Rachel Hollis knew it was time. She’d been married to her husband for 12 years and the future looked bleak. She knew if she continued this path, they were destined for divorce. With four kids, and managing the day to day of her business, she needed to have the conversation. She had been growing personally and professionally, and he’d long been stagnant.

She was scared shitless. So, she put it off, and kept telling herself it would happen when the time was right. Days passed. Weeks passed. And months passed—and still she said nothing. The feelings only grew fiercer every time she didn’t listen and avoided what she knew she must do.

Then, she reached her breaking point. Explaining the dire circumstance in her own words: “I knew if things didn’t change, we wouldn’t be married in two years. We were growing apart.”¹

After an especially trying family vacation when her husband spent most of the time disconnected, she couldn’t wait any longer. The kids went to bed that night, and she psyched herself up; it was happening, and it was (likely) going to hurt. But she leaned in anyway.

It was messy. It was emotional. But it was the wakeup call they both needed. That night, everything changed for them as individuals and as partners. Today, they consider this one conversation to be the breakthrough they needed to get to where they are now: connected, on fire, and thriving. Rachel Hollis shook the world with her book, Girl, Wash Your Face, selling over a million copies, launched two podcasts in the top 10 (one with her husband, who quit his corporate gig at Disney and now is CEO of her company) and, most importantly, rekindled the most important part of her life.

I know what you’re thinking: how could one conversation be considered a leap? I get it. I’m here to remind you the leaps of our lives don’t always come in the ways we’d expect. But the result is the same: a radically different life, and in Rachel’s case – saving her marriage, family, and connection because she had the audacity to speak up.

She stepped into the unknown while in the (seemingly) most known place: her closest relationship.

And your connection leap will be similar.

Not All Sunshine and Rainbows

I could have started this part of the connection leap with a feel-good story about someone taking a chance on love, moving cross-country to meet their soul mate, or proposing after only 11 days to live a lifetime of bliss. But this isn’t a Hollywood romcom (I do love them, though). And although those stories can all be leaps, they don’t always happen from a comfortable place.

There is no doubt we tend to grow comfortable in relationships and take them for granted as time passes. Often, this happens as a result of a more pressing pursuit: our careers, the business launch, or simply managing the day to day of life.

And yet, what gets lost is often the most important: our core relationships. Enter the Grant Study, the 80-year (and counting) comprehensive study on what drives happiness and fulfillment. Number one on the list: meaningful relationships. Obvious, right? Not always. Not only were core relationships the most important pillar, they led to success across all other areas of life. The study expands:

Vallant notes that the 58 men who scored highest on the measurements of “warm relationships” (WR) earned an average of $141,000 a year more during their peak salaries (between ages 55–60) than the 31 men who scored the lowest in WR. The seventy-five years and twenty million dollars expended on the Grant Study points to a straightforward five-word conclusion: Happiness is love. Full stop.

So, not only do our connections provide fulfillment, they make us more profit and bleed into other areas of our lives. I don’t know about you, but creating a powerful intimate relationship has been my best business breakthrough.

The connection leap is about remembering what matters: those closest to us. Sometimes, it’s about letting go or taking a radical chance on love. It can mean facing ultimate rejection and putting every part of your soul on the line. Or it can be about nourishing your closest relationships and re-committing in a bold way.

Who It’s For

We’ve all experienced an incredible connection in our lives, and the flip side—the missed opportunity. A chance encounter, the person we felt deeply connected to, and yet we let our heads win and made excuses about why it wouldn’t work. Somehow, we talked ourselves out of it.

Relationships are both the place where we experience the beauty of life and where we’re pushed to our edge. There’s no better place to discover the entire spectrum of what makes you and I who we are. And there no better place to experience love, passion, and a sense of being with the right person at the right time.

So, who is the connection leap for?

• If you’re ready to take a bold chance on love, this is for you.
• If you’ve been feeling disconnected in your relationship, this is for you.
• If you’ve felt alone and lacking a partner in crime, this is for you.
• If you know you’re finding yourself in the wrong movie with the wrong person, this is for you.
• If you know there’s someone out there who’s going to light your soul on fire, this is for you.
• If you’ve gotten lost in the day to day of life and forgotten what a deep relationship feels like, this is for you.
• If you’ve neglected your relationship with yourself and looked for others to fill this void only to be disappointed, this is for you.

Waking Up Alone

I was crushed. I’d just told my girlfriend of three years the vision deep in my heart, and she wasn’t buying it. I’d declared exactly what was going to happen with creating and growing a fitness business of my own, helping people achieve incredible transformation. I was on fire when I said it, and then it all came crashing down as she said to me:

“Yeah, right. That’s never going to happen.”

The truth is, I’d been holding on to something long past the expiration date. I already knew this. Yet, like many of us, I was terrified to let go. Instead, the Universe decided to make me let go in an entirely different manner, I’d encouraged her to start a new fitness program, and she cheated on me with her new trainer.

The Universe will always take the wheel when you don’t. Yet again, I learned my lesson. When the chaos ended, I woke up alone. And while the pain was real, it was also magical and served as a reminder: before I step into a relationship with someone else, I must step into a powerful relationship with myself. The rejection I felt didn’t come from someone else; it came from rejecting myself and seeking to fill the void through someone else.

The next two-and-a-half years, I barely dated. I said no to opportunities and chose to focus on me. I wanted to discover myself and, most important, I wanted to figure out what my standard was in a partner and be willing to wait it out until it came to life. Through this process, I learned to love being completely alone, in solitude. I forged a power-couple relationship with the person in the mirror: his flaws, weirdness, and greatness.

This was one of the many connection leaps I’ve taken over the years. I chose this one to illustrate that sometimes, much like Rachel Hollis, this leap can involve discomfort. But on the other side is a connection you can’t imagine. Someone with you on every level: mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Someone who has your back, no matter what. But like anything else in life, it starts with you.

Self-Love Is the New Black

Take a moment and reflect on some of the most vital relationships in your life. Start with yourself, and what your connection to you looks and feels like. Think about how you feel spending long periods of time by yourself. Think about what it feels like to look in the mirror:

What do you see? How do you feel? What’s missing? Where do you place your focus?

For many, these moments tend to be fleeting. They can’t get out fast enough, because we’re wired to focus on what isn’t working.

You’re not fit enough.

You’re missing something.

You’re not worthy or capable.

Self-love is the new black. All roads lead back to the same place: the level of appreciation you have for yourself. You can make all the cash, you can launch the dream business, you can even have a powerful significant other, and amazing kids. But without self-love, and the ability to look in the mirror and own your greatness, none of it feels quite right. I’ve always said, without self-love, your failure and success can crumble you equally.

I get what you’re thinking: you’re a guy talking about self-love? I am, and I’m proud of it: I’ve had to endure pain, questioning, and tears to get to this place. I don’t care if you’re a CFO, an eight-figure entrepreneur, mother of three, or a world class athlete, without focusing on yourself, your fulfillment will be held hostage and your results will be fleeting.

The Benefits

Your connection leap will be an incredible source of inspiration and will fuel every part of your life. It will keep you grounded when you’re lacking clarity. It will demand you become the greatest version of yourself. It’ll help you raise your standards.

I could have settled along the way. It wasn’t until I woke up through a painful break up and cultivated a powerful relationship with myself in which I raised my standards. I decided I wouldn’t settle, even if it meant years or a decade to find my match. I’d be so comfortable alone that I didn’t need anyone to fill me.

And when the universe provided me a 15-second window of opportunity on a random Tuesday, I was able to step into it fully. I was able to embrace it and take a momentary risk for a lifetime of rewards.

Your connection leap can and will provide you:

• A deep connection to fuel you. There is nothing like the feeling of being connected. We crave it, and it is hard wired into our hearts and minds to seek it, create and nourish it. On the path of life, a feeling of disconnection leads to chaos and uncertainty.
• A powerful presence and clarity. Have you ever experienced an issue in your relationship, been somewhere else and couldn’t focus on anything except the issue? Yeah, we’ve all been there. When our relationships are out of alignment, it impacts every area of our lives. We wake up thinking about it and go to sleep the same way – keeping us stuck and clouded.
• An unmistakable sense of belonging. We all want to belong. We want to be heard, valued and appreciated. Our core relationships provide this sense of worthiness and belonging. Both are crucial to our mindset and emotional stability as we navigate life.
• Provide an unbreakable foundation. Our relationships become our safe harbor as we navigate the complexities of our lives. They are a place where we can let our guards down and truly express ourselves. If done right, they provide an unbreakable foundation.

Types of Connection Leaps

There are all types of connection leaps available to you: sometimes with yourself— your most intimate relationship—or taking the lead on organizing the trip with the close friends you haven’t seen in years. What matters is the depth of the leap, to ensure a radical shift in perspective and meaning. Let’s explore some common options available to you.

What Gets in the Way

We know what to do yet can’t make ourselves follow through. We feel a pull in our hearts, take out a notepad, and talk ourselves out of it. Often, the same patterns and themes get in the way of our connection leap, including:

• The ego. Our egos always get in the way of love and connection. Why? Because the ultimate fear of the ego is being exposed and hurt, and it will do anything to protect us. In relationships, it always wants to be right. When we want to share something deep and vulnerable, it stops us. During arguments, it doesn’t want to show empathy and understand the other side. There is no better place to dissolve the ego and learn to connect than in our relationships.
• Our baggage. We all have baggage, and we bring this baggage into our relationships. Often, they become someone else’s burden. It doesn’t matter if you had a picturesque childhood or suffered trauma, we have emotional blocks that keep us from fully stepping into our power in relationships.
• Fear of rejection. This fear is constant, and we’ve all felt what it tastes like to be rejected by someone else: it hurts. So, we can be more guarded and less open in an effort to avoid this feeling once again. But this is missing out. Your connection leap will force you to face rejection head on and carry on anyway.
• Complacency. Why do relationships that were once thriving and full of life now seem distant and cold? As we mentioned earlier, complacency is an easy trap to fall into and we forget how special our connection really is. We forget to be curious and to recognize the human in front of us for what they are—a miracle. We normalize amazing with the people closest to us and pay a heavy price.
• The nonessential. As we step into complacency in relationships, we can lose focus on the what truly matters. In chasing business success, we can forget the small details that provide deep connection with others: date nights, special messages, notes, and even flirting. Your leap will require you to never lose the spark in your connection and remember to put it as a constant priority in life.

Be the Leader with Vulnerability

Dr. Brené Brown, researcher at the University of Houston and bestselling author, is an expert in what creates lasting social connection. During her years of conducting thousands of interviews and studies she found one common bond between the strongest of connections—vulnerability.²

What exactly is vulnerability? Simple: being open and letting our guards down. I keep it simple: it’s about being human, and letting others see and feel our humanness. And yet, so often we’re waiting for someone to give us permission to do so. We wait until others share their truth, and then we do.

Instead, take the lead and put yourself out there in all types of connections. Most people are waiting for someone to be the leader, and they can finally exhale. No, it’s not easy; it’s not supposed to be. But taking an emotional risk leads to endless rewards in life, career, and business.

When I meet someone for the first time, I never talk about the places I’m on fire with my life. Why? Because I want to connect and share some of the challenges I’m wrestling with. In turn, they do the same. Instead of our conversation being a one-way monologue where we each share our ego-filled highlight reel, we leave empowered. If done right, we both are able to express our challenges (which is naturally therapeutic) and go one level deeper than usual.

Consider vulnerability your secret sauce to create impactful connection with those around you—people who truly have your back and will be there for you no matter what. And for your leap, it’s a nonnegotiable ingredient.

Put Yourself on the Line

We attempt to put love and connection on timelines. We try to mix logic and reason to make decisions that don’t abide by those rules. Often, it leads us to feel alone, disconnected or like something is wrong with us. Worse, it can lead to fragmented relationships with those who matter most.

Instead, flip the script and put yourself out there. Take the chance, what do you have to lose anyway? Rejection is better than regret, and a no simply means there’s a bigger and bolder yes waiting for you. Regardless what your connection leap looks like, the way it’s going to feel is transformative and unlike anything else. Hold on to this energy and have the courage to do what you know you must do: lean in and go.

And never, ever look back.