When someone is talking

Keep your head down.
Wait your turn to talk. Or judge and poke holes in what the person has said.

People listen when it is something that directly relates to them.
Mostly, people just wait for the pause that means it’s their turn to speak.

Interactions with the meeting leader

It is the leader’s meeting.
Only speak when spoken to.

Comment (guardedly) when you have something important to say.

Interactions with other team members

Only interact with other team members when absolutely necessary.
Protect yourself and your team from being belittled.

State agreements in meetings.
State disagreements privately with those you feel safe with.

When someone challenges an idea

Go on the attack or avoid interaction.

Calculate the risk of responding.
Talk to others rather than directly to the individual.

Outcome of interactions

Interactions are passive-aggressive.
Time and energy are wasted.
There is no trust, inclusion, or collaboration.

Performance is suboptimal, problems are not fully explored, and all points of view do not come forward.
There is little trust, inclusion, or collaboration.

People test whether this is a group in which interaction safety is a norm and respond accordingly.

People listen supportively and find ways to add value and useful ideas to most, if not all, conversations.

People hold an expectation that they have something to offer.
Everyone expects to, and is expected to, contribute.

Everyone is there to contribute or would not have been invited. People speak freely.

Interactions are free, open, and supportive.
People know the ideal is not yet a reality everywhere and so they are sometimes cautious.

Interaction safety with others is assumed.
There is a trusting and open environment.

The norm is to listen and try to see the other’s point of view.
Disrespectful challenges are rare and usually called out.

Actively engage others to hear their different point of view. Listen with curiosity.

Uneven levels of skill and commitment lead to uneven outcomes.
There are islands of trust, inclusion, collaboration, and high performance.

Creativity, faster problem solving, and breakthroughs are common.
Trust, inclusion, and collaboration are the norm for higher performance.