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Step 4: Rethink

Our mind has the incredible power to change how we think, which has an immediate impact on how we feel. Research has shown that simply adjusting our mindset can have significant effects on objective, measurable outcomes, such as levels of hormone secretion, reduced pain, improved hearing, and decreases in body fat percentage. You've probably heard of the placebo effect before, often used negatively to describe things that don't work. However, the placebo effect has an effect, which means it does work; it has the power to trigger a significant change in the brain and body because we think it will work.

In fact, research has shown that inactive pills—the placebo—show benefits in 60 to 90 percent of diseases.¹ This includes both diseases with subjective endpoints, like anxiety or depression, and diseases with measurable physical changes, like osteoarthritis and cancer. Placebo treatments trigger complex neurobiological phenomena, including the activation of distinct brain areas, as well as peripheral physiology and the immune system. Alia Crum, a top Columbia Business School mindset researcher, calls the placebo effect “an incredible and consistent demonstration of the power of mindset to recruit healing properties in the body, even without active drug.”

This phenomenon has been shown to have serious implications not just in pharmaceuticals but in medical procedures as well. In one study, researchers enrolled patients who were scheduled for reconstructive knee surgery. They went through all of the typical operating room steps, including undergoing anesthesia and having their knees cut open. But instead of having surgery, the doctors simply waited the time the surgery normally takes, sutured the patients back up, and monitored the results. Compared with before the surgery, these “sham-procedure” patients felt less pain, used less morphine, had more mobility, could climb more stairs, and had reductions in the objective amounts of swelling—all because they believed they'd had reconstructive surgery.²

New studies in neuroplasticity show that we have more control over how we think than we once knew. Although it's been long assumed that the brain is hardwired from a young age, advances in medical technology have provided us with a way to see the brain in action. Researchers can now analyze activity changes that occur in the brain as a result of shifts in thought patterns—and can even determine how new mental maps are forming because of repeated cognitive training.

The Power of Positivity

One of the best-researched areas of brain training is optimism and positivity—likely because a positive brain performs better on nearly all functions of cognitive ability than a neutral or negative one. As Shawn Achor describes in his book The Happiness Advantage, we've been sold a bill of lies when it comes to work success and happiness.³ We assume that if we work hard and become successful, then we will be happy. But as studies on lottery winners and professional superstars reveal, if we're not happy before we get there and suddenly realize that improved status didn't help boost our spirits, we may end up feeling worse in the long run. The equation should read, “Be happy and work hard, and then you will be successful,” not the other way around.

It turns out that people in a positive mood have many advantages over those who are negative or neutral, including mental flexibility. According to positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyobomirsky, author of the book The How of Happiness, “People in a positive mood are more likely to have richer associations with existing knowledge structures (things we already have committed to memory) and thus are more likely to be more flexible and original.”⁴ Martin Seligman, often called the godfather of the positive psychology movement, believes that positive people are more resilient because they are able to perform better—and are even stronger physically—when difficulties strike.⁵

Barbara Fredrickson of the University of North Carolina and author of the book Positivity has studied the power of positivity in companies with which she has researched and consulted. Fredrickson and her team analyze the words that employees say in business meetings to determine their “positivity ratio”—the ratio of positive to negative statements. According to Fredrickson, companies with a positivity ratio higher than 2.9 : 1 (or 2.9 positive statements for every negative statement) are flourishing. Organizations that fall below that ratio don't seem to be doing well economically. However, Fredrickson warns us not to go overboard with compliments, because anything above 13 : 1 may cause us to lose our credibility.⁶

Relationship expert John Gottman looked at a positivity ratio in conversations between married couples. He found that in relationships, a 2.9 : 1 ratio of positive-to-negative statements is not enough to make a partnership flourish. To reach that goal, couples need a 5 : 1 ratio of positive to negative—or five positive statements for every one critical statement. Gottman suggests that a 2.9 : 1 ratio means the couple is headed for divorce and a habit of 1 : 3 is an “unmitigated catastrophe.”⁷

Mindset Matters

Mindset author Carol Dweck separates mindsets into two fundamental categories: growth and fixed.⁸ People who believe that intelligence is a fixed trait—that is, you have it or you don't—have a fixed mindset. These individuals tend to believe that success is based on talent and may be quick to dismiss effort and hard work as something for the weak or less intelligent.

People who operate according to a fixed mindset often opt for easier tasks that require less effort, and they may give up quickly. Whether it's work related or involves an important relationship, these individuals often throw in the towel faster than people who believe they have the ability to work hard for change.

People with a growth mindset see difficulties as opportunities for growth. They're more willing to take risks, put in extra effort without feeling stupid, and recognize the benefit of learning, regardless of outcome. They believe they can develop their brains, abilities, and talents. In her research, Dweck found that individuals trained on a growth mindset pursue goals related to learning, not just outcomes or performance.

Multiple studies have shown that a growth mindset is beneficial in business. Negotiators who see things this way are more able and apt to push past obstacles to reach a mutually beneficial agreement. Business school students who were taught a growth mindset learned more skills and received better grades in their negotiation class. Leaders may benefit from a growth mindset because they are better equipped to coach and develop their employees and are quicker to notice improvement in their team than are leaders with a fixed mindset.

Having an optimistic or positive mindset has serious benefits, both in and out of the office. Studies show that a positive mindset has a significant impact on cognitive functioning in areas such as attention, intuition, and creativity. Being positive helps speed recovery from cardiovascular problems, lowers cortisol, reduces the inflammatory effect of stress, and improves the chance of living a long, healthy life. According to multiple studies, positive affect also produces future health and well-being.⁹

Although our mindset tendencies may be hardwired, the good news is that recent neuroscience research has demonstrated that the brain is more malleable and adaptable than we once thought. By using simple cognitive training exercises, similar to the ones we discussed in the previous chapters, we can rewire our mental maps to be stronger in areas that our genetic tendencies may have made weak. Like our muscles, our brain pathways weaken and start to atrophy if we don't use them regularly. This can be great when we want to decrease the power of negative habits, but it can undermine our goals when we lose strength in those areas that move us in a positive direction.

Rewire Your Patterns of Thought

Our brains contain trillions of neural connections that have cemented our habits of thought and behavior over time. Each time we have a thought, the brain fires chemicals that wire and rewire neural patterns. With repetition, these thoughts strengthen and become part of our automated system, which then conserves energy when we need to think or behave that way again. It can be frustrating when we've wired particular patterns of thought or behavior that we wish to change, because we often slip back into bad habits despite our best intentions.

Most people go wrong in one of two ways when trying to create a behavior change: They don't have the energy necessary to make adaptations in the brain, or they don't invest the time required to solidify the changes. Recent studies have shown that it can take an average of 60 days to rewire a thought or behavior pattern—sometimes more and sometimes less, depending on the habit and the individual.¹⁰

We must keep in mind that any change requires energy; if we have an empty tank, our brain is going to shut down unnecessary spending in an effort to help us survive. We fight our biggest battles with ourselves during these low-energy times. Although we need to make good choices to have good energy, we also need energy to make those good choices. Because we need to invest energy to change brain patterns, we can only take on a little bit of change at a time. We gain motivation and momentum as we start to build up our energy reserves; at this point, we're recharged and better able to create sustainable change moving forward.

Let's walk through one example of how to rewire a negative thought pattern, and then you can try one of your own. I've developed a simple five-step process, or five As, for changing our internal dialogue, one message at a time:

The first step, or A, in changing our patterns of thought is to become aware of our internal dialogue. Habits inevitably come with a story that supports them, so if we're struggling to change behavior, we must first look at the message we're telling ourselves that makes it okay to continue it. For example, we say we want to eat healthier but then clean our plate because we don't want to waste food or because we recognize there are children starving in other countries. The reality is that we're likely to receive more than we need if we aren't in control of our portion sizes—and eating too much is waste whether we carry it on our waistline or toss it in the wastebasket. Another common example is when we want to take more breaks in our day. But as the alarm sounds for our time-out, we quickly remind ourselves of how many things need to get done and keep pushing through without a pause. By recognizing these messages, we can determine whether they're true and moving us in the direction of our goals. If they aren't, we have the power to rewrite them once we are able to fully let them go.

Before changing our script, it's helpful to acknowledge the purpose that the old thought served in trying to do something helpful for us. Our CFO brain is constantly trying to protect us, and a faulty thought pattern is almost always rooted in self-preservation. Eating too much food or pushing through break time can seem like the best choice when we're overwhelmed or fearful of running out of steam. By recognizing the old thought pattern's purpose, we can modify our new thought to take over in a healthier, more productive way. We may even want to incorporate the message into our new thought, such as “I recognize my brain wants me to eat extra food because I feel tired, but what I really need right now is to get some fresh air and go for a walk to recharge.”

Once we acknowledge what our prior belief was trying to do for us, we should try to appreciate that at its core, it was serving some sort of protective function. Remember the “frenemy” brain, and consider what might have been going on until now that would cause it to say these things or try to motivate these behaviors. It's the brain's job to protect us when we're in survival mode, so we should be sure to thank it occasionally. This decreases defensiveness and resistance to the new message; after all, everyone wants to feel appreciated it for what they're trying to do, even if it's not working out the way they'd hoped. Each time we have a thought or behavior that seems to be pulling us away from our goals, we should try to see the situation from the brain's protective perspective. We might gain more understanding and find the negative pattern easier to rewire.

Based on what we're trying to accomplish, we can now adapt the message to one that better serves us. If we need energy, what are some healthier ways to recharge? If we feel overwhelmed by our to-do list, how can we convince ourselves that taking a break is critical to getting it all done?

The final step, or A, to rewire our thought process is often the toughest—that is, to allow adequate time for the changes to take hold. First, we think about one limiting belief that gets in the way of better energy management and practice going through the four initial steps outlined earlier to rewrite our story. Then, we commit to spending at least 3 to 5 minutes each day working through the new thought process. A recharge or movement break might be a great time to do some mental cross-training and practice while enhancing the circulation of glucose and oxygen to the brain.

Take a moment to walk through the following five As exercise. Focus on rewiring your thought process around one specific limiting belief that prevents you from taking the time and energy you need to recharge your energy throughout the day.

What's Love Got to Do with It?

People often tell me that they wish they could have a job that allows them to follow their heart and do something truly meaningful. The great thing about a passionate career path is that the force of energy you're able to channel into your work is of the greatest intensity—because it brings such a laser focus on your priorities. The challenge: If you think it's tough to say no to work you don't like, try saying no when open doors hold opportunities you once believed would only be seen in dreams. How do you say no to something you'd pay good money to be able to do? In many ways, the things we love most cause us the most stress. After all, we wouldn't have such a strong emotional response if we didn't care.

Our stress dependence can become even greater when we love what we do, because (1) we feel grateful to work within our place of passion, (2) we feel bad complaining or even addressing our stress levels when we know other people have it “worse,” or (3) we receive an even greater amount of neurochemical reward in the brain when we feel “in love” with what we're doing. It's hard enough to set limits on work when we have a boring job; it can feel nearly impossible when we feel inspired by what we do.

Although it can feel like we're floating along on cloud nine, even our greatest passions require extraordinary energy to sustain over time. Love, like life, requires healthy oscillation to keep it going. To bring our best self to the people and things we care about most—whether it be our friends, family, community, or career—we must build in time to rest, repair, and rebuild our energy regularly. Oftentimes, this requires that we think differently about what takes priority in any moment, whether it's turning our focus outward to serving our greatest missions in life or turning our attention inward to recharging and replenishing our energy. As we become more mindful of our ideal performance pulse during the day, we can continue to give the best of ourselves without feeling depleted or burning out.

As you become more aware of your thoughts and how they affect your behaviors, keep in mind that change requires energy. For your cognitive training to take hold and have a lasting impact on supporting your goals, you need to maintain your other practices of resting, repairing, and rebuilding your energy supply. This keeps your energy tank full, allowing your CFO brain to perceive abundance. Then it won't be stingy when it comes to sharing some of that energy for your internal work. The time and energy you spend now to rewire your patterns of thought will help support you in your stressaholic recovery process, strengthening your resilience and continuing to positively transform your relationship with stress.

Stepping Stone 4: Purpose, Perspective, and Positivity

Sometimes the best thing we can do to help balance the stress in our lives is to increase our scope of reference by looking at the bigger picture. Any shift away from the norm can feel like a threat when we're in survival mode, especially when our tank is empty. Knowing that the demands we face far exceed the energy we have in the moment can feel overwhelming, even though our challenges are temporary. One seemingly simple shift in the language we use to describe our current situation can trigger a dramatic change in our internal environment. It switches from a mode of fighting or running away from threats to being ready—even anticipating or being excited—to face challenges head on.

I remember an important lesson I learned early in my speaking career from a participant in one of my groups. He was an expert speaker who congratulated me on a job well done. I was surprised by the compliment and asked him if my nerves would ever go away. He warned me that I shouldn't wish away my nervous energy because it was one of the driving forces that gave me the edge I needed to get up on stage and perform to the audience. Without that energy, he said, the presentation might come across boring, stale, or lacking emotion. By simply shifting my interpretation of the energy I was feeling, I was suddenly able to use it for my benefit instead of letting it carry me into fears of another panic attack.

Although this knowledge was not enough for me to make a sudden leap into anxiety-free public speaking, it did help prepare me with techniques for seeing my engagements as an opportunity for growth. I began to recognize them as part of a challenging adventure that would cost extra energy to endure but would also lead me toward my most important goals of having a meaningful career, overcoming personal obstacles, and continuing to learn and grow through my experiences. Being able to build more resilience to the stress of public speaking has not only enabled me to see parts of the world I never imagined possible and build a flourishing career doing something I find fascinating; I'm also able to use my personal growth to help inspire and teach others who might be struggling with similar challenges. This adventure continues to be a blessing for me.

Shifting my internal dialogue from perceiving challenges as stresses to embracing them as adventures helps me prepare my mind and body to endure a bit more of an energy drain. When I recharge my energy regularly, I can use the experiences to continue to grow and become even more resilient. I invite you to try this practice when you are experiencing anxiety or stress to see whether it's helpful for you.

The simple mantra “Life is an adventure” can gently shift your brain into a more growth-based perspective. It prompts you to see the world around you as an opportunity to experience challenges that stimulate growth. When we recognize that we have what we need right in this moment, we allow the brain to disarm its protective guard. It's then ready to invite challenges and even temporary discomfort into our life to build our strength, improve our flexibility, and make us more resilient to future stress.

Try it now. Read the following instructions, and then walk through the steps on your own. You can also download a guided meditation track directing this practice at www.synergyprograms.com/stressaholic.

Here are other mantras you may want to try to help improve your mental flexibility, keep a positive perspective, and connect with your deeper sense of purpose: