man is because it was policy for HR to process police checks when I started at my current workplace.”
In fact, research shows that transgender people going through the transition process often have to come out to coworkers, causing great anxiety and distress. For some transgender people, living authentically means keeping their gender history private, particularly if they affirmed their gender identity when they were very young. For those who transition later in life, privacy is elusive. As one participant told us, “We are out merely by existing.”
Myth #4: Coming out has nothing to do with work
Our research reveals that people who are able to come out at work are happier. Compared to workers who are out to some people or no one at all, those who are completely out at work are significantly more satisfied with their jobs (29% versus 16%), enthusiastic about their jobs (40% versus 26%), and proud of their work (51% versus 38%). Other research by Alexandra Sedlovskaya (at Harvard University) and colleagues finds that having a double life—being out in private life but not at work—increases social stress and depression.
Because workplaces are where people often share their personal experiences, coming out—and feeling safe enough to do so—can be about something as simple as participating in a conversation without having to have your guard up or editing what you say. For an LGBTIQ+ person, telling a story about their weekend could be an indirect way of signaling their identity.
Heterosexual and cisgender workers typically don’t face the same dilemma because they are part of a majority group when it comes to sexual orientation and gender identity. They have the privilege of being seen and identified as who they really are just by being themselves. LGBTIQ+ people often must choose to come out if they want to be seen as their true selves at work. If an LGBTIQ+ person feels that they can’t come out or chooses not to, others might assume that they are a member of the majority group. One gay male respondent reported, “I am more masculine and fit a certain jock/rugby stereotype and so people assume that I am straight, and I often don’t correct them.”
Myth #5: Coming out at work happens just once
Coming out is actually a repetitive process. It occurs not just once, but on multiple occasions. For instance, a bisexual woman may come out to her immediate manager when she is first starting a job. But later, when she feels she’s gotten to know her coworkers, other managers, or clients, she might decide to come out to them too.
Among our respondents who indicated that they openly talk about their LGBTIQ+ identity at work, only 17% said they openly talk about their identity to clients. Some are concerned that being out might jeopardize client relationships and negatively impact the company as a whole. One respondent reported, “During the marriage equality vote, my organization had a big client—we are talking about a multi-million-dollar client—who said, ‘If you publicly support marriage equality, you will lose our business.’” Other respondents indicated that being out at work meant risking their lives: “[With] every new client, I’m scared that it might be my last time walking the earth as I enter their house.”
Myth #6: There is only one way to come out or not come out
There is a range of ways LGBTIQ+ people can signal their identities—or hide them. For instance, 47% of our respondents said they display objects like photographs, magazines, or symbols to reveal their identity at work. In contrast, 21% of our respondents said they avoid revealing their identity by keeping quiet when coworkers talk about their romantic lives, and 23% said they avoid behaving in ways that may conform to stereotypes associated with their identity group. Others who conform to heterosexual or cisgender stereotypes say they can “fly under the radar” altogether.
Myth #7: People are scared to come out just because of career risks
Coming out is a constant cost/benefit analysis and requires weighing different risks. A lack of support from coworkers and supervisors, and past experiences of discrimination, often prevent LGBTIQ+ workers from coming out. But our research also shows that respondents are more concerned about social exclusion than career risks. While about 19% of respondents who are not out at work said they worry their careers would be ruined if they were, 70% are concerned that coming out would make their colleagues uncomfortable around them.
The importance of a supportive social environment in a person’s coming-out decision cannot be overstated. So what can organizations do to develop a workplace culture in which living authentically is an everyday reality for LGBTIQ+ workers?
Leadership Makes the Difference
Our research reveals that respondents whose leaders publicly support LGBTIQ+ issues are 50% more likely to be out to everyone at work. We recommend leaders who want to create an LGBTIQ+ inclusive culture:
Develop a working partnership with leaders who have a different sexual orientation or gender identity than your own. This will help you learn, challenge your assumptions, and champion change.
Make LGBTIQ+ inclusion visible in your organization. You can show support by displaying rainbow flags or other inclusive symbols, asking HR to create a diversity group where LGBTIQ+ people can connect and share their experiences, or developing a network of staff allies.
Learn about all members of the LGBTIQ+ community. This means not just LGB people, but also people who are trans or gender diverse, who have an intersex variation, or who are pansexual.
Check your assumptions to see if they hinder LGBTIQ+ inclusion. For instance: Everyone is straight; everyone prefers binary pronouns; coming out is a purely personal issue, not a workplace issue; this person must be LGBTIQ+ because of how they look, sound, dress, or behave; it’s okay to “out” someone.
Avoid noninclusive or presumptuous language, like “that’s so gay” or asking women about their husbands and men about their wives, or assigning someone a gender pronoun. If you notice someone talking like this, take them aside and speak to them about it. When you do so, that person will be less likely to do it again and more likely to change their views on what is appropriate workplace behavior.
Organizations Must Also Step Up
Finally, we should point out that creating an LGBTIQ+ inclusive culture is not just about enlightened and supportive leaders. Organizational policies and strategies that recognize the specific needs—and sometimes just the existence—of LGBTIQ+ people are also key to establishing an inclusive environment.
We recommend that organizations:
Include sexual orientation, gender identity, and intersex status in diversity and inclusion policies; have transition policies and supports in place for staff who are trans or gender diverse; and make sure parental leave policies recognize and include LGBTIQ+ people.
Review workplace forms to ensure that they are inclusive and that they have an option for people who don’t identify as either male or female.
Designate some bathrooms as gender neutral, and introduce gender-neutral dress codes if your company has dress codes.
LGBTIQ+ people can be themselves and have a real choice about coming out at work when their employers and coworkers are supportive. Being aware of common assumptions and the challenges LGBTIQ+ people face is the first step toward building a work environment that is inclusive and safe for everyone.
Originally published on hbr.org in October 2018. Reprint H04LX6