CHAPTER 3

Finding Your WHO

It Takes a Village to Side Hustle

Show me an individual and I’ll show you someone who had real positive influences in his or her life. I don’t care what you do for a living—if you do it well, I’m sure there was someone cheering you on or showing the way. A mentor.

—Denzel Washington

What keeps most people from being successful business owners? Is it a lack of work ethic, ambition, intelligence, or capital? Some say success happens only if you “find your WHY” and develop a strategic plan of WHAT you should do next. In fact, that is the typical model: start with WHY, then move to WHAT. We disagree.

We believe it is one’s mindset—how and what one thinks—that is a primary driver of one’s ability to succeed. However, where do people acquire their mindset from? The answer: from the WHO, their environment, their associations. Therefore, we propose a paradigm shift: To move from your WHY to your WHO, before the WHAT or the HOW. To focus on the WHO earlier in the game. You can be an expert in your field, but if you don’t have the right influences, it will be difficult to change from employee-based thinking and build your side hustle to a substantial level.

Imagine if you were born in the same physical body, the same genetics, but to a different family in another part of the world. There is a high chance your profession, education, religion, health, diet, social customs, and the language you speak would all be different. What does this tell you about the magnitude of this imprinting if you spoke a different language, had a different career, and perhaps had a completely different outlook on life? Human beings are designed to adapt; this is arguably why people take radically longer to become self-sufficient versus any other species. People are highly programmable, and their associations, family, teachers, coaches, mentors, and role models are driving that programming, how they think—and ultimately how they live. There is data suggesting that one’s zip code, not one’s genetics, is the biggest single determinant of one’s success. We acknowledge that we were both given a strong start in terms of our own privilege, socioeconomic status, and access to education, to name a few, and that many individuals have a bigger mountain to climb among other barriers that have shaped their opportunities. This is one of many reasons why we feel that a strong WHO is of great importance and worth pursuing no matter your starting point.

Ironically, we see many side hustlers aspiring to move from the employee mindset to a successful business owner mindset, but then never associate with people who are successful business owners. This is like attempting to learn Mandarin but without associating with someone who speaks it. It’s not that it can’t be learned, but what’s the probability you will become fluent? And on what timeline? Why would the world of business ownership be any different?

Once we become adults, being intentional about our associations is one aspect of life where we have control. We must be wise with WHO and WHAT you let influence your mind, decisions, and the quality of your thinking. This chapter addresses the importance of one’s associations in relation to building a side hustle.

People are highly programmable, and their associations, family, teachers, coaches, mentors, and role models are driving that programming, how they think—and ultimately how they live.

Popular books on business and entrepreneurship almost always have a section or chapter on mentorship and your associations, but too often as a side note, implying it’s nice to have if you can get it. We don’t view the WHO as a garnish or a side dish, but as the main course.

So why are so few people talking about this when we are all undeniably massive products of our environment? The current paradigm in business self-help is to begin with WHY, and yes, that is a good place to start, but when it comes to executing, it takes a village to start, build, and sustain a side hustle. We believe the current sequence for achieving one’s Life Vision is ineffective. It looks like this:

1.   The WHY. The WHY is purpose driven. It’s often vague, and many fumble to attach it to tangible goals or to sync it with a holistic Life Vision. But nonetheless at a young age we make a half-hearted attempt, and that weak attempt often becomes a driving force for the rest of our lives.

2.   The WHAT. Pick your discipline, training, or area of study at 18 to 20 years old and base it on what interests you, what you are good at (or what you’ve been told you are), what will help you make relatively solid money, or what work you enjoy. Said discipline is rarely synergized with your WHY. This void becomes the source of frustration and pain for so many, but is often unnamed, unidentified. It is the gap between your values, your talents, your desires, and what you spend your day doing. We call this the “Fulfillment Gap.” This WHAT becomes one’s livelihood, but often remains disconnected from one’s deepest WHY.

3.   The WHO. Once you arrive on the scene in your academic studies, apprenticeship, or career, someone is there waiting to train or teach you the skills necessary to be effective.

4.   The HOW. The WHO now teaches you HOW to accomplish this line of work.

5.   Your Life (the Vision). The vision now becomes a function of, or even hostage to, the WHAT. Your lifestyle and mindset are now being downloaded from the WHO in the environment that is submissive to the WHAT. Oftentimes, this thinking has already been preconditioned by your childhood and family. The programming gets reinforced even deeper as everything your family told you about making income and lifestyle are now being confirmed by your adult environment. You are following in your parents’, bosses’, and coworkers’ footsteps. Supported by them. Advised by them. Influenced by them. Affirmed by them. Your life is being shaped by them.

We propose beginning with your Life Vision and letting that be your primary driver instead of using the traditional funnel described. The preceding process map, of course, works for many, but because one aspect of our Life Vision included stepping away from our corporate jobs at a young age, we knew we needed an alternative sequence; this sequence featured a different level of intention around the WHO and elevating this earlier on in the process. If your Life Vision is radically different from the people you grew up with, those who taught you in school, or those you currently associate with, then you need to make some radical changes with where you anchor the WHO on your timeline.

Let’s flip the switch on the old paradigm to see what happens when we position the WHO as a more dominant priority. Here is an alternative process map that worked for us:

1.   The WHY(s). How do you want to live? What type of person do you want to become? What are your core values? What is your purpose?

2.   The LIFE VISION. What is the Life Vision you want to create? As stated in Chapter 2, this is a manifestation of your WHY(s), an overarching, holistic summary of what you value, the destination in your GPS. It also includes specific metrics, targets, and attributes that define your future.

3.   The WHO. Find and identify someone who is living out, has lived, or is in the process of achieving your Life Vision. This should include both a mentor(s) and a supportive community. Instead of fumbling around trying to determine WHAT will take you there, start learning from those WHO have already done it.

4.   The WHAT. Through the WHO you can often find the WHAT that will help you achieve and advance. But now you are learning from someone or an association that is copasetic and in alignment with your Life Vision.

5.   The HOW. The WHO can help you with HOW to manifest this. They have already done it! This is extremely critical and simple logic many apply when it comes to sports, riding a bike, learning a foreign language, but then don’t when it comes to life. The right WHO can be there the whole way, assisting, modeling, and supporting you in accomplishing the Life Vision.

When Craig arrived on the corporate scene with a Fortune 50 company, he had several bosses who were great to work with and learn from. He also had a couple bosses whose bitterness and unhappiness were palpable. Not exactly the people he wanted to be modeling or impacting him, consciously or subconsciously. But none of his former bosses, coworkers, or managers had the lifestyle or the vision he had, so oftentimes their advice ran contrary to what he wanted to accomplish. This is concerning and an example of the common, unquestioned experience many have, and why so many people can never reach their full potential, let alone their deeper life goals.

A primary motivation of this book is to not only give you permission, but also encourage you to actively and intentionally pursue the people who are aligned with where you want to go, how you want to live, and what type of person you want to become.

We recommend seeking out people well-established in their success. Identify people who have 2-to-100 times your spiritual, athletic, relationship, or financial well-being, as opposed to your peers. Even more important, search for people who have 2-to-100 times your level of happiness and wisdom.

Craig here. I remember very clearly sitting in MBA school and listening to a professor share his thoughts on why the Porsche Cayenne wasn’t going to be successful. He was an academic and well spoken, but while in class I missed a phone call from my mentor. And I thought: Why am I missing a phone call from the person who has the lifestyle that I want because I’m learning from a professor who seemingly does not? On the next break I got up, walked outside, called my mentor back, and never took another MBA class again.

Accessing the WHO earlier in your Life Phases and side hustle adventure lets you capture a real-life example of what you are aspiring to create and manifest in your Life Vision. It crystallizes so many things, including and most important, not only that the vision is possible but also that the dream is real, even if no one else you know, outside your discovered WHO, has ever created it.

Many people believe they already have a mentor through content consumption (reading good books or watching YouTube videos, etc.). However, a podcast can’t customize recommendations for you. And when you are an entrepreneurial neophyte, it is especially difficult to know how to contextualize or when to apply the content. This is where a lot of people start patchworking advice and expertise together, which doesn’t hold a candle to an actual mentor who knows you, and is invested in you, if not financially then relationally or emotionally.

So where and how do you find this magical WHO?

Mentorship

For us, mentorship has played such a deep role in achieving our Life Vision that it is difficult to articulate.

Our mentors have often opened doors for us we didn’t even know existed.

People often picture mentorship as a formal lunch or cup of coffee every 180 days with a corporate “mentor,” and that’s the extent of the relationship and their access to the other person’s mindset. They give you some random advice, and you think “wow, that’s so insightful.” Then you try to implement it and randomly talk months later—assuming they are still willing to have coffee with you or you even both still work at the firm.

We view mentorship as something very different. There is something so deeply powerful about having a mentor that it is nonnegotiable in our minds. Not only can they help you navigate the terrain of your industry or start a business, but a great mentor can significantly improve the quality of your life. Best-selling author John Maxwell on his personal blog (johnmaxwell.com) defines mentorship as

someone who teaches, guides, and lifts you up by virtue of his or her experience and insight. They’re usually someone a little farther ahead of you on the path—though that doesn’t always mean they’re older! A mentor is someone with a head full of experience and heart full of generosity that brings those things together in your life.

These are individuals with whom you share very similar goals, values, and usually long-term relationships. A mentor can act as a lighthouse when the water gets rough; they can keep you on course and often illuminate the solution like no one else can.

We recommend identifying someone who has your desired future state (Life Vision), not just success in one particular subject matter. If someone has success in a specific technical expertise, that’s great, but we consider that more of a coach. The best coaches, teachers, professors, and mentors are people who can help you off the court as much as on. Someone you can confide in personally as well as professionally. Why? Because often one’s personal struggles prevent them from growing professionally versus the profession itself. Remember, side hustle work is not done in a silo.

Great Mentors

A great mentor will:

Provide you with a real-life example of success. They help the vision seem more viable and possible. Being able to interact with them on a regular basis provides you the incremental boosts of belief you need on your journey.

Customize their advice and recommendations for you.

Call you on your bullsh**. Your subordinates or other people in the industry are less capable or likely to do this.

Point out major roadblocks. They recognize trends, patterns, and possible signs of trouble oftentimes long before you see the challenge developing, as they have already walked the path.

Empathize. Someone who has already completed the journey, or is much further ahead, understands your pain in ways that your closest friends and family may not. In the process of scaling a legitimate business, they can provide both the support and solace that most cannot.

So why is it that so many people don’t ever acquire a mentor? What holds people back? Here are a few reasons someone (namely, you) may not have acquired the type of mentor we are beginning to define:

Your ego is too big. You unfortunately think you know it all. Why would you want anyone else’s help? What value could they really add?

You think entrepreneurship is about going at it alone and that you have to be a cowboy in the Wild, Wild West. The mindset is “If you didn’t build it from scratch or you take too much help from others, you aren’t a real or authentic entrepreneur.”

You are inexperienced and don’t realize the extreme value a mentor and good association provides. You have undervalued it out of naivety.

You don’t know how to find one or are too scared or shy to ask someone. Just because a great mentor can be hard to find, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pursue one!

Our experience is many people do not pursue a mentor, because they think it is too difficult or they are not worthy of their potential mentor’s time. This is a deeper-rooted challenge we address more in Chapter 6, but without the belief that you deserve this type of relationship, it is nearly impossible to acquire it! This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be respectful of someone’s time, but being respectful and being worthy are completely different.

Qualities of a First-Rate Mentor

1.   They demonstrate results. They have accomplished, are close, or well on their way to where you want to be. They live how you want to live or are at least well on their way.

2.   They are willing to help and are accessible. You can find the world’s greatest mentor or someone at the top of their game, but if you don’t have genuine access, it is very difficult for them to get to know you and provide support. If they don’t have time or are unwilling to make it, their influence is limited at best.

3.   Their values align with yours and they have pure intentions. It is important to identify a mentor who has similar fundamental values. If you have a core value of investing time with your family, be mindful of identifying mentors who respect those priorities. You don’t need to be an exact replica of your mentor, but an overarching alignment goes a long way.

4.   They have a vested interest. Maybe they are at a point in their career or journey when they want to give back. Maybe they like you or see some of themselves in you and want the joy of paying it forward. Perhaps they want someone they can trust to take over their book of business or run their agency when they depart. Or potentially they can acquire some small ownership in a company you are building and be vested in the performance of the firm. Any of the preceding can work. Of course, the more vested they are, the easier it is to get their time and genuine support. Learning how to tie yourself to or create a symbiotic relationship with a mentor is not something commonly discussed—but we have found it invaluable. Get creative and offer them a micro percentage of your firm if they will be on your advisory board, or ownership at a deeply discounted rate, or a distribution if the firm acquires a certain level of profitability. How much money would you pay to have a Richard Branson, Bill Gates, Arianna Huffington, or a Shark Tank investor mentor you? Treat your real-life mentor similarly.

For the record, we are much bigger proponents of giving someone a stake or financial vested interest in the long-term performance of your business versus an upfront consulting fee or an early payout. This ties them to the long-term performance of you and your business. People tend to act and behave based on how they are rewarded, mentors included.

How to Find a Quality Mentor?

Top-notch mentors are not always easy to find, nor should they be. The more they have accomplished, the harder it is to access them, their thinking, and their time. Different avenues are available to finding mentors including:

Networking through family, friends, and associates

Engaging with or direct messaging on social media

Formal networking events

Owners of companies

Referrals

Industry periodicals

Phone calls

Emails, text, WhatsApp, or WeChat messaging

Lunches, coffees, chai, golf, beer, tequila shots

When you find someone you believe would make a terrific mentor, here are some steps to begin building a relationship and earn their mentorship. Realize they are already successful and busy and have other people vying for their time. You must be confident in your approach, which means you’ve considered thoroughly why you chose this person as a possible mentor. Have something to offer back, and work to connect around values, intention, and even chemistry. You want to stand out, let them know your earnestness in learning from them, create a win as to why they should invest time into you, and be steadfast in your follow-up. A few additional tips:

Find a referral or warm introduction if possible.

When you approach them, be transparent about your intentions.

Do your research! Don’t ask them questions like “What was your first company?” or “Where did you go to school?” when it may be easily posted on their LinkedIn profile or company website.

Demonstrate your seriousness, accountability, teachability, and a willingness to learn! This might take some time.

Offer to give something back in return such as time on a project, expertise for one of their businesses, a nod on social media, or help with a nonprofit they support.

Be persistent! If they initially seem resistant, continue to respectfully enroll or serve them with the quality of your work, your intentions, and your consistency. We have mentored many people over the years as a function of their building a consistent case for mentorship.

You don’t have to shoot for someone outrageously successful or a billionaire to be your mentor. If you are looking to get into investing, you might not need to start with Warren Buffett. Most professional athletes were learning beyond the basics from a little league or high school coach before the Phil Jacksons of their industry began “mentoring” them.

Although some mentors might need some financial incentive, many great mentorship relationships do not require this. By joining a dues-driven group such as Toastmasters, the National Speakers Association, or another industry association, one can often access people who want to provide support. It is human nature to want to help, but it’s critical you pursue the environment and take the initiative to ask.

How to Maximize Time with Your Mentor

As mentioned, if mentors are worth their salt, they are busy, and you have limited access to their time. So how you use that time matters.

Be prepared. When you have an opportunity to connect, come absolutely prepared and ready to impress with the quality of your questions and quality of your listening. Ask thoughtful questions and be comfortable asking follow-up questions when you don’t understand something. A few examples: “I understand what you are advising, but from my experience that doesn’t seem like a good idea because of X and Y. Can you help me better understand your mindset behind this recommendation?” “What are some of the most common mistakes you see people in my situation make, and how would you recommend avoiding them?” “What do you think might be my biggest blind spot or weakness? How would you recommend I grow in this area?”

Seek to understand the why behind their thought process versus just the surface-level activity, number, or strategy they may recommend. Many mentees botch this. If you don’t understand the deeper thinking, you fail to apply the principal or mindset in an alternative context. Go deeper.

Be mindful and respectful of their time, but do not be timid about asking for that time! You likely have to follow up, take initiative, and oftentimes fight to keep the relationship.

Be sure to implement what they advise and talk to them about your implementation. Little is more frustrating for a mentor than to provide advice they know is helpful, but then never see it applied by the mentee, especially when the mentee keeps requesting more time and support. Once you’ve applied the advice, be sure to communicate how it helped or what the results were in the next conversation.

Make sure you are getting honest feedback from your mentor. Ask, beg, plead, or if necessary, pay them to give you high-caliber feedback. Positive and negative—their perspective is unique to most others in your life who are operating as counterparts, employees, or family and friends.

Thank them, formally. Maybe it’s a thoughtful card, email, small gift, event, or connection you can create, preferably memorable or unique.

Build and retain an authentic relationship over time that can become truly personal. Get to know what’s important to them.

Always keep them in your circle! Just because a mentor has helped you achieve in a certain arena doesn’t mean they can’t continue to bring value, even if you have left that arena. Sometimes you may have even surpassed them in certain ways, but the reality is they still carry unique experiences, perspectives, and wisdom that you do not!

Carrie here. After a conversation with a mentor, my goal is to be able to answer “why?” to the recommendations that were given to me so it’s not just regurgitated information. I want to have actually leveled up and strengthened my ability to think. And as important as it is to ask thoughtful questions, don’t have a million. It’s just as valuable to get an expert going on a tangent or a riff. Often, you get the most candid, unedited, and valuable mindset when you create a space for someone successful to free flow. It’s usually a powerful open-ended question followed by good listening that takes the conversation to this next level of extraction.

Having more than one mentor can be a great benefit. Different mentors can guide you and support you in different ways and bring unique strengths to the table. However, we have also seen side hustlers chase down new mentors too frequently or have too many at one time. Having 10 or 11 mentors simultaneously, in the way we are defining it, will likely cause confusion and create conflict, as each has their own perspective. Identify a couple key mentors in your life and stay with them. Unless you lose confidence in their character or genuine capacity to empower you, stay steady. There is value in continuity, especially when you have cleared the honeymoon phase of a mentor/mentee relationship—when it’s no longer new, but real.

Also, moving forward in life is often a function of our discipline to dial into the people who can pull us forward. Even if you get access to them for only a small percentage of your time, you have to intentionally elevate and weight this time accordingly. And although you may get access to your mentor for small pockets of time, the community you surround yourself with can build on this concentrated thought process and also create a more regular and accessible support system.

Building Your Community

An ideal business community is a crew of people who are in similar industries and have an overlapping vision and mindset that support and also challenge you. Some of these individuals might even be your competitors, which creates a positive environment for leveling up. Your community can be extremely diverse, but also have a common thread or trajectory that pulls the group together toward a joined goal or mission. A shared mission or theme helps develop a culture, an environment, that is extremely powerful in creating the pull for you to keep growing, holding you accountable in ways you can’t duplicate going solo, and taking away excuses that the rest of the world would validate. This community also provides invaluable camaraderie that keeps morale high despite the natural ups and downs that come with being a side hustler. Without this group you are a lone wolf in harsh conditions.

Everyone should prioritize finding their pack. Finding a community of people who “get you” in ways that people who have known you for decades don’t or can’t is crucial in your success. In Chapter 9 we discuss how to build an inner circle more intricately involved in your business—meaning the people you hire to consult, service, or work alongside you as you brand and raise capital for your side hustle. Here we are focused more on the emotional and psychological power of finding like-minded people, with experienced and informed backgrounds that give you tools and anecdotal wisdom to help you stay the course.

So how do you find these people? What does building a community and support group look like? Here are a few specific tips that have worked for us:

Seek associations within your niche industry.

Identify associations that have a winning culture and are forward moving; there is momentum and people are growing.

Look for other individuals with strong leadership.

Inquire about other associations or individuals recommended by your mentor. Sometimes other mentees who have worked with your mentor can be a top-shelf resource!

Find associations and individuals you feel you can genuinely learn from and return value to.

Build additional relationships outside of your industry. These are commonly called mastermind or referral groups and are not only practical from a morale-building standpoint, but also can be great sources of referral business.

While you might find many of your best connections within your industry, it’s also important to develop some diversity within your posse. This might not be your primary inner circle, but peripheral people within your sphere of influence whom you support, and vice versa. For example, they might be professionals, entrepreneurs, and side hustlers in your local area whom you get to know at regular networking events or with whom you have a lot of mutual connections. In addition, here are a few other places you can look to build supportive relationships that may fall outside your industry:

BNI (Business Network International) groups

Churches, mosques, temples, and so on

Athletic or fitness groups

Other interest groups (dogs, bird-watchers, Star Trek fans, etc.)

Businesses

Rotary, Kiwanis, or other service organizations

Volunteer groups and nonprofits

Facebook or Meetup groups

LinkedIn or in-person local LinkedIn events

Mastermind groups

Build your own association! (this could be using any of the above examples).

Carrie here. In my experience it’s so important to have an investment mindset in any type of association you want to gain access to. It’s easy to have a mentality where you show up late, bounce early, and leave all the responsibility to other members of the group. However, as with anything, what you put in is what you get out. This works the same for relationships. If you approach these spaces with a giving mindset versus taking, you ultimately receive tenfold as a function of your contribution over time. As a result, there’s deeper integration, support, and synergy that gets built, which are some of the biggest benefits of tapping into an association to begin with.

Ensure Your Community Challenges and Elevates You

Associating with your peers can provide crucial support to lean on; however, just as we advise with finding mentors, try to include people who challenge and elevate your game in your community. How do you do that?

First, embrace and study your competitors’ thought process, mindset, work habits, strategies, processes, and products. Continually challenge yourself to access those playing at a higher level. If you’re not stretched by your association to where you are uncomfortable, identify people who can. It’s an amazing ego trip to be the most successful person in the room, but if you are interested in growth, that’s not always the best play.

In addition, don’t be afraid to upgrade your community over time if stagnation sets in. Of course, being loyal to the people and relationships you develop along the way is important. But there comes a time when you may evolve beyond a certain sphere of influence, or you remain, but in more of a leadership/consulting capacity. This is oftentimes a natural evolution and an important realization that entrepreneurs sometimes miss.

Disassociating

Disassociating, creating separation of mindset, time spent with certain people and overall influence is an important part of life. In our experience this type of pruning, is about mindfulness. As you form your associations, build your community, and seek out valuable mentors, disassociating can be a sensitive topic. As such, we challenge you to take a half step back and begin to evaluate how and who you invest your time with. Your time is both valuable and finite, and who you choose to spend or invest it with makes an impact on your ability to achieve your Life Vision.

It continues to amaze us how many people give away their most precious resource based on a feeling of general social obligation or blind conditioned programming. It’s OK to say a graceful no when you need to. And if you feel a real internal conflict, consider creative ways you can make it up if an important event needs to be missed or cut short. A lot of times with loved ones or extended relatives, investing quality one-on-one time can go further than just showing up to a big event that doesn’t really enrich your relationship with them.

We should all take stock and do some pruning—or weeding! You can’t risk being distracted by people who aren’t helping you on some level get closer to your vision—even if it’s that they are generally an energy suck. To identify whom you might need to disassociate from, we recommend dividing your associations into the following groups: toxic, negative, neutral, or actively supportive. Note, disassociating does not mean no longer talking to family members or breaking up with friends from high school. It means knowing who to include in the inner workings of your plans for your side hustle and your Life Vision. Here are some ways to manage the different types of people in your life:

Toxic: These people have strong negative energy and add very difficult interpersonal dynamics to their environment. Their toxicity affects others. Minimize your exposure and their influence. If this happens to be a boss or close coworker, consider changing your job or your role. If it happens to be a close family member, set boundaries for your own mental health. Therapy can be a great outlet for learning how to navigate these types of relationships! A mentor or general positive association can help dilute toxic influences in your life, however you’ll still need to do the hard work of developing a healthy dynamic with these types of people.

Negative: These are the naysayers, the ones pointing out the flaws in your plan (not in a helpful way), touting stories of other’s failed ventures, and are waiting for you to fail so they can be justified in their negative projections. These types of relationships can hold a lot of power and be much more common than toxic ones. Because their negativity is likely more subtle, the effect can linger. Of course, if you find yourself in these spheres of influence regularly, check to make sure you are not the source of negativity! Assuming you’re not, here are a few recommendations to facilitate living a productive life while navigating other negative people.

Limit your exposure. This strategy can vary greatly depending on the type of relationship you have with this person. If they are a random high school acquaintance or old coworker, it may be easier to do than with a close family member.

Suit up your armor. Make the decision that their negativity can and will roll off your back. Take a deep breath and examine the source. We once had a friend who was negative about one of our business ventures. Since he was one of the worst money managers and decision makers we knew, it was actually a confirmation we were doing things right.

Assess. Is there some truth to what they are sharing? If so, why is their negativity or commentary flustering you? Is the tone of their delivery potentially overshadowing the value in what they are saying? Is there an unresolved issue that you have not internally addressed—with your own belief in your side hustle or in your personal relationship with them? Take some time to think this through so their future commentary doesn’t affect you as much emotionally.

Tell them how you feel. Consider having an upfront conversation with them about how their actions have impacted you and what you are working to create. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Alan Switzler, Joseph Grenny, and Ron McMillan is an excellent book for preparing for some of these conversations.

Revisit your own values and reconfirm why you are side hustling. You cannot control other people, but if you have a clear purpose with your activity, feel confident in what you are doing, and execute as much as possible on the preceding recommendations, then other people’s negativity can be left for them to deal with.

Neutral: If something or someone isn’t pulling you forward, ask yourself this: Are they slowing you down? In many ways, neutral associations can be the most dangerous. Many family members or longtime friends may fall into this category.

Realize, those who love us are not always qualified to empower us.

For example, suppose you are building a side hustle and working on a large contract to handle a client’s social media account, and your good friends call and are going to the big game. They have good intentions, but they don’t understand your current workload, and just want to have a good time. Trust your gut here and proceed how you wish. For us, our family and close inner circle get a special pass. We do not let many people in the neutral bucket sway us out of staying on point in the direction of our Life Vision. You may choose to go to the game, concert, or Dungeons and Dragons group role-play or not—just make sure your decision aligns with your values.

Don’t continue on the journey for their approval. Remember you are being driven by your own WHY, your own internal compass. We can assure you we did not write a book for the approval or recognition from our family or friends. Of course, it’s great when they are supportive, but we don’t adjust our life path for that type of support.

If these are close friends and family, make sure to invest the quality time with them that feels honest. Our grandparents and parents will not be with us forever. For us building our side hustle and creating financial independence was extremely important so we could invest more time in these relationships. However, be careful that in that journey you don’t blow important opportunities to invest time in the people you love the most—this is likely a key component of your Life Vision also!

Actively supportive: These are the people you are seeking and need to be intentional about pursuing their thinking and time to truly grow your business! This is the friend who offers to babysit because you have a presentation to write. This is the cousin who is your best customer and is outright cheering you on in your journey despite having a completely different path of her own. This is the former coworker who has their own side hustle, and you are mutually supporting one another’s pursuits through book swaps and referrals.

Keep in mind few people can build and run successful businesses and cater to every extended family member, high school friend, fishing buddy, and past coworker at the same time. You have to choose what you value, and you vote with your time. You vote with your hours. Every hour spent is a vote cast, so vote intentionally.

Now that we have discussed your Life Vision and wrangling in your WHO, let’s begin evaluating WHAT type of business you should be building. What is the best side hustle vehicle to carry you to that destination? Although luxury sports cars can be excellent vehicles, if your destination is Bali, you may want to consider other options.