Interact with Others

Living in this chaotic world, you are probably unaware of how much society has shaped your thinking and how this impacts on the way you interact with everyone with whom you come into contact.

Let Go of Being Right

The need to be right can cause you many problems. If you dig your heels in you will not pay proper attention to another person’s perspective. The best way to ensure you achieve rapport with someone is to be able to see and hear his or her point of view. If you don’t agree with that point of view, just ask more questions to gain a deeper understanding of his opinions and greater clarity about where and how he formed them. Approach every conversation from a position of not having to be right, and know that you are only ever one conversation away from resolving any challenging situation. This will help you to interact effectively with others.

What’s in a Name?

How do you feel when someone has forgotten your name? You are not alone if it makes you feel a little less important and significant. Successful business leaders ensure that they know the names of everyone they will meet when visiting a site away from head office. They obtain background information about the staff they will be meeting in advance so that they are well prepared. You can do the same before your meetings. If you meet ten new people at a training day, avoid introducing yourself to everyone at once and trying to remember their names – you won’t be able to keep them all in your head. Start by talking to a couple of people, embed their names in your memory, then move on to the next two people.

Creating a Positive First Impression

First impressions count, so you need to get it right first time. In addition to dressing appropriately and paying attention to your appearance, make sure your body language reinforces the impression you want to create.

Establishing good eye contact for a couple of seconds helps to convey honesty and openness – if you are excited this will also show up in your eyes. Don’t overdo it though because it can become intrusive.

However nervous or worried you are, greeting someone with an infectious smile makes a brilliant first impression. A smile immediately creates a bond between you and the person you are meeting.

We’ve all experienced a bad handshake, from limp and insipid ones to bone-crushers, and the memory tends to stay with us. Be in control of making a confident first contact.

Be Positive

When you start a conversation with someone, it’s important to begin with things that you can both agree about. Focus on starting with a positive intention so that the dynamic allows the conversation to go with the flow.

• If you start with something contentious, it is difficult to establish a rapport. Having said no to some point, you will go on to defend your no. In such a situation you tend to do your utmost to avoid backing down.

• Getting into a pattern of yes, yes, yes has a completely different psychology. The person you’re talking to will feel calmer and more relaxed, and will already be disposed to saying yes. This will make it easier for him to remain in agreement with you.

The best way to start a conversation is to start with a topic that is safe and uncontroversial. Then, depending on whether the response you get is positive or negative, you can formulate your next question. This is a subtle process that doesn’t involve firing off a raft of questions.

Be Aware of Rules and Expectations

Many relationships suffer because people do not share their rules and expectations. The parties in a relationship need an understanding of what the rules are and what is considered to be acceptable behaviour within the context of the relationship. Most organizations now realize the importance of making sure that everyone is aware of the framework within which they should be operating. Those organizations that tend to leave their staff in the dark about what is expected of them usually have a poor record of staff retention and will spend a lot of time recruiting new people for their teams. If your personal relationships are to succeed and flourish, you will need to share your rules and expectations with those concerned.

Techniques to Practise

If you tend to forget people’s names, use this technique when you meet someone new to embed his name in your memory.

Case Study: Getting it into the Open

Tracey and James have been living together for a number of years. James is the better cook, so whenever they have friends over for dinner he’s the king of the kitchen. He’s always made it clear that he needs space and solitude while he’s cooking, and Tracey keeps out of his way while she organizes the table settings and the drinks, and cleans the house before their guests arrive. When their guests leave, James goes to bed, leaving Tracey to do the cleaning up. James has never spoken about his expectation that she will do the cleaning up, and is very surprised when she voices her resentment. He had understood that his expectation was a given in their relationship. They agreed on a compromise – James would do the dishes, while Tracey would clear up the dining room.

• By stating his rules but failing to make his expectations clear, James put his relationship with Tracey under pressure due to the lack of clarity.

• Once his expectations had been discussed they were able to agree on a way forward that was acceptable to both of them.

• This opened up a healthy conversation about other aspects of their relationship and they were both more aware of each other’s rules and expectations.