How to Impact Behavior: The Feel–Think–Act Trio
ONE of the differentiating traits of high-impact leaders and business professionals is a strong focus on goal achievement. A proactive approach and task orientation allow them to not only get the job done, but also excel over competition. Perhaps, you see a reflection of yourself in this description and contentedly think that you tick the boxes for negotiation success. Please note that I used the words “leaders and business professionals,” and not negotiators. Perhaps you are slightly confused now. While it is recommended that you should display a proactive attitude in a negotiation, drive the process and keep your eyes on the prize, a one-sided focus on action alone will not translate into success.
A negotiation consists of three types of behaviors: influencing, convincing, and persuading. To influence means to have an effect on the behavior of someone. To convince primarily means to make someone believe in something. To persuade is to induce someone to do something through argumentative reasoning. A negotiation is an interaction between two parties with different interests who try to reach an agreement that bridges those interests, and thus satisfies the individual motives of each party. The role of a negotiator is to change the attitude of the other party toward the interests that we are trying to fulfill. According to cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), an attitude is a cocktail of cognitive (thoughts), affective (feelings), and behavioral (actions) elements. In order to change the attitude of your negotiation partner, you need to address all three elements. The secret of success lies in the sequence of how this is done.
Some negotiators focus all their energy on attempting to change the behavior of the other party. In other words, they resort to the art of influence. It is noteworthy that profession creates trained patterns of professional conduct, which then has a direct reflection in the adopted negotiation approach. Salespeople or project managers usually tend to start with action orientation. Lawyers direct their attention to argument preparation; they resort to the tools of oratory persuasion. Meanwhile, the change in behavioral pattern is the last instance. In order to impact how a person will act, it is necessary to first modify how they feel and think.
The brain is built in such a way that when an external trigger enters, it first reaches the amygdala, which is a cluster of neurons located in the brain’s medial temporal lobe that forms part of the limbic system. The amygdala plays a key role in processing emotions. In a very simplified illustration, once the trigger passes the amygdala, it reaches the neocortex, which is a region responsible for, among others, cognition, perception, and logical reasoning. Contrary to what we would like to think, biology suggests that humans are primarily emotional beings. Studies in psychology, decision-making, and behavioral economics confirm the assumption that there are two systems—System 1 is responsible for the quick associations and mental shortcuts, it operates on the basis of feelings. System 2 is the more complex representative of logic and reasoning. The conclusion is clear: we first feel, then we think. In more elaborate terms, we rationalize the reasons to justify the emotional decisions we had already made.
Figure 10.10 The feel–think–act trio6
A skilled negotiator will use this knowledge to their advantage. The next time you want to change the behavior of your negotiation partner, apply the feel–think–act approach. Start with inflicting certain emotions. This can be done in multiple ways. The way you welcome someone, how you design the meeting space, the small courtesies (or lack thereof) that you extend their way, what you say, and how you and your surrounding look will all create certain emotions. For example, many executives shared with me that such a simple act as not being offered coffee by the counterpart at the beginning of a negotiation has emotionally derailed them. They perceived the lack of this beverage, traditionally associated with a welcome gesture, as a symbol of inequality of power and showing them their inferiority. Small symbolic rituals can have a profound effect.
The first few minutes after the external trigger enters the brain are critical, because the person is emotionally destabilized and therefore exposed. In order for the interaction to be based on reason, you should stabilize your negotiation partner (and yourself). You can use the good-old tactic of small talk. It seems innocent enough to talk about trivial matters; however, if conducted properly, it is an excellent opportunity to gather information about your negotiation partner and to test the accuracy of your own perceptions. It is also the phase during which you tend to the relationship part of the negotiation equation. In some cultures, small talk is an indispensable element of the negotiation mating game, and failure to engage in it may dampen the chances of an agreement being reached. Once you have caused certain emotions, you can then lead your partner to a certain cognitive path that you have pre-paved for them. The play on emotions is a tool used for evoking thoughts and certain automatic reactions. When you inflict emotions, you should, therefore, be crystal clear about where that path will lead to.
The last step is the behavioral change you want to happen. It is a sign of moral standing and a strong moral backbone if one walks the talk, in other words, if the behavior is consistent with the words one utters. People tend to have strong reactions toward a phenomenon that is referred to as cognitive dissonance. This term refers to a situation that involves conflicting emotions, values, and behaviors. This results in a feeling of mental discomfort, which leads to an alteration in behavior to reduce the discomfort and restore balance. You can create cognitive dissonance to impact the behavior of your negotiation partner. If you are making a big demand, think of a smaller one that is likely to be accepted, because it is aligned with their system of beliefs or values. Have them commit to this minor demand and then present the bigger one as a natural consequence. A rejection would cause loss of face due to cognitive inconsistency.
Work on the natural tendency of people to rationalize their decisions based on the affective element. In order for people to accept your negotiation proposal, they need to feel that they were involved in the process. For example, conscious mental (rational) acceptance of certain arrangements will only be possible if they are consistent with the person’s inner convictions. The latter are closely related to feelings. Consequently, do not offer ready solutions. Resist the urge to focus solely on the act you want to happen. Make your partner feel like they contributed, they will find reasons to rationalize the agreement on their own. “Remember that he that complies against his will, is of his opinion still” (S. Butler).
Key takeaways: |
1. In order to change how your negotiation partner will act, modify how they feel and think first. |
2. Apply the feel–think–act approach. |
3. Inflict certain emotions (in yourself and your negotiation partner) that will support your negotiation objective. |
4. Stabilize your negotiation partner (and yourself) with small talk. |
5. Create cognitive dissonance to impact the behavior of your negotiation partner. |
6. Do not offer ready solutions. Make your partner feel like they contributed to the process. |
Chapter 10: Further Reading
The following books will help you uncover how to channel the potential of your mind to influence the behavior of yourself and your negotiation partner:
1. Amy Cuddy, Presence. Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges
We all know that the mind governs the body, but what if we reverse this dynamic—does the body have an impact on our mind, too? This is one of the many fascinating questions that Cuddy addresses in her book. She proves that altering the position of our body, by assuming certain power postures, such as the famous Wonder Woman pose, can reduce the level of cortisol (the stress hormone), and increase the level of testosterone. This translates into an enhanced sense of self-control, empowerment, and less aversion to risk-taking. This might well be one of the easiest techniques of elevating your power in the negotiation.
Tip for negotiators: Strike a (power) pose before your next negotiation.
2. Robert Greene, Mastery
Mastery is “the feeling that we have a greater command of reality, other people, and ourselves” (Page 3). It is the emotional quality that differentiates those who master certain skills from those who simply perform them. In this insightful book, the author takes us through the stages of achieving mastery. The effort is well worth it. Greene proves that our feelings and thoughts create our mental landscape, which then shapes the patterns of what ultimately happens to us. In other words, the first step toward external wins is always an inward journey.
Tip for negotiators: Mastery is dependent on the intensity of your focus (Page 190). Shape the feel–think–act trio to fit your desired negotiation outcome.
3. Scott Adams, Loserthink. How Untrained Brains are Ruining the World.
Loserthink is a concept that depicts using the brain in unproductive ways. Sadly, this is the case more often than one would like to admit. The result is that much intellectual effort and mental energy goes to waste. The evidence is ever-present: many business meetings lose focus, teams fall into the trap of groupthink, choices are made based on information bias, negotiations end in irrelevant debates. Adams attempts to free the reader from certain mental constraints by guiding toward a more effective cognitive effort. He uncovers how psychologists, artists, historians, engineers, leaders, scientists, entrepreneurs, and economists think.
Tip for negotiators: Have you built your own mental prison? If so, break out of it and start thinking like an effective negotiator.
6 The ACB model was adapted from Slocum, J.W., and D. Hellriegel. 2011. Principles of Organizational Behavior. South-Western Cengage Learning.