Chapter 2
The New Dynamics of Communication

The new way of talking can be summarized as five new dynamics, each with several components. Review them and apply them to the phrases in the subsequent chapters.

New Communication Dynamic #1: Be Gracefully Assertive

Say what you mean, and mean what you say without being mean when you say it.

As managers, it’s our job to coordinate, not just let things haphazardly unfold. That includes giving clear directions, holding employees accountable, and addressing inevitable issues. Judging from the numerous questions I get from managers about situations they should have addressed literally years ago, many managers don’t manage. I also get countless questions from employees whose managers are heavy-handed. Their managers aren’t managing either—they’re commanding. There’s a fine balance between passive and aggressive communication that I used to refer to as being assertive. Now I add the adjective gracefully to that phrase to encourage a style of influence that doesn’t overpower.

Here are some tips for being gracefully assertive.

1. Say what you mean. The new dynamics require us to be authentic. Although some people try to fake authenticity, the trend is toward genuine interaction between individuals. That means dropping roles. We can’t put our manager hats on and become different people when we manage. It doesn’t work to act like our image of what a manager should be. This new dynamic calls for us to retire role-playing and talk like real people communicating with other real people.

2. Mean what you say. We protect the power of our words when we do what we say we will. Our words are as powerful as our commitment to them. If we don’t do what we say we will, after a while no one will believe anything we say. If we schedule meetings and consistently show up late, if we overbook ourselves and fall short on commitments, or if we talk about valuing diversity and inclusion yet act like we don’t, it signals employees that our words are empty. They will assume our words are also empty when we speak about larger considerations such as opportunities, promotions, and loyalty.

3. Don’t be mean when you say it. The word assert means “to state or express positively.” I like that definition. But unfortunately assert also means “to act boldly or forcefully, especially in defending one’s rights or stating an opinion.” Too many managers berate employees and justify it with the assertiveness label. The concept of being gracefully assertive bypasses the aggressive connotation of self-expression.

Graceful assertiveness is part of a larger trend toward magnetic influence instead of coercive dominance. Stereotypical used-car salespeople can still make a living these days, but the most successful salespeople, marketers, and managers use the influence of attraction over the power of push.

New Communication Dynamic #2: Personalize

The saying “It’s business; it’s not personal” ignores the fact that because we are people, there is a personal aspect to all business transactions and communication. In fact, business communication is becoming increasingly personalized. The new dynamics of communication are person to person, engaged, and conversational. Networking and relationship-building skills are increasingly essential to success. Here are some personalization tips.

1. Acknowledge emotion. Change experts observe that when managers allow employees to express their emotions around change, they reach acceptance much more quickly.¹ While we don’t want emotion to dominate our business interactions, a little acknowledgment goes a long way.

2. Be conversational. Communication is more than relaying information. It’s an interchange of ideas between people. Communicate as a unique individual talking to anther unique individual rather than as an institution talking to another institution.

3. Illustrate ideas with living examples. Stories engage and examples illuminate ideas. For example, instead of passing around a dry list of social media policies, bring those policies to life with concrete examples that personalize the policies.

4. Monitor impersonal and utilitarian language. It may be accurate to refer to employees as human resources or human capital, but avoid speaking in ways that imply you see the people you manage in terms of their function instead of their humanity. Terms like associates and team member are becoming popular to personalize the workplace culture.

5. Individualize. While every job has its standards and most policies apply universally, the current workplace culture demands that jobs and decisions allow room for individual adaptation. We need to balance standardization with individualization.

New Communication Dynamic #3: State Concisely

Whether you love or hate the microblogging phenomenon Twitter, don’t ignore it. It has changed the world we manage. Twitter and similar sites both shape and reflect the nature of today’s workforce—even beyond those who use it. Countless managers pontificate in the unabridged, encyclopedic, and uninspired narrative, and most employees these days want the pithy, concise version.

Obviously one way to develop the art of brevity is to learn your way around microblogging sites. It has taught me a lot about superfluous words. Twitter teaches users to say something meaningful in 140 characters or less. With that limitation imposed on them, Twitter users are forced to develop pithiness. Many of our employees practice the art of concise speaking through micro-blogging daily. Not every message can be condensed to 140 characters, nor should it be. But pithy words get heard. Anything we communicate that doesn’t add to a message detracts from it. So choose your words wisely and speak concisely.

New Communication Dynamic #4: Synergize

The workplace isn’t a democracy where the majority rules. It is a synergistic setting where the majorities and minorities and all else involved contribute to the structure. Well, the good ones are. Some workplaces still are rankist dictatorships, others are meritocracies, some are anarchies, and most are a mix of styles. However, the trend is decidedly in the direction of synergy—of operating by dynamically discovering, engaging, and incorporating input from all elements of a group or unit.

Rankism is the antithesis of synergy. Rankism describes the abuse of the power in rank. This can be blatant, but it also can show up in subtle ways like bloviating because you think those below you in the hierarchy are too captive to object or too stupid to be able to think for themselves. Rankism often is invisible to those with higher rank and glaringly obvious to everyone beneath them on the organizational chart. Synergistic managers honor expertise and insight where they find it, even if it comes from the janitor, mail clerk, or someone young enough to be their grandchild . . . or old enough to be their grandparent. Here are some synergistic principles.

1. Partner with the people you manage. The old rules viewed management as a series of impersonal transactions with obedient subordinates. In the new dynamics, we engage, include, and respond. We are a part of the team.

2. Pay individual attention to employees and adapt management styles, expectations, and job descriptions to their unique needs, talents, and styles. I have staff doing jobs I never imagined at the interview because I later discovered new talents.

3. Invite active employee participation in shaping policy through techniques like crowdsourcing and spaghetti management.

According to Wikipedia, crowdsourcing is “the act of outsourcing tasks to a group of people or community through an ‘open call’ asking for contributions.” Think of architects who build without sidewalks until they see where people naturally walk. People vote with their feet for where those walks should be. Think of IBM, who developed its social media policy through a wiki that allowed for employee input. These decisions were made synergistically.

Spaghetti management engages employees in the formation and development of policy. While MBO (management by objective) creates focus, and MBWA (management by walking around) allows for casual interaction, MBTS (management by throwing spaghetti against the wall) empowers employees by inviting them to get involved in shaping vision and policy. When we managers throw out possibilities to see what sticks, it signals that we don’t think employees are just order takers. It can take a while for staff to recognize what we’re doing and to discover that not only do they really have useful input but we actually want to consider that input. Then, look out! The floodgates open.

4. Harmonize individual functions within each team. Open communication cultures will uncover ideas that conflict, need refining, and sometimes don’t work. When people, ideas, and objectives collide, it isn’t a simple matter of one being right and another being wrong. It can be a minor interface issue or a problem of elements being out of sync with one another. What is inappropriate in one context could be most appropriate in another. Harmonizing individual functions moves judgment to discernment, negation to discovery, and dismissal to distinction. It keeps us from shutting down something (or someone) that could be useful once it aligns with the whole and the whole aligns with it.

This process moves us from “no, but,” to “yes, and.” We find the gem inside the grumble, the insight inside the insult, and the creative outlet for the complaint. We acknowledge negativity and move to creative resolution and shared goals. We consider whether opposition indicates underlying issues. If it does, we uncover the issues and seek not an alternative perspective but an expanded one.

New Communication Dynamic #5: Dynamize

In computer speak, dynamize means transforming a static data structure into a dynamic one. In medical speak it means releasing the potency of a medicine. In management speak it means using language and communication strategies that impel (not compel) forward thinking, speaking, and action. The social dynamics of our culture demand momentum. Our younger employees grew up with lively television shows, technology, and lifestyles. Social media is all about momentum. Users have to respond quickly to catch a “wave.” Here are some ways we can dynamize our communication.

1. Speak to what is happening in the present and then look ahead. My assistant, Ashley, once had a manager who said the same thing every day to motivate employees. It didn’t. That’s static. We maintain momentum when we respond to events right in front of us. We speak in a fresh, new way each moment.

2. Bridge the current moment to a visionary future filled with possibility. Too much emphasis on past mistakes kills momentum. Quickly shifting the focus toward possibilities creates a forward momentum. Talking about what we want more than what we don’t want dynamizes conversation.

3. Adapt salutations and closings to message content and the recipients. Perfunctory salutations and closings in correspondence kill momentum. Ask yourself—did you choose the salutations and closings, or were they habitual and unconscious?

4. Welcome audibles. An audible is a football term for allowing the quarterback to change a play if the formation on the field indicates the need. Audibles allow for spontaneity, which creates momentum. Audibles give the feeling of being on a moving train. They also are necessary for productivity. Audibles empower our employees to adapt to a changing playing field.

While we’re at it, we need to call our own audibles. An agenda is a great thing to have at a meeting, but we need to let our agendas serve us instead of us serving our agendas. If circumstances suggest we adapt the agenda, we allow for that.

5. Mentor. Empower employees to be their best selves and to develop and apply new skills. We want our employees to be better people after they communicate with us. We want our words to impel them to action and bring out the best in them.

The world of social media is filled with an abundance of “atta boys,” “way-to-gos,” and “you-go-girls.” I’m not talking about cheap flattery or superficial positivity. I’m talking about words that elevate and help employees lead with their best selves. Of course, when we apply this communication dynamic, we’re leading with our best, most resourceful selves.

We keep ourselves in so many boxes without realizing it. Imagine the momentum our dynamized communication will unleash. This style of communication opens up new ways of relating, influencing, and succeeding. It would be scary if it wasn’t so exciting.

And that excitement moves us into our Perfect Phrases.