PRINCIPLE
6
Beliefs Are Tied to Identity

If you want to change the world, change yourself.

—Tom Robbins

The car service Uber recently started doing business in my hometown of St. Louis. I decided to give it a try.

The driver who picked me up was an older guy named John. He was driving a Ford Taurus. I suspect he was retired. I got in the front seat. As he drove me to my destination, we started talking about St. Louis. Many of the places we drove by had recently gone out of business or changed hands from one business to another. John knew a lot about each business, who had owned it, what happened to it, when it was sold, and so on.

As he told me the stories of the various businesses we passed, I learned that he had tried some entrepreneurial things—like starting a business and investing in other people’s schemes—that had not worked out so well for him.

Gradually, the conversation began to move from small talk to what I can only call conspiracy theories. The Federal Reserve. Monetary policy. Several times, he said, “Most people don’t understand what’s really going on.”

I asked him to explain, and as he did, it became more and more clear to me that his theories were muddled and confused. I couldn’t understand how they made sense, even to him. But they did. To him, they seemed clear.

They boiled down to “Everything is going to hell.” He seemed certain that some kind of societal collapse was imminent.

We drove by some mansions, and he said, shaking his head, “A few years ago you could buy one of these for almost nothing.” Trying to suspend my disbelief and going with his theory, I said, “Well, maybe soon, when everything collapses, they will be cheap again, right?”

Although this would seem to fit his theory, he shook his head. It didn’t seem like he wanted to hear that.

The conversation ended when we reached my destination, and he awkwardly made some kind of comment about the Uber review system. I think he was worried that I would give him a bad rating. (I didn’t, I gave him five stars for being interesting.)

His theories seemed muddled and fuzzy to me. But they were deeply meaningful, to him.

What was John’s core belief? I don’t know for sure, but here’s one theory: I don’t think John is happy with his situation in life. And like most people, he wants to believe that he is important, that he matters. If his sense of importance is based on his success in business, which, so far, has eluded him, then that’s a feeling that threatens his sense of self-worth.

So at a deeply personal level, John needs a belief that affirms that he matters, and that also explains why he has not had the kinds of successes he wanted in life.

Beliefs are explanations of the world. When an emotional need is unfulfilled—especially when it remains unfulfilled for some time—the brain seeks to fill that gap with some kind of explanation.

Numerous studies have found that when people feel a lack of control, they have an increased propensity to form conspiracy theories as a way to explain their helplessness.^{1, 2, 3}

Think about it: When you are doing everything you can to fulfill an unmet need, and you are not having success or feeling any traction, you look for reasons. Something must be blocking you. What could it be?

The conspiracy theory arises to fill that gap. It explains why you are not getting what you want. Conspiracy theories thrive within groups who feel that they don’t have control over their lives. A belief that is deeply tied to identity and feelings of self-worth is called a governing belief.

Superficial, surface beliefs are relatively easy to change. You don’t have so much invested in them. But some beliefs are deeply connected with your sense of self, your identity. They define who you are. Those are the beliefs that are most deep-rooted and hard to change, because to change them would mean changing how you see yourself.

The deeper you go in exploring anyone’s belief system (including your own!), the closer you will get to their governing beliefs. The more foundational the belief, the more it will be unconsciously defended by self-sealing logic. This can be a scary place to go.

Questioning your governing beliefs can lead to profound change, but because so many other beliefs are based on them, there’s a lot at stake—and not just for yourself.

Your governing beliefs are part of the story webs that hold your relationships together. They connect you to your family, your friends, your co-workers, and your community. Challenging a governing belief can threaten the stability of those relationships and the shared world that keeps them functioning. It has the potential to bring your whole world crashing down.

In fact, governing beliefs are so important to group cohesion that their very existence depends on not talking about them. The governing beliefs usually sit comfortably out of sight, and are never discussed. When someone brings them up, they can be faced with rage, sometimes violence, and expulsion from the group.

Here’s a very simple, classic example. The CEO says “everyone’s equal here,” but the CEO has perks that others don’t, like the corner office, private parking space, and so on. Everyone knows this, but nobody brings it up.

In the early 1950s, a woman named Dorothy Martin began to receive spirit messages from spiritual beings of superior intelligence and wisdom, called the Guardians of Earth, who communicated to her through a kind of automatic writing. The Guardians told her that they were beings of light, and that the world, which had become corrupted, would be destroyed in a cataclysmic flood on December 21, 1954. The Guardians promised her, though, that they would come down in flying saucers to rescue her and her followers before the floodwaters subsumed the Earth.

On December 20, Dorothy received a series of messages from the Guardians. The Seekers should remove all metal from their persons. A spaceman would knock on the door of her house at midnight and escort the Seekers to a flying saucer, which would be parked nearby. That evening the group gathered together at Dorothy’s house. At 11:15 Dorothy received a message that everyone should get their coats and stand by.

Midnight passed. No spaceman knocked on the door. The Seekers continued to wait. At 4 a.m., Dorothy broke down into tears. She told her followers that she knew some were beginning to doubt, but that they must beam light on those who needed it most and hold the group together.

At 4:45 Dorothy received a message from the Guardians. The message said that the group had beamed so much light and goodness into the world during their late-night vigil that they had saved the world from destruction. The members of the group, who had previously shunned inquiries from the press, were overwhelmed with a sense of urgency to tell the story of salvation to the people of Earth.

By 6:30 a.m. they had called all of the local newspapers as well as the national wire services to share the good news.⁴

Governing beliefs form the foundation of your (version of) reality. They generate feelings of self-worth, group identity, and social stability. They give order and meaning to life. When you feel that your governing beliefs are threatened, it’s like you, yourself, are being threatened.

The deeper you go, the scarier it gets, but at the same time, the greater the potential for change. It’s not intuitive, but Liminal Thinking requires courage: When your beliefs are being threatened, and your instinct says “defend the belief,” you need to go toward that fear if you want to open the door to lasting change.

A truly significant change to your world will almost always require some kind of corresponding change to your self.

PRINCIPLE 6
Beliefs are tied to identity.

Governing beliefs, which form the basis for other beliefs, are the most difficult to change, because they are tied to personal identity and feelings of self-worth. You can’t change your governing beliefs without changing yourself.