THE RULES OF PEOPLE

Life would be easy if it weren’t for other people. I mean, it would be pretty empty, probably quite boring, certainly less rewarding ... but it would be easier. Most of the problems we encounter are to do with other people, whether we’re worrying about them, baffled by them or in conflict with them.

The Rules are all about people. They’re drawn from observing people, and they’re about how people – you and me – can improve their lives. So it made sense to address the issue of other people head on in The Rules of People, and to set out what my people-watching had taught me about how to handle them. We all know people who spend half their lives in conflict, and people who never seem to fall out with anyone. What is it that they’re doing differently from each other? And how can the rest of us learn from those people who are loved and respected and seem to get on with everyone without being walked all over?

When I think about all the people I interact with in my life, I realise that avoiding conflict is only one part of what I want to do better. I know that I cope better with challenging behaviour when I understand what drives it. And I realise that some of what keeps me awake at night is wondering how to help the people I love when they’re struggling – and beyond that I want to help other people where I can. Then there are the times when I need to persuade people round to my way of thinking, whether it’s family, or at work, or other formal settings such as neighbours or local organisations.

So The Rules of People has four sections:

• •Understanding people
• •Helping people
• •Getting them on your side
• •Difficult people

I’m always slightly uneasy about the term ‘difficult people’ because by and large people aren’t difficult without a reason, and they wouldn’t generally see themselves as a ‘difficult person’ even if they recognise that their behaviour makes your life harder. They generally consider it’s justified, and I imagine most of us can be difficult at times. However we all know people that we repeatedly find hard to handle in particular ways, and there are Rules that make it much more possible at least to rub along with them better.

The most nominations here were shared between a few Rules, notably ‘Banter isn’t teasing’. This is a topic that is becoming ever more widely reported in the media, and it can be hard to navigate. We all enjoy a bit of friendly banter; however, we also know that banter doesn’t always feel as we intended to the person on the receiving end. Or maybe that person is us, and we don’t know how to say it isn’t alright.