5

SAY GOOD-BYE TOTHE PAST

The past is a bucket of ashes.

—CARL SANDBURG

The past is over. Enjoy the good memories, use the bad ones as lessons in life, and get ready to make some new ones. Your focus should be on the future.

Imagine that you’re the batter in a baseball game, waiting for the next pitch. Think of the ball as your life and the path of the pitch as the course of time. From the time the ball leaves the pitcher’s hand until it passes over the plate, it is beyond your influence. It’s in the future, out of reach.

The future becomes the present the split second the ball crosses the plate. You can swing at it or you can let it go by. But as soon as the ball makes contact with the bat or pops into the catcher’s mitt, you’ve lost control of it again. It’s in the past. You may knock it into the stands, hit into a double play, strike out, or walk. But your only chance to control what happens is in that minute speck of time when the ball is over the plate.

The future races toward the present, then zips into the past quicker than a ninety-eight-mile-per-hour fastball travels from the pitcher’s mound to home plate.

If you decide not to commit yourself and swing, your fate is in the hands of the umpire. He can call a ball or a strike. If you swing, you take a risk, but you also give yourself the opportunity to score. And the outcome is in your hands.

WELCOME CHANGE

Fortunately, life keeps throwing pitches at you. You get a chance to swing again and again. And though the future is out of your reach, you can always make use of the present to prepare for the future.

If you go up to the plate thinking about the double play you hit into the last time around, you’ll probably be struck out or thrown out again.

But if, while you’re in the on-deck circle, you mentally prepare yourself to make the perfect swing at the perfect pitch, knocking it out of the park, you’re much more likely to have a successful turn at bat.

This is not speculation. It’s a proven reality: People who prepare themselves to do what they want to do precisely the way they want to do it usually succeed at what they’re trying. Their minds are in the present, but they’re rehearsing for the future so that when it arrives their response systems will know what to do.

Many people, though, are unable to rehearse for the future because they’re too busy rehearsing the past. So the first thing you have to do if you want to commit yourself to a dream is to ditch the past. This means seeking, accepting, and embracing change. If you want your future to be an improvement over your past, you have to be willing to give up the past and replace it with the future you want.

For many people, change is more threatening than challenging. They see it as the destroyer of what is familiar and comfortable rather than the creator of what is new and exciting. But these days, if you don’t change, you stagnate and die.

The Cockpit versus the Parachute

A naval aviator once made an observation to me that illustrates the point. He said many pilots have died because they stayed with their disabled aircraft too long. They preferred the familiarity of the cockpit to the unfamiliarity of the parachute, even though the cockpit had become a death trap.

Many people have seen their careers crash because they preferred the familiar but deadly old ways to the risky but rewarding new ways. They never learned that to stand pat is to go to pot.

PREPARING FOR CHANGE

If you prefer either the accommodating or meticulous behavioral mode (see Chapter 2), you are naturally wary of change. It makes you feel tense and uneasy. The accommodating person likes a smooth, undisturbed routine. The meticulous person likes for things to take place systematically, and therefore resents anything that causes a variation from the norm. If you prefer either of those modes, you can prepare yourself for change. Remember that no matter how sweeping the changes, some things always remain the same.

Traveling through Time

One way to prepare yourself is to engage in time travel. It’s done all the time, you know. You have been traveling in time ever since you were born. You’ve just never found a way to control the pace or reverse the direction.

Suppose you could do both. Imagine yourself at some earlier time of life. Now imagine what it would be like if you suddenly moved forward from that time to the present. What contrasts would you observe between the past and the present? What similarities would you find?

When I first came to the United States, it was 1966. A lot has changed since then. We have VCRs and giant-screen televisions in our homes. Instead of two or three television channels for each market, we have a wide variety of choices through cable and satellite dishes. The kids spend hours playing computer games, and adults spend an increasing portion of their time in front of computer screens, surfing the Internet. Available jobs require new skills and knowledge. It’s a different world today, in many respects, from the one I found when I first came to America from the Middle East, a stranger to the people, the culture, and the language.

But as I think back, many things are still the same. In 1966, all the young people wanted to own Ford Mustangs or Chevrolet Camaros. As I write this, the Mustang and Camara are still competing vigorously for the sporty end of the automotive market, and although you see more Japanese nameplates on cars in America, the majority of vehicles still bear names like Chevrolet, Ford, Plymouth, Dodge, and Buick.

Jet air travel was popular in 1966. Many of today’s airplanes are bigger, but they're not much faster.

Teenagers spent hours talking to each other on the telephone. They still do.

People in my hometown read the High Point Enterprise and stayed up for the eleven o’clock news on WGHPiedmont, the local television station. They still do.

Sports fans hung on every pitch in the World Series, followed the fortunes of their favorite professional football teams, cheered on their college heroes in the New Year’s Day bowl games, and followed the action in the NCAA basketball tournament. They still do. And the teams that show up regularly in these events are the teams I remember from the sixties: the Cowboys and the Redskins; the Pirates and the Braves; Notre Dame and Alabama; North Carolina and Kentucky.

Americans were in love with hamburgers and French fries, pizza and milk shakes. They still are.

Many of the singing voices we heard on LP and stereo records in 1966 still come to us via compact discs today, and many of the figures on movie and television screens then are readily recognized today. For years to come, Americans will be entertained by Frank Sinatra, Julie Andrews, Bob Hope, Carol Burnett, Andy Griffith, Dick Van Dyke, and Mary Tyler Moore—either in person or in reruns.

My point is that, despite three decades of the fastest change in the history of the world, much remains the same. The person who went into hibernation in 1966 and awoke in the middle of the nineties would not step out into a totally new world.

So as you think about creating your own future, remember that you don’t have to recreate a totally new world. Concentrate on the things that will remain familiar to you. But if you want your future to be exciting and stimulating, you should also cultivate an awareness of exciting possibilities.

Do some more mental time traveling. Imagine yourself in the future. Think about the way you would want your life to be if you could have it any way you wanted. Imagine the sights, sounds, and smells of your future life. Become familiar with your dream, and when it arrives, you won’t be a total stranger to it.

Are You in a Rut?

Many people stay in ruts and make no effort to get out. It’s not that they like the ruts; they just don’t see any good reason to make the effort to get out.

You may be in a rut without knowing it. Here are some questions to serve as a reality check:

• When you think of your career, do you say, “Whatever the company wants me to do, I can do”?
• Do you go down every road that opens up, hoping it will lead to something bigger and better?
• Do you frequently wish you were doing something else at the moment, and keep promising yourself that some day it will be different?
• Do you stay busy most of the time doing things that seem urgent, but at the end of the day feel as though you haven’t accomplished much?
• Do you feel that you’ve been fairly successful, but wonder whether you’re doing the right things to reach your full potential?
• Do you avoid new methods because the old ones still work and the new ones may upset the routine?
• Do you base your plans on the assumption that present trends will hold up for the future?
• Do you look upon change as a threat instead of as an opportunity?

If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, you may be drifting along in a rut, taking no responsibility for the direction of your life.

Pain and Reward as Motivators

If you’re in a rut, you can use two motivational factors to energize you to get out: pain and reward.

You may not like to get out of bed in the morning. But you do, because the pain of losing your job is greater than the pain of throwing off the covers and climbing out of bed.

If your flight to Acapulco were leaving at 7 A.M., though, you would have no trouble getting up, because the anticipation of pleasure would outweigh the pain of throwing back the covers. You may not want to go to the dentist, but the pain of a toothache is greater than the pain of the drill. You endure the agony of a steep mountain climb because of the breathtaking view that awaits you at the top.

Put pain and pleasure to work in motivating you toward change. When you decide that you don’t want your future to be a repetition of your past, think of all the things you dislike about your present circumstances. Dwell on the pain and aggravation they cause you. Then visualize the pleasures that would accompany constructive change. Associating pleasure with change and pain with the rut will help energize you toward a commitment to change.

Look at change the way you look at a pool of water just before you jump in. You know that there’s going to be a shock when your body leaves the warmth of the air and feels the cool water. But you know that your body will adjust quickly and you’ll enjoy the pleasure of swimming and floating and splashing.

A Taste for New Experiences

You can cultivate a taste for stimulating new experiences if you’re willing to take the plunge.

If you’re in the habit of having lunch at the same meat-and-potatoes restaurant time after time, break the pattern once in a while. Try a Chinese, Japanese, Lebanese, Thai, or Vietnamese restaurant for a change. You may find something you really like. Imagine what life would be like if you had never taken the trouble to taste a pineapple or banana, a pizza or an egg roll for the first time.

If you’ve been spending your vacations at the seashore or the mountains every year, try something different. Visit a foreign country if your budget will allow it. French-speaking Quebec is just across the border from New York and New England. Spanish-speaking Mexico is a relatively short drive from California’s Disneyland, just across town from EI Paso or Laredo, Texas, and a pleasant cruise away from Miami.

“Travel has a way of stretching the mind,” wrote Ralph Cranshaw in the Journal of the American Medical Association. “The stretch comes not from travel’s immediate rewards, the inevitable myriad new sights, smells and sounds, but with experiencing firsthand how others do differently what we have believed to be the right and only way.”

Author Robert Louis Stevenson adds, “If you can’t travel, read about new places.” Your public library will have illustrated books on other countries, and probably a number of videotapes as well. Expand your tastes in music, art, and entertainment. Your new knowledge will give you a great deal more self-confidence, which will help you in coping with change.

In social situations, learn to take the initiative. If you’re at a party, go up to a stranger, introduce yourself, and start a conversation. It will be easier if you’ve read a good book, seen a good movie, or learned something new from newspaper and television reports. But you don’t have to be a fountain of information to start a conversation. Learn to ask open-ended questions that give the strangers an opportunity to talk and tell you about themselves.

The point of all this is to transform yourself gradually into a broader, more flexible, and more adaptable person—the kind who can deal comfortably with new things and who won’t have to use old ways as a crutch.

MAKING CHANGE THE NORM

You’ll find change less upsetting if you learn to look upon it as the norm—as indeed it is. Make it a habit to go about every day looking for things that you can change for the better. It may be something as simple as a minor change of routine. It may be a new hairstyle or a new approach to your wardrobe. It may be a different route to work. One rule of thumb holds that when you’ve done something the same way for at least two years, there’s probably a better way of doing it.

Playwright George Bernard Shaw lived in an age when the pace of change was slower. But he was always examining new ideas. “It is an instinct with me personally,” he said, “to attack every idea which has been full grown for ten years.”

If you don’t learn to move with change, you’ll soon find the world moving ahead while you lag behind. Here’s an exercise to help you determine your openness to change. List three major changes that have occurred in your life during the past five years. Then answer these questions:

1. Did you initiate any of these changes?
2. If you didn’t initiate them, did you anticipate them, or did they take you by surprise?
3. In what ways did you change your behavior in response to these changes?
4. Did you resist these changes or welcome them?
5. What future changes do you anticipate, and how do you expect to deal with them?

If you just drifted into these changes without initiating them, and dealt with them by following the course of least resistance, you need to acquire the tools of change. These tools are necessary if you want to control the changes in your life:

Creativity
Healthy habits
Accommodation
Nose for news
Good-bye to the past
Eagerness to succeed

Creativity

Change can be confronted with an air of resignation or of challenge. If you accept it with resignation, you’re at the mercy of change. If you accept it as a challenge, change is your creative instrument.

Creativity is often assumed to be an inborn trait, but it can be learned. Your creative energies can often be ignited by a two-word question: What next?

“What next?” puts the ball in the future’s court, and it calls for change. It keeps you from being married to an unproductive idea. You say, “This isn’t working; what next?” and immediately your mind begins searching for another solution. It lets you build on your experiences: “This method is an improvement over the last one, but it isn’t quite what I’m looking for. What next?” “I can see now why that procedure didn’t work. What next?”

Knowledge is to creativity what a bed of coals is to a fire. It provides a reservoir of resources to keep the creative fires burning. So to develop creativity, acquire a thirst for knowledge. Read, travel, and explore. Browse through libraries, bookstores, and magazine racks. Savor new places and new experiences. Share your knowledge with other people and ask them to share theirs with you. Don’t be afraid to use borrowed ideas and borrowed methods. Be open to innovative thinking and innovative procedures, regardless of where they originate.

Healthy Habits

Change is challenging, stressful, and often uncomfortable. To deal with it successfully, you need to be healthy in body and mind. Physical fitness, therefore, is an important asset for anyone coping with change. It gives you both physical and emotional energy.

Good communication with peers is a source of emotional strength for dealing with change. You’ll feel better when you’re able to talk over your challenges and opportunities with people who understand them and who sympathize with you.

Set aside time to think about the changes you anticipate. If you understand the causes and probable effects of the changes, you’ll be in a better position to deal with them.

Keep your perspective. As I mentioned earlier, although changes are happening around you, some things will remain familiar and stable. Take a balanced approach. Confront the challenges, but find time to enjoy yourself too.

Cultivate a sense of humor. Humor is the pleasant lubricant of life. If you approach change with a sense of humor, you’ll take the sharp edges off the adjustments and smooth the way for you and those around you. As Marianne Moore put it, “Humor saves a few steps, it saves years.” And as Shakespeare wrote, “They laugh that win.”

Accommodation

You can’t deal with change by resisting it. You have to accommodate it.

A wise Danish king who once ruled England taught this lesson to his followers by going down to the seashore and demonstrating that he, powerful ruler that he was, could not stop the tide from coming in.

Change is just as inevitable as the tide. Accommodate it, channel it, and use it, but don’t try to stop it. And just as one wave is surely followed by another, so one change is followed by another change. You can’t accommodate one change and then relax. You have to get ready for the next one.

Nose for News

If you’re going to deal with change, you’ll have to keep up with change. You can’t adjust to what you don’t know. So it’s important to read extensively the literature dealing with the field in which you pursue success. Attend seminars where the latest trends are discussed. Use video- and audiotapes to keep you updated on events and trends. Keep an eye out for changes that will affect your life. Think about how these changes will affect you and how you will respond to them.

Good-bye to the Past

When you decide to buy all new furniture for your home, what do you have to do? You probably have to get rid of most of your old furniture. Otherwise, there won’t be room for the new.

The same is true of new ideas and new ways of doing things. Before you can make significant changes, you have to get rid of the old ways. You have to let go of the ideas and habits you’ve grown comfortable with. You have to forget old resentments and old grudges.

Eagerness to Succeed

If you expect change to be a downer, it’s probably going to be a downer. If you expect it to result in better things, it’s probably going to result in better things. Events, like people, usually live up to your expectations. So one of the most powerful tools you can take into the era of change is a positive attitude—an expectation that whatever changes are taking place, you’re going to ride them to success.

Your value to your family, your company, and your community will depend upon your reaction to change. You can’t be a leader if you don’t keep up with change. Therefore, it’s important that you monitor the way change affects you at a personal level.

One way to monitor the effects of change is to keep a journal. Periodically take the time to summarize in your journal the things that are changing in your life and the way you’re responding to them. If you find yourself feeling anxious or frustrated, decide what needs to be done to remove these negative feelings. Then take action immediately.

Successful people are always living for new beginnings. As H. G. Wells wrote, “Life begins perpetually.” Living for the future is the best way to build pleasant memories. Enjoy those memories, and keep producing more of them. The past can be a wonderful place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there.