CHAPTER 2

Practicing “Collaboration Mindfulness”

Many ideas grow better when transplanted into another mind than in the one where they sprang up.

—Oliver Wendell Holmes

Preview

This chapter identifies “collaboration mindfulness” as the first step to achieving successful outcomes. It defines this mental attitude as a combination of four key traits that are summarized in the acronym “COIN”: committed, open, invested, and nondefensive. In this chapter, 20 guidelines relating to “COIN” are explained that can help achieve the mental preparedness that collaborators need to manage their expectations, energy, attitude, and time proactively for optimal results.

Acquiring “Collaboration Mindfulness”

An important truth about collaborating successfully is that it has to be a state of mind first, before any actions can lead to achieving meaningful results. A positive mental perspective is what enables collaborators to withstand and adapt to the ups and downs of the complex process of collaborating. Being adequately prepared mentally and emotionally gives a collaborator the stamina, confidence, and resiliency to stay focused on the end goal. This “collaboration mindfulness” is a powerful secret of success for any collaborator, and when it is absent, it can contribute to the failure of a collaboration.

Practicing “collaboration mindfulness” leads to a sense of calm, so one can concentrate on what is most important in a collaboration: inquiry and exploration. According to Tracy Page, PMP, Adjunct Professor, University of British Columbia, Sauder School of Business, “collaborating successfully means quieting our own minds and our need to move to the next deliverable as quickly as possible. It requires ensuring there is enough time to express ideas, ask lots of questions, listen genuinely for answers; and be willing to do this more than once.”1

The four essential mental traits required for “collaboration mindfulness” can be summarized using the acronym “COIN”:

1. 1. Committed—Convinced that collaboration is the best process for achieving the desired results.
2. 2. Open—Willing to consider alternative ideas, options, methods, and solutions that one would not typically think of, consider, or agree to on one’s own.
3. 3. Invested—Willing to dedicate the necessary time and effort to develop a trusting and united partnership with the other collaborators.
4. 4. Nondefensive—Able to converse with and challenge other collaborators without the mental and emotional distractions of one’s own defensive or territorial thinking.

Each one of these traits is a special mental attribute that represents a deliberate and meaningful way to be prepared for both the expected and unpredictable aspects of the collaboration process (Table 2.1).

The first trait is mental commitment, a best-kept secret for collaboration effectiveness. The deliberate mental act of choosing to participate in a collaboration demonstrates a collaborator’s accountability from the very beginning. This accountability involves the collaborator’s mental fortitude to follow-through on commitments and actions, regardless of any obstacles and difficulties encountered along the way. The second trait, being open to others’ ideas and suggestions, requires the mental and emotional readiness to expand one’s thinking beyond the limits of one’s own ideas, experiences, and expertise. Listening actively to what others say, even if one does not agree, can be tough on one’s ego. However, being open to consider the best ideas, regardless of who gets credit for them, can help increase the possibility that the end result of the collaboration will be especially unique, innovative, and effective.

The third trait of “collaboration mindfulness” is being willing to invest the necessary time and energy to develop meaningful partnerships by valuing people as the highest priority. This attitude requires the mental determination and emotional strength to invest time and effort to build a strong, trusting bond with others. Prioritizing relationships above work schedules and deadlines is not an easy task in today’s workplace, so patience and a commitment to the collaboration team are essential for building strong relationships with all involved parties. According to Anson Tung, Director, Open Enrolment, Sauder School of Business, The University of British Columbia, “collaboration mindfulness” consists of three key ingredients, namely team collaboration, compassion, and trust: “Collaboration mindfulness simply means to be compassionate and foster an emotional connection to all internal and external team members to enable trust and collaboration to take place authentically. I think this is the basis for a successful collaboration: understanding each person’s needs, and developing trust.”2

The fourth trait of “COIN” is being nondefensive in one’s thinking. A nondefensive reaction in a collaboration can empower others to voice their views more freely and even give negative feedback with confidence. The ability to be receptive to the input of others without the need to overjustify or protect one’s own position requires the self-awareness to recognize one’s own defensiveness, and the self-discipline to restrain and control unnecessary territorial thinking.

Twenty Guidelines for Mental Preparedness

Implementing the four traits of “collaboration mindfulness” into actions is challenging, but it is achievable with the right attitudes and behaviors. The following 20 guidelines listed below can help collaborators develop and demonstrate the appropriate mental readiness and resiliency necessary to achieve success ultimately:

1. 1. Take all the time you need

Successful collaborations require sufficient time to do them right, so they tend to proceed slowly. Taking all the time you need requires not seeking agreement too early in the collaboration process, and recognizing that the journey cannot be rushed if one wants to achieve optimal results. For a results-oriented individual, valuing quick decisions to get things done, and being deliberate about taking the time necessary to hear everyone’s opinions, are the greatest challenges. Skilled collaborators know that a deadline-driven conversation emphasizing quick agreement to move forward to take action and schedule deadlines can erode trust if used too early and too often. They understand the importance of taking all the time necessary to discuss, disagree, explore, and create the best possible strategies, options, and solutions first. They also avoid getting distracted too soon by more operational details such as deadlines, budgets, and resources that they can address later in the process, once trust has been established.

1. 2. Stay focused on the collaboration goal

The goal of a collaboration is the glue that connects all parties. It is the common vision or expected outcome that drives all discussions and connects people. Keeping the goal in mind at all times can help the parties ensure that discussions are productive and people are unified with a common focus throughout the entire process. An example of a collaboration goal is increasing customer satisfaction for a certain product or service. The best way to keep the collaboration goal top of mind is to get agreement from all parties involved, and refer to it consistently in meetings, documentation, and correspondence.

1. 3. Consider all possibilities

Narrow-minded thinking that avoids exploring all possibilities can result in less than ideal options and solutions for a collaboration. An option or an idea that is rejected because of a perceived limitation, such as costs or resources, can seriously jeopardize the potential of the collaboration to inspire innovation and change.

1. 4. Accept that your way of thinking and doing things is not the only way, the best way, or the right way.

During collaborations, it can be very difficult at times to listen to others’ opinions without insisting that one’s own ideas are best. However, experienced collaborators acknowledge that promoting one’s own views as superior can cause the erosion of trust by appearing to be too self-righteous or close-minded to others’ views. Acknowledging to oneself and others that one’s own way of thinking and acting is just one of many different approaches is crucial for the best conversations and information exchanges in a collaboration.

1. 5. Focus on “we” instead of “me” thinking and shared ownership of ideas generated

Cocreating ideas and solutions is the key purpose of a collaboration. With “we” thinking, the end results will be greater than what any one individual can accomplish on his or her own. Increased buy-in and commitment also results from shared ownership of what is discussed, explored, created, and decided. This means that options and solutions need to be suitable to all parties, and not just one or two individuals who are most persuasive, have more political power, or control the greatest amount of money in the budget.

1. 6. Accept the ambiguity of not knowing all the answers

Ambiguity is a positive asset for any collaboration. Not having a concrete approach or answer can actually stimulate open dialogue to examine new ideas based on proposing and examining different ways to approach a problem or opportunity. Some key words that can help encourage a tolerance for ambiguity in a discussion about possibilities include: “what about….?,” “what if…?,” and “why not?”

1. 7. Always ask questions to enhance your understanding of others’ perspectives

Collaborating is an exploratory process that is more about asking the right questions than knowing the correct answers. Questioning others about their interests, ideas, and concerns encourages discussion about new approaches and solutions that one would not ordinarily conceive of on one’s own. It also facilitates an active dialogue without the pressure of having to reach an agreement. Broadening one’s understanding based on others’ views can only benefit the entire collaboration team to help them assess a problem or opportunity with more depth and breadth of thinking.

1. 8. Assume that all collaboration partners have equal status and titles

Although it is important to be knowledgeable about the actual titles and status of all collaboration parties to understand their unique perspectives and possible motivations, perceiving them as being equal helps to unite the group as a consolidated “us” and “we.”

The intent of suspending differences in title, status, and roles is to eliminate barriers between all parties. It also creates a commonality that establishes the clear expectation that everyone’s importance, knowledge, experience, and input is of equal quality and value. Removing barriers to equality helps establish an emotional climate designed to eliminate hierarchy, power, and territorial behaviors to enable more meaningful discussion and information sharing based on considering each individual’s contribution as having equal importance.

1. 9. Focus on making changes for the future, instead of revisiting the past

The purpose of a collaboration is to plan changes for the future. The risks of focusing too much on the past can cause teams to focus less on what will happen next and become distracted by details, justifications, and politics of what has already taken place. Dwelling too much on the past can also limit available time to explore options and solutions for the present and future.

1. 10. Take the time to relax mentally and physically

The collaboration process requires both mental and physical stamina to manage team dynamics to integrate diverse ideas to determine the best solutions. Taking the necessary time to relax, mentally and physically, reduces one’s stress and increases one’s energy, focus, and motivation to stay the course to the end of the collaboration.

1. 11. Trust yourself first, so you can find it easier to trust others

Building trust with other collaboration parties is difficult to achieve without trusting in oneself first. Self-acceptance and belief in the power of one’s inner voice are all related to trusting oneself, therefore making it easier to extend that trust to others as well.

1. 12. Remember that there is no “I” in empathy, but there is a “Y” in “You”

It is difficult to have empathy for someone else when too preoccupied with one’s own individual experiences, problems, or needs. It is much easier to demonstrate empathy when one removes one’s own ego and responses from one’s mind and concentrates on imagining oneself in the other party’s place. Empathy does not mean agreement. Empathy requires understanding another’s views and experiences and not expecting them to necessarily be the same as yours, without needing to agree or disagree.

1. 13. Accept disagreement nondefensively so you can truly learn from and ­listen to others

When challenged by someone who disagrees and believes he or she is right, there is a natural tendency to start thinking about a rebuttal, complete with reasons justifying how and why the other individual is wrong. However, this type of defensive thinking restricts one’s capacity to concentrate on what the other is saying. Instead, it is better to encourage disagreement without a defensive response by avoiding interruptions, and using the time as an opportunity to listen and learn. Self-righteous thinking that one’s approach is the best or the most expedient also defeats the purpose of a collaboration to integrate diverse ways of thinking and doing for the benefit of all. It is vital to recognize that your way of thinking and doing things is not necessarily the only way, the right way, or the best way. Experienced collaborators keep an open mind, knowing that just because they feel strongly about an option or solution, they still need the buy-in and commitment from the team to take accountability for all decision making.

1. 14. Listen for understanding, not agreement

Listening without judgment is a difficult process, especially when one does not agree with what is being said. In collaborations, there is a high probability that people might say things that you and some others do not agree with. Knowing that understanding is more important than agreement makes it easier to listen more actively in order to comprehend, without the immediate need to evaluate or approve of what is being said.

1. 15. Have the self-confidence to convey your ideas assertively

Conveying an assertive message requires the self-confidence to believe that what one has to say has value and deserves to be heard and acknowledged. Assertive collaborators believe they have the right to express and defend their views confidently and respectfully, without the need to impose those ideas on others forcefully. They also use the accountable pronoun, “I,” to indicate their own individual concerns and feelings, rather than generalizing about others without their consent and using the pronoun “we” when it actually only represents “I.”

1. 16. Encourage others to convey their ideas assertively

In a collaboration, it is vital for all parties to express their views assertively without any fear of reprisals. A lack of assertiveness can shut down a collaborative discussion very quickly, causing a lack of diverse ideas. Wanting to include and support others through active engagement in a collaborative discussion is a strong motivator for encouraging them to participate actively. Believing that others have something worthwhile to say and recognizing the importance of different opinions are good reasons for encouraging others to assert themselves honestly, and with confidence.

1. 17. Communicate deliberately with honesty and tact

Honest communications are vital for collaborative partnerships to develop trust and authenticity. Although honesty is essential in any collaborative partnership, it is easier for other parties to listen and understand if the message is also delivered diplomatically. Being authentic and deliberate, and using words that are tactful, help engage others to listen and reduce the risk that they will interpret the comments too personally.

1. 18. Follow a systematic communication process

Open communications in collaborations do not just happen randomly without effective planning. There has to be some type of deliberate structure to manage the communication process to ensure effective discussion, disagreement, and decision making. There are a variety of ways to manage the flow, tone, content, participation levels, and time efficiency of collaborator interactions, including: “ground rules” for acceptable norms of behavior, a meeting agenda, a seasoned facilitator, and an agreed-upon decision-making processes.

1. 19. Remain curious about others’ perspectives

Curiosity about how others perceive and do things enables collaborators to sustain a high level of interest and engagement throughout the process. Wanting to know as much as possible about the other parties’ attitudes, beliefs, practices, and suggestions serves as a natural motivator; this will enable curious individuals to value information sharing as a good use of their time. This curiosity enables them to be very effective in building strong partnerships with the other parties in the most natural way that demonstrates genuine interest and trust.

1. 20. Focus on growing instead of winning

Collaboration should not be a game about winners and losers. It is a growth process that enables the collaborator to learn continuously through trial and error. In the true spirit of a successful collaboration, focusing on self-growth through continuous improvement is much better than winning anything. Learning more about new ways to think, respond, and take action is fundamental to a “collaboration mindset.”

Summary

The first step toward a successful collaboration is to develop mental agility based on a realistic and adaptive attitude about what to expect, and the patience to slow down and reflect. This “collaboration mindfulness” serves as an effective foundation for mental and physical resiliency to endure the challenges and changes involved in the collaboration process. It also provides an essential level of mental preparedness about what to expect, realistically, to help collaborators avoid giving in or giving up, or even failing due to impatience, disappointment, or disillusionment.

The four key traits of “collaboration mindfulness” can be summarized using the acronym, “COIN,” as follows:

1. 1. Committed—Convinced that collaboration is the best process for achieving the desired results.
2. 2. Open—Willing to consider ideas and approaches that one would not typically think about or consider if left on one’s own.
3. 3. Invested—Willing to dedicate the necessary time and effort to develop a trusting and united partnership with the other collaborators.
4. 4. Nondefensive—Able to converse and argue with other collaborators without the mental interference of defensive or territorial thinking.

There are 20 guidelines for applying “collaboration mindfulness” to achieve success in a collaboration.

1. 1. Take all the time you need.
2. 2. Stay focused on the collaboration goal.
3. 3. Consider all possibilities.
4. 4. Accept that your way of thinking and doing things is not the only way, the best way, or the right way.
5. 5. Focus on “we” versus “me” thinking with shared ownership of ideas generated.
6. 6. Accept the ambiguity of not knowing all the answers.
7. 7. Always ask questions to enhance your understanding of others’ perspectives.
8. 8. Assume that all collaboration partners have equal status and titles.
9. 9. Focus on making changes for the future, instead of revisiting the past.
10. 10. Take the time to relax mentally and physically.
11. 11. Trust yourself first, so you can find it easier to trust others.
12. 12. Remember there is no “I” in “empathy,” but there is a “Y” in “You.”
13. 13. Accept disagreement nondefensively so you can truly listen and learn from others.
14. 14. Listen for understanding, not agreement.
15. 15. Have the self-confidence to convey your ideas assertively.
16. 16. Encourage others to convey their ideas assertively.
17. 17. Communicate deliberately with honesty and tact.
18. 18. Follow a systematic communication process.
19. 19. Remain curious about others’ perspectives.
20. 20. Focus on growing instead of winning.

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