CHAPTER 11

Living Intentionally to Live Richly

Way back in Chapter 6, we talked about Benjamin Franklin and his system to work actively on his values as a precursor for Worksheet 6-1. If you’ve never heard the story of Benjamin Franklin’s great success, he started off at age 17 mired in debt, but subsequently retired at age 42 a very wealthy man. It is a story for the ages—the classic rags to riches, but with an underpinning of values—or, as he put it, “principles” and practical rules for living that became habits. He devoted each week to cultivating and focusing on each of the 13 principles, thereby working on each four weeks per year, every year. The idea is that success requires active efforts centered on values. (Refer back to Chapter 6 for his list and review your worksheet before proceeding.)

In this chapter, we will focus on ideas and actions that prompt self-awareness and intentional behavior, which lead to positive empowering habits. You will have the opportunity to examine your current habits that lead to unwanted outcomes and consider what actions can replace them to lead you to live the values you so deeply want.

Turning Off Autopilot and Developing Self-Awareness

Whether you endeavor to adopt Ben’s habits of focusing each week on another principle or not, having a set of rules, beliefs, practices, or virtues that become the foundation of your values is really important. These beliefs or practices become the solid bedrock on which you build your life. Problems occur when our lives are so unfocused and out of control, distracted by the daily noise, that we forget what’s really important.

You might scoff at the idea and justify your lack of focus on the weather, the Internet, Obamacare, or your kid’s soccer schedule, but honestly, those are pretty much lame excuses. The reality is we get stuck in a rut of habit, supported by our beliefs, by our laziness, by our confusion or lethargy. Let’s remember: Habits can be helpful and supportive or destructive and negative.

In order to understand your habits, a heaping portion of active awareness must be ingested. Here’s where you get to do some work.

WORKSHEET 11-1: BRINGING AWARENESS TO YOUR HABITS

Make a list of your routine: what you do, when you do it, and why.

Get the idea?

Now, assess whether these habits work or whether changes are beneficial.

I don’t mind grocery shopping; however, I know that if I shop without a list, I am either going to buy things I don’t need or forget something. If I go when I am hungry, the chances are my cart will be filled with items that tempt my palate—not necessarily what I need. Creating mindfulness around something as mundane as doing your weekly shopping can lead to effective self-management. You have the opportunity to be efficient, save money by use of coupons, and picking the most effective place to purchase specific items. You remember all that creativity we talked about? Set your inner artist free to find creative ways to make great choices and expand your options.

Great habits will smooth your trek to success, whereas lousy habits can almost assure you of maximum strife and struggle, if not failure. The exception to the latter is, of course, if you have more money than you could ever spend, then your bad habits won’t sink your ship. (But then again, if you have more money than you could ever spend, you probably didn’t buy this book anyway, unless you just bought it to be nice to me—in which case, thank you!)

Having a routine is comforting; while providing a sense of control, it is really just the illusion of control. However, if the routine or set of habits adds to your misery, a serious revisit is in order. There are some great books out there that can help you onto a path of mindfulness, such as Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat-Zinn and The Art of Power by Thich Nhat Hahn.

As you assemble your list of new supportive habits, remember to make it as complete as possible. Infuse mindfulness and prompts to help you stay in a mindful mode. Don’t leave anything off, from the beginning of the day to the end. It is important to examine, evaluate, and understand each habit and how it is either additive to your success or destructive.

Avoiding Common Destructive Habits

Following are some common habits that are sure to push you backward financially:

1.   Feeling stressed. You hit the mall and start filling up your basket. The habit of retail therapy is sure to add to the problem.

2.   Not knowing what costs what. With the availability of information, there’s simply no excuse not to comparison shop.

3.   Spending dollars on items of little value. Here’s the classic “convenience over conviction”: Stopping to fill up the tank at the closest gas station, rather than the cheapest, just because it’s a block or two out of the way. Another one is buying the extended warranty on low-cost items just because all you have to do is “click” the box rather than question or do the research whether it makes any sense at all. Service contracts and extended warrantees are financial boons for providers, but they are mostly a waste of your hard-earned money.

4.   Paying your bills before you pay yourself. It’s a terrible and lazy habit. If you decide to save $20 from every paycheck but wait until all your bills are paid first, you will find, invariably, that the $20 never gets saved.

5.   Loading up the credit card. Yes, you know there’s a limit and you’re going to keep spending until you get pushback.

6.   Eating lunch out every day. A surefire way to expand expenses.

7.   Having every conceivable channel on your cable system, Netflix, and every possible mode of entertainment, mostly because the package looks like the “best deal” or the incremental cost between package 1 and package 2 is very small.

8.   Qualifying for your company’s 401(k) match and not taking advantage of free money.

9.   Having discretionary spending that exceeds your fixed costs.

10.   Traveling at peak times rather than waiting to take advantage of off-peak and saving the difference.

11.   Free-for-all spending.

12.   Not placing limits on gifts. This is a huge issue, especially at holiday time, and then January becomes a month of grief and panic.

13.   Neglecting to consider the tax implications of your transactions (i.e., short- vs. long-term capital gains).

14.   Paying penalties rather than making the effort to pay quarterly estimated taxes where appropriate.

15.   Carrying balances on your credit cards each month.

16.   Paying ATM fees because going to a free machine is inconvenient.

17.   Renewing magazines and other subscriptions even if you haven’t picked up a volume in months.

18.   Renewing your insurance policies without considering whether you still need the coverage or maintaining low deductibles when you can afford a greater level of self-insurance.

19.   Not actively saving for specific goals.

20.   Having no idea what you spend each year by line item. If you don’t have a pretty good idea of how much you spend, it’s a problem.

21.   Having “no” as the driver in your decision-making. Delayed gratification is missing from your vocabulary.

In fact, if you struggle with money, money decisions, and focusing on your values, you can rest assured that your “autopilot” has been engaged and is in control of the vehicle. The problem with your autopilot is that it is hardwired to make the easy, least painful, and most “now”-oriented decisions, even if the end result is crash and burn. That’s what happens when we disconnect from the decisions that make a difference in our overall achievement of our dreams. It is a further example of deflecting responsibility to some unnamed, masked entity who in controlling the train. Way back in the 1970s there was a young comedian named Flip Wilson. One of his most loveable characters was the outlandish Geraldine, who, when asked to defend why she did something, answered, “The devil made me do it!” It worked for Geraldine, but unless you are a member of the Linda Blair fan club, the responsibility lies in your hands, in your mind, and on your lips.

Making the Effort to Take Control

Creating new habits is hard work. But it is joyful change. Powerful! Life-giving! Though it sounds like really big stuff, it is actually a gift of loving yourself enough to make changes that bring you closer to your life’s purpose. You have to believe that is true in order for you to gain the momentum of change. Consider this: Remaining in a state of action or inaction that leads you to misery and chaos is not an act of love. Quite the opposite. The decision to shift your thinking and your actions is the act of ultimate love for yourself and your loved ones. If achieving financial security is important rather than winding up depending on your children for support or government assistance, then the active choices you make now are vital.

Ask yourself whether you deserve happiness, comfort, and security. If the answer is no, I recommend that you take that up with a qualified professional who can help you examine these feelings and beliefs. It’s hard work, but certainly better than living your life under the burden of this terrible cloud. If you do believe that you deserve to achieve peace and comfort in your money life, then let that be your mantra, morning, noon, and night and a reason to make the changes necessary to free yourself from living your life on autopilot.

As you emerge from the clouds into the blue skies of self-control, expect turbulence. Feelings of failure, remorse, exasperation, and being overwhelmed are normal. Your ability to make small, sustainable changes leads you from failure to success. For example, if spending is a problem, leave the credit card home. If you’re an online shopper, do not leave your credit card stored by the Website where you normally shop. This way you are forced to get up, get your wallet, and enter your information. The more convenient it is to effectuate the “autopilot”/“autopurchase” the harder is it to sustain change. Another way to interrupt your pattern is to stop and ask why this is important and necessary. (Hint: Because is not an acceptable answer.)

Change is difficult for almost everyone, so don’t think that you’re the only one. This is where having an accountability/support partner is really helpful, and you can put in place a checks and balance system. For example, you can each decide that all expenditures not in the budget need to be discussed before a purchase. You can also impose a 24-hour hold before you buy anything. Anything that will break the autopilot habits and replace them with a mindful and considered process will move you ever closer to living richly.

Changing habits requires crystal-clear purpose and a well-thought-out support system. Go on—reach over and turn off the autopilot. You now have the controls and the ability to live intentionally and richly.