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THE FIRST STAGE: MAKING THE CONNECTION

It’s common knowledge that salespeople love to amuse each other by swapping selling stories. Stories are essential to great selling. And what salesperson doesn’t recall that very first sale? It’s like a jockey’s first victory or a pianist’s first recital. All sellers have the details boxed away in the memory attic, ready to unpack if only you ask.

I remember mine as clearly as if it were yesterday. It happened back when we were in our tiny original store in the old Dixon Heating and Plumbing building. At the time, I was working temporarily for Mom and Dad, before I joined the business for real. In waltzed this debonair man and his wife. Dad tipped me off that the man was a senior executive at General Electric. And he whispered in my ear that he was superconservative and only bought blue suits.

With that information in mind, I showed him a nice solid blue one as well as a blue stripe. He liked them both and agreed to take them. Well, that sure was easy. But since he was now clearly in the buying mood, something inside me emerged that said, “Go ahead; go for it, Jack. Do some real selling.” Somehow I recalled Dad saying keep selling until the customer says firmly, “No, thank you. No más.”

So I went over to the rack and pulled out a tweed suit in, yes, olive green, a three piece with a vest. I even recall that I had on the gray version of this suit, with a trace of blue running through it. With a big smile, I told him, “Just for fun, try this jacket on.”

He looked at me as if I had suggested slipping on a flamenco dancer jacket. But he humored me. I ran my hand over the fabric, showing him in the three-way mirror the smart fit. “Doesn’t that look great?” I said. “Maybe it’s something that could work for a little change of pace?”

He glanced skeptically at his wife, who said, “Dear, I really like it. It could be one you use for sport.”

I sensed him coming around. He looked and smiled in the three-way mirror, and so I said, “Why don’t you try the pants on?”

He did, and he said, “You know what? It actually reminds me of my first suit that my mother bought me when I was still in school in England. Feels good, and my wife says I look great. It really is nice. Jack, fit it up. Even if it is olive.”

Months later, I heard that whenever he wore the olive suit, he felt years younger and it gave him enormous pleasure. And that little episode made me feel terrific. I hadn’t simply taken someone’s order. While some might say I had actually sold an extra something, I deeply believe that I helped him see in a low-pressure way another option that would give him a different feeling and he bought it and didn’t for one minute feel he was being sold. And the best part of it was that I had made someone happy—feel great.

Wow. A connection. He loved it, and I loved it.

Unfortunately, lots of sellers do nothing but just fill orders—“order takers” I call them. Someone comes in and asks for a toaster, the salesperson pulls a toaster off the shelf, and the customer buys it. That’s not selling. Anyone can do that, including my youngest grandchild. You certainly don’t need to know a selling process or much of anything about selling. Selling the Hug Your Customers Way is not for the wait-and-hope-for-the-best order takers. It’s for honest-to-goodness sellers. And if you’re a seller, the selling starts the minute a customer walks in the door.

We’ve all had this happen, and it never ceases to be annoying. You enter a store, and you’re almost immediately assaulted by a salesperson. The person is right there in your face, asking, “Can I help you?”

No “Hi, how are you?” No “Lovely morning, isn’t it?” No smile. You’re lucky if you don’t get a scowl. You just know there’s a little balloon over the person’s head that reads: “I’ve got a live one! Maybe a big hitter.”

I’ve been in stores where I was simultaneously approached from multiple directions by wide-eyed salespeople all but rubbing their hands together. I felt like I was about to be taken down by a SWAT team. A friend of mine was in a store once, and two salespeople were in such a rush to get to him that one tripped over the other’s foot and went crashing into an outerwear display.

And so the first stage in the selling process has begun—what I call Making the Connection. I also like to think of it as the 10 seconds you can’t get back.

This initial stage tends to be the shortest. From beginning to end, it can be as brief as 10 to 25 seconds; yet its importance far exceeds the time involved. For it offers the critical first impression that, no matter what, you can’t get back.

No rewind button. No push button or delete button. No do-over.

And this stage sets in motion everything that follows. Start off on the wrong foot, and it’s often very hard to ever get to the right foot.

Experts have long acknowledged that first impressions are lasting impressions and therefore extremely influential in how we view someone, fixing notions that are hard to dislodge. If you recall the first time you met someone that you have a relationship with—whether a friend, an associate, or a competitor—chances are you’ll remember what the person was wearing, at least a type of dress, whether he or she was friendly, and so forth.

So first impressions are critical in Selling the Hug Your Customers Way. At the end of the process, you’ll see how last impressions are also crucial.

Since this is a book, we can rewind. So let’s start all over.

25-SECOND PRINCIPLE

First let’s understand what’s supposed to happen in this brief stage. The purpose, in both nonverbal and verbal aspects, is to welcome the customer with a friendly, family, fun greeting that amounts to a hug.

Say it’s a first-time customer or at least someone you don’t recognize or know, the fresh blood that every business needs if it is to grow. The goal with a first-time customer is not only to make a sale but to begin to develop a relationship so that the person comes back again and again and, we hope, forever. The truth is, for most businesses, a tiny percentage of first-time customers do become regulars, and the reason most don’t is often because a connection never happened.

In our case, we’ve had many thousands of first-time customers over the years. We’ve found that roughly 30 percent return—meaning two-thirds don’t. From asking around at other similar retailers that track this, I’m told that our percentage is exceptional, that they have far fewer returning. And that says something about their sales process and their culture. Because they’re letting valuable future business slip away—because they’re either making a bad first impression or doing nothing to cultivate a relationship with these customers that would convince them to return.

When a customer walks through our easy-to-open door, someone from the store is expected to engage him or her by smiling and by saying something like “Welcome to Mitchells!” or “Hi!” or “Hello!” My friend Michael Yacobian calls it a full-body hello. (And yes, doors that open easily matter in selling, too. I’ve been to stores where you needed a pile driver to wrest the door open.)

I personally advocate what I call my 25-Second Principle, where the goal is to do this greeting within 25 seconds. I really prefer 10 to 15 seconds. I know, I know, you might say that is awfully fast. But I’ve always loved stretch goals, and I’ve managed to clock many greetings that happen that quickly. But it really should never take longer than 25 seconds. Otherwise the customers will feel as if they’ve entered a vacant warehouse.

There are many fast casual dining restaurants like Moe’s Southwest Grill, where the associates yell out “Welcome to Moe’s” when you walk in. Sure it’s generic, but it warms you to the place. If you don’t believe it, walk in behind someone whom the associates greet cheerily, but they don’t notice you, and see how you feel. Everyone wants to be acknowledged. Even in a fast casual restaurant.

Customers tend to have an exaggerated feel for time. If they come into a store and no one says anything to them for 30 seconds, they’ll often remember it as no one being visible for 5 or 10 minutes. It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t actually that long. All that matters is their perception. Do you wait more than 25 or even 10 seconds to address a guest who comes into your house?

Customers may want to adjust to the new space to feel comfortable; yet a friendly greeting is essential.

One thing I’ve come to believe after many years of trying both “hi” and “hello” is that “hello” often is better than “hi.” I have no statistics to back it up, but a lot of on-the-floor experience tells me it’s true. It just seems stronger, and for some reason customers are not expecting a full-bodied “hello” as much as they are a “hi,” and it’s a pleasant surprise that amounts to a hug.

We encourage a handful of additional greetings, such as “Good morning” if it’s morning or “What a beautiful day” if there isn’t a blizzard outside.

Sellers should choose their own favorite words for this first greeting. Unlike many places, we don’t have scripts. We want people to be themselves. My European sales friends tell me they like to go with “How’s your day going?” It’s a nice opening greeting, and I love it.

Then try a compliment. If you happen to love a man’s tie or a woman’s dress, or if the customer’s children have come along, you should mention them or something else flattering that might make a lasting, positive impression.

One thing I always do is talk to the kids before their parents. Sometimes, I’ll crouch down to their level. Or I do my lollipop trick. Over their heads I wave a lollipop and look up to see if their parents approve of my giving one to their kids. If they do, I take a lollipop and twist it in my hand and hide it and then tell the child, “I think it’s in your ear,” and I seemingly pull it out of the child’s ear. Meanwhile, I have also hidden another lollipop in my other hand. I say, “It also comes out of your shoe.” And I reach down and seemingly slip the other one out of the child’s shoe. Kids love it, and so do the parents.

Remember, when it comes to customers with their children, never forget that the customers’ attitude is, If you want me to care about you, you have to care about my children.

Next, of course, would be to look the customers right in the eye and extend your hand and quickly introduce yourself: “I’m Joe Durst” or “I’m Joe Cox.” In my case, I typically say, “I’m Jack Mitchell. Welcome to our store.”

Often, the customer will ask, “How are you?” and I normally respond, “I feel great,” with a smile and often with two thumbs up. That startles them, and they smile, and it makes the person feel good. It’s certainly genuine, too. More often than not, the customer says, “I feel good,” or maybe says, “I feel great, too,” and returns the smile immediately.

The key to a truly effective greeting is that it be and feel sincere. Otherwise, the customer will see right through it and sense the selling pressure starting to rise.

One difference I’ve noticed between customer-oriented sellers like myself and product-oriented sellers is that when greeting a customer, a product-oriented seller will often say something like, “Wow, that’s a dynamite jacket that you’re wearing,” and maybe then ask about the person’s health or family. A customer-oriented seller does the reverse, starting out something like, “Oh hi, Jack, we missed you . . . how have you and the family been?” And maybe then the customer- oriented seller might say, “I really like your suede jacket.”

The idea is that sellers, especially when greeting a customer with whom they have a relationship, should first comment about the person rather than the clothing. This simple step communicates volumes to the customer. The customer just went from possibly feeling like the target of a sale to being someone you actually care about.

Besides my 25-Second Principle, I also believe in the Two-Minute Guideline invented by Jeff Garelick, our general manager at Wilkes Bashford. It’s designed for returning customers with an existing relationship with a member of the sales team.

It works like this: When a seller greets a customer that the seller doesn’t recognize as a regular client, the seller should ask within the first two minutes, “Have you visited us or shopped with us before?”

If the answer is yes, the seller should say, “Wonderful! Have you worked with someone in particular that I could get for you?”

Sometimes the answer will be the name of a sales associate. Or it might be something a little vaguer: “Yes, a man who I believe is Dutch,” or “It was a taller, older woman with blonde hair.”

Then the seller should tell the customer: “Wonderful. Let me get you started, and I’ll find him (her) for you. He’ll (She’ll) be able to help you best, given that you’ve worked together before.”

At this point, the seller needs to find that salesperson—and do it within two minutes. The quickest means is often by calling the person’s cell phone. In the East, we use pagers, and in the West people find the quickest way is by calling the person’s cell.

If the customer responds, “Yes, I have been in before, but I work with everybody,” or says anything that may suggest the customer doesn’t want to work with the person from the last visit, then this customer is now available for the seller who greets him or her.

But if it sounds like it is truly a memory lapse, you might probe a little further to see if you can identify who had previously helped the person. Often the customer is impressed that you are making this effort. It says that you are trying your best for him or her and not simply looking for a sale. And it underscores the atmosphere of teamwork within the business. So when you are working with a travel bureau and you were pleased with the representative that helped you, it would be great to work again with that person so they could help you with that special vacation you are taking with your family to Australia.

Note that servicing a customer in the past does not guarantee a customer is yours on the next visit. It depends entirely on the customer. Sometimes the chemistry isn’t right. I never forgot when someone told me he didn’t want me to help him but wanted my brother. My first reaction was, what was wrong with me? But he was right. Sure, my feelings were hurt a dash, but I realized that with me handling the customer, that meant only two wins, and we need three.

THE SEVEN SEASONERS

Things that aren’t verbal matter as much as what gets said during this opening stage. As I pointed out earlier, selling involves an emotional and an intellectual element. The intellectual part is the processing of the features of the product and the price and its value. But just as important for many customers is the emotional feel they pick up from a salesperson and a business.

Most sellers think the only thing that counts is their recitation of the features and benefits of this shoe or that leaf blower. While that’s important—and I’ll talk more about product knowledge and presentation later—it’s only so if the customer is in a buying mood and is terribly interested in those facts.

Here’s the thing that many people miss about selling. The features of a product are logical, but the benefits are emotional. In the end, most people buy emotionally and justify logically. The ability to touch on the emotional qualities and then support them logically typically has a much greater impact on someone’s desire to buy.

Nonverbal signals, of course, are also hugs that figure into a customer’s emotional state. They flow from the business itself, such as the fixtures in the store or the lounge of Delta Airlines or the showroom of a Chevy dealership. All of one’s senses impact a customer’s emotions. I was at a meeting with fellow store owners, and someone mentioned that the smell in a store—does it smell pleasant or like a fish stall—is one of the new sexy ways of making your store pop. Indeed, a couple of store owners were trying scented candles and fragrances you spray in the air.

Music matters—should you have classical, rock, hip-hop, or no music? I love it when I get to my gym first, because I get to pick the music. Once I got there 20 minutes after the guy that teaches boxing, who is a committed rap fan. The music was at sonic level, and I almost left—my emotional connection was 99 percent negative. Luckily, he finished a half hour before me, and on went syrupy James Taylor.

Pets matter. Years ago, this gentleman was buying shoes for himself and his son, and they had their dog with them. I went over and did my friendly greeting. And the man said, “You know why I shop here and have for many years?”

“I’d love to know,” I said.

“It’s because of my dog,” he said. “When I was single, I walked my dog down the avenue. Almost all the stores said no dogs allowed. It was hot and humid. I got to the bottom of the avenue and looked inside Richards. Janet Wilson invited us in. She said your dog looks thirsty, and she got him a bowl of water. And I’ve never shopped anywhere else from that day on.”

That’s why not only are dogs perfectly welcome, but we now often put a water dish on the sidewalk just outside our doors to accommodate them. If there is a conflict, which rarely happens, you just explain to the dog owner and the customer moves him to another area of the store or outside.

Visual displays should always say “Buy me.” The atmosphere should be electric. People tell me over and over that when they walk into our stores, they feel the energy and think, “Wow, a party, a happening!” One Saturday, what we call our “Game Day,” a woman sipping a cup of coffee told me, “Your store is amazing . . . it’s like a Broadway hit show.” Don’t you love to walk into a restaurant that is busy and bustling—as long as you don’t have to stand in line too long? Even at fast-food places, if the seller behind the cash register is energized, it can make a huge difference in how you feel.

So during those magical first 25 seconds or so—and throughout the selling process—I strongly believe that seven nonverbal communication experiences occur between seller and customer. I call them the “Seven Seasoners,” because they season the interaction to make it tastier. All of them can be learned in a way that strengthens the selling process while allowing the seller to maintain his or her own personality.

1.   Smile.

2.   Be properly groomed.

3.   Dress appropriately.

4.   Keep moving.

5.   Don’t cross your arms across your chest or have your hands in your pockets.

6.   Look customers in the eye (check their eye color).

7.   Step up on your toes.

1. Smile

Would you buy something from a salesperson who was grimacing? A simple smile is the greatest nonverbal first impression. One of my favorite quotes is from Gandhi: “A smile costs nothing, but gives much. It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.” Harrah’s, the Las Vegas casino, even keeps track of how often its dealers and waitresses smile, because it has linked smiling to customer satisfaction.

When you smile, I find that 9 out of 10 customers smile back. No, come to think of it, 99 out of 100. Try it right now. Smile at the next 10 people you meet as you look them in the eye, whether you know them or not. I guarantee they will smile back. Scott Nugent, one of our sellers in Westport, told me how he sticks a note on his bathroom mirror to always remind himself to smile.

And be cognizant of your head movements. Years ago, I got into a heated discussion with someone, and this person pointed out to me that I was disagreeing with everything he said. “But,” I said candidly, “I do agree with you.” The person responded, “But Jack, you are shaking your head sideways, which means you disagree.”

“Oh my goodness,” I said, and since then I am very aware of my head gestures.

2. Be Properly Groomed

Your hair ought to be combed, not spiking in wild directions, unless you are selling to someone in a rock band or are an entrepreneur who favors a unique hairstyle. Indeed, even a few of our sellers have different colorations in their hair. Grooming obviously reflects one’s personality and the profession that the customer is in. I think it’s always appropriate, and my sons remind me all the time, that your breath should be fresh and clean (hold the onions if you order a salad for lunch, use breath mints to mask smoke odor). No gum chewing.

3. Dress Appropriately

It goes without saying that sales associates are properly dressed. In our case, they are representatives of a leading clothing store. Our men need to wear a jacket and tie on certain days. Women must wear nice dresses or blouses and pants. A hedge fund seller might wear faded jeans and a hoodie while working with his colleagues, but the attire should be more business attire with the client—always clean and neat and professional for the job. Sloppy is never fashionable!

The key is not formal versus informal—looking like a model or looking like a president—it’s appropriate dress. Would you buy a new suit from a person in a T-shirt and Bermudas? Would you fly in an airplane with a pilot who looked like he was heading to the bowling alley? Or buy a pair of sneakers from someone in a Nike store wearing a suit?

It comes down to the power of clothing in selling. A friend of mine was meeting with her financial advisors, and they showed up in casual shirts and pants. She told them that she couldn’t concentrate until they put a suit on. They had to leave and come back dressed in suits.

But don’t go crazy. I heard about a boss who scolded his associates because their shoelaces were not of even length.

4. Keep Moving

Sellers should not be clustered together, nor should they be sitting. That sends the message that rather than being focused on customers coming into the store, they are preoccupied. If associates need to spend time with the computer system or make a call, they should do it standing at one of the point-of-sale stations.

Our sellers are encouraged to move around the store. Michael Yacobian, the shrewd retail consultant, did research that found that customers prefer to be welcomed by a sales associate who is moving and seems busy. Movement conveys energy and passion. If you just stand there doing nothing, with an empty look on your face, then the customers think you’re waiting to pounce on them. Or that the store is hungry for business.

Bob Mitchell, my son and our co-CEO, used to cross the floor in figure eight patterns. That way the customers could see and feel action rather than experience a “dead” store with sellers looking like mannequins. Personally, I always like to walk around with a tape measure around my neck and a hanger in my hand. Why? It tells the customer that I’m working, not wandering around with nothing to do. It’s fun, because customers who don’t know me often ask, “Are you the tailor?” and I respond, “Oh no, I am one of the owners.”

Moving around showing energy is an ideal way to “pick up customers” that you don’t know and that you can warmly greet into your “home.” And off you go!

5. Don’t Cross Your Arms Above Your Chest or Have Your Hands in Your Pockets

Having your arms crossed above your chest is what’s known as a closed, cold position. Rather, keep your arms in an open position, either by your side or spread in a welcoming position. The same rule is true for keeping your hands in your pockets—Just try not to do it. Body language matters a great deal in selling. So be aware of your posture. Make sure you look confident and friendly and professional.

6. Look Customers in the Eye (Check Their Eye Color)

When you do your greeting, make sure to look at your customers—in their eyes. There’s been lots of discussion and articles about how one of the unfortunate results of the explosion of mobile devices is the decline in eye contact. I see people all the time at presumably intimate dinners, and they’re staring at their smartphones.

Studies I’ve read say that you ought to be making eye contact at least 60 to 70 percent of the time if you hope to make a true emotional connection with someone, and that’s certainly what you want to do if you intend to make a sale.

So look customers in the eye. Connect! A good way to remember this is to always determine if you see brown or blue eyes or perhaps hazel.

7. Step Up on Your Toes

When you step up on your toes, you raise yourself about two inches, which gives you the feeling that you are in control and you become more self-confident. I learned this from my public speaking coaches. Once you are up on your toes, you look at the customers—really lock in on them—and then you fire away and talk to them. As I come through the door in the morning, I like to think, “Look, lock, and fire,” when I hit the selling floor.

It’s worth noting that the Seven Seasoners matter just as much for salespeople who aren’t in a retail environment. You may not implement them all in the same way, but the concept is the same and the impact is very much the same.

ANYTHING BUT “MAY I HELP YOU?”

Now, between the words and the gestures, you want to begin with a proactive, positive greeting just like you are greeting your best friend at the front door of your home. It absolutely has to be bone-deep genuine.

While there are a host of friendly greetings that you can start with, there’s one to avoid.

Never, ever say, “May I help you? or “Can I help you?” This goes for all types of selling. That guarantees 99 percent of the time—the exceptions being when the person has a specific item in mind or is in a hurry—that you’re going to get a rote “No thanks, just looking” type of response. Sometimes you get it before you can even finish saying, “Can I help you?”

That’s because the vast majority of customers aren’t ready to be engaged by a salesperson when they first arrive. They’re not yet in what we call the buying mood, a concept I picked up from Michael Yacobian. All customers are either in the buying mood or in the looking mood. It’s like what Leo Tolstoy once said of literature, that there are only two stories: “a man goes on a journey or a stranger comes to town.” In selling, there are only two stories: a customer comes into a store and buys something or a customer comes into a store and buys nothing. We far prefer the former.

We also recognize that some customers will stay stuck in the looking mood. They’re just there to “kick tires,” as we say, or to kill time while the wife gets her nails done or the husband finds fishing lures.

Until customers get into the buying mood, they want some space. The last thing they want is to be attacked by a salesperson. Because no one wants to be “sold.” In most cases, they want to buy, or else why are they in a store. But they don’t want to be sold. There’s a big distinction.

As salespeople we often think our job is to sell, but going back to the mindset, we are not there to sell. Rather, we are there to create an environment that allows customers to understand what things are available to meet their needs and desires so they can buy them. Of course, we play a pivotal role in assisting them.

I’ll never understand why so many sellers automatically use that “Can I help you?” greeting, even after they are repeatedly told, “Just looking.” I get it all the time when I visit other businesses.

I heard about a guy who had gotten so exasperated at being asked if he could be helped that he made a small sign he carries in his pocket that says, “Just looking. I’ll be in touch,” and he holds it up as soon as a salesperson approaches him. I can’t blame him.

Of course, if you recognize that the customer has been in the store before or is a regular client, it would be fabulous if you could meet the person and say, “Hi, Amy! Great to see you.”

It’s an even better hug if you are able to make a more personal connection: “Sally, how was that trip to Slovakia?” “Did you get a chance to wear that new dress you bought last time?” “How’s the furnace business going?”

PLEASE, CALL ME SONNY

With new customers, you should always, always, always get the person’s name. No single piece of information matters more in selling. Listen, the most important words in the entire language to the majority of people are their name, so they feel good when they hear it.

Whether we admit it or not, we all get a warm and somewhat powerful feeling when someone knows our name. When you use people’s names, you connect with them on many emotional levels.

That’s why Pericles is said to have known the names of every citizen in Athens. Napoleon knew the names of all his soldiers. And at our stores it sure does work for Joe and John and Sheree and Debbie—and I know them all!

And remember, you’re trying to greet someone as a friend in your house, so first names are especially critical, and I urge everyone to always use them.

In Israel, I’ve noticed that all the members of the military call each other by their first name. They want to feel like a family or a big team. Can you imagine Mr. Manning in the Giants huddle talking to Mr. Beckham, each addressing the other by his last name?

So from the very start of the selling process, we expect our associates to use first names. It puts both parties on the same “level,” so to speak. Indeed, we look to hire those sales associates with the self-confidence to use first names and express friendly, family feelings. (There may be parts of the country or certain fields where it’s inappropriate to use first names, but I’m a strong believer in them.)

You generally wouldn’t ask customers their name right away, not until you’ve done some chatting and connecting. To be too direct might cross a boundary into prying. But if you say your name, “I’m Jack Mitchell,” the vast majority of times the new customer will respond, “Hi, I’m Stan, Stan Willow.”

Hotels have a clever way to pick up on the names of people checking in. The bellhops look at luggage tags and then are able to greet the guests and pass along the names to other associates who will interact with them.

Since most first-time customers just come in, buy one or two items, and, we hope, have a pleasant experience, we don’t gather much data about them because there just isn’t time. Yet on 98 percent of occasions we do get their names and addresses, and that leads to our sending them a note welcoming them to our stores.

When you hear a name, there are many mnemonic devices to remember it, and unless you were born with a photographic memory like our good friend Jim Nantz, you should use one of them. Like say the name to yourself, or associate the name with an image: Katz with cats; Barbara with your barber. Napoleon would write a name on a scrap of paper, study it, then throw it away. The best book I have ever read on this subject is Benjamin Levy’s Remember Every Name Every Time.

One thing I’m sure of is that people underestimate the capacity of their memory. I tell sellers they should have no trouble memorizing the names of their top 100 customers, and actually I think they should know 214. Why that weird number? Because I speak from experience when I say that with a little effort anyone can remember 214 names like the 214 radicals in the Chinese “alphabet” that I was able to memorize in graduate school. Kids in China manage to learn them, and so if 1.4 billion people can do it, why not all sellers?

There are only two reasons why they or you don’t. Either they don’t know how, or they don’t want to. Indeed, memory experts have concluded that a key reason why people so readily forget names is because they don’t care enough to remember them.

I can rattle off most of the 1957 Yankees—first baseman all the way through the pitching staff—because I was interested and because I had a passion for that team. Sellers ought to feel the same passion for their customers or else try another business.

Keep in mind, the name that customers prefer is often not the name on their credit card or their driver’s license. Do you prefer Robert, or is it Bob? Or Bobby? Is it Samantha or Sam? Or Sammy? A lot of people go by their middle name, like my son Russ is really John. So Zeus Harry Whatever cringes when someone says Zeus. He’s Harry.

I was seated in the waiting room at the doctor’s office once, and the nurse called out, “Thomas?” This big burly guy jumped up, muttering to himself, “Can’t stand it . . . Thomas is what my mother used to call me when she was mad at me!”

The given name of a good friend of mine is Nathan, but he’s been called Sonny since birth. He hates the name Nathan. His junior high school math teacher insisted on calling him Nate, even though he told him no one called him that and he much preferred Sonny. The teacher maintained that when he was older he obviously wouldn’t be called Sonny, so he ought to get used to it. Fifty years later, he is still Sonny. He detested that class.

USE THE HEAVENLY BREW

We’ve always been about coffee. Since the day Mom and Dad opened our first store, coffee has functioned as a central stimulant during our selling process. Dad actually went down to the local train station and bought the coffee man out and distributed free coffee to commuters to New York, a tradition we continued for over 50 years. Mom brought her sturdy coffeepot from home and offered coffee to every customer entering the store. She took it back at night and cleaned it for the next day.

A small yet familiar hug like a free cup of coffee gets the process off on the right foot. Our sellers offer it and more in each of our stores. Every time one of our salespeople says, “How about a cup of coffee?” I can just hear Mom’s and Dad’s voices.

As the world changed, so did we. We now offer not just a cup of regular coffee but also cappuccino, espresso, decaf, tea in various flavors, juices, and soft drinks. With repeat customers, sellers ought to know their preferences, so they can say, “Would you like a cup of green tea while you’re looking around?” Or “Would you care for a diet Pepsi?” And then later in the sale, they should ask again in the event the customer hasn’t had a cup or may like a refill or a bottle of cold water to go on a hot, humid day.

Evan Goldenberg, who designs and builds wine cellars and is a friend, customer, and great seller himself, once said to me, “Making a common connection with a prospective customer is very, very important. A salesperson must reach a certain level of comfort and/or confidence with a customer before they will be allowed to the next step of this process. A bond must exist before any serious selling begins.”

A cup of coffee is a great way to do it.

If I have heard it once, I have heard it a thousand times: “Wow! This cup of free coffee cost me $1,000.” I know people say this mostly in jest, but this grates on me because Mom never did it to increase the sale. It clearly was an expression of our genuine fondness for people. However, when I step back and reflect, of course I know it is true. The coffee hug does make the customer feel warm and welcomed. And perhaps the caffeine even stimulates the emotional side of the sale.

A good friend of mine and a unique individual is Captain Denny Flanagan, the world’s most caring airline pilot. The stories of his kindness are legion. He’s shared with me how coffee is one of his big selling tools, especially when things aren’t going swimmingly. Once, when miserable weather caused a lengthy flight delay, Denny calmed everyone down by going to the gate to answer questions. But not empty- handed. First he made three pots of coffee and handed out free cups.

After he exhausted his pots, he upped the ante. He went to McDonald’s and ordered 70 hamburgers and 70 cheeseburgers. Then he returned and told the passengers that he had a little snack for them. He said, “The ‘hangry’ will go first. That is, the hungry and angry customers first, followed by the children.”

When the flight arrived in New York 3 hours and 49 minutes late, the passengers departed the aircraft with smiles and hearty handshakes for the crew.

Denny is always using coffee. It’s not in any flight manual, but he has a procedure called “Coffee with the Captain.” Even though Denny doesn’t drink it himself, he likes to stroll among the passengers with a steel pot filled with coffee in one hand and a tray of cups along with creamer and such in the other. The atmosphere immediately changes, the frowns turning to smiles.

Gail Sheriff, a great seller of ours in Westport, has a couple who come in every Saturday. Gail always has a cut-up bagel ready, one half with butter for one and the other half with cream cheese for the other. If they are not coming in, they actually call and alert her to put the bagel away before she puts the butter and cream cheese on it.

OFFER THEM ANYTHING—AND THEN DO IT

When it feels right and it suits your style, slip in a little extra graciousness to the customer, especially a first-timer. My brother Bill is the all-time champion greeter. Anyone who has just moved in near one of our stores and comes in for the first time is fortunate to bump into Bill.

The other day I was talking to a loyal customer about the store, and he turned to me and said, “You know what Bill did the first time we came in to Mitchells? We came in, bought something, and Bill said, ‘Welcome to Mitchells. If there is anything you need in our community—restaurant, doctor, lawyer, whatever—we have lived here forever and we can make it happen.’ And actually I said, ‘My daughter has a medical problem, and we need a specialist to help diagnose and treat it.’ Bill went right over to the phone and called Dr. so and so, and within an hour we were in the doctor’s office.”

Not only has that man and his family become great friends but great customers, and the man says he has told this story a thousand times.

Bill does this so effortlessly and easily with enthusiasm, over and over.

And this is one place where anticipation comes into play. Good sellers always anticipate how the customer is going to move through the selling process for that day. This is especially true with repeat customers, whom you should already know something or a lot about. I always keep in mind the line from the incomparable hockey player Wayne Gretzky: “I skate where the puck is going to be, not where it has been.”

I remember years ago a well-known TV personality was quietly sitting in the women’s department waiting while his wife tried on clothes and looking bored. I said, “Can I get you something to read?” and he said, “How about the New York Times?” I walked three stores up and got it. Every time he comes in now I say right away, “Would you like the Times?” And he smiles. I anticipate his smiling and recall the incident years ago, and it helps us bond.

Once you’re done making this initial greeting, the customer will often say, “I’d like to look around.” So you should say, “Of course, make yourself at home. My name is Jack. I’ll check back with you later, OK?”

Don’t ever follow the customers—sellers aren’t cops who tail people—but do try to keep them within sight. If and when you see that a customer has a question—he is looking at sport shirts, or he looks like he’s in the wrong area—you can reengage and say something like, “There’re a lot more sport shirts on the fifth floor.” And then maybe the customer tells you, “I’m really looking for shoes.” So you say, “Oh, shoes are on the first floor . . . let me show you.”

What you’re doing is forging a connection that you can build on.

NO UPS FOR US AND NO COMMISSION

A quick word about the “up” system. Many businesses, especially car dealers, furniture stores, and some clothing stores, use the up system. The way it operates, the sellers work on a rotation, taking turns helping customers as they arrive. If someone walks in and it is your turn, you are told that the person is “your up.”

Sometimes you would be glad you were up, because a big spender just walked in; we call big spenders “big hitters,” and this big hitter is all yours. Or the opposite happens, and your reaction is, “Oh, are you kidding me? I’d be lucky if this person buys a handkerchief, and I’m up.”

That system never felt right to us, and we’ve never used it. The very idea of sellers waiting in line as if they were at a bakery clutching numbered tickets, arguing among themselves over who is next up, then pouncing on customers—well, that’s a far cry from the signals we want to send.

So in our stores, the person who first greets a customer is the one who happens to be nearest and who notices the person first. It’s done very informally. There’s never any jousting for customers.

Our sellers stand in different spots and mostly walk around. If a seller sees a customer, that seller greets the person. The idea ought to be that a party is going on where everyone is having a great time and someone “picks you up” and shows you the special pictures and furnishings in your home.

Another reason this works so harmoniously is that few of our eight stores use a commission system. It’s all salary, plus bonuses. In most cases, though not all, we’ve decided that a noncommission compensation system works best for us, and our salespeople love it.

Now for many industries—money management, insurance, real estate, and some retail stores—the commission system has a longstanding history and is very effective. And that’s perfectly fine. In those instances, it creates a competitive culture where the competition is with yourself, and a complete meritocracy exists. It is an excellent way to reward sellers based on their productivity. And the company benefits—not only in good times but especially in times of recession, when sales go down and then compensation goes down too. So in businesses where it makes sense, all power to them.

Our feeling, though, is that this approach doesn’t create the best working environment. When you have a commission system, it is hard to avoid a cutthroat environment, with associates competing for customers. Commission selling often motivates individual sellers to dwell on money and transactions. These structures can make a true customer- centric mindset difficult, and the customers may feel it. If relationships exist with the customers—and usually there are few or none—they are frequently all about the features and benefits of the products. The focus is to sell hard and as much as possible during every visit.

While we are clearly not perfect, our selling compensation system promotes teamwork, with everyone helping and working together and having fun during the sale. You will see we have selling specialists—in jewelry and shoes, for example. These associates assist our ready-to-wear sellers as they accessorize clothing with their clients. This interaction among sellers produces friendships, and having friends at work has been documented in studies to be one of the most important reasons why employees stay and are happy at work and spend their entire career with a company.

Sales associates tell me that it takes a while to adjust; yet generally there is no pressure on them over “who gets the sale.” And at our stores that don’t use commission, they actually say to their customers that we are not on commission; we are one team here at our Mitchell Stores. Many times you can just see the smiles on the faces of the customers when they hear that. “Wow!” they say, “that makes me feel so comfortable.”

DON’T GIVE UP THE BALL

When you’re selling, an ongoing goal is to be in control. Yet many salespeople immediately relinquish control. For instance, when customers make clear they don’t want any help, sellers often will say something like, “Well, let me know when you need me.”

Wrong thing to say.

You’ve just put the ball in their hands. You’ve painted yourself into a passive corner, where you have to wait to hear from them, giving them control. Exactly what you don’t want to happen. Your goal is to cling to the ball and be in a position where you can reengage the customer when you sense the time is right.

Often, we simply say to the customer who wants to feel comfortable in the environment and look without any help, “That’s fine. Take your time. My name is Martha. Is there anything in particular that you would like to see so I can point you in the right direction?” Then ask if it is OK to check back.

My brother Bill and I like to stand at the front door, meeting and greeting customers and thanking them when they leave. If they leave empty-handed, we ask if they were looking for something that we don’t have in the store.

It’s amazing, but sometimes customers will say they didn’t see a pair of cashmere gloves or pajamas; and of course we have those things, and so we say, “If you are still interested, we can show you where they are.” Then they leave a happy, satisfied customer.

In keeping with a customer-centric mindset, if we are going to help people buy, remember they may not know what is available. If the ball is in their hands, we have let go of the opportunity to inform them about what we have.

Another common mistake is to hand over your business card right when you meet customers—it really should happen toward the end of the process—which again leaves you waiting to hear from them, rather than getting their business card so you know who they are. When I am starting to get information from new customers, I say, “By any chance, do you have a card?” And almost always they do. And they go fumbling into their wallet, and as soon as they do that, I offer my card as well.

When I’m playing in my regular tennis game and things are going well, I realize that I feel in complete control of almost every point and game. It’s a wonderful feeling. It especially feels great when I’m able to modify my behavior positively and passionately and feel I’ve accomplished my goal and have prevailed with my doubles partner—and when even our opponents compliment us on how well we played together.

That feeling is what all good sellers love. They want to completely control the sale. They may have different methods to carry out a sale, but they all cherish control. Remember, though, control in the context of the customer-centric sale means that we are in control, but from the perspective of helping the customers get everything they want and need, not what we want them to have.

EVERYONE SAYS HELLO

Often the customer will stroll out of range after the initial greeting. As the customer browses through the store, anyone who comes within visual range should look the customer in the eye and at least acknowledge him or her with a friendly greeting like a simple “Hi” or “Good morning” or “Good afternoon”—even if the associate knows that the customer has been greeted before.

This guideline goes for anyone that works with us—visual display people, customer service people, stock associates. It would be rude if a new friend comes into your home and is walking around and you pass the person in the hallway or in your living room and you don’t say, “Hi there,” and smile.

During a sale to a first-time visitor, we encourage associates to introduce the customer to one of the Mitchells. We are fortunate that we have lots of family in our business, so it’s generally easy to find one of us. I would estimate that 80 to 95 percent of the time there is a Mitchell on the selling floor, or for sure somewhere in the store, though less often in our California Wilkes Bashford stores or our Northwest Marios stores (yet we visit a lot).

This hug shows them we care enough about the customers and think they are important enough that we want them to meet one of the owners. Not that we want the customers to meet someone important, but we want someone important to meet the customers. It’s normally a magic moment, a real selling hug, to meet an owner.

Customers are always amazed that we are actually on the floor. You rarely find an owner in a store or business. If you do—whether it’s a restaurant or a small grocery or an insurance agency—you feel instinctually and emotionally great, that it’s a friendly place. That’s why the captain from the airlines dutifully stands at the exit door and says, “Thanks for flying with us.” It’s nice when you hear that from the number one person.

I’m easy to recognize on the floor, because I always have a tape measure draped around my neck. I have my tape measures color-coordinated with my clothes, and several of them have an extra inch on them—one inch for good measure. Sometimes people who don’t know me will say, “Oh, you must be one of the tailors.” I say, “No, I’m actually one of the owners.” And usually I can see in their eyes that they’re thinking, “An owner working on Saturdays in the middle of winter. Why aren’t you on the fifth tee in Florida?”

But I want them to see that I’m an honest-to-goodness, real-life salesperson. And then I’ll usually turn them over to one of our sales associates.

Customers enjoy that we are a family and that while our competitors in many ways are great, there is a special warmth with a family that works and enjoys being together. We want them to feel like family in our stores.

Domenick, one of our beloved tailors, told me about an appliance store he had patronized for decades. Tony, one of the owners, was always his salesperson, and Domenick got to know him well and was very comfortable with him. A few years ago, Domenick was redoing his kitchen and needed a full set of new appliances, and so naturally he trotted down to this store. He asked for Tony. Tony came over and said he didn’t work on the floor anymore, but he told Domenick he’d get him someone else to help him. Domenick said thanks and left.

THE POPCORN PRINCIPLE

Part of this first impression is responding positively to any customer request—whether it’s an easy one or a real head-scratcher. Listen, all sellers come up against world-class complainers from time to time. Our philosophy, however, is that when someone asks something of a seller—or anyone in the store—the answer is, “Of course.”

I call it my Popcorn Principle.

One evening Linda and I went to the movies. On the drive there, I immediately visualized popcorn. I feel very much about movies as I do about brick-and-mortar stores. It’s the whole experience that I enjoy: the huge screen . . . the interactions . . . the excruciating previews or trailers . . . and the popcorn. I had been trying to keep my weight in check, but I had made sure while we were eating dinner at home to reserve just enough room for a small popcorn at the movie.

So when we arrived at the theater, I marched directly to the refreshment stand and told the attendant, “I’d love a small popcorn, please.”

He replied, “We have a special on extra-large popcorn for a dollar less than the small.”

“Wonderful,” I said, “I will take the price but please just put it in a small bag.” I was thinking how Linda would be disappointed in me if I showed up with an extra-large popcorn, and me, too, since I might get carried away and gain an extra pound I didn’t need.

Seemed like a simple enough request.

“Oh no,” the attendant said. “Can’t do it.”

He proceeded to scoop up some popcorn from the popcorn machine, fill a small bag, and then pour it into the gigantic extra-large carton. Very politely, I said, “Please just put the popcorn back into the small bag.”

“Can’t do it, mister,” he said. “Against the rules.”

“Really?”

“Yes, sir, that’s the rule.”

I took a deep breath. “Forget it,” I said, and I walked off, leaving the attendant holding my small amount of popcorn in that huge container.

The movie was actually wonderful. I don’t remember what it was, but I do remember driving home and only thinking about how I missed the popcorn and how disappointed I was in myself, because I hardly ever get upset, and I did, and all over a small box of popcorn and that lousy service.

The right way to sell is to always accommodate the customer. If the attendant had said, “Of course,” when I made my simple request and done what I asked, not only would he have made a good first impression—a connection—but he would have made a sale.

So keep that sale going and don’t get stuck holding the popcorn.

MAKING THE CONNECTION RECAP

•   Greet customers and everyone with them with a smile and positive body language—do it within 25 seconds, and 10 seconds is better.

•   Forget “Can I help you?” and try “Hello” so you don’t get that deadly “Just looking” response.

•   Find out the customer’s name and nickname—no single piece of information matters more in selling. If you call me John on the phone, I will hang up on you.

•   Keep control of the sale, and don’t give up the ball; instead let customers know you will check back with them rather than passively waiting to hear from them.

•   Use coffee and other beverages, or anything that is appropriate in your line of sales, to forge a connection.

•   Fulfill customer requests by saying, “Of course,” and doing it, so you don’t get stuck with the popcorn.