16
Speak Your Mind

WHEN MY DAUGHTER, Jessica, entered kindergarten, we found out the school had a “Books and Beyond” program where students received a special T-shirt and got to shake hands with the principal at the end of the year if they read a specified number of books. Since Jessica was a voracious reader, she was elated. Every night when we’d read books aloud before bedtime, she would ask, “Daddy, do you know what’s going to happen in June?” Without waiting for an answer she’d exclaim, “Principal Stevens is going to shake my hand! He’s really going to shake my hand, Daddy.” She’d repeat this last line several times with great enthusiasm. By March, Jessica had already surpassed the program goal and was eagerly awaiting the end-of-year award ceremony.

On the day of the big event, Jessica insisted on wearing her party dress and fanciest shoes. She was so excited! My wife and I went early with her to find a good seat in the auditorium and had our cameras ready for the long-awaited handshake. Soon the assistant principal got up on stage and thanked all of the students for a job well done. Then she informed everyone that, unfortunately, Principal Stevens had a last-minute schedule conflict and that she would be shaking the award winners’ hands in his place. The room grew silent and my daughter started crying. When her name was called, she wouldn’t even look up as she walked over to the handshake line. It was a major letdown.

That night I couldn’t sleep. I knew how disappointed my daughter was, and while experiencing a big letdown like this could perhaps be a teachable moment about the realities of life one day, right now my heart just hurt for her. More than anything, I felt that Principal Stevens needed to know how upset we were. But what good would that do? What’s done was done. I also didn’t want to sound like a big complainer, especially since my daughter would be spending the rest of her elementary career at this school. If I made a big deal of this, I might regret it for a long time. But if I didn’t speak up, would I regret that even more?

The next day I went in to see Principal Stevens. He was in a meeting, but he stepped out for a moment to hear my concerns. After I told him the story, he looked shocked—it had never occurred to him that the handshake ritual would take on such great importance in the eyes of the students. Without further deliberation, he excused himself from the meeting and motioned for me to follow him as he headed for the lunchroom. When we got there he asked me to point out my daughter. “She’s the one with the big bow,” I said as I directed him across the room. Principal Stevens made his way toward her through the sea of children who were now hanging all over him.

Upon reaching her seat, he got down on one knee and said, “Hi, Jessica, I’m Principal Stevens. I understand you’ve read a lot of books this year.” My daughter looked up, astonished at how he knew this. “I’m sorry I missed the ceremony yesterday,” he continued, “but I want you to know that I’m very proud of you and I’d like to shake your hand.” With that, he gave her the biggest handshake ever and urged her to keep reading. To this day, I have never seen my daughter’s face beam like it did at that particular moment.

The experience with Principal Stevens reaffirmed for me the importance of being assertive. If you don’t let people know what you’re thinking, don’t expect them to read your mind. Share your concerns or apprehensions and release yourself from the regret of letting negative emotions stew over time. Get your feelings off your chest and you will feel more authentic and alive. Speak your mind so that others know where you stand.

Speak your mind so
that others know
where you stand.

∼ What is a current situation where you could do a better job of speaking your mind?

∼ What are the pros and cons of doing so?