I plan on having way more than 15 minutes of relevance, as should you. Too many people are trying to get their 15 minutes of fame without seeking to make a difference. I remember when I started out I wanted to be famous because I was broke. I thought being famous would make me rich. I was pitching myself left and right. I remember when I got on the local news as a featured guest. They would do a segment about a local hero. I saw the producer's email somewhere and thought I'd send in an email. I had a BlackBerry at the time with a weird email address. I emailed the producer with a fake name and said:

Hey, I'm just writing you to let you know that I really would like to see some positive images of young black men on the news. There is so much negativity on the news and anytime you see a black man he's robbing someone. You could even interview that young Author from the University of South Florida. I just read his book and it was pretty good. That would be some positive news for a change.

The producer emailed right back and said:

That's great to hear. Would you happen to know his name and how I could get in touch with him?

Then I emailed back and said:

Well, his name is Tony Gaskins and the only contact I have for him is what I found in the back of his book, [email protected] (or something like that)

Then the producer wrote back and said:

Thank you very much for the tip and we will get in touch with him.

It wasn't long after that I received an email from the producer. She told me she'd heard great things about my book, and she'd love to interview me for their local hero segment on the news. I was so excited. Still, I worried she would find out that the pitch came from me. I felt so bad about it, but then I told another author, and she told me that she used to do the same thing. She actually had a better story of how she would call the bookstore in different voices and ask if they had 20 copies of her book. She said that got her book in bookstores all over. At least that showed me I wasn't crazy. I was normal, and we all want our shine. Still, my heart wasn't in the right place. Those 15 minutes of fame can make you or break you, depending on how you get them.

I often mention going on Oprah, but it didn't really do anything for me. It set me free because I told a story from my past that no one knew about, but as far as publicity, it didn't do anything for my career. She didn't promote my book or my business. I wasn't paid for the appearance, so no money came from it. I went on Tyra Banks right after, and she showed my book to the world, and my royalty statement later showed that I sold 70 books in that quarter. I was floored. Seventy books after all that work to get on TV? Is this what people are dying to see happen for their book? There were publicists who wanted to be paid $10,000 a month to get you on major shows like that. Instead of paying a fee, I pitched myself every day. I crafted catch pitches on a daily basis. I got so good at it that I started charging $150 a month to do pitches for other people. I found out the hard way that you can do all that work or spend all that money and still nothing may come from it.

With The Tyra Banks Show, I was pitching so much that the producers knew me by my first name. They would call me like we went to high school together: “Hey Tony, we have a show coming up and wanted to see if you wanted to be on it.” The show ideas were so off base and crazy I couldn't believe they were calling me for it. I think they thought I just wanted to be famous. I did, but not the type of famous they had in mind. The ideas were so far-fetched sometimes that all I would hear was, “Yeah, so this show will be circus monkeys jumping up and down screaming ‘I just want to be famous!’” That picture would be in my head after hearing the show ideas. I had to turn them down over and over again. Then finally they invited me as a guest expert with my book in hand after they saw me tell a portion of my story to Oprah. After I did Oprah and Tyra, I then pitched myself to TBN. I decided to pitch a different part of my story. To Oprah and Tyra I pitched the toxic lover side of my story. To TBN I pitched the ex-drug dealer side of my story. By saying I'd been on Oprah and Tyra already I got a call back immediately. They flew from Virginia to my apartment in Florida to film my story. I believe they called it “The Preacher's Son.” I just wanted to tell my story. I wanted to turn my mess into my message. I knew it would be my story that would separate me from everyone else. All we have is our unique story, and that's one surefire way to be different from everyone else.

After I pitched to the major shows, I then pitched myself to the local news again. I was really running these stories into the ground. I had a plan though. I wanted my story to be told so I could show people how I had changed my life. Christ was at the center of the change, but I also wanted to teach the actual steps I took to change. I knew that a lot of people needed to change and a lot of people had loved ones who they wanted to help change. I wanted to be a change agent, a catalyst, a life coach, or whatever you wanted to call me. I had a burning desire to help people and to use the wisdom God had given me through all my mistakes in life. I remember my high school put a page up on the website about me. They thought I was going to have a real 15 minutes of fame. They had no idea I made all those mistakes after high school, so when Oprah aired, they saw it was really 15 minutes of shame. They took that page down so fast. I asked a little while later if I could come in to speak to the students about the mistakes I made. They wrote me back and told me the students needed to focus on their test coming up so they'd pass. I was hurt. I saw that some people would turn their back on you when you took your skeletons out of the closest. But how bad do you want to help? If you pretend to be perfect or like a knight in shining armor, then you can't help anyone out of their mess. You have to show you had a mess too. I was all out in the open, and I wasn't ashamed of my story anymore. It all came full circle. Last year, I was asked to be the commencement speaker at my high school's graduation. It's all how you handle your 15 minutes of fame or your 15 minutes of shame. If you do enough good deeds, then eventually people will forget the fool you made of yourself or the mistakes you made in the past. We can all make up for our mistakes most of the time.

If you're chasing your 15 minutes of fame, make sure you choose them wisely. Don't take anything that's just handed to you. There may be an opportunity that allows you to expose your mistakes; if you know your mistakes are forgivable and you want to help others, then share it. If you feel it will do more harm than good, then choose another outlet. They say all publicity is good publicity—but that's not true. We see people make a fool of themselves every day and never come back from it. Be smart about your 15 minutes and even if it hurts you in the moment, if you know your heart is in the right place, then keep doing good and it will turn around in your favor.

I went from telling about my shortcomings in relationships to being on TV coaching celebrities on their relationships. I confessed my mistakes in a book then on national TV. I did it so that I could teach from my mistakes and not come off as a person who was trying to appear to be perfect. Some people judged me and questioned how I could give advice if I used to be a terrible lover. Others realized that I was the best person to give advice because I knew what went wrong and I had found out how to do it right. I shared that advice every day online, and celebrities started to see my name. They would read all of my tweets as if they were a book, and then I'd get a direct message from them asking if we could talk on the phone. I'd get on the phone, and I started coaching celebs and everyday people like myself. My 15 minutes of fame changed. It went from 15 minutes of shame to an actual 15 minutes of fame. I went from the valley to the mountaintop, from the sinner to the servant-leader. It's crazy how things can turn around for you if your heart is in the right place. It's very important that your motives are pure. If you're doing it for the wrong reasons, you will get exposed and you will be let down. Be prepared for a marathon, not a sprint. If you think you're going to get on a reality TV show and then be a household name the next day, you've got another thing coming. I remember meeting a client at the airport once. She'd been on TV every week for a year straight, and no one recognized her at the airport. I told her I thought she'd be having to take pictures and sign autographs and stuff, but she said, “No, my show has a certain demographic, and these people in this airport don't watch my show.” For some reason I thought being on TV and having millions of viewers would just automatically make anyone a household name, but that's not the case. You have to keep working. There are many people who have been on TV for seasons and once their show is done, they fade into the background as if no one ever knew them.

I got there, and I'm sure you can get there too; you just have to have realistic expectations of what's to come after your 15 minutes of fame. It's not about the flash in the pan; it's about the slow simmer after that. If you flash and then disappear, that will be it. If you make a flash and then you keep cooking, eventually people will take notice and more opportunities will come. It's all about how you capitalize on your opportunities. Don't ever do one thing and think that one thing will carry you forever. You constantly have to be creating and innovating, whether that's new material or new products. You have to keep working.

It's about turning 15 minutes into an hour. You have to be able to prove and keep on proving that you've got the goods. You can't be a one-hit wonder. You have to make an album of hits to have longevity in the game. People are being so bombarded with 15-minute celebrities that they are becoming numb to it. We all know that after the 15 minutes, the next thing we will be sold is a book, a T-shirt, a concert, a seminar, a course, or something else. Knowing that, people have to support the ones who look like the real deal.

Start preparing for your 15 minutes now. Make your hour plan. Map out how you plan to spread your name and keep spreading your name. It doesn't have to be a complex plan. As long as it's genuine and there's consistency involved, then I believe you can reach any goal you set for yourself. People who are not called to be influencers or world-changers stall out. They run out of gas, and they start to hitch their wagons onto the backs of others. You have to make sure that you can always look within and find your motivation. You have to stay motivated no matter what obstacles are in front of you. There is a path to the top, but everyone has their own map. You have to follow your map and trust your inner guide. You can't be sucked into the traps of the world. You can't give in to the easy way out. You can't sell yourself short and try to take shortcuts. Remember, if you take shortcuts, you will get cut short.

There are people who have gone before you and turned their 15 minutes into lifelong careers. If it can be done once, then it can be done again. You want to have influence, and you want to have an impact. There are different levels to influence. You don't always have to be at the top of the mountain to have influence. You can be in the climb and still be influential. Get ready for your moment and have a plan for what you'll do with it. In our Internet age, we see people go viral every day. You can tell the people who planned for it and the people who got lucky. The people who planned for it turn a viral video into a career. They roll out their plan that they've dreamed about for years. We see those who got lucky until their video is played out and then we don't hear from them anymore.

You have to plan for success. You have to prepare for success. And you have to be ready when you meet success. It will knock, but it won't wait too long for you to answer the door. Get ready for your moment. Seek out, not just your 15 minutes, but instead a way to become world renowned, by working hard and being consistent in your pursuit of greatness.