FIND A COACH

One way that leaders can help others notice changes is by giving them a stake in the outcome. Leaders can do this by asking colleagues to coach them in achieving their goals. For instance, if you are working on a goal on which a specific person has provided feedback, a statement such as the following may be useful:

Thank you for your feedback on my assessment instrument. I learned that I may have a little work to do in the area of being a good listener, and I want you to know that I am committed to working on this. Would you be willing to give me feedback when you think I'm doing a good job listening to you? And would you also be willing to take me aside and let me know privately when you think I'm not listening to someone else, if you happen to witness it?

Such a statement can be useful in enrolling an informal learning coach who has an investment in helping you achieve your goal. That in itself is a big benefit for any leader. Moreover, you have at the same time enrolled someone to help in the process of changing others' perceptions of your leadership. That may be an even greater benefit.

Marshall Goldsmith, a top executive coach and renowned authority on helping leaders achieve positive behavioral change, takes on coaching clients only after key people, such as their bosses, agree to give these leaders feedback during the process. This important prerequisite helps guarantee that informal coaches will notice when changes occur. It is as important for these informal coaches to tell leaders when they are doing something right in reaching their goals as it is for them to indicate when the leaders are doing something wrong. Leaders need to have both a sense of success in meeting their goals (in order to bolster their morale) and an accurate vision of what making positive behavioral changes means to those with whom they work.

An informal coach can watch for the leader to make the changes this coach has recommended. This not only helps hold the leader's feet to the fire so that she will actually make the change but also helps the coach—and others in the organization—notice the change.

If you enlist an informal coach, after a short while follow up with him. Formally sit down with him and ask for feedback. Accept it graciously, regardless of how clumsily or elegantly it may be delivered. It is to your benefit to keep this coach. The best way to accept the gift of feedback is to simply say thank you and ask for more. When the coach has exhausted the store of feedback he has for you, say something like this:

I really appreciate this coaching. It means a lot to me, and I'll be happy to return the favor any time you ask. It's a very useful way for me to learn. Would you be willing to continue our coaching relationship just a bit longer?

Ideally, the coach will agree. If not, don't worry. You can simply move on to someone else. If the coach responds positively, say something like this:

What do you think is the one most important thing I can concentrate on for the next month or so to continue working on my listening skills?