CHAPTER 9
Being Smart About Smartphones and Other Devices
You can find a restaurant and make a reservation in a click. You can make an appointment, share a photo, post to your social media site, and set the temperature in your house from a thousand miles away. The airline can send your boarding pass right to your phone. You can deposit your paycheck while sitting in the stands at a sporting event. Your e-mails are always at your fingertips, and every phone number you have in your contacts list is a touch away.
Furthermore, texting has become a mode of communication in itself, particularly among younger smartphone users. A 2011 study by Pew Research found that “fully 95 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds use the text messaging feature on their phones, and these users send or receive an average of 87.7 text messages on a normal day.”
In a relatively few years, we have embraced smartphones and tablets to the point that we can’t imagine life without them. From the mundane to the life-changing, we grab our smartphones for almost any situation. It’s great to be able to let someone know that you’re stuck in traffic and will be late for a meeting. And these devices can be lifesavers when we are in unfamiliar surroundings, having car trouble, or confronting an emergency. With a smartphone in hand, we’re in touch and in control.
Smartphones have made us more efficient in countless ways, but they have also taken over our lives in many cases. The trick is to stay in command of this amazing tool without letting it become either a crutch or an impediment to our effective interaction with others.
Some time ago, I was invited to a “meet and greet” luncheon designed to bring together two organizations that saw opportunities for mutual benefit. When I arrived at the location and the elevator door opened, I saw four people standing in different parts of the small lobby. Instead of “meeting and greeting,” all of them had their attention focused on whatever was happening on the screen of their individual phones, thereby missing the opportunity to begin the networking process.
And it’s not just a U.S. obsession. While attending a conference in Europe a few years ago, I noticed that surprisingly few attendees seemed to be conversing with other people at the conference. At every break in the proceedings, scores of people whipped cell phones out of their pockets and handbags and, ignoring everyone around them, talked to someone elsewhere. Today, everywhere you look, people are engaged in cell phone conversations on the street and in cars, offices, shops, restaurants, airports, buses, and trains.
Cell phone use has become so ubiquitous that we seem to have forgotten that some phone behaviors in public aren’t always okay. People place and take calls or send texts in the theater during a performance, in meetings and classes, in the hospital, during religious services, and in the middle of conversations we’re trying to have with them. Have these handy devices become an actual necessity or are they just one more way for us to be rude to each other?
Perhaps we rely on these devices to overcome our discomfort in awkward or unfamiliar situations. Notice the next time that you get on an elevator. How many people in the car immediately grab their phones to check e-mails, even though they probably checked them a couple of minutes ago. Do they really feel that they can’t take a forty-second ride to their office or their appointment without confirming that they received an e-mail in the last thirty seconds?
According to Mashable Statista, the average adult American spends one hour and nine minutes on a smartphone each day.
NEW RULES FOR A NEW GAME
So, what standards can we apply to make sure that we are using these tools in a way that enhance our professional image rather than making us look inept and immature?
Avoid allowing your devices to interfere with opportunities to interact with others. When you’re there, be there. In most cases, unless someone is having a baby or you are waiting to hear from your important interview, face-to-face trumps electronic communication. If you are in a meeting or at a business lunch, put your phone on totally silent (no vibrating) and tuck it away in your pocket or handbag. If you place or take a phone call when you’re engaged in a face-to-face meeting or conversation, you send a clear message to the person with you that someone on the cell is more important. Few issues can’t wait an hour or two for resolution, and you always have voice mail and “missed call” notifications.
If, however, you are expecting a game-changing call, let the people around you understand that you may have to take it during your time together, and apologize for being unable to avoid the intrusion. Otherwise, focus solely on the people around you.
Even in less organized situations, be savvy about how you may be missing an opportunity to make important connections if you concentrate on your device rather than what’s going on around you. Always be on the lookout for opportunities to make a good impression with those who are in your presence. Furthermore, you need to be alert to your surroundings at all times, particularly when you are in a situation where too much distraction may make you vulnerable to danger.
Think about what annoys you about other people’s cell phone habits. Then make sure you don’t commit equally aggravating offenses. Does the loud talker (or laugher) give you a headache? Do you feel trapped into listening to someone’s sales call report in the elevator or the airport shuttle? Do you wish people wouldn’t call from the stall in public restrooms? Does a coworker’s ringtone drive you to distraction? Is the person ranting on the sidewalk using Bluetooth or is he just deranged?
Notice the habits that irritate you and consider your own behaviors. Particularly, if at all possible, carry on private conversations in a private place. Most people have their own issues to deal with; they don’t need to be subjected to a stranger’s haggling with a spouse over having to work late, admonishing kids to do their homework, or trying to arrange a date for the weekend. When talking on the phone, we often get so caught up in the phone call that we tune out to the fact that others around us are hearing everything we say (and even have a fairly good idea of what’s happening on the other end of the line). If you’re going to be discussing a personal matter, wait until you are alone.
Consider the needs of the other person. Make an effort to know the habits and preferences of those with whom you interact. Even if you favor texting, when you know that someone favors a live conversation, make a phone call. When a caller leaves you a voice mail, listen to it before you just return the missed call. Too often, I’m guilty of responding to the “missed call” message and ignoring the voice mail. Sometimes the person, obviously irritated, will ask, “Didn’t you listen to my message?”
Speaking of voice mail, you may think that having your five-year-old record your greeting is adorable, but most callers would prefer a professional greeting that comes from you and gives concise information about how to proceed. Catchy or suggestive instructions related to leaving a message may be fine for your intimate associates (“You know what to do. Do it!), but remember that everyone, including your boss or a potential client, may choose to leave you a voice mail and may prefer something more businesslike.
Because smartphones are with us wherever we go, ask the person if it’s a good time to talk and reschedule the call if necessary. Be respectful of time zone differences when you have that information. Many of us have received calls at 4:00 a.m. because the caller’s time zone is during regular business hours. Obviously, you can’t always know where someone may be, so the traveler needs to turn off his or her phone to avoid an unexpected wake-up call.
Avoid inconveniencing others because you are on the phone. Disconnect when you are in the checkout line at the grocery store, going through the quick service drive-through, or picking up your best friend’s birthday cake, for example. When you can’t carry on ordinary business operations efficiently because you won’t stop your conversation, you inconvenience everyone around you—and increase your chances of getting the wrong amount of change or walking away without your credit card.
Unfortunately, the lack of consideration has become so pervasive that businesses have resorted to posting signs asking people not to use their cells when transacting business.
Observe guidelines for texting. The general guidelines for voice calls apply to text messages. Everyone knows that we shouldn’t text while driving, and a number of states have made it illegal. Texting behind the wheel is even more dangerous than carrying on a distracting phone call. Dana Holmes, a lifestyle, gift, and etiquette expert, adds that we should not text anyone we know is driving.
Some additional principles of etiquette about texting are beginning to emerge.
If you are texting in a business environment, pay attention to spelling and grammar, just as you should in an e-mail. Avoid text lingo when sending a message to your chief operations officer: “Hi, Al. Great 2 meet u. BTW, r u hiring?”
The Emily Post Institute warns not to send anything of a confidential or intimate nature via text. We have seen glaring examples of how that practice can go terribly wrong. Remember that a text is still written communication and, like e-mail, it can go to the wrong person or persons quite easily.
Also, when texting someone who doesn’t know you or have your phone number handy, write your name (Hi, I’m Jennifer from Dr. Stokes’ office) at the beginning of the text.
Check your text before you hit send. The auto-correct feature can be either hilarious or embarrassing.
Avoid trashing anyone via text. I spoke with an executive who sent a text complaining about her staff’s incompetence on a project. She sent it to a “trusted” colleague who passed the information along to the recipients of the criticism, doing serious damage to the manager’s relationship with her team. Avoid sending texts, like e-mails, when you are angry or otherwise emotional. You can’t always repair the damage.
Smartphones enhance our lives in ways we never dreamed possible. Remember, however, that they are tools and therefore are only as effective as the people who use them.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Smartphones have changed our lives significantly for the better.
Using a device as an exclusive communication tool can create superficial communication and hamper important work and personal relationships.
Knowing when to “unhook” is a critical ability.
Text with good judgment and with care.