As you may have gathered by now, my car is my second home. I get to eat, drink, and on occasion even sleep in it (although I hasten to add I only do the latter when I'm stationary). At times it feels like I'm mates with most motorway service station staff throughout the UK, and it's tempting to see all these hours travelling as the downside to my job. But, actually, it's quite the opposite.

I use it as a chance to catch up with friends on the phone, enjoy my daily consumption of sports news via the radio, and also to learn. In my early days of business my car became ‘a university on wheels’ as I listened to endless hours of business and life wisdom, invariably from men and women from across the pond. Some of their ideas were a little wacky (I never did do the naked mirror exercise – that's a story for another book). But overall, the insight and motivation they provided was crucial to me as I worked hard to get my business established.

One set of talks I remember listening to was by the author and speaker Jack Canfield. He became famous for co-authoring the ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ series. In his audio programme Self Esteem and Peak Performance he shared a particular formula that is embarrassingly simple but also incredibly powerful. The formula was E+R=O.

I guess that's pretty obvious in hindsight, but of all the ideas I've acquired over the years this has had a deep, long-lasting impact on me.

In a nutshell, events happen in our lives. Some are pretty good, some are fairly indifferent, and others can be particularly challenging. However, it's not solely the Event that determines the Outcome, but how we Respond to it.

So, for instance, perhaps someone forgets our birthday, fails to return a call, or seems a little offhand when you meet up for a drink. These are the events. But what happens next is not based solely on what's happened – it's based on how we respond.

So, we could make light of the issue and quickly dismiss it, recognizing there could be a whole host of reasons for why the other person behaved the way they did. Alternatively, we could take offence and allow ourselves to be hurt and when we do have contact with them, be a little cool. This response could escalate the issue and potentially have a negative impact on the relationship.

Interesting, isn't it? Same events. Different outcomes.

Why? Because of how we responded.

I wonder, in which particular situations in your life do you think this formula would be worth remembering?

For me, I realize I've been quick to blame other people for how I'm feeling. When my children were younger it's fair to say I wasn't always the calmest and most laid back of parents. I worked from home, in a house where kids’ toys seemed to end up everywhere but in the toy box, and where my then three-year-old daughter would have a tantrum if I didn't let her answer the business phone. It felt like a rich breeding ground for high stress levels, and it wasn't helped by the fact that my response was often to play the role of victim and place all the blame for my stress on my wife and children.

However, when I eventually quit being the victim of the situation, it occurred to me that one of two things needed to happen. I could influence the ‘event’ and work away from home in rented office space, or alternatively ask the kids to move out (which did seem a little harsh as they were both under six). Or I could work on my response to the event. That would involve deciding not to place all the blame on my family for my stress, starting to manage my day better, and having a different phone line installed.

That was it in a nutshell – either do something about the event or do something about my response.

So, what did I do?

I chose to work on my response (partly because we couldn't afford a new place for the children and my wife said she'd miss them).

Now I didn't suddenly transform into some calm mystic guru who floated effortlessly around the house. And if I'm honest, I did find it hard initially. But I realized the following:

This formula stood me in good stead a few years later when my business received what I considered to be unjustified negative publicity. My first reaction was to send out invites to the pity party and order a stack of victim T-shirts. But that would not have improved the situation even if I felt justified in doing so. What I did instead was take ownership for how we responded as a team. It was not a time to play the victim, but to respond as a leader. With the support of my team not only did we manage the situation really well, but our business actually grew as a result.

It's very easy to blame people and situations (the Event) for where we find ourselves in life (our Outcomes). But remember, the formula isn't E = O (Event = Outcome). It's E + R = O. We are part of the formula.

The reality is, we can't always change the event, but we can work on how we respond to it.

That doesn't mean we don't hold people accountable for their behaviour or passively accept a situation. It does mean we recognize that outcomes aren't inevitable; it's through our response that we get to shape them.

You might want to check out some of the responses you've been making to situations going on in your life right now. Is it possible you're playing the blame game? Are you passively accepting a situation rather than thinking how a change of response by you might improve the outcome? Maybe you're leaving it to fate or other people to determine your future. Maybe you're hoping ‘events’ will just magically improve or disappear. Either way, if you want to have a great life, take ownership of your responses.

E + R = O. It may be a very simple formula, but believe me, it's incredibly empowering.