“What are you two talking about now?” Sofia asked as she returned to Buddy and Jon's row. As crew lead, she enjoyed taking the time on long flights to walk the aisle and simply connect with passengers, especially her friends.

Buddy smiled up at Sofia. “Jon was starting to explain to me how his wife ‘made him mad' this morning.”

Sofia knew where this conversation was going. She had heard Buddy say on more than one occasion that “‘You make me so angry' is the most misused phrase on the planet.” It was a truth she had shared with many others herself.

Jon ignored Sofia for the moment because he was still processing Buddy's spilled-backpack scenario. “Okay, Buddy, so what you are saying with your not‐so‐hypothetical hypothetical is that if I become angry and that anger pours out, it is because the anger was already inside me. Well of course that makes sense. I am the one defending myself with my anger, so it comes from me.”

Buddy briefly recapped the backpack illustration to get Sofia up to speed in the conversation. Then he turned back to Jon, who was looking rather impatient.

“Hmm. No, that's not quite it,” Buddy replied. “I am saying that all of the stuff spilled out hither, thither, and yon on the floor is only dressed up to look like anger. It is actually a whole mess of broken beliefs and mislabeled emotions. Anger is the emotion that the person who owns the backpack chooses to display, consciously or not, because of that mess. That anger is almost always a secondary emotion that gets vomited up because the angry individual has not dealt with their own mess.”

Jon's face continued to show every emotion he was feeling, and the predominant look at this point was confusion. Sofia knew that Buddy could get so excited that his southern drawl hit 90 miles per hour and listeners were struggling to keep up.

“Jon, if I may,” Sofia began. “First of all, Buddy, I love the backpack idea! Every single flight I am on there is somebody, and it's usually a lot of somebodys, who are hitting other passengers with their backpacks.”

“The correct term is whacking,” Buddy interjected with a smile. “And thank you.”

“Jon, how would you define anger?” Sofia continued.

“Well? Hmm.” With the way the conversation was going, Jon was pretty sure he was going to be wrong no matter what he said. That was a new feeling for him. A lack of confidence in his answers. “I would say that anger is a strong emotion resulting from something happening that you don't like,” Jon stated, trying to sound confident.

Sofia and Buddy continued to look at Jon intently, but neither said anything.

“It's a lot of things. Like that emotion you have when things don't go like they should, or when people don't do what they're supposed to do.” Jon paused. They listened. “Or what happens when you hit your finger with a hammer.”

“Or trip over your own backpack,” Buddy interjected with a smile.

“Yes,” Jon smiled back. “Or that.”

“You're kind of throwing horseshoes blindfolded hoping to hit a ringer, aren't you?” Buddy grinned.

“Maybe,” Jon smiled back. “But those are all things that make me angry, that's for sure.”

Buddy looked up at Sofia, wanting her to continue.

“All of those are certainly part of what people do when they feel angry. As you said, those are some things that make you angry. But those are responses, not a definition of anger,” Sofia pointed out.

“Then enlighten me,” Jon said.

“Okay, I'll try,” Sofia began. “First of all, yes, anger is an emotion. And it is one of the core emotions experienced by all human beings. As such, anger in and of itself is not wrong.”

“I know,” Jon interrupted. “I've always felt that my angry responses were justified.”

“Hmm,” Jon heard from Buddy, almost under his breath.

Sofia continued. “I said that as an emotion, there was nothing inherently wrong with anger. What we do with that emotion, however, is another story. Let's nail down a definition. Most medical doctors are going to define it based on what your body physically does when the emotion of anger is present. That's true, but incomplete. Mental health professionals usually add that its origin is in feeling that someone or something has in some way deliberately wronged you.”

“I was pretty close,” Jon said, looking over at Buddy. And looking back at Sofia, he added, “And I suppose that, like Buddy, you know all of this because you read a lot of books?”

“And listen to podcasts, watch Ted Talks, whatever I can find. I also love learning from my passengers. As you can imagine, I've met doctors and psychologists and I've asked them.” Sofia paused. “Plus, I was having this conversation with my crew mates earlier today.”

“Wow! Okay. I feel like there was a ‘but' coming after that last statement,” Jon said.

“It's more of an ‘and,'” Sofia continued. “That strong physiological reaction and the perception of being wronged grow from the feeling that you have experienced an injustice of some kind. But the real question becomes: What is truly an injustice? And does the intensity of the anger match the depth of the perceived injustice?”

It was Jon's turn to listen.

“Jon, someone threatening your family and your responding in fight mode brought on by anger is a just cause. Becoming angry when you hear of child abuse, sexual slavery, hungry children, abused women, terrorist attacks, genocide, and many other social issues is not only understandable, it is normal for someone who is emotionally mature and intelligent. We want the cruel inequity made right. Do you agree with that?”

“Of course,” Jon responded, rather indignantly. “You'd have to be a complete bonehead not to!”

“Agreed. But what about other events or even people that, again as you would say, ‘make you' angry? Is a traffic jam a justice issue? Is losing your keys, a barista making a mistake on your latte, lines at airports, or being late for a plane a life‐threatening situation? An issue of justice that deserves an extremely angry response?”

Jon sat silently.

“Miss Sofia, you certainly live up to your name: ‘Sofia, the wise one,'” Buddy said.

Sofia blushed.

“And thanks for making sense of my twang! My wife tells me that my brain can get moving faster than small-town gossip at the barbershop, and my lips are still trying to catch up to yesterday.”

“Buddy,” Jon said, “I never quite know what's going to come out of your mouth.”

“My wife says that, too,” Buddy smiled.

“Bottom line is this,” Buddy summarized, “broken beliefs are simply wrong beliefs. They're misaligned priorities that grow out of own selfishness. Beliefs that you shouldn't be inconvenienced or ever have to wait or be negatively impacted by others' mistakes are simply wrong‐headed.”

“For some, anger simply shows up when people disagree with them,” Sofia continued. “When they get pushed on, they push back even harder. Again, the response is disproportionate to the stimulus.”

“Jon,” Buddy continued, “we have the power of choice. We can change those beliefs. But we have to first own the fact that those broken beliefs don't lie in another person or the situation. They are tucked firmly away in our own backpack.”