6
Steer Clear of Toxic People

SOME PEOPLE WILL squeeze the life out of you if you let them. They’re the ones who are quick to criticize us and make callous remarks behind our backs. They thrive on pointing out our inadequacies and love to remind us of our flaws. They like to prey on us when we’re most vulnerable and kick us when we’re down. In addition, they relish the moments when we are vulnerable and take every opportunity to chip away at our self-esteem. Deep down, they are insecure, unhappy folks who have discovered they feel better about themselves when others feel worse. Warning: steer clear of these toxic people—they are poster children for regret and reek of negativity.

Instead, surround yourself with positive, supportive people who will encourage you and believe in you. These are individuals who tend to smile a lot, love to laugh at life, and are always there to cheer you on. They see your potential even when you’re not showing it, and they look at every day as an opportunity for you to do something great. They are also the ones who boost your confidence when you’re up against a challenge and who lift your spirits when you’re down in the dumps or stuck in a rut. They are eternal optimists and die-hard advocates. They’ve got your back and will always be in your corner.

Wendy, the senior vice president of human resources at a large company I worked at early in my career, was not one of these positive and supportive people. She was a virtual tyrant who was referred to as Toxic Wendy throughout employee circles and was notorious for her sharp tongue, cruel wit, and abusive style. She took pride in publicly humiliating people and then discrediting them behind their backs the minute they left the room. Her job title gave her power and she abused it at every opportunity. It was not uncommon for her staff to walk out of her office crying after she had flown into a sudden tirade while scrutinizing their work. She literally went through a new secretary every other month—two of them had to take stress leave due to the harsh reprimands and cutting remarks Wendy doled out to them on a daily basis.

In my exit interview from the company, I met with the CEO, who asked me why I was leaving. My response was straight to the point: “I’d regret it if I stayed one more day. I think you’ll see a lot more people leaving as well if you keep the head of Human Resources around. No one deserves that kind of abuse. The crazy thing is that she’s the one in charge of people!” A few months later I got a call from one of my former coworkers, who told me that Toxic Wendy had gotten the boot in the midst of a nasty ethics scandal. While perhaps justice had been served, the damage she had done could not be erased.

Hanging around toxic people is a recipe for regret. Get them out of your life and stay as far away from them as possible. Instead, surround yourself with positive people. Just being around them will make you feel more energized, motivated, confident, inspired, happy, and alive. Steer clear of toxic people and put yourself in the presence of the people who bring out the best in you.

Steer clear of toxic
people and put yourself
in the presence of the
people who bring out
the best in you.

∼ Who are the toxic people in your life?

∼ How do you feel when you’re around them versus people who bring out the best in you?