At the orientation, they went on and on about how this is my company now, too. They want me to feel like I am an owner of the company. They said they look at us as “internal customers.” Then I get in trouble for talking too much in the first team meeting. My supervisor tells me, “You’ve only been here for two weeks; maybe you should just hold your comments and pay attention.” I didn’t appreciate that too much.

—Millennial

The following story was told to me by a senior executive in a large automobile parts supply company: “We were downsizing the organization, but we were trying to do it through controlled attrition. So we were offering buyouts for senior people in certain categories who were willing and able to leave the company inside of twelve months. When the younger people got wind of this, we were inundated with requests from them. They wanted to know why they were not being offered the buyout. I fielded some of these requests myself so I had a chance to say, ‘But you are ineligible.’ They would say, ‘Why?’ I’d say, ‘You’ve been here less than a year.’ And they would say, ‘So?’ They honestly didn’t get why they were in a different position from the employees who had been here for twenty or thirty years.”

We see this sort of thing in our research all the time. Managers often tell us that their Millennials suffer from a fundamental lack of context. This is partly a life stage issue: younger people have less life experience than older people and thus fewer points of reference to compare circumstances, people, and relationships. Context is all about these points of reference. So lack of context goes with the territory when it come to young employees.

Still, Millennials’ lack of context seems to stem from more than just youth and inexperience. “When I was young and inexperienced,” said a fifty-something sales manager in a pharmaceutical company, “I may have been cocky, but I knew age and experience mattered and I knew I didn’t have either. Recently, I set this new guy up with some paperwork. When I came back a few hours later to check on him, he was gone. I looked across the hallway and realized he had set himself up in a different cube than the one I put him in. I asked him what he was doing, and he told me that he liked the other cube better. Of course you like that one better. The other one is bigger, has a window, and a bigger desk. That’s why it goes to someone who’s been here more than six hours. It’s like they don’t even realize that some of us have been working here since they were in diapers. They don’t see it, or they just don’t see why it matters.”

In fact, our research shows that Millennials do appreciate and respect age and experience. After all, they have enjoyed the most nurturing relationships with adults perhaps of any generation in recorded history. But their appreciation and respect don’t translate into deference or acquiescence. Millennials have grown up in a child-centric era in which their feelings, words, and actions have usually been accorded a huge amount of respect by the adults in their lives. Their relationships with adults have rarely been defined in terms of authority and have instead often been inflected by familiarity. Millennials’ preferences have been given much weight, and their opinions and words have been given much airtime in discussions. Misbehavior has been more and more likely to be diagnosed instead of punished. And their accomplishments have been highlighted with a lot of emphasis.

As the sales manager for the pharmaceutical company put it, “Nobody has ever said to them, ‘Because I said so!’ It’s like they exist in a vacuum. Nobody has ever pulled them aside and said to them, ‘Look, we’ve been at this for a long time. This is how we do things around here. You’ve just arrived. This is where you fit in to our picture.’”

I believe he is on to something.

Giving Millennials the Gift of Context

Giving Millennials the gift of context means explaining that, no matter who that Millennial may be, what he wants to achieve, or how he wants to behave, his role in any situation is determined in large part by factors that have nothing to do with him. There are preexisting, independent factors that would be present even if he were not, and they determine the context of any situation.

Context is easier to understand when we consider extreme examples of it: jail, war, famine, earthquakes. In any of these contexts, the possibilities are limited, and so is the scope of an individual’s potential role. In these contexts, certain expectations, hopes, expressions, and actions are inappropriate. While it is relatively easy to be sensitive to extreme contexts, it is often difficult for people, Millennials in particular, to be sensitive to more subtle contexts, particularly when they walk into new situations. Every situation has a context that limits possibilities and limits the scope of an individual’s potential role.

The big mistake leaders and managers often make is allowing Millennials to remain in their vacuum. Telling Millennials all about the company is not the same as giving them context. Telling Millennials: “This is how it was for me when I was a new employee” is not giving them context. Understanding context is about understanding where one fits in the larger picture.

In our career seminars, we teach Millennials to use a simple brainstorming tool in order to situate themselves in a new context, and you can use it to teach your Millennials. We tell them that before they can figure out where they fit in an organization, they need to get a handle on the other pieces of the puzzle. We ask them to think and respond to the following questions:

• Where am I? What is this place?
• What is going on here? What is the mission of the group?
• Why is everybody here? What is at stake for the group and for each person in the group?
• When did they all get here?
• Who are all these people? What role does each person play?
• How are they accustomed to doing things around here? What is standard operating procedure?
• Why am I here?
• What is at stake for me?
• When did I get here?
• What is my appropriate role in relation to the other people in the group?
• What is my appropriate role in relation to the mission? Who am I in this context?

Teach Them to Play, Nay, Work Well with Others

Conflicts, dislikes, and gripes between and among employees are very common and can be some of the most difficult issues for managers. We see this in our research all the time. Cliques, in particular, are a common problem in the workplace. They always have been. Millennials, brand new to a workplace, are often lured into cliques or distracting personal relationships by one social ringleader or another. As one Millennial put it: “My boss was sort of non-present most of the time at work. I got most of my cues from the other people I was working with. One of the ladies at work, I connected with her right away. She told me who was cool and who to stay away from. I would definitely say we became friends.” When this happens, the Millennial’s focus is drawn away from the work and onto personal and social machinations. How can managers deal with this problem?

When Millennials say that their most important relationship at work is with their immediate manager, they have many fewer personal conflicts with other employees at work. We have also found that the busier Millennials are with their tasks and responsibilities at work, the more they tend to build their workplace relationships with colleagues around shared or dovetailing tasks and responsibilities (as opposed to personal matters). As a result, their workplace relationships tend to be more professional.

As a manager, the best thing you can do is help Millennials anticipate relationship dynamics that are likely to cause conflict and help them prepare for those situations. Our research shows five issues that often cause relationship conflicts for Millennials at work, and you should prepare them in advance to handle these issues.

Teach Them How to Shine in Presentations and Meetings

A training manager in a large insurance company shared this story with me: “My assistant helped me prepare for a presentation to a senior vice president who is an internal customer. She wanted to come in to the meeting with me, which I said was fine. But throughout my presentation, she kept interrupting to explain, ‘I prepared the slide show,’ or ‘Let me explain this cost estimate I prepared,’ or ‘I think maybe you should let me answer this question.’” She continued, “After the meeting, I was getting ready to tell her how inappropriate her conduct had been, but she beat me to the punch. She said, ‘Listen, if I’m going to do all the work for a presentation like that, I’d really prefer it if you just let me make the presentation alone. I’d really prefer if you weren’t in the meeting. Next time, could I just go solo?’ I was speechless. I really didn’t know what I was supposed to say.”

What was she supposed to say? Whenever your Millennials have to—or want to—attend meetings or give a presentation as part of their responsibilities at work, you need to prepare them rigorously in advance. The most important thing you can do for them is clarify whether a presentation or meeting is indeed a primary opportunity for them to shine or impress people or not.

Here are four other best practices for how to behave in presentations and meetings that you really should teach Millennials:

1. Before attending any meeting or presentation, make sure you know what the meeting is about and whether your attendance is required, requested, or at least acceptable. Do you need to attend? Should you attend?
2. Prepare in advance. Is there any material you should review or read before the meeting? Are there any conversations you need to have before the meeting? Are there any work products you need to prepare before the meeting?
3. Identify exactly what your role in the meeting is. Who are you representing in that meeting? What information are you responsible for communicating? What information are you responsible for gathering? If you are not a primary actor in the meeting, often the best thing you can do is say as little as possible and practice good meeting manners. Come one minute early, and sit quietly until the meeting begins. When the meeting starts, speak only when you are asked a question directly. Pay attention, and take notes. If you are tempted to speak up, bite your tongue. Write a very quick note to yourself so you don’t lose your thought. But don’t stop listening. Does your point still need to be raised? Is it a point that everyone needs to hear, right here and now? If you have a question, could it be asked at a later time, off-line, when everyone is not trapped in this meeting? Or is it a question that everyone needs an answer for here and now?
4. If you are the one making a presentation, then prepare like crazy. Ask yourself exactly what value you have to offer the group. Never start working on the slide shows and handouts first. Instead, start with a script for yourself and rehearse it. And then rehearse some more. Only then, if you have time and if it will be helpful to the group, create prepared materials to accompany your words.

Finally, sometimes meetings are called for no good reason and are a waste of time. In those meetings, teach Millennials not to say a single word that will unnecessarily lengthen the meeting.

Teach Them How to Deal with Your Boss’s Boss’s Boss and Other Big Shots

One Millennial says, “You want me to act all impressed? Be impressive. What can I say? If you are the big guy around here, then of course I’m going to set my sights on you. But you are still just another person. You know what they say: ‘Everybody poops.’ Don’t get all high and mighty with me.”

A senior official in a U.S. government agency says: “They have no respect for authority.” He paused and then clarified: “Well, they do and they don’t. If they think you can help their careers, then they want to know you. In fact, they will beat down your door to get your attention. But I say they have no respect for authority because they are not intimidated by titles at all. I want to tell them that if this person is impressive enough that you are trying to get her attention, then she is impressive enough that you should be deferent toward her. I mean, you don’t just go up to her and say, ‘Hey, how’s it goin’?’”

So what is going on here? Millennials may not know exactly how to pay proper respect to those in positions of authority, but I promise you, they know well that powerful decision-makers can help them. And they know that building relationships with powerful decision-makers is a key to accelerating career success. If anything, Millennials are more attuned than those of other generations to the value of so-called networking because they have been accustomed since childhood to building close relationships with parents, teachers, and counselors in all dimensions of their lives.

This inclination is especially notable among the most ambitious Millennials—those at the highest end of the achievement spectrum. Smart leaders and managers tap into Millennials’ desire for networking opportunities and use it for extra leverage by making exposure to senior leaders a reward for high performance. For all of the upsides of this approach, however, it often leads to unintended consequences.

Several executives in a major insurance company have told me different versions of this story. It seems that this company, like so many others, has a fast-track program for high-potential entry-level Millennials. Although there are many different aspects to this fast-track program, one component is exposing the young employees to C-level executives. These fast-trackers spend time in small groups and in one-on-one meetings with the CEO of the company, the chief financial officer, the chief operating officer, as well as the executive vice presidents. These are meant to be interactive discussion sessions, sometimes over lunch or at cocktail parties. Typically, the senior executives participating in these sessions go out of their way to seem accessible: they try to engage with young employees, use their names, answer questions, and ask them to share their impressions and opinions. Often the senior executives wrap up these encounters by saying something like, “I want you to stay in touch with me. I want to know how things are going for you. I want to know if you need something. Here is my e-mail address. Here is my assistant’s direct line.”

So what’s the problem? According to one of the leaders of this fast-track program, “The problem is that the fast-trackers take them up on it!” Millennials who come out of the fast-track program “think nothing of calling the CEO or e-mailing him” to tell him “they don’t like their work space, they are unhappy with an assignment, they don’t like their boss” or “to get special approval for something their boss has told them they couldn’t do.” But isn’t that one of the intentions of the fast-track program: To give these high-potential Millennials a feeling of access to and connection with senior executives? “Yes,” said one of these executives. “But they are so inappropriate about it. They aren’t supposed to get the idea that they are best friends with the CEO. Sometimes you find them bragging to more experienced people, like, ‘I know the CEO,’ or even threatening their bosses: ‘I’m going to tell the CEO about this.’ That is most definitely not our intention. It makes the program look bad. It’s also embarrassing to the fast-tracker, even if he or she doesn’t realize it.”

How do you give high-potential and high-performing Millennials exposure to decision-makers who can help them without exposing everybody involved to this type of embarrassing situation? You need to give Millennials context: explain to them exactly who they should be reaching out to (and not), for what reasons, when, and how.

In our career seminars, we teach a number of basic techniques for building relationships with big-shot decision-makers. Teach them to your young employees:

1. Don’t waste the time of busy people. Don’t bother networking unless you have a very good reason—a real and appropriate business reason to transact. Don’t try to make up a reason. If you do that, then any relationship you might build will be disingenuous.
2. Always approach decision-makers with what you have to offer, not what you need or want. Clarify exactly what it is you have to offer this person that is real and valuable and that she cannot get easily from another source. If you don’t have something real and valuable and special to offer, then you are probably not ready to reach out to that decision-maker.
3. Do some homework before making contact. Make sure you are reaching out to the right decision-maker: Is this person prepared to engage in the transaction you propose? If you talk to the service manager in a car dealership, no matter what you say, she is not going to sell you a car, although she will be glad to make arrangements to have your car fixed. If you want to buy a car, you need to talk to a salesperson. You don’t e-mail the CEO if you need a new stapler.
4. Win over the gatekeepers. Many of the people you want to reach will be insulated from the outside world by assistants who carefully guard their time and attention. These assistants screen voice mail, e-mail, paper mail, faxes, overnight packages, and any other communications before their bosses ever see them. That makes these gatekeepers very powerful. No matter how many times you call, write, fax, e-mail, and send something overnight, if the gatekeeper doesn’t want you to get through, you probably won’t. But gatekeepers are people, too. And if you want their help, you have to recognize them as individuals and take the time to build relationships with them. First, identify the real gatekeeper by asking good questions: “Do you check Ms. Jones’s voice mail, or does she check it herself?” or “Do you keep Mr. Smith’s schedule, or does he keep it himself?” Once you have identified the real gatekeeper, treat that person with the same measure of respect and deference you would accord the decision-maker you are trying to reach. Teach the gatekeeper your name by using multiple contacts addressed directly to the gatekeeper. Send a letter, voice mail, fax, and e-mail, all at the same time, thanking the gatekeeper for taking the time to talk with you. Don’t even mention the decision-maker in this round of communication. Follow up with a phone call, and see whether the gatekeeper remembers you. If so, then it’s time to ask the gatekeeper to raise the gate and let you in: “What would be the best way to get an e-mail directly to Ms. Jones?” “How can I make sure that Mr. Smith will get my memo?” When you win over the gatekeeper, you will get past the gate.
5. Once you are on the radar screen, prove you are more than just a blip. Demonstrate your value immediately by making the words you say and any materials you send interesting and useful. That means you may have to write a script and rehearse or do some work in advance on speculation and hope for the chance to share it.
6. Finally, if you have a successful contact, you should conclude by asking the decision-maker how she wants to proceed with the relationship. Once you get the ball rolling, you don’t want to be the one to let it drop. But you don’t want to be a pest either. If the relationship is hot (you just submitted a proposal), then your follow-ups should be frequent (once a week). If the relationship isn’t going anywhere right away (maybe the person said to you, “I’ll get back to you if I am interested”), then your follow-ups should be less frequent (every other month). If you are not sure, then ask, listen carefully, and act accordingly.

Millennials have particular difficulty tuning in to new contexts at work and realizing how context often restricts the range of their appropriate behavior. Whether you are helping Millennials reach out to higher-ups and decision-makers, conduct themselves properly in meetings, or avoid the most common relationship conflicts, the key is to help them learn to ask themselves: “Where do I fit in this situation?”