Chapter One

Economy

Make Every Word Count

If I could teach only one key to great writing, it would be this: Make every word count.

Use words sparingly, as if you were planting a garden one seed at a time—not throwing out handfuls of seed willy-nilly, hoping a few kernels might land in the right spot and take hold. Get the full value out of every word you write. Recognize the power of a single, well-chosen word. Trust it to do its work. As a rule, the more economically you use language, the more powerfully you will deliver your message.

The difference between wastefulness and frugality—and the difference in the reader’s perception of you—can be dramatic. Compare, for example, “In the unlikely eventuality that you encounter various and sundry difficulties with the above-referenced project, apprise me of the situation at your earliest convenience” with “Let me know if you have any problems.” Sometimes the difference is subtle. Compare “I added three more cities to my itinerary” with “I added three cities to my itinerary.”

Of course economy of language is only one characteristic of an accomplished style. Other factors, such as colorful word choice and specific detail, also play a part. The sentence “I added three cities to my itinerary” is concise, but it’s less engaging than “I added Aix-en-Provence, Cannes, and Nice to the itinerary of my long-delayed tour of southern France.”

Try your hand at editing a poem.

The following exercise illustrates the power of making every word count. I have taken a well-crafted, concisely written poem by Langston Hughes and ruined its compact effect by junking it up—or, if you prefer, weighing it down—with unnecessary words. See if you can restore the poem’s beauty and power by deleting the words I have added. No words need be added—only deleted—to arrive at the poem as Hughes wrote it. One word must be cut in half.

Listen carefully to each word as you read my bloated version of the poem out loud. Use your ear. You will probably be able to identify most of the extraneous language, even if you don’t know the poem and even if you’re not a poet.

The place to begin cutting is the title: “What Life Is Like in Harlem” can be reduced to “Life in Harlem.” But keep going. Be ruthless. Make every word count.

The title of the poem as Hughes wrote it is, quite simply, “Harlem.” After all, what else would a poem titled “Harlem” be about but “What Life Is Like in Harlem?"

After you have tried your hand at deleting the rest of the unnecessary language in the poem, compare your edited version with the poem as Hughes wrote it. (The words I added to create the exercise are marked with brackets and underlining.)

Removing fifty-nine unnecessary words reduces the text (including the title) from 113 to fifty-four words and uncovers a great poem. Read the pared-down version out loud and listen for two things: First, it’s more concise, more rhythmic. The rhyme is uncovered. The words have a more pleasing sound. Second, and more significant, the leaner version conveys a much different impression of the person behind the words. The poet, who in the first version sounded irresolute, now comes across as decisive, dynamic, emphatic, commanding. Beneath the unnecessary words lay a powerful poem, but its power was obscured by needless language, much as the beauty of an unfinished sculpture is obscured by the remaining stone. (We writers have an advantage over sculptors: If in our zeal to make every word count we inadvertently remove something important, we can easily restore it.)

Trust a word to do its work.

From this simple illustration, we can draw a powerful lesson in style: Whenever we can say in one word what it took us six words to say in our first draft (as we saw in editing the title from “What Life Is Like in Harlem” to “Harlem”), we have probably improved our copy.

Wordy writers don’t trust a word to do its work, so they surround it with a few extra words for good measure. Writers who command language with energy and precision, on the other hand, understand the power of a single well-chosen word. It’s a question not only of habits of speech but also of orientation toward language. Wordy writers don’t fully trust language; concise writers do.

Make every word count. Using words economically is a matter of trusting language. I suspect that E.B. White had this in mind when he wrote, “Style takes its final shape more from attitudes of mind than from principles of composition.” If you don’t trust each word to do its work, you will use more words than needed. Respect the power of language.

Use Fourteen Techniques to Eliminate Wordiness

Nearly every writing handbook extols the virtues of concise writing. Not many handbooks, however, offer detailed advice on how to write concisely. What follows are fourteen editing techniques that will help you eliminate wordiness.

Keep in mind that these techniques are meant to guide you in your editing, not in your drafting. (I discuss stages of writing in Part Three.) In fact, when you are creating your text—when you are trying to find the words that capture your thoughts and hoping to build momentum—don’t give these principles and techniques a thought. Just let the words fly, knowing you will come back later and edit meticulously, even ruthlessly. Trust your ability to decide which words are air-worthy and which should be grounded.

Edit for three types of redundancy.

Redundancy is a problem for many writers. As Joseph Williams points out in Style, there are three common types: redundant modifiers (in which the modifier implies the meaning of the word modified, as in past memories, personal beliefs, important essentials, and consensus of opinion); redundant categories (in which the category is implied by the word, as in large in size, pink in color, extreme in degree, and honest in character); and redundant word pairs (in which the second word reiterates the meaning of the first, as in first and foremost, hopes and desires, full and complete, precious and few, and—if I may drop the italics—so on and so forth).

1. Delete redundant modifiers.

Both Mark Twain and Ernest Hemingway cautioned writers against the careless use of modifiers. The challenge in eliminating redundant modifiers, however, is that familiarity breeds complacence. The more frequently we hear and read certain word combinations, the more acceptable they begin to sound and the more likely we are to use them unthinkingly—not because they are the best, most natural, and concise way to say what we have to say, but simply because they sound familiar.

Isn’t that a true fact? (A true fact?) The end result—a phrase as redundant as a new initiative—is wordy writing.

When editing, look closely at your modifiers. Make certain they don’t repeat the meanings of the words they modify. (Aren’t facts always true? Don’t results always occur at the end? Aren’t initiatives always new?) If they do, delete them. There is no point in repeating the same idea twice. (Repeating twice?)

Here are some commonly used redundant modifiers:

• active consideration
• basic essentials
• basic fundamentals
• climb up
• completely finish
• consensus of opinion
• descend down
• each individual
• end result
• final outcome
• free gift
• future plan
• important essentials
• new initiatives
• past history
• past memories
• personal beliefs
• personal opinions
• present status
• refer back
• repeat twice
• sudden crisis
• terrible tragedy
• true fact
• various different

It is my personal opinion that one of the important essentials and basic fundamentals of good writing is to avoid wasting the reader’s time with needless and otherwise unnecessary words. Or, more concisely, one of the fundamentals of good writing is to avoid wasting the reader’s time with unnecessary words. Don’t you agree?

2. Delete redundant categories.

When a word implies its category, don’t write both the word and the category. For instance, round in shape, heavy in weight, and pink in color are redundant because we know that round is a shape, heavy is a weight, and pink is a color.

Avoid these and other redundant categories:

• area of mathematics
• at an early time
• extreme in degree
• heavy in weight
• honest in character
• in a confused state
• of a strange type
• of a cheap quality
• odd in appearance
• period in time
• period of time
• pink in color
• round/square in shape
• shiny in appearance
• unusual in nature

Remember: Redundant categories can leave your reader in a confused state of mind that is extreme in degree and perplexing in nature.

3. Replace redundant word pairs with single words.

The third type of redundancy, redundant pairing, has a long tradition in English. The habit was given a boost by the Norman Conquest, beginning with the battle of Hastings in 1066, when King Harold of England was defeated by Duke William of Normandy. During the subsequent rule by Norman nobles, approximately ten thousand French- and Latin-based words were assimilated into the English language. Of these, some 7,500 are still in use today.

As Bill Bryson points out in The Mother Tongue: English and How It Got That Way, English speakers are presented with choices that many languages simply do not offer. We operate in a language that is extraordinarily rich, not only in quantity of words (The American Heritage Dictionary contains more than 200,000 entries) but also in synonyms, or words and expressions that have the same or nearly the same meaning. We can choose, for example, to offer someone either a hearty welcome (using words derived from the old Anglo-Saxon words) or a cordial reception (using words that come to us from Latin via French). The wording we choose depends on the tone and nuance we desire.

The problem with having a plethora of choices is that we tend to pile words on rather than choose one word and stick with it. Availing ourselves of too many of these wonderful possibilities when expressing a simple thought can lead to wordiness—or, if you prefer, prolixity, verbosity, loquaciousness, and grandiloquence. See what I mean?

Redundant pairing became more deeply ingrained in English usage when the disenfranchised Anglo-Saxons began borrowing words from the Norman nobles (just as earlier Anglo-Saxons borrowed from their Roman conquerors and, before that, the ancient Celts borrowed from their Anglo-Saxon conquerors). The Anglo-Saxons thought the borrowed word sounded more learned, so they got in the habit of pairing it with a familiar native word. And here we are, more than nine centuries later, still pairing our words. (Who said habits of speech were easy to break?)

The following pairings are common in speech, where rhythm plays an especially important role in how we perceive language, but they should be avoided in writing:

• any and all
• basic and fundamental
• each and every
• few and far between
• first and foremost
• full and complete
• hope and desire
• one and only
• over and done with
• peace and quiet
• precious and few
• true and accurate
• various and sundry
• and so on and so forth

One type of specialized writing, legal writing, has its own idiom of word pairs, such as free and clear, full and complete, null and void, and suffer or permit. Although some lawyers defend these phrases as traditional terms of art, others avoid them. In Plain English for Lawyers, Richard Wydick argues against their use unless “you want your writing to have a musty, formbook smell,” in which case “by all means use as many coupled synonyms as you can find.” Wydick also notes, however, that according to David Mellinkoff in Mellinkoff’s Dictionary of American Legal Usage, “[A] few coupled synonyms have become so ‘welded by usage’ that they act as a single term” and that these pairings “can be tolerated when used in their proper legal context.” Mellinkoff’s examples include aid and abet, aid and comfort, cease and desist, full faith and credit, metes and bounds, and pain and suffering.

Edit for four types of wordiness.

Do what experienced editors do: Think in terms of categories of wordiness rather than isolated instances. Train yourself to distinguish between words that convey meaning and words that do not.

4. Replace wordy expressions with single words.

Many expressions in everyday use should be avoided in writing. They detract from your style because they take too many words to get the job done. Again, the challenge in guarding against them is that we hear them so often they become familiar.

If a word or phrase doesn’t add meaning, either delete or condense it. Delete in the final analysis, or change it to finally or ultimately. Change during the course of to during. Change due to the fact that—a “vile expression” that caused William Strunk to “quiver with revulsion”—to because. Change expect to happen to anticipate.

Here is a longer list of common wordy expressions to watch for when editing:

Change this	To this
on the grounds that	because
for the reason that	because
inasmuch as	because
insofar as	because, so far as
due to the fact that	because
based on the fact that	because
in view of the fact that	because
owing to the fact that	because
in spite of the fact that	although, despite
in the amount of	for
a majority of	most
a number of	some, many
as of this date	today (or specify date)
until such time as	until
in due course	after (or rewrite)
prior to	before
in advance of	before
subsequent to	after
at the conclusion of	after
on a regular basis	regularly
on a daily (weekly, monthly, yearly) basis	daily (weekly, monthly, yearly, or annually)
in this day and age	now, today
at this point in time	now
at the present time	now
at the present point in time	now
time period	time, period
at an early date	soon
as soon as possible	(specify date)
at your earliest convenience	by (specify date)
during the course of	during
during the time that	during, while
in order to	to
so as to	to
so as to be able to	to
with a view to	to
for the purpose of	or, to
by means of	by
by virtue of	by
through the use of	by, with
both of them are	both are, they are
both of these are	both are, they are
relative to	regarding, about
as regards	regarding, concerning, about
pertaining to	about
in regard to	regarding, on, about
in respect to	on, about
in connection with	about, concerning
in spite of	despite
in support of	to, for
in the event that	if
in a situation in which	if, when, where
in instances in which	if, when, where
in the region of	near, close to
in the vicinity of	near, close to
in (close) proximity to	near, close to
in the area of	in
in the field of	in
in terms of	by, through (or rewrite the sentence)
together with	with
the question as to whether	whether
he is a man who	he
she is a woman who	she
is indicative of	indicates
make reference to	refer to
have the capability to	can
make a contribution to	contribute
take into consideration	consider
make a connection with	connect
with reference to	of, on, for, about
with regard to	of, on, for, about
with respect to	on, for, about
with the possible exception of	except
of the understanding that	understand that
of the opinion that	think that
of the belief that	believe that
cannot help feeling	can only feel
cannot help but feel	feel (or delete)

5. Delete hollow hedges and meaningless intensifiers.

When should you use hedges such as perhaps and sometimes to qualify your assertion? When should you use intensifiers such as very and absolutely to add emphasis to your point? These are questions that must be addressed whenever you make a statement. How you answer them depends on your desired tone and point of view (topics I discuss in chapter seven).

At times you will want to qualify or limit a claim by using a qualifier. Rather than “Commitment leads to success,” for example, you might write, “Commitment often leads to success.” At other times you will want to add emphasis by using an intensifier: “Commitment always leads to success.”

Whatever your persuasive strategy, take a close look at your hedges and intensifiers. Be certain they are making a genuine contribution. Like other types of meaningless modifiers, hedges and intensifiers are often totally unnecessary. In the preceding sentence, for example, the qualifier often effectively limits my claim and should be retained, whereas the intensifier totally serves no purpose and should be deleted. To determine when to use a modifier and when to omit one, try the sentence without the modifier and see if anything important is lost.

Even when a statement needs to be qualified or intensified, be careful not to overdo it. As with all modifiers, you can have too much of a good thing. Compare, for example, “I was rather surprised by your somewhat unexpected decision to come home” with “I was surprised by your decision to come home.” Also, compare “Never in my entire life have I ever been so totally and completely offended by such grossly obnoxious behavior” with “Never have I been so offended by such obnoxious behavior” or, depending on your ear, “Never have I been so offended by such grossly obnoxious behavior.”

6. Delete needless repetition.

When used as an intentional device to create emphasis, repetition can be a powerful tool. It can create emphasis and intensity (as it did when Martin Luther King Jr. created rising intensity by repeating in famous speech, “I have a dream that one day. … I have a dream that one day …”). Careless repetition, however, not only wastes the reader’s time, but also diminishes the writer’s effectiveness. Compare “An important factor that must be addressed is the age factor” with “An important factor that must be addressed is age.” Also, compare “If you compare fly-fishing with ice fishing, you will find that fly-fishing is more exciting than ice fishing” with “If you compare fly-fishing with ice fishing, you will find that fly-fishing is more exciting.” Better yet, that sentence can be made even more concise: “Fly-fishing is more exciting than ice fishing.”

Sometimes you must repeat an idea or thought to convey your meaning and to increase coherence between sentences, but again, watch for needless repetition. Repeating the same words within a sentence or within successive sentences will steal the energy from your style and make your writing sound flat: “There is no substitute for regular practice. Every coach insists on regular practice.” You can avoid this sort of deadening repetition simply by replacing the repeated noun with a pronoun: “There is no substitute for regular practice. Every coach insists on it.”

As a rule, unless you are repeating a word or phrase for stylistic effect (that is, unless your repetition is deliberate and selective), avoid repeating a word or phrase within a sentence or within successive sentences.

7. Delete that for brevity; retain that for clarity.

What about that? When should that be used, and when should that be omitted? That is one of the most frequently asked questions that people ask me.

The challenge in offering a simple answer is that that that that that question refers to is an unusually nimble, hardworking word. It can serve as an adverb (“I didn’t realize that she was that tall”), a demonstrative pronoun (“That is my brother”), a conjunction introducing a noun clause that acts as the object of a verb (“I was told that you are an experienced accountant”), and a relative pronoun (“The report that was approved by the board was written by Susan”), to cite just a few examples.

It is in the latter two uses, as a conjunction and as a relative pronoun, that that often may be omitted to good effect (“I was told you are an experienced accountant”; “The report approved by the board was written by Susan”).

To set aside the grammatical terms and put it as simply as possible: Delete that for brevity; retain that for clarity. If deleting that would compress the sentence in a way that improves its flow and rhythm, take it out. Compare “I recommend that you take my advice” with “I recommend you take my advice.” If deleting that would create ambiguity or momentarily mislead the reader, leave it in. Compare “The attorney believed her client was guilty” with “The attorney believed that her client was guilty.”

In the end, however, your use of that is a matter of personal preference. As Patricia O’Conner advises in Woe Is I: The Grammarphobe’s Guide to Better English in Plain English, you may prefer to retain that after “thinking” verbs such as know, believe, decide, and realize. For example, “I know that you are correct” and “I believe that his willingness to work hard was responsible for his success.” You also may find it useful to retain that when offering an aside at the beginning of a second clause, as in “He admitted that, without her support, he was helpless.”

How can you tell when omitting that improves the flow and rhythm of a sentence and when that is needed for clarity? The best way is to use your ear.

Know how to start; know when to stop.

To write with emphasis, keep in mind a disarmingly simple principle: Beginnings and endings count more than middles. The next three editing techniques will help you manage these two crucial points in your sentences.

8. Avoid protracted introductions.

Sometimes we place undue emphasis on relatively unimportant matters before we get to the heart of what we are saying. As many writers of fiction know, the first few sentences of a draft, or even the first few paragraphs or pages, often turn out to be expendable. The story, they discover when revising, doesn’t really begin until later. What at first seemed essential was merely a warm-up for the writer, not something engaging to the reader. By all means, do your warm-up exercises if they help you loosen up and get things under way, but delete them from your final copy.

The following phrases or clauses usually can be eliminated or shortened:

Change this	To this
First of all,	First, (or delete)
The first point I want to make is	First, (or delete)
The first thing that needs to be said is	First, (or delete)
What I want to do next is	Next,
In the final analysis,	Finally, (or delete)
Last of all,	Finally, (or delete)
Last but not least,	Finally, (or delete)
After all is said and done,	(Delete)
In my opinion,	(Consider deleting)
To be honest,	(Consider deleting)
To tell the truth,	(Consider deleting)
In all candor,	(Consider deleting)
Needless to say,	(Delete)
For all intents and purposes,	(Delete)
Obviously,	(Consider deleting)
Of course,	(Consider deleting)
Insofar as … is concerned,	Regarding,
As for,	For
In fact,	(Delete, unless you are elaborating a point)
As a matter of fact,	(Delete)

Mark Twain exposed the lack of substance in the last phrase when he quipped, “As a matter of fact precedes many a statement that isn’t.”

Wordy introductions don’t go over well with today’s readers, who, for the most part, are hurried and easily distracted. Long-winded, leisurely introductions try their patience. Serve your material straight up. Let it stand (or fall) on its own merits.

Change this	To this
It is important to note that we will open an hour early on Monday.	We will open an hour early on Monday.
The first point that needs to be made in all this is that the swiftest traveler is the one who goes afoot.	The swiftest traveler is the one who goes afoot.
In his novel The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger writes about Holden Caulfield, a troubled youth whose secret dream is to protect younger children from harm.	In The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger depicts Holden Caulfield as a troubled youth whose secret dream is to protect younger children from harm.

9. Use it, there, and what constructions carefully.

In everyday language, “expletives” refer to vulgar or obscene words, but in reference to grammar, they have a more particular meaning. An expletive is a place-holding word such as it, there, and what that fills a vacancy in a sentence without adding to its meaning. In the sentences “It is fun to read” and “There are three secrets to writing a great novel,” it and there merely occupy the first positions in the sentences, delaying the meaningful words “fun to read” and “three secrets to writing a great novel” to the right of the verbs.

A common type of wordiness results from beginning sentences with it is, when it is used as an expletive, as in “It takes about fifty hours of in-flight training to acquire a private pilot’s license.” Compare that sentence with “Acquiring a private pilot’s license takes about fifty hours of in-flight training.” Note that the problem I am describing has to do with using it as an expletive, not as a pronoun referring to an antecedent (“Poverty will always be with us. It is an intractable problem.”)

Although it is constructions generally should be avoided, they have their uses. As I point out when I discuss coherence in chapter ten, they can be used to increase continuity and flow by moving new information to the right side of a sentence, where it connects naturally to the elaboration or development that follows. It is constructions also can be useful in creating a formal tone or in depersonalizing an action or a position. Compare, for example, “It is the conclusion of this jury that the defendant’s actions constitute willful negligence” with “We the members of this jury have concluded that the defendant’s actions constitute willful negligence.” Nevertheless, more straightforward sentence structures are generally preferable.

Many sentences beginning with it is can be recast by using a noun or pronoun as the subject and changing the following adjective or noun to an active verb. Other it is constructions can be shortened or simply eliminated.

Change this	To this
It is my (our) understanding that	I (We) understand that (or delete)
It is my opinion that	I think that (or delete)
It is my belief that	I believe that (or delete)
It is my (our) recommendation that	I (We) recommend
It is my suggestion that	I suggest
It is my conclusion that	I have concluded
It is my decision that	I have decided (or delete)
It is my determination that	I have determined (or delete)
It is imperative that you	You must
It is hoped that	I hope that
It is agreed that	We agree that
It is thought that	We think that (or delete)
It is often the case that	Often
It is important to note that	Note that, Note: (or delete)
It should be noted that	Note that, Note: (or delete)
It should be pointed out that	(Consider deleting)
It appears that	(Consider deleting)
It would appear that	(Consider deleting)
It is apparent that	(Consider deleting)
It has been recommended that	(Consider deleting)
It has been suggested that	(Consider deleting)
It has been determined that	(Consider deleting)

Like it is constructions, there constructions generally should be avoided because they are indirect and wordy. Compare, for example, “There has been a decline in faith in government on the part of U.S. citizens over the past ten years” with “U.S. citizens have less faith in government today than they had ten years ago.”

There are at least three instances, however, when there constructions can serve a useful purpose. The first of these, as noted by Williams, is when a topic is being introduced for further development, as in the first sentence of a paragraph (as in the first sentence of this paragraph). Consider these two sentences: “There is one problem that needs to be solved before we can proceed” and “One problem needs to be solved before we can proceed.” When introducing a topic for development, some writers prefer the first version to the second because the extra words slow the progression of thought, thereby directing the reader’s attention to the topic to be developed. In this instance, slowing the pace is not a stylistic flaw but a strategic choice.

The second instance when there constructions work well is in short, emphatic declarations, as in “There is no excuse for sloppy editing,” “There is never enough time to do everything I want to do,” and “There’re two outs” (though most baseball announcers are more likely to say, “There’s two outs”).

Finally, accomplished writers often use there constructions to good effect in descriptive passages. F. Scott Fitzgerald, who wrote exquisite descriptions, opens the third chapter of The Great Gatsby with these sentences:

There could be eliminated from the first sentence (“Music emanated from my neighbor’s house through the summer nights”), but its elimination would be a loss. In the next paragraph, Fitzgerald again uses the construction:

Similarly, in Boundary Waters: The Grace of the Wild, Paul Gruchow offers this description of the country along Lake Superior’s North Shore after a season of generous rainfall:

Perhaps there constructions work well in description because they provide the writer with a simple, unobtrusive means of serving up objects for the reader’s contemplation. Or perhaps the word there retains a hint of the adverbial or locating function it has when it is used in constructions such as “There [in the drawer] was the missing knife” and “There [in the woods] are bunchberries and thimbleberries. …”

In any event, you should use there constructions carefully because they often waste the reader’s time.

Change this	To this
There are many accomplished writers who use there constructions in their descriptions.	Many accomplished writers use there constructions in their descriptions.
There are many well-known politicians who are planning to attend.	Many well-known politicians are planning to attend.
There are three supervisors who are causing all the problems.	Three supervisors are causing all the problems.
There is a demand for correct spelling on the part of readers.	Readers demand correct spelling.

Similarly, what constructions, so common in speech, should be used sparingly in writing.

Change this	To this
What I want to do next is	Next,
What you will find on your first day is	On your first day you will find
What she really wants is recognition.	Above all, she wants to be recognized.

As always, however, there are exceptions to the rule. Skillful writers know how to use what constructions to good effect, as Louise Erdrich does in The Beet Queen: “He was a young man with a hard-boned, sad, unshaven face. What I remember most about him was the sadness.”

10. Trim sentence endings for closing emphasis.

As I noted above, beginnings and endings count more than middles. Of particular usefulness is the natural stress that occurs at the end of every sentence. Both in poetry and in prose, the words that come last carry the most weight. In poetry, it’s no coincidence that the rhyme usually comes at the end of each line. In prose, the function of the period is to punctuate the words that precede it. To write with emphasis, take advantage of a sentence’s natural stress points by reserving them for your most important words. You may find it helpful to think of these locations as reserved parking. Only “VIP” words can park there.

Because of their special importance, sentence endings should be managed carefully. Unfortunately, in both writing and speaking, we have a tendency to keep going after we have made our point. We seem to have trouble knowing when to stop, knowing when enough is enough. As a result, we fail to conclude with our most important words and allow our sentences to sprawl on after they have done their work.

To guard against this tendency, look for opportunities to trim sentence endings. If you reduce “Does it stink like rotten meat would smell to you?” to “Does it stink like rotten meat?” you do more than eliminate unnecessary words. You also move the VIP phrase, rotten meat, to the end of the sentence, where it receives the prominence it deserves.

As another example, consider this sentence: “Restructuring is not an easy thing to do.” The meaning is clear, but the sentence structure is flat and unemphatic. To take advantage of the sentence’s naturally stressed position, place the VIP words at the end and you have “Restructuring is not easy.” Or, if you prefer, “Restructuring is difficult.”

When you write a sentence that lacks energy, such as, “We need to do something now about the problems we are experiencing,” ask yourself: Have I concluded the sentence with the word or words I want to emphasize? Sometimes you have more than one choice. In that example, you could emphasize problems: “We need to do something now about these problems.” Or you could emphasize now: “We need to do something about these problems now.” Can you hear the concluding emphasis in these examples? It’s as though every sentence ends in a downbeat.

Certain words needlessly state that something exists. For example, sentences ending in words like experiencing, existing, happening, and occurring can usually be trimmed. These words are expendable because they state the existence of something that already has been named in the sentence, and once something has been named, the reader can see that the thing exists.

A sentence that rambles on past the word or words deserving emphasis is a missed opportunity. Consider this sentence: “We are continually looking for new markets to get into.” Eliminating the needless phrase, to get into, moves the VIP phrase, new markets, into the naturally stressed position: “We are continually looking for new markets.” As Williams and others have pointed out, if you want to control the emphasis of your sentences, trim your sentence endings.

Here are four sentences for you to trim:

• I want to reduce the number of interruptions that are happening.
• We need to plan carefully to prevent these problems from recurring.
• Every employee should respond to complaints that our customers express.
• Your account has been closed because of excessive overdraft activity.

In the last example, you can do more than trim excessive overdraft activity to the more economical excessive overdrafts. You also can reverse the order of the main clause (Your account has been closed) and the phrase that follows it (because of excessive overdrafts). Now the emphasis falls on the word that—one suspects—is most significant to the reader: “Because of excessive overdrafts, your account has been closed.”

Another point of natural emphasis occurs at the beginning of a sentence. Compare, for example, “You have asked me twice now to respond to your requests on short notice” with “Twice now you have asked me to respond to your requests on short notice.” Likewise, compare “I have never felt more frustrated” with “Never have I felt more frustrated.” In both examples, the writer sounds more exasperated in the second version of the sentences.

Again, the concept is simple: Beginnings and endings count more than middles. And like so many principles of effective writing, the principle of natural stress applies broadly. It applies not only to the first and last positions in a sentence, but also to the first and last sentences in a paragraph, and to the first and last paragraphs in a document.

Take the most direct route.

A good part of writing concisely is simply a matter of taking the most direct route to your destination. The last three techniques will help you with your itinerary: Prefer action verbs to nominalizations, avoid indirect negatives, and avoid two types of circumlocution.

11. Prefer action verbs to nominalizations.

Many writers suffer from an overdependence on nouns. Given the choice between a verb and the noun form of a verb (called a “nominalization”), they instinctively choose the noun, perhaps under the mistaken notion that the noun will add authority and weight to their words. Well, it does add weight, but it’s the wrong kind of weight, and this tendency results in a noun-heavy style. For example, rather than writing “I need to revise that sentence,” they will write, “I need to make a revision in that sentence.”

The problem with nominalizations is that they usually require a weak verb (such as make, as in make a revision, and conduct, as in conduct an investigation) and a preposition (such as of, as in undertake a study of, and under, as in take under consideration). This weak verb/noun combination, sometimes coupled with a preposition, is not only wordier but also less direct, less emphatic, and less energetic than its action verb equivalent (revise, investigate, study, and consider).

Here’s another example of a sentence weighed down by nouns: “My suggestion is that we make a reduction in our overhead.” Compare that sentence with “I suggest we reduce our overhead.” The verb-energized version is not only more concise (six words rather than eleven), but also more emphatic—and the person standing behind those words sounds more decisive.

If you want your style to be energetic and lively, take the most direct route and use the most energetic and lively part of speech in the English language: verbs. (In chapter three I discuss the power of verbs—and the problems with nominalizations—in more detail.)

12. Avoid indirect negatives.

To be not unlike something is to resemble it. To be not in agreement is to disagree. To be not pleased is to be displeased.

Avoid indirect statements using the word not. Not that not is not a good word, but as Strunk and White advise, use it to express denial (“I did not do it”) or to create antithesis (“Do this, not that”), not to avoid making definite statements.

Change this	To this
The alterations were not significant.	The alterations were insignificant.
We didn’t break any laws.	We broke no laws.
She wasn’t very nice to us.	She was rude to us.

Likewise, you will write with more emphasis if you replace indefinite expressions such as not any, not anything, not many, not much, and not ever with more definite words such as no, nothing, few, little, and never. Rather than “I didn’t do anything wrong,” for example, write “I did nothing wrong.” Rather than “I don’t know much about geometry,” write “I know little about geometry.”

As is often the case, however, emphasis depends as much on the sound of language as on a particular principle of economy. (In certain situations, you might prefer the first version of the sentences above.) Which of the following statements, for example, do you think is more emphatic? “I’m not happy about your coming home so late.” “I’m unhappy about your coming home so late.” To my ear, the first statement is more emphatic.

13. Avoid needless attribution.

Get to your point directly and efficiently. Avoid using meaningless phrases such as it is thought, was found, has been observed, etc., to attribute your statements and ideas to anonymous sources. A statement by its very existence implies that someone, somewhere, thought it, found it, or observed it. The reader doesn’t need to have the obvious made explicit.

Change this	To this
It often has been said that one bird found in the hand is felt to be worth two birds in the bush.	One bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Structural integrity has been found to be difficult to measure.	Structural integrity is difficult to measure.

If you are taking an idea or a quotation from an actual source, by all means identify the source (“According to the Secretary of State …”). Otherwise, simply make your statement. Have the courage to present your thoughts as your own ideas and opinions. If your readers want to know who gave you the authority to speak your own mind, tell them I did.

14. Limit personal commentary.

We live in an I-centered society, and our self-absorption sometimes leads us to inject ourselves into sentences where we don’t belong. Guard against a tendency to provide a step-by-step account of your thought process. Limit personal commentary.

Unless you are the true subject of the picture (“As president of this company for the past twenty-five years, I have always emphasized the importance of treating people fairly”), place yourself behind the camera rather than in front of it.

Change this	To this
In reading this essay, I was led to rethink my position on freedom of speech.	This essay caused me to rethink my position on freedom of speech.
I have a problem with your coming in late every morning.	Your coming in late every morning is causing problems.
I seriously doubt that a drop of five hundred points in the stock market means all investors should change their asset allocations.	A drop of five hundred points in the stock market doesn’t mean all investors should change their asset allocations.
The first thing I want to say is that whenever I encounter situations like this, I am reminded of Poor Richard, who, as I recall, said, “A fat kitchen makes a lean will.”	As Poor Richard said, “A fat kitchen makes a lean will.”

So to illustrate my last two points, as has been observed by many writers and readers, if you want to write with emphasis and style, it is generally agreed that you should avoid needless attribution and limit personal commentary, two instances of wordiness that seem to me to waste your reader’s time.

In other words, if you want to write with emphasis and style, avoid needless attribution and limit personal commentary. Don’t waste your reader’s time.

Chapter One Exercises

Use Fourteen Techniques to Eliminate Wordiness

Edit for three types of redundancy.

1. Delete redundant modifiers in the following sentences.

a. In this modern world of today, we must necessarily project ahead in planning for the future.

b. He referred back to the notes he had taken during the meeting.

c. We offer complimentary gift wrapping at no charge to our customers.

2. Delete redundant categories.

a. The table is round in shape, smooth in texture, and heavy in weight.

b. The image is fuzzy in appearance.

c. Redundant categories can leave your reader in a confused state of mind that is extreme in degree and perplexing in nature.

3. Replace redundant word pairs with single words.

a. Various and sundry alternatives were debated.

b. I demand a full and complete explanation.

c. Each and every one of the jury members voted “not guilty.”

Edit for four types of wordiness.

4. Replace wordy expressions with single words.

a. In the event that you arrive late, use the side door.

b. Prior to coming to First Trust, Kimberly worked at Waconia Savings and Loan.

c. Due to the fact that the report is more than ten pages long, the council cannot help but feel overwhelmed by it.

5. Delete hollow hedges and meaningless intensifiers.

a. We are rather concerned about your tardiness.

b. This effectively limits our ability to respond quickly.

c. Your description is altogether fitting.

6. Delete needless repetition.

a. Although I wrote the draft, my friend Madeline helped me revise the draft.

b. I called to tell her I would be late for dinner. Nevertheless, she was unhappy that I would be late for dinner.

c. I don’t like pickled pigs' feet. I never have liked pickled pigs' feet. I never will like pickled pigs' feet. So please stop serving me pickled pigs' feet.

7. Delete that for brevity; retain that for clarity.

a. I suggest that we pack our things, sell our snowshoes, and move to Hawaii.

b. She realized that, without that five-minute delay, she would not have missed her plane.

c. She believed that her boyfriend, who told her he was out with the boys, was lying.

Know how to start; know when to stop.

8. Avoid protracted introductions.

a. It is interesting to note that our client base is growing steadily.

b. For all intents and purposes, we are losing money.

c. As a matter of fact, I’m concerned about the precipitous decline in visits to our website.

9. Use it, there, and what constructions carefully.

a. There are four employees who have filed grievances.

b. It is my recommendation that you purchase a faster modem.

c. What we need to do next is simplify our sign-off procedure.

10. Trim sentence endings for closing emphasis.

a. Does it fall like a heavy load would fall to the ground?

b. We need to eliminate the production delays we are experiencing.

c. Let’s discuss the trend that is occurring.

Take the most direct route.

11. Prefer action verbs to nominalizations.

a. My suggestion is that we make an alteration in the length of the cloak.

b. If you make an attempt to steal the sorcerer’s stone, I will stand in opposition to you.

c. Coordinate the interface of eggs and vanilla.

12. Avoid indirect negatives.

a. I haven’t ever heard of that rule.

b. I didn’t have any idea we were losing money.

c. The change in temperature was not significant.

13. Avoid needless attribution.

a. According to the old saying, an empty sack cannot stand upright.

b. As everyone knows, the bigger you are, the harder you fall.

c. It has been determined that wordiness obscures clarity.

14. Limit personal commentary.

a. The main thing I want to say is that haste makes waste.

b. To tell you the truth, I doubt that owls would be reliable messengers.

c. A temporary dip in the stock market, it seems to me, does not mean we are heading into a recession.

Chapter One Exercise Answers

Use Fourteen Techniques to Eliminate Wordiness

Here’s how you might have revised those sentences:

Edit for three types of redundancy.

1. Delete redundant modifiers.

a. In today’s world, we must plan for the future.

b. He referred to the notes he had taken during the meeting.

Or He referred to his meeting notes.

c. We offer complimentary gift wrapping to our customers.

2. Delete redundant categories.

a. The table is round, smooth, and heavy.

b. The image is fuzzy.

c. Redundant categories can leave your reader extremely confused and perplexed.

3. Replace redundant word pairs with single words.

a. Various alternatives were debated.

b. I demand a complete explanation.

c. Each jury member voted “not guilty.”

Or for emphasis

Every one of the jury members voted “not guilty.”

Edit for four types of wordiness.

4. Replace wordy expressions with single words.

a. If you arrive late, use the side door.

b. Before coming to First Trust, Kimberly worked at Waconia Savings and Loan.

c. Because the report is more than ten pages long, the council feels overwhelmed by it.

Or

The council feels overwhelmed by the ten-page report.

5. Delete hollow hedges and meaningless intensifiers.

a. We are concerned about your tardiness.

b. This limits our ability to respond quickly.

c. Your description is fitting.

6. Delete needless repetition.

a. Although I wrote the draft, my friend Madeline helped me revise it.

b. I called to tell her I would be late for dinner. Nevertheless, she was unhappy about it.

c. I don’t like pickled pigs' feet. I never have liked pickled pigs' feet. I never will like pickled pigs' feet. So please stop serving me pickled pigs' feet.

Note: Repetition, as used in this sentence, can create emphasis.

7. Delete that for brevity; retain that for clarity.

a. I suggest we pack our things, sell our snowshoes, and move to Hawaii.

b. She realized that, without that five-minute delay, she would not have missed her plane.

Note: In a sentence with an aside, such as “without that five-minute delay,” that serves to mark the interruption and help the reader hold the main thought.

c. She believed that her boyfriend, who told her he was out with the boys, was lying.

Note: Without that, the sentence seems to be heading in one direction then goes in another. That signals to the reader a verb is on the way and the meaning will not be clear until it arrives.

Here’s another example illustrating when to retain that to avoid momentary ambiguity: “I recognize that you, whom I’ve known for years, have a problem.”

Know how to start; know when to stop.

8. Avoid protracted introductions.

a. Our client base is growing steadily.

b. We are losing money.

c. I’m concerned about the precipitous decline in visits to our website.

9. Use it, there, and what constructions carefully.

a. Four employees have filed grievances.

b. I recommend you purchase a faster modem.

c. Next we need to simplify our sign-off procedure.

Note: The original version might be more appropriate for spoken communication because a listener assimilates information more slowly than a reader.

10. Trim sentence endings for closing emphasis.

a. Does it fall like a heavy load?

b. We need to eliminate these production delays.

c. Let’s discuss this trend.

Take the most direct route.

11. Prefer action verbs to nominalizations.

a. I suggest we alter the length of the cloak.

Or to be more precise

I suggest we shorten [or lengthen] the cloak.

b. If you try to steal the sorcerer’s stone, I will oppose you.

c. Mix the eggs and vanilla.

12. Avoid indirect negatives.

a. I’ve never heard of that rule.

Or for emphasis

Never have I heard of that rule.

b. I had no idea we were losing money.

c. The change in temperature was insignificant.

13. Avoid needless attribution.

a. An empty sack cannot stand upright.

b. The bigger you are, the harder you fall.

c. Wordiness obscures clarity.

14. Limit personal commentary.

a. Haste makes waste.

b. I doubt that owls would be reliable messengers.

c. A temporary dip in the stock market does not mean we are heading into a recession.