Final Thoughts

I've often said we teach what we most need to learn, and that could not have been truer than when I set out to write this book. I'd just experienced a life-changing realization that a combination of my genetic makeup and lifestyle choices had made me addicted to stress at a cellular and chemical level. So I did what any good stress addict would do: I decided to write a book about it. There's no better way to provide ample access to my drug of choice than attempting to write a book.

My first thought was to create an oscillation process similar to what I've been discussing throughout this book. Instead of trying to write while I work, as I've done in the past, I would set aside ample time to focus solely on writing. I was committed to being fully engaged in the task at hand and being able to bring it my best energy. So I worked out my book tour to give me a full six weeks of committed time to the writing process. That is, until an opportunity to work with a new client came up—and with it more speaking engagements and more time on the road. How could I say no when the client was paying me good money to speak to a great audience and continue to share a message I was passionate about? Remember what I said in Chapter 7: Having a job you're passionate about is a blessing, but you have to work even harder to set good boundaries for rest and recovery. It's something I've repeatedly proved to myself.

So my writing sabbatical quickly filled up; however, I convinced myself that I'd still have time to write when I was on the road and even repeated the story that there is nothing like work to keep me from having a meltdown when I'm stuck on a plane during turbulence. Like numbing out with any other drug, work stress gives your brain something more urgent to focus on than being 30,000 feet in the air. The problem wasn't my lack of time, however; it was my lack of energy. As I'm sure many of you know, travel is a brain drain. Time zone changes, dry air, forced sitting for long periods, missed flights, weather patterns, germs galore, and tired, irritable people make for an energy management challenge of the highest degree. Even though I know how to make healthy choices, when you're running on empty, it's nearly impossible to opt for the salad when there is a buttery pretzel roll or unlimited glasses of wine available to soothe your weary soul.

Despite my best intentions, the travel and the stress caught up with me again—and again, my brain and body began to break down, spiking my anxiety levels and terrorizing me with fear that I'd taken on too much. Writing a book about stress addiction while facing my own addiction head on seemed to be hitting too close to home. I found myself wishing I had guidance for how to calm the craziness spinning in my mind. Then I realized that it was right in front of me. I knew what to do; heck, I was writing a book about it. I went back to Chapter 1 and reread my assessment of stress addiction and how serious of a concern it is to all of us. I found myself nodding to my words as I described our serious stress problem and then skimmed through my ideas for how to use stress for success.

Then I followed my five-step process to again try to break free from unnecessary sources of stress, both internally and externally. I even booked myself a stay at a retreat in Mexico for a few days to get away from the city noise and construction that was keeping me up at night and distracting me during the day. I realize not everyone can escape to Mexico when they need a break, but I believed my book—and my sanity—depended on it. Although it was a financial investment that I hadn't expected, I thought of all the other expenses I incur regularly—from work to personal, from business trips to doctor visits. This recognition challenged my thinking about whether spending time and money on my self-care was worth it. Of course it was; I would easily pay twice that much for a marketing person to help me spread the word about the book or for a Web developer to give me a great website. Why do we think so long and hard (and usually talk ourselves out of it) when it comes to investing that same time and money on our most valuable resource—our own energy?

I share this story with you for two reasons. First, I think it's important to continue to revisit our internal dialogue about how much it's worth to take care of ourselves. Our body is business relevant, because it is our vehicle to get through life. Yet most people check the oil in their car more frequently than they look at their blood work to see what's going on under their own hood. To be extraordinary at anything, whether it is at work or at home, as a leader in our organization or as a leader in our family or community, we must take care of ourselves first. We have to remember to put our oxygen mask on to help others. I hope you understand that, believe it, and start to create your own messages that support your ability to make more self-compassionate and energizing choices. You must be responsible for the energy you bring to the world, and by bringing more of yourself, you empower others to do the same, creating a significant ripple effect for the better.

Second, I want you to know that like any other addiction, recovery from stress is a lifelong process. You don't take a few steps and then find yourself at the finish line, where you can kick back and watch everyone else race. This is just part one of the journey. Rather than looking at life as a marathon in which we continually move forward toward our goal and conserve energy so that we can make it for the long haul, imagine it as a series of shorter sprints. A sprinter mentality gives you a clear view of the finish line. Sprinters are able to give everything they've got for a short period to maximize their effort, knowing that recovery time will happen at the end. Once they've recovered, sprinters can again take their mark at the starting gate with their eyes on the prize for the next race and give their full energy to get there as quickly and efficiently as possible.

You're going to make mistakes. False starts happen, and we trip from time to time; but that's all part of the journey. Making mistakes is the only way for deep learning to occur. When we stumble or face obstacles, we must figure out a solution or course correction. We'd never have the stimulation we need to grow or adapt if things were always easy. Like the stress in our lives, we need these obstacles to help us improve our technique and learn even better ways of reaching our most important goals.

In Stressaholic, I've provided you with five steps that I believe will help you transform your relationship with stress. But remember: It isn't something you do once and then forget about. I hope you will commit these steps to memory and walk through them again when you face challenges or feel overwhelmed, like I have learned to do each time I face my fears. Ask yourself:

• Am I getting the rest I need? If not, how will I build it into my routine? What will I do, when, and where?
• Am I providing my brain and body with a chance to repair regularly by fueling my system with good nutrients, like healthy food and frequent movement? Am I getting enough sleep? If not, how will I build it into my routine? What will I do, when, and where?
• Am I challenging myself to grow in areas that I need to maintain to be fit and have greater energy? Do I push myself physically every few days with some sort of interval training? Do I engage in mentally stimulating activities and conversations? If not, how will I build it into my routine? What will I do, when, and where?
• Am I able to see positive outcomes of stress in my life? Do I take time to count my blessings and enjoy present-moment gratitude? Am I telling myself a harmful story that's keeping me stuck in negative habits? If so, walk through the five As of the rethink process (given in Chapter 7) to provide yourself with a better message to support healthy choices.
• Do I consistently engage in my supportive rituals? Do I set clear boundaries and expectations, communicate with a positive attitude, and allow time for these strategies to become habits—in other words, do I create life BEATs to provide oscillation in my daily routine? If not, try creating one BEAT right now to create that time and space to recharge regularly.

Like any relationship in our life, our relationship with stress is one that will always require us to invest time and energy to keep it healthy. Trust that you have everything you need to create a healthy relationship, remain aware of your symptoms of stress so that you can quickly respond as needed, and stay the course. As you see your health, energy, productivity, and performance begin to soar, your loved ones will thank you for it—and you will thank yourself.