"The biggest problem with most people of today is that they don't stand for anything. Values provide directions. If you don't stand for something, you fall for everything." | ||
| --DON SHULA, HEAD COACH OF MIAMI DOLPHINS | ||
What are your anchors? By that I mean the values, the mood, the emotions and the states you most enjoy being in. What does it take to make you happy?
I have met a number of people who have gone through a health scare and afterwards have found peace within themselves. I have asked them what difference the event made to them and some of them have explained that it took the scare of nearly losing everything to make them realize just what was important to them.
Now, without putting yourself through a near-death experience, take the time to stop and think about what is really valuable to you and your ongoing happiness.
Once you know your values, you can construct your life's purpose and goals around them to ensure that when you reach your chosen destination and achieve your goals, you have done it in a way that will leave you feeling satisfied. Take the Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson. If his values were about truth and honesty, do you think that when he won the 100m gold medal in Seoul in 1988 he would have felt great, knowing that he had done it through the illegal use of steroids?
A great example of someone who met their goals without having to compromise their values was Muhammad Ali. In 1967, during his first reign as world heavyweight champion, he was drafted into the US Army and ordered to go to Vietnam to fight. Despite the government's threats to strip him of the world title, which he coveted and had worked so hard to achieve, and the possibility of being thrown into prison for his refusal to be drafted, Ali knew his values, which included the belief that the war was wrong. He would not let himself be compromised, even when he was given the offer of being a figurehead for the army and of never having to face any conflict. He famously declared, "I ain't got no quarrel with the Vietcong."
Instead, Ali accepted that he had to lose his title and wasn't able to fight again for over three years because his purpose, which was "to be the greatest", and his goal, which was to be the heavyweight champion of the world, would have felt hollow and worthless had he sacrificed his own values to achieve them.
Values are the rules around which we construct our lives. Nobody else can make you have particular values: they are unique to you and you alone, as they are the rules by which you choose to live and around which you chase your version of success.
Think about your own values and how many of them are rules that are realistic, and how many rules by which you can never hope to win.
Let me give you an example. How many of you think that you would be really, truly happy and all your worries would be over if you came into a lot of money, like winning the lottery? I am sure you are aware that the odds on actually winning the lottery are about 14 million to one (my favourite way of explaining it is that you are more likely to go up to a stranger in a foreign country and guess their telephone number than win the lottery!). So why would you have this as a rule for making yourself truly happy? Wouldn't it be better to follow the examples of those who have had health scares and tell us that they set rules for achieving happiness, such as being genuinely grateful to wake up in the morning, which are achievable for everyone?
Here's an idea of different things you might consider to be a value:
Success: do you want to be successful? Do you want to be the best in your chosen field?
Passion: is that something you are excited about? Do you want to experience huge passion in everything you do and so will go the extra mile and do whatever it takes to feel it?
Fun: do you have fun as one of your values? Do you want to enjoy life to the full?
Greed: It was Michael Douglas's character, Gordon Gecko, in the film Wall Street who said "greed is good", but you could choose this as one of your values if you are the sort of person who just wants more, more, more.
Enthusiasm: are you the kind of person who leaps out of bed determined to squeeze the most out of the day?
Power: is power important to you? Do you want people to look at you and see someone who brings power to a situation?
Love: to love other people and to be loved. How do you feel about love?
Integrity/honesty: do you believe that truth is high on your list of values? Do you believe in telling the truth even if the consequences may be unfortunate?
Recognition: you may wonder how you could have recognition as a value, but some people do, because it plays an important part in their lives.
Control: is this a value for you? Do you want to be in control? Do you want to know exactly what's happening every minute of the day? Is control important to you and are you really clear about where you want to go? Are you a hands-on type of person?
Blame: do you find yourself blaming others for situations that occur around you? Do you want to know who is causing the problems so that you can get to the bottom of them?
Excitement: are you the type of person who loves bungee-jumping, jumping off cliffs or taking risks? Do you think that excitement is within the business and the work you do? Do you think that excitement is found within relationships? Could it be one of your values?
Security: do you want to be secure? Do you want to know exactly where everything is going to be on a regular basis? Do you get home and love to know that certain things are going to be in a certain place? Do you like the feeling of total security?
Worry: do you find yourself worrying all the time? Do you believe that worrying is a way of showing that you care?
Contribution: do you believe that making a contribution is critical? Do you want to give your time and efforts to helping others without any recognition? Are you the sort of person who is always the first volunteer?
Health: are you focused on your health? Do you carefully watch what you eat, believing that nourishment and vitality are the keys to quality of life?
Creativity: do you aim to be creative in all you do? Are you continually trying to think of new ways to do things? Do you think it's important to think outside the box and move the boundaries?
Even Homer Simpson knows what his values are:
"There is an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service but those were dead ends. I think that this chair and a beer is the answer."