6

Getting Stuck in Reverse
Shifting Gears

Where we focus is where we go. This chapter is about getting results through focusing forward and not getting stuck. Five years ago, two of my close friends who were into skiing asked me to start coming on some trips with them. Because I wasn’t a big skier, I had the brilliant idea of picking up snowboarding. My thinking was based on what I heard, the learning curve was steep, but once you got it, you got it, and your skill accelerates fast. Well, I had a different experience.

I had the toughest time getting to a place where I could go down the mountain or bunny slope without great fear. Despite several lessons and some practice, a tip I got in a random conversation was most helpful. The person told me, where you focus is where you go. It seemed ridiculous and simple at the time, but when I started to put it into practice, it worked. I was spending so much time preparing for my falls or worrying about where not to go (that is, trees), that I wasn’t focusing on where to go. Once I started to look where I wanted to go, I spent less time ending up in places I didn’t want to be. Now that we know it’s important to focus on where we want to go, let’s walk through how to do it.

Simple Success Strategy: Shifting Gears Through Self-Advising and Self-Questioning

Our mindset is what sets our direction. I like to use the metaphor of driving a car. You have control over what gear you are in and the direction you are going. You can choose to put the car in drive, neutral, or reverse. As you would gather, it’s very difficult to get to a desired destination in reverse. Self-advising is designed to help you focus forward and stay in drive. I am not saying that you can never be in reverse. However, the longer you are in reverse, the longer you focus on moving away from success rather than toward success. Knowing how to get yourself from reverse (negative thinking) to neutral and neutral to drive (positive thinking) will serve you well.

We won’t have to look too far to see examples of how shifting gears and focus can make an impact. The best athletes deal with adversity and losing by learning how to bounce back. Athletes use a range of skills to develop their mental toughness. Self-advising is one strategy that is the difference between the athletes who “want to take the final shot” and those who “drop the ball.”

Athletes who are at their best when things are at their worst have little to do with their physical talent or intellectual horsepower. It’s about resilience, grit, and toughness. The best athletes pay attention to their inner coach and advise themselves how to focus. We all seek guidance and coaching from others. At the same time, you are the only person you will be with every moment of your life. Therefore, it makes sense to become good at advising yourself. The key to self-advising is being aware of what you say to yourself in key moments that can put you in reverse. A classic example of this is the difference between how Michael Jordan used to play the game and how others played. When Jordan missed a shot, you rarely saw him put his head down and demonstrate that he was focusing on the miss. He shifted gears fast and focused on playing defense and getting ready for the next shot. He didn’t let himself get stuck in reverse; he focused on the next shot.

Change Your Assumptions to Responses

Following is a simple strategy to help you stay focused on moving forward and toward your goals. Let’s take the example of budget cuts to illustrate the benefit of coaching yourself. The framework EAR will help you be intentional about what you hear. I realize that the acronym EAR can seem hokey, but if there is one thing I have learned is that what people remember is what people use. It is a strategy to help you reframe what happens to you so you can focus forward.

E—Event: The event or situation.

A—Assumption: Your initial thoughts, beliefs, or feelings in relation to the event.

R—Result: The consequence; what happens.

The trap that people fall into is that they believe the result is a direct outcome of the event. In reality, it is our assumption about the event that creates the outcome. Take a look at the following example.

Event:

→ Lack of hitting monthly sales numbers.

Assumption:

→ “We are never going to get out of this mess.”

→ “No one on the sales team is focused on results.”

→ “I am not a good leader.”

Result:

→ Feelings of self-doubt.

→ Focus on fear of what is going to happen next.

→ Snowball effect of negative thinking.

→ Lower confidence and motivation.

→ Focus on what you can’t control.

It is natural to automatically assume that the event (in this case, not hitting the sales numbers) causes the consequence. However, in reality, your assumption or belief about the event is what causes the result. With self-advising, the emphasis is on shifting your assumption to something that will work for you rather than against you. Here is an example of shifting a negative assumption to a positive one.

Event:

→ Lack of hitting monthly sales numbers.

Assumption (shifting to helpful thinking):

→ “This is a tough situation and it’s an opportunity to see how I can help myself focus on a solution.”

→ “What can I learn from what led to this month’s numbers?”

→ “Not hitting the numbers is going to present some challenges. I’ll be able to see who handles pressure well and who creates more challenges.”

→ “I am disappointed in the numbers. What do I need to do to prevent this from happening next month?”

→ “I put in a lot of effort and came up short. Who do I need to have direct conversations with in the next couple of days?”

Result:

→ Emphasis is on acceptance and action.

→ Create momentum of positive thinking.

→ Maintaining confidence and motivation.

→ Focus is on what you can control.

This skill of self-advising includes areas of reframing and will help you focus forward and decrease your chances of going in reverse. It will also train you to create a more positive attitude with time. It will help you move more quickly toward action. Your thoughts, feelings, and actions all work together. Reframing sets you up to focus forward, especially when something happens that can put you in reverse.

Self-Questioning: The Answer Is in What You Ask

Earlier we focused on self-advising and what you tell yourself. Now we are going to focus on what you ask yourself. This strategy is a foundation for what I teach athletes and executives. At first, people seem to resist the idea that you can train your brain through the questions you ask yourself, but once they get it, it makes an impact.

Our minds are complex smartphones. The good news is you don’t need to be a software engineer to program positive habits in yourself. A smartphone works best when it has good input and so does your mind. Pay attention to the questions you ask yourself. Redirect yourself and ensure that you ask yourself positive and strength-based questions. For example, rather than asking, “Why am I never getting asked to take on key responsibilities at work?” try asking yourself, “What are the people who are getting asked to take on key responsibilities doing?” The shift may be subtle, but it gets you focusing forward and on what you can influence. The following are some additional positive questions you can ask yourself:

→ What do I need to do to build my credibility?

→ What skills do I want to develop this year?

→ What did I learn from that tough experience?

→ Who can I help now so they won’t make the same mistake I did?

→ How can I help other people?

→ Who can I get support from to help me accelerate my career?

→ What do I want to focus on that will be beneficial to the business and myself?

Whether you know it or not, we all talk to ourselves and it has an impact. Inner dialogue is one conversation where we have control over what is said and how it is received. Self-advising and self-questioning are ways to take an active role in your pathway to success and on staying focused. You will find that, with time, you will develop positive habits that help you find the positive in situations. You have the power to direct your line of thinking, just like I learned the power of redirecting myself to focus on where I wanted to go when I snowboard (the course), rather than if anyone would find me when I crashed into a tree. Spending a little time every day paying attention to what you ask and what you tell yourself will go a long way.