Sofia was the senior cabin crew member on today's flight and as such was responsible for running the preflight briefing and assigning responsibilities to the rest of the crew. Flight schedules, passenger details, company news, and, of course, safety updates were important parts of the briefing. But Sofia knew that taking time for the crew to get to know each other was critical as well. If the team connected well with each other, it would be a better experience for them and the passengers. Camaraderie builds synergy, and synergy builds powerful, purposeful, team‐focused individuals.

Sofia could already tell that one member of the team was focused only on herself.

As they all moved from the official briefing to the preflight preparations, Sofia began to ask relationship‐building questions, which, for her, was as simple as asking about someone's personal story.

“This is only my third trip since receiving my FAA certification,” Collin beamed. “I have always loved to travel, and I enjoy meeting new people, so I feel this job is perfect for me. And I gotta say that I am excited about this opportunity to learn from the two of you.”

Looking past Collin, Sofia could see the eye‐roll from Cecelia, the third member of the crew. From the preflight paperwork, Sofia knew that Cecelia had been with the airline for seven years; from their brief conversation, Sofia also knew that Cecelia wanted to be anywhere but here. She had let it be known more than once that being short‐called for this flight was a huge irritation to her.

“Heck,” Sofia thought, “it is fairly evident that people in general are a huge irritation to her.”

Sofia believed that Collin was sincere in his desire to learn from senior crew members and she was determined to not let Cecelia taint this opportunity. It wasn't that Sofia wanted to shield Collin from the frustrations of the job or the challenge of dealing with an irritating co‐worker; every job has them and everybody needs to learn to navigate them. It was simply that she was not going to let Cecelia poison this opportunity to coach a willing learner. Sofia had learned that coachability was far more important than any behavioral constraint one may possess. She also knew that all successful leadership coaching ultimately focused on improving emotional intelligence.

Mastering the people side of every job is critical to success.

It was no surprise to Sofia that the opportunity to delve into the people side came quickly.

After a round of “things that I want you to know about me,” during which Cecelia had shared nothing more than her name, tenure, and continued irritation, Collin looked at them both and said, “Can I ask the two of you a question? It's a question I've been asking everyone I've had the chance to work with.”

“Of course,” Sofia offered.

Cecelia responded with another eye‐roll.

“What's the best piece of advice you can give me for achieving long‐term success in this job?”

Surprisingly, Cecilia jumped in first.

“It's pretty simple. In this job people treat us like glorified waitresses and bellhops and believe they can poke and pull on us when they think they need something. So, you've got to learn to paste on a smile while at the same time not taking any crap. And,” she looked up from where she had been inspecting the first aid and medical kits, “remember that a drink at the bar when we're done will always make it better,” she ended, with a forced smile. “And that's not how you do that, Caleb!”

She had been watching Collin check and store the equipment that would be used in the safety demonstration and not‐so‐subtly pushed past him to take over.

“Look, it's not that hard,” she told him. “Oxygen mask goes here, seatbelt goes here, and safety card goes here. For the life of me, I don't know what they teach in training anymore.”

As Cecelia moved back toward the galley, oblivious to the expressions of her crew mates, she simply heard, “Collin.”

“What's that?” she asked looking at the half‐embarrassed, half‐surprised face of Collin. “My name is Collin. You called me Caleb.”

“Well, Collin,” Cecilia snapped, drawing out his name, “I know you're new, but if you cared as much about doing your job right as you seem to care about me getting your name right, we'd all be better off, wouldn't we?”

Collin was stunned.

Sofia was not.

Even the quick change from smiling to a critical spirit didn't throw her off. She had seen it all before. Hypercritical. Over‐controlling. No empathy.

All equaled low self‐awareness.

Cecelia was behaving as though her way of storing the demonstration equipment was the only correct way, but the task didn't have to be done exactly one way. Unlike the one right method for inspecting the oxygen bottles and ensuring they are bracketed, full, and attached properly, there was flexibility when it came to how flight attendants stored the safety equipment that they were going to use in the demonstration.

Cecelia was simply over‐controlling.

Sofia could tell that Cecelia was completely unaware of Collin's emotional state and, even worse, didn't care about it. She could have chosen to speak to Cecelia about the whole scene when Collin was out of earshot, but instead Sophia decided to use this as an opportunity to answer Collin's question while at the same time confronting behavior that was out of line.

“Cecelia, I know you are most likely pretty ticked‐off that you are even here today.”

“You think?!?,” Cecelia retorted.

“And I do know that it can be frustrating to have to change plans at the last minute.” Sofia wasn't going to explain how she prevented frustration when it came to short‐calls. That kind of preaching would be like poking a sleeping bear. And this bear was already awake. To Cecelia, it would probably sound a whole lot like Sophia saying, “I'm a lot better than you.”

“But,” Sophia continued, “Taking it out on Collin is completely unacceptable. Taking it out on anybody is completely unacceptable.”

“Look,” Cecelia interrupted, “I don't see what the big deal is. He asked for advice and I gave it to him.”

“‘I don't see what the big deal is' usually means ‘I don't care how you feel about it,' don't you think?” Sofia calmly replied.

Cecelia escalated even more, “I'm not here to be liked; I'm here to get a job done and get it done the right way. I'm tired of being the only one on these crews that cares about doing things the way they are supposed to be done.”

Sofia restrained herself. She wanted to say, “Well, you're doing a pretty good job of not being liked.” Instead she said, “Cecelia, I understand what you said about being a glorified waitress and passengers thinking it's our job to store their luggage. I get it; I do. Candidly, I've been in this job a lot longer than you. As all three of us know that our primary job is the safety of every soul that will be on this plane. All of the other responsibilities we have are secondary.”

Cecelia continued to bang things around in the galley.

Collin continued to stare.

“And with that,” Sofia continued, “can I share something that science has demonstrated will help us fulfill all of those functions better, especially the safety part?” She didn't wait for an answer. “It's possessing a strong self‐awareness.”

Collin was suddenly reengaged. “You mean like knowing your strengths and weaknesses?”

“That's a part of self‐awareness, but I'm talking more about emotional self‐awareness. It's understanding what you are feeling and why. People who are aware of their emotional state and take responsibility for managing it have better safety records; they make fewer mistakes. They understand how their feelings impact their behavior and performance, and they don't let their emotions control them. They're better with customers. They're better team members.”

And then, looking directly at Cecelia, Sofia stated clearly and calmly, “And they don't stay in jobs that they don't like.”

Sofia continued. “Collin, the best piece of advice I can give you for long‐term success in this or any job is to develop self‐awareness. Full, complete, self‐awareness.”

“So, let's all,” Sofia emphasized, “take a deep breath and get in the emotional mindset we need to make this an excellent flight for everyone.”

With that, the first passengers arrived at the cabin door, all of them anxious to find a place to put their backpacks.