CHAPTER 23
Refuse to Schmooze and You Lose
Cultivating the Social Side of Business
A talented young woman in a fast-growing software development firm was shocked when her coworkers ranked her low in a peer-rated performance review. The reason? One recurring criticism was that she rarely socialized with other members of the company, never joining them for lunch or drinks after work and seldom attending company parties. They essentially saw her behavior as undermining the teamwork necessary to meet their corporate goals. “But I do great work,” she lamented. “I didn’t realize that being a party animal was part of the job description. And I’m just not good at that sort of thing!”
Do we really have to mix business and pleasure to make it in today’s business environment? Must we be socially skilled as well as subject matter experts?
Like it or not, in today’s climate of mergers and takeovers, downsizings and reorganizations, schmoozing, or the art of connecting with others in both business and social relationships, has become an imperative for career survival. Too many Boomers, Gen Xers, and Millennials are competing for a limited number of plum slots in both the public and private sectors. Furthermore, the number of management positions continues to shrink as companies trim costs and consolidate. With so many equally talented people in the workforce, and more on the horizon, those who understand the importance of relationships will outpace those who believe that refusing to play office “politics” is somehow a virtue.
PROFESSIONAL, NOT ANTISOCIAL
Being competent and professional does not mean that you’re exempt from building rapport with your colleagues. In fact, if you fail to network, within your company and with clients, you’ll find yourself lagging behind as coworkers move ahead. Making connections with key people is as vital a part of your career plan as being up-to-date on the latest development in your field or achieving your sales targets. Here are some tips that can help you be a better socializer, even if you don’t have a natural affinity for it.
Keep your purpose firmly in mind. Whether it’s a networking luncheon, an association meeting of people in your field, or the company picnic, if you have a purpose for attending, the prospect will seem less onerous and the event will be more rewarding. One reason that many people don’t enjoy these business/social events is that they have no clear sense of why they’re there. Often, people attend a particular company event just because they know that they are expected to go. Whatever your reason for attending, you can use the occasion to accomplish a goal of initiating new relationships or developing existing ones.
Set a goal, for example, of meeting three new people at the next professional organization networking event. Or perhaps you may go with the idea of making a contact with a particular person. For example, if you sell real estate and you keep hearing about a major competitor’s top agent and you find out she’s going to be there, make it a point to introduce yourself. Compliment her on her success; perhaps you will lay the groundwork for future collaboration—or at least you may pick up some tips.
Regardless of the contacts you meet, consider it an opportunity to make a worthwhile connection. Whenever you greet someone, make an effort to commit the person’s name to memory. One trick is to use a person’s name at least three times in the first two or three minutes. Also find out something about the person’s job. If you exchange business cards, after a conversation, jot down a couple of comments that will help you remember something about the person. (For example, “In a new job. Knows Joan Kurshner.”) When you return to your office, follow up with a short note or e-mail to help the people you met remember you, if you should decide to contact them again later. Put them in your contacts list so that reconnecting will be convenient.
If you are at a company party, use the social aspect of the occasion to step outside the normal corporate hierarchy. You may have always wanted to get to know the vice president of production a bit better, but your job or the pecking order doesn’t allow daily interaction. Here is a great chance to initiate a relationship. If you know that he enjoys fly-fishing and it’s also your passion, you have an instant conversation starter. Don’t forget to include the spouses or partners of your coworkers, either. Take time to talk with them as well. They may feel a bit uncomfortable and will appreciate someone taking the time to chat for a moment. And they may pass on a compliment about you later.
Work the room. Nervousness and uncertainty in a social setting also can stem from the absence of a clear goal. Develop a plan. Arrive early and check out the surroundings. If it’s buffet, eat first. Not only will you avoid the difficulties of shaking hands while balancing a plate and glass, but you will also be able to recommend something wonderful on the menu to a late arrival. Note the locations of the rest rooms or the bar that’s out of the main traffic area. If you see someone who needs some direction, it’s always a good way to start a conversation. Seek out people you would like to speak to, and make an effort to connect with them. Your associates will understand if you let them know what you’re doing. For example, you might explain, “I’m going to try to talk to Ms. Martino while I’m here. I’ve been trying to get an appointment with her for six months.”
Even if the idea of “working a room” seems scary at first, remember that you’re at the event to socialize and meet people.
If it is a couple’s event, explain to your spouse, date, or partner beforehand what you are trying to accomplish and how this occasion may give you the opportunity to make some headway professionally. Properly briefed, the person who comes with you may be a real asset or may prefer to mix and mingle independently. Letting your guest in on the strategy will also keep him or her from feeling abandoned if you step away to talk to someone.
Master the art of small talk. When you go to a social function, arrive prepared to talk to people. Catch up on the latest news before you go. What two or three stories grab your interest? Have some comments or opinions ready or some little-known fact about the event that everyone may not have heard. If the occasion includes a guest speaker, find out something about the speaker’s work. Even the history of the building where the occasion is taking place or the chef who prepared the food may provide topics of conversation.
Act as a catalyst—help others to socialize. Be on the lookout for people who aren’t talking to anyone and include them in your conversation. Draw other people into the discussion with connectors such as, “Lindsay, this is José. He just moved here from Tulsa. José, Lindsay grew up in Tulsa.”
SCHMOOZING: MORE THAN JUST PARTIES
If parties just aren’t your cup of tea, you have many other opportunities to schmooze that don’t involve organized events. I once knew an executive who kept a list of all his employees’ birthdays and sent each one of them a card that arrived on the day—a small gesture, but one that everyone appreciated. Be alert for ways to celebrate with people or express sympathy for their sorrow. I keep a collection of all-occasion cards in my office so that when I hear of a situation, I can respond appropriately and in a timely manner.
Another great way to network is to share topics of interest with people you know or would like to connect with, or to send copies of articles or pictures featuring them. Jot a short congratulatory or other suitable note on the article. Having it laminated before you send it is a nice touch.
Another networking trick some people use is keeping a filled candy dish on their desk and making it available to everyone. A computer company executive who was new to a particular office kept a doll in his office that dispensed candy when you shook its hand. The word spread quickly, and people from the entire office enjoyed dropping by for a treat—giving him an excellent opportunity to get to know his associates. Similarly, a woman at a large marketing organization became an information resource for her coworkers, thereby making herself known to everyone in her office. If anyone needed a painter, a paperhanger, a mechanic, a dentist, or a florist, she had the scoop.
IT’S ALL ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS
Schmoozing is not rigid adherence to a set of prescribed actions. It’s a professional style that grows out of a genuine interest in others and a willingness to connect with them. How you choose to schmooze depends on your personality and your lifestyle—and it must be a fit for both if it’s going to work. Otherwise, you’ll come across as artificial, manipulative, and self-serving.
Done correctly, schmoozing will increase your sense of belonging and enable you to increase your own confidence and enrich the experiences of others.
THE BOTTOM LINE
In today’s business climate, schmoozing, or the art of connecting with others in both business and social relationships, has become an imperative for career survival.
Set goals for social events just as you do for business situations.
Mastering the art of small talk can make you and others feel at ease in unfamiliar surroundings.
Schmoozing doesn’t take place only at parties.
Schmoozing becomes easier when it’s based on a genuine regard for others.