2 Letting Go and Moving On

If you are like many CEOs—you may start laughing as you read some of the examples in this memo—you may be remembering how crazy other executives acted when it was time for them to leave. Personal difficulties with transition are very easy to observe in others, but they are very hard to see in the mirror.

Almost all of the leaders who I have met assure me that they will be different. They confidently assert that they will have no problems letting go. You are probably delusional enough to believe that you too will be different. Take my word for it: while your desire for uniqueness may be theoretically possible, it is statistically unlikely.

Letting Go Is Hard to Do

In getting ready for your transition to “life after being the CEO,” make peace with the fact that it is probably going to be very hard for you to just let go—and get on with the rest of your life. CEOs who realistically face the personal challenges of transition are much better prepared to leave than those who chronically deny the difficulty of leaving.

While you, as a CEO, have to face an enormous amount of work, pressure, and grief, let’s be honest here—the job does come with a few pretty nice benefits! Each of these benefits can make you, as the chief executive, want to keep on leading—and can make it hard to let go.

Wealth

When it is time for you to leave, you will have more money than you will ever spend. One positive side of being a CEO in the 2000s is that you are rich. With very few exceptions, the CEOs who I meet don’t actually care about money in terms of needing more or even wanting to buy things. They are not interested in showing off their possessions. Many plan to give most of their money away to their favorite charities. There are no material items that they want—and can buy—that have not already been bought. On the other hand, money can easily become a sort of personal “scorecard.”

You may not think that it will be hard for you to walk away from making so much money. You may be surprised. One retired leader reported, “In my entire career, I always made more money in the present year than in the year before. I always assumed that I would make even more next year! I took it for granted. I didn’t make a big deal of it, but I always ‘counted the numbers.’ When I realized that I was going to make a lot less money, I felt kind of ashamed—like I had failed. Although this doesn’t seem logical, it is still the way that I felt.”

Perquisites

After a few years, the perks that come with being a CEO are almost taken for granted. Flying around in the company jet, having access that most people never dream of, going to games in the company box and being supported by a dedicated professional staff are part of your daily life. When you leave the job, many of these perks go away—and you may be surprised how much you miss them.

A surprising number of retired chief executives report that it is difficult for them to adjust to standing in airport security lines, waiting for delayed flights, and eating airplane food. When retired CEOs are asked what they miss about not being a CEO, more than you would imagine mention the company jet.

Almost every retired CEO who I know misses having a personal assistant. Face it: this is the person who kept your life together for years! You are probably incapable of doing a lot of assignments that your assistant takes for granted. I have a suggestion. Get a personal assistant after you retire. You can afford it. This way you will decrease the odds of embarrassing yourself by showing the world you cannot do tasks that others have been doing for years. You will also free up your time to do work that is personally rewarding for you—and that makes a contribution to others.

Status

CEOs, like you, learn to live with amazing amounts of status. After a while, it just seems to be part of who you are. None of the great top officers that I have known have any desire to act like big shots or come off as arrogant or superior to others. They adapt well to their status and don’t abuse it.

On the other hand, one of the great fears of any megasuccessful, well-known person is becoming a “used to be.” Instead of being introduced as the CEO, you will be introduced as the person who “used to be the CEO.” It isn’t the same. To be honest, it isn’t even close.

After you have retired, instead of looking at you with admiration, the ambitious young people you meet may be looking around the room for someone more significant to talk to. In the words of the Eagles’ “New Kid in Town”—They will never forget you till somebody new comes along.

Make peace with your loss of status in advance. Learn to enjoy the process of others’ striving to get ahead. If you cannot make peace with losing status, don’t retire!

Power

When I asked one executive what he had learned about leadership since becoming a CEO, he laughed and replied, “My suggestions become orders. If I want them to become orders, they are orders. If I don’t want them to become orders, they are still orders. No matter how open I try to be, as the CEO of a multibillion-dollar corporation, I don’t make suggestions. I give orders.”

Many CEOs won’t admit it, but most studies indicate that they have a higher need for power than most other human beings. Incredible power can be hard to give away.

Power can simply be defined as the potential to influence. CEOs love to get big results. It is hard to get huge projects completed without power. Throughout their careers, leaders experience an increase in power gradually. Over the years, as you move from position to position into higher levels of authority, you get more and more power. In sharp contrast, when you leave the role, you may lose power suddenly.

One executive reported, “It was like falling off a cliff. My loss of power, ‘They’re not bothering to return my phone calls.’ When I was the CEO, my phone calls always got returned—immediately!”

Let’s stop and review what you may be giving up so far: money, perks, status, and power. You begin to get the picture. While the theory of stepping down from the CEO role is easy, the practice of letting go can be a little painful!

It can be amusing to listen to people gossip about chief executives, with apparent shock, and gasp, “I am amazed that anyone—who made it to the level of CEO—could have made that mistake!”

Have you ever read a history book before? Is there any evidence in the history of the world that shows when human beings are given incredible amounts of money, perks, status, and power, they begin to act completely sane and rational? I have never read that book.

Face it: you may be a CEO, but you are still a human being. Millions of leaders throughout history have had trouble letting go of money, status, perks, and power. If you cannot make peace with giving up some of this stuff, you will never be able to make a smooth handoff.

Relationships

If you make a chart of how you have spent your time for the past few years, you will find that you have spent far more time with the people at work than you have with your friends and family members. You and your coworkers have been through a lot together. Most of your success has been caused by them. Their success has been heavily influenced by you.

As a CEO, you personally like the vast majority of your close coworkers. If you didn’t like them, they would not be your close coworkers. Along with being fellow employees, they have almost become your family. It can be hard to leave the “friends and family” at work who you have grown so close to over the years. The more you have been through together, the harder it can be to leave.

Happiness

Deep down inside, the great leaders who I have met love being CEOs. They love leading people and leading organizations. They love the challenge and they love their work. They look forward to getting up in the morning and facing the new day. They have the incredible energy that comes from loving what they do.

If retiring and playing golf were really more fun than being a CEO, you would already be retired and you wouldn’t be reading this memo. As you face transition, you will need to look for new ways to find the happiness that came with being a chief executive.

Meaning

Being a CEO matters! Your actions have direct impact on people, products, and your world. Your work is not trivial—it is meaningful. One former executive sighed, “No matter what I do for the rest of my life, it won’t matter as much as what I did when I was a CEO.”

As you begin to slow down and pass the baton of leadership to your successor, you will need to face the challenge of finding meaning for the remaining years of your life.

Contribution

When asked the question, “What are you most proud of?” (aside from family), CEOs invariably respond with comments that relate to the positive contributions they have made in people’s lives. They talk with pride about the great leaders who they have helped to develop, the wonderful jobs that they have helped to create, and the economic benefit that they have helped to generate.

Contribution and deeper meaning in life are often closely connected. Just as making a contribution contributes to pride and meaning, not making a contribution can lead to emptiness.

As you slow down and get ready to leave, you may need to find another way to make a contribution. If you think that you can just stop and watch the world go by, you may be disappointed.

The first step in letting go is to make an honest assessment of what you are letting go of. In walking away from the CEO role, you are letting go of a lot.

The vast majority of employees, who have never been in positions of true power, have no idea how difficult it can be to let go of authority. Most people believe, “With all of that money, I wouldn’t have any trouble letting go of work. I would just have a great time hanging out at the beach for the rest of my life!” It is easy to imagine letting go of what you never had. It is hard to let go of what you do have.

I have seen too many CEOs deny their love for their jobs at the beginning of the succession process and then fail to pass the baton with dignity and class—as they calculate the cost of leaving—at the end of the succession process. Don’t let this happen to you.

Moving On—Creating a Great “Rest of Your Life”

As you get ready to slow down and transition, you need to ask yourself an important question: “What am I going to do now?”

Frances Hesselbein is the former national executive director of the Girl Scouts of the USA and is now chairman of the Leader to Leader Institute. Peter Drucker considered Frances to be the greatest executive he had ever met. She is also a wonderful human being.

Alex von Bidder is co-owner of the Four Seasons in New York—one of the most famous and successful restaurants in the world. Alex is also a master yoga teacher and one of the deepest thinkers I’ve ever known.

On three different occasions (twice at my home in Rancho Santa Fe and once in New York), Frances, Alex, and I had the unique opportunity to spend a day and a half with three different sets of eight extremely accomplished people. The major topic of our open dialogue was “creating a great rest of my life.”

The executives were at various stages of career and life. Like you, they were dealing with the process of letting go. Some had left their jobs two or three years earlier, some were just getting ready to depart, and some had a few years left before departure. Although they were from very different industries and backgrounds (some corporate, some nonprofit, and some military), they had a lot in common. And they were all there to learn from each other and to help each other.

You may benefit from spending time with a group like this as you prepare for your departure. The only people who can tell you “what it is really like” to live through CEO succession are the people who have done it!

Being the CEO of a publicly traded, multibilliondollar corporation is a very unique experience. It is hard to really know what it is like, if you have not “lived there.” That is why I think that it is a great idea for retiring CEOs to learn from other CEOs who have gone through the same transition.

In each session, participants’ chairs were placed in a circle—with no furniture in the middle, no Power-Point presentations, no computers, and no notes. It was just human beings talking to each other for hours. The dialogue was amazingly open, candid, and supportive.

There’s a lot of truth to the saying “It’s lonely at the top.” As you know, if you’re the chief executive officer of a publicly traded, multibillion-dollar corporation, you can’t stand up and share your “existential angst” with the world. You have to be “on” almost all of the time. This is an important part of being a professional and being a responsible leader.

But CEOs, like you, are just as human as the rest of us. They, too, have parents with Alzheimer’s, spouses who get angry, kids with problems, and customers who can be very demanding. They have the same kinds of aspirations and concerns that come with growing older as all human beings.

During our time together, these leaders loved the opportunity to just be “people” and talk about their lives, their hopes, and their fears.

Looking from the outside in, we might logically assume that these people would be looking forward to retirement and a life of leisure. Wrong! None of these great leaders had the slightest desire to retire in the traditional sense.

In our discussions, the three most important variables that needed to be taken care of—in order to have a great “rest of my life”—were contribution, meaning, and happiness.

While some participants had more wealth than others, none believed money was a key factor in “creating a great rest of my life.” Everyone agreed that while money can be used to pay for nice homes, fast cars, and fine dining, it can’t be used to purchase meaning. Studies on happiness have also shown that, beyond a middle-income level, the amount of money one has bears almost no correlation to how happy one is. Although they missed the perks of being a CEO, most retirees realized that they could buy the really important benefits with the money that they had accumulated. The former CEOs who had dropped their competitive urge to make more money than their friends—or to make more money than they had made last year—were doing fine.

While everyone agreed that health was critically important, this group of twenty-four people was remarkably healthy. Health concerns were seldom discussed. In fact, several people commented on the fact that with good luck, a healthy lifestyle, and medical care, they might well be able to contribute to the world twenty or more years after leaving their “primary” occupation.

Everyone clearly valued relationships with friends and family members and saw that these relationships were a key factor in their future well-being. In spite of their amazingly busy schedules and demanding lives, these people had very positive, stable relationships with friends and family. Relationship concerns were not a major topic.

Although the CEOs who had left missed many of their colleagues, they still maintained close relationships with the ones who were personal friends.

Most of these executives spent their time discussing contribution, meaning, and happiness. In fact, these three themes were so closely intertwined that they were almost impossible to separate.

All of the participants at our sessions realized how blessed they were and wanted to give back in their later years, make a positive contribution to the world, and leave a legacy. They wanted to help others in the same way that mentors, teachers, parents, and friends had helped them.

Each person wanted to continue doing work that had true meaning. Instead of becoming a person who used to be making a difference, they all wanted to remain a person who still was making a difference. No one wanted to rest on their laurels while reviewing their scrapbooks and awards for the next twenty or thirty years.

Finally, all of the participants wanted to be happy. They realized that, at least for them, true happiness can’t be bought—it has to be lived. They believed that, at a deeper level, happiness couldn’t be separated from meaning and contribution, but could only come from meaning and contribution.

A lot has happened in the months that have passed since these meetings. One investment banker is now the CEO of one of the world’s most important environmental organizations. He is dedicating his life to helping our planet. One executive is still leading, but is now leading a different major corporation, where she has even more opportunity to serve. Her challenges are huge, but she savors going to work every day. One adviser is still advising, but he’s now advising people on how to have great lives, not just make more money. One started a new business, sold it, and is using her money to help mentor entrepreneurs. One of the most successful post-CEOs is focused on training the future executives in his region. He loves his work and is trying to give hundreds of younger leaders the wisdom that his mentors gave him.

I’m a very lucky person. Many years ago, one of my coaches, Richard Leider, taught me that reflecting on life and purpose is a process that should start when we’re young—and never stop. I also had the privilege of serving on the board of the Peter F. Drucker Foundation for ten years and being able to observe Peter Drucker. Peter worked until his death at age ninety-six. He was never interested in retiring. He was never a “used to be.” Through his wonderful example, I learned that making a difference means a lot more than making a living.

Think about the rest of your life. Now is a great time to start planning. Begin by challenging yourself. How can you make a contribution? How can you find meaning? What will really make you happy? You may well have twenty or thirty years to live after your present work is finished. How can you make this time count—for yourself and the people around you?

If you have options that you believe will lead to happiness, meaning, and contribution, you will be much more willing to let go when you should. If you look into the future and see nothing that looks exciting, you will be tempted to hang on longer than you should.

As you contemplate letting go of the baton of leadership, look for another track and another race. Planning for contribution, meaning, and happiness in your next life will not only help you, it will be good for your successor!

Your hand will be relaxed as you deal with succession and hand off the baton of leadership. You won’t have white knuckles from holding on too tightly.

Finding Another Team—or Teams

My most common advice to CEOs who are dealing with succession in their sixties is to find another team—or sometimes, find some other teams. As we have discussed earlier, traditional retirement usually doesn’t work. You will need to keep on contributing—just not with the same team.

As a CEO, you have become used to being surrounded by people who tell you how smart, creative, and wonderful you are. Don’t get overly enamored with yourself when you start looking for the next challenge in life. Finding another great team might not be as easy as you think.

I was having dinner with one of the top officers in the U.S. Army. At the table were seven newly minted generals (all men). The senior officer laughed as he looked at their shiny new stars. As he contemplated finally leaving the military, he reflected back upon his own experience. He smiled as he joked around with the new generals: “Have you noticed that lately, whenever you tell a joke, everyone laughs? You aren’t that funny! Have you noticed that lately, whenever you make a comment, people nod in agreement? You aren’t that smart! Have you noticed that lately, women seem to want to have sex with you? You aren’t that handsome!” He grew serious, sighed, and continued, “Always remember, they are not saluting you. They are saluting that star on your shoulder—all that it stands for—and all that it has stood for over the years. Never let admiration go to your head. When you quit wearing that star, they won’t be saluting anymore.”

As soon as you stop being a CEO, you will learn that the old officer was right—not just about them, but about you. When you are a CEO they are not “saluting” you because you are funny, smart, and handsome. They are saluting you because you are the CEO. When you leave your position, this will become painfully obvious—very quickly.

As we have discussed, in looking at the rest of your life, you will need to find something to do that provides happiness, meaning, and contribution. From my observation, this might not be as easy as you think it will be.

Your first challenge may be getting over your own ego and sense of importance.

One of my favorite coaching clients is the CEO of a huge company. He is going to be leaving in about six months—and has done absolutely nothing to plan for his departure. I asked him, “If you knew that your company was going to face a major, dramatic change in six months, would you start developing a strategy to deal with this change now?”

“Of course,” he replied.

I replied, “Your entire life is going to face a major, dramatic change in six months. You may not realize this right now, but ultimately, your life is even more important than this company. Start developing a strategy for the rest of your life!”

You should talk with this CEO! Perhaps you two could help each other.

When you are looking for a future position (or a combination of interesting activities), I have one consistent suggestion. Get real offers! Don’t worry too much about money, perks, status, or power. Focus on a position that will lead to happiness, meaning, and contribution. Get real offers—then weigh the costs and benefits—and make real decisions.

My friend Randy is an excellent example. Randy had a fantastic career in a top professional services company. In spite of his outstanding contribution to the business, he was in his early sixties, and according to this company’s published guidelines, it was time to go. He was very dynamic and had no interest in traditional retirement. He knew that he wanted an exciting new career challenge for the next few years, but wasn’t sure what. We discussed his future, and he started thinking about leadership in the nonprofit sector.

“Perhaps I should be a leader in a human services firm,” he mused enthusiastically. “I really don’t need much money, and this would give me an opportunity to make a positive contribution to society. I believe that a lot of what I have learned in business could be applied in the social sector. And who knows? At my age, this type of change might be great fun for me.”

His face changed expression as he began to debate with himself. “On the other hand, I’m not sure that I want to spend all of my time taking rich old people out for lunch and begging them for money,” he fretted. “That may be a large part of my job as a nonprofit leader. And sometimes those nonprofit people look down on businesspeople like me. They think we are all just greedy capitalists with no real values.”

Randy had similar debates with himself about consulting, private equity, and a couple of other future careers. As he began his search for a new job, he didn’t do very well. Some potential organizations saw him as arrogant. They felt he showed more interest in “What can you do for me?” or “Would you like to know how wonderful I am?” than “What can I do for you?” He asked a lot of questions he could have answered himself had he done more homework; they felt he communicated with ambiguity and showed a lack of genuine desire for the new job.

Randy became a little defensive as he and I discussed some of the negative feedback from the companies where he had interviewed. “I am not really sure what I want,” he snapped. “What’s wrong with me asking a few questions? And by the way, I’m not so sure I would have wanted those jobs anyway!”

I gave Randy the career advice I give most often: get real offers. “Why don’t you go out, do your homework, sell yourself better, and get some specific offers in writing?” I asked. “Until you get real offers, most of your internal debating is just hypothetical, a waste of time. From what I have heard from you so far, I think that there are some positions in the nonprofit world that you would love—and others that you couldn’t stand. My guess is that the same thing is true for private equity or consulting. Get real offers—with real salaries, real job descriptions, real coworkers, and real board members. Then you can do apples-to-apples comparisons and figure out which position you like the best. It doesn’t really matter how you feel about a job you will never get anyway.”

Randy changed his attitude, did his homework, and started going for real offers. He dropped his “Are you good enough for me?” questioning and started selling himself and his potential to make a contribution. He quit doing informational interviews that made it seem as if he were judging the organization’s worth, and focused on organizations that might be a fit.

Within a few months, he had some real alternatives. Although there was much he liked about the nonprofit world, he realized that his options there were not nearly as exciting (to him) as leadership in a venture capital (VC) firm. He decided that he could help society more by making money and giving it to other nonprofit leaders who would be better at human services management than he was. He deeply respected the specific board members and coworkers in his new VC firm and decided that he was going to have a lot of fun as a venture capitalist.

My advice for you, if you’re facing transition and are getting stuck in a mental debate among competing potential career options is, focus your energy on getting offers. When you get real offers, you can make real decisions. At the end of the day, all job offers are good. And even if you say no to an offer, you will probably have learned something in the process—even if it’s learning what you don’t want. And it’s nice to be asked.

Although some career counselors may disagree with my advice, I generally think it is better to start the process of getting real offers before you leave your present role.

You may not want to get one offer, but instead work on several smaller projects. One of the happiest and fulfilled retired executives I know, is on several boards, spends more (but not too much) time with her family, and works on three different charitable causes.

As you begin the handoff process, you will need to let go of leading the company and focus on developing your successor. As the handoff time nears, you will need to let go of developing your successor and focus on creating a great rest of your life.