CHAPTER 6

Navigating Conflict When Collaborating

Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is your attitude.

—William James

Preview

The first step when collaborating is to accept that encountering conflict is inevitable for any collaborator, so making a conscious effort to become more comfortable with conflict is the best way to ensure success. By demonstrating conflict management strategies consistently, collaborators can increase their effectiveness when conflict does occur.

This chapter focuses on two aspects of navigating conflict successfully when collaborating: first, the self-management of one’s own conflict reactions, and second, managing others’ conflict responses and behaviors proactively. Applying self-awareness and self-control emotionally, physiologically, and intellectually helps to increase one’s individual agility and resiliency significantly during conflicts. The most proactive step in self-awareness is to identify and manage one’s conflict trigger responses before they escalate.

Becoming more observant of others’ responses and then adapting one’s communication approach, especially by demonstrating assertiveness and tact, is the best way to navigate conflict. This chapter explains proven communication strategies for adapting during conflict situations in a collaboration, including: setting expectations, addressing objections, managing team dynamics, and delivering constructive messages to address and resolve critical issues.

Self-Managing Conflict Responses

Seasoned collaborators know a best-kept secret to effective collaboration, namely that conflict is something to cultivate, not avoid. Collaborators who are able to disagree openly and honestly benefit potentially from hearing more diverse approaches, decisions, and results. Although conflict can be uncomfortable, if managed well, it can also serve as a catalyst that transforms disagreements into discussions about options and solutions that are outstanding due to blending differing perspectives and areas of expertise.

Taking a systematic approach to managing one’s own conflict responses enables collaborators to identify root causes efficiently and apply appropriate strategies situationally. The first step in this process is to increase one’s self-awareness and self-control on these three levels (Table 6.1):

1. 1. Emotional
2. 2. Physiological
3. 3. Cognitive

Addressing the Emotional Level

The emotional level of conflict is challenging for anyone to handle, but self-awareness combined with self-control can make the experience easier. The secret is to recognize early when one is affected personally, or “triggered,” by conflict, and identify as specifically as possible what feelings are involved. The emotional responses from conflict can be conscious or unconscious reactions. Some examples of emotional responses include fear, frustration, anger, impatience, uncertainty, defensiveness, and avoidance. Examples of being “triggered” by conflict include:

• • Feeling upset by a raised voice tone.
• • Becoming tense when watching someone stand up, slam the door, and storm out of a room.
• • Being afraid to confront someone with a different opinion.
• • Experiencing anxiety while watching two people yelling at each other.
• • Withdrawing from an argument due to feeling overwhelmed.

Physiological Responses

Once collaborators identify their own emotional reactions to conflict, they should be mindful of the physiological responses they experience as a result. Examples of physiological responses to conflict include rapid heart rate, sweating, increased adrenaline, tightening of one’s vocal cords, nausea, and digestive issues, to name a few. These biological reactions occur automatically when the body attempts to defend itself from real or perceived harm. For self-protection, and also by force of habit, individuals typically respond to conflict in one of two ways: fight or flight.

An example of a fight response is when one gets angry and frustrated at the other for not taking accountability. Often people with fight responses have a highly assertive nature with an action focus. This can cause them to be very forceful and vocal at times when communicating their needs. People with fight tendencies during conflict are inclined to have a strong determination to press for agreement from others quickly and take action, often overlooking the need to spend sufficient time building trust first.

The flight trigger is another defensive response. It is based on wanting to withdraw. Individuals exhibiting this response typically seek to avoid or delay being assertive due to fear of causing more tension and conflict during disagreement. Perhaps they want to make sure they have acquired all the facts, or they do not want to risk communicating too forcefully. Although the motivations for avoidance are justifiable, other parties could perceive this response as being weak, noncommittal, or indifferent when, in fact, it is more likely to be a self-preservation tactic.

If the flight trigger is suppressed over an extended period of time, it can escalate into a passive-aggressive response based on feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, anger, or resentment. This type of reaction is also a defense mechanism and typically involves the open venting of negative feelings and thoughts that have accumulated over time. Individuals who demonstrate a passive-aggressive response are often “triggered” by a perceived loss of power or control over a situation that builds gradually until they feel compelled to release their pent-up feelings and express them bluntly.

Taking Action to Manage One’s Responses

By recognizing and understanding their own conflict response tendencies, collaborators can progress beyond self-awareness to self-management. Self-managing one’s response to conflict is a deliberate mental process that examines the root causes of how one perceives conflict and attempts to overcome these obstacles proactively. The following seven steps are recommended to remain calm and focused during tense conflict situations during a collaboration:

1. 1. Become more self-aware of one’s conflict triggers early by learning to notice very small signs before they increase in frequency and severity.
2. 2. Analyze the source of the trigger, and seek to manage one’s reactions to it better.
3. 3. Recognize the emotions involved, and practice stress management techniques to minimize the emotional impacts.
4. 4. Discuss the trigger with others to get their advice and help to self-manage it with confidence.
5. 5. Apply cognitive management techniques to self-manage the response, such as creative visualization, meditation, and positive self-talk.
6. 6. Concentrate on not taking others’ comments and reactions too personally.
7. 7. Take a mental or physical break as needed to energize and depersonalize.
8. 8. Reframe the conversation to focus on a more objective collaboration goal or outcome.

Reckoning With One’s Attitudes Regarding Conflict

To become most effective and resilient, it is essential that collaborators recognize that how they view conflict can significantly affect how well or poorly they deal with it. One’s cognitive perceptions of conflict are shaped by many factors in one’s life well before a collaboration takes place. These attitudes can originate from personal and cultural perceptions, beliefs, and values one is exposed to in one’s childhood and family life. For example, one individual who comes from a family or culture that views conflict as something to avoid might consider conflict a negative force to be reckoned with. As a result, if that individual observes others raise their voices in a discussion, he or she could become uncomfortable and possibly view their discussion as a detrimental form of conflict. In contrast, another individual, who grew up in a family environment that encouraged conflict as a healthy way to vent feelings, might consider a discussion with loud voices as less threatening, and as a natural way to enable open disagreement that will, eventually, create a more positive and meaningful outcome.

It is important to note that not everyone’s cognitive views of conflict conform to the traditional values they experienced as children. In some instances, individuals’ mindsets about conflict are affected more by their own personalities than their upbringing. For instance, someone who is quiet and introverted might not feel comfortable interrupting others during a discussion, preferring to withdraw during a heated argument. In contrast, an extravert might not mind interruptions so much, and might even become stimulated by loud and open disagreement.

Managing Team Conflicts Constructively

Individuals who can manage their own emotional, physiological, and cognitive conflict responses proactively with self-awareness tend to withstand the many team conflicts during collaborations with optimal resiliency. There are three key strategies that work well for navigating conflicts with team members during all phases of a collaboration. The first strategy is to discuss and agree on expectations for acceptable and unacceptable team norms for behavior during times of tension and disagreement. Having a discussion about norms enables group members to demonstrate their commitment to support and encourage individual differences of opinions in an emotionally safe setting. Specific examples of how to apply this strategy successfully are listed as follows:

• • Agree on “ground rules” for how the parties will disagree and decide. This includes:
• ° Wording guidelines (e.g., avoid blaming words, like, “your idea is horrible”).
• ° Group behavior norms (e.g., how interruptions will be managed).
• ° Processes (e.g., how final decisions will be made, including voting or the leader having the final say).
• • Appoint an internal or external meeting facilitator to ensure that group “ground rules” for disagreement are followed consistently.
• • Get commitment from the more assertive members to avoid dominating discussions, so that other less assertive parties can contribute their views equally.

The second strategy to facilitate effective conflict management within collaboration teams is to identify the conflict stage in each situation, and then apply appropriate tactics to manage that stage. The four stages of conflict typically occur in sequence and can be identified as follows:

1. 1. Dormant
2. 2. Emerging
3. 3. Active
4. 4. Aftermath

The Dormant stage is the initial sign of conflict. It involves hidden issues that are not yet visible to others. Typically, during this stage, there are no negative words spoken, and there are no outward signs of disagreement. But if one looks more closely, there are some signs of restraint, such as two individuals never sitting next to each other, strained voice tones, or tense body language.

The Emerging stage is when others’ defensive reactions to conflict become a little easier to observe. These responses include more obvious physical demonstrations of discomfort, such as tension, sarcasm, or a blunt statement of disagreement. During this stage, some of those in disagreement can attempt to seek allies supporting their own opinions, and cliques can develop that are based on an “us against them” approach that is passive-aggressive and not constructive.

The Active stage is when the conflict intensity reaches its peak level, so others can observe the responses most easily. Individuals who tend to have a “fight” response become more emotional and vocal during this stage. They can display physical and emotional outbursts, such as slamming doors, yelling, or crying. These interactions can be a battleground of hurt egos, anger, detachment, and nonproductive conversations. There can be in-fighting, criticizing, blaming, and extensive misunderstandings.

In contrast, individuals with “flight” tendencies during conflict will show signs of avoidance, withdrawal, anxiety, and extreme discomfort when they experience or observe conflict. Some people with “flight” responses will politely leave the scene of the conflict, or show other signs of withdrawal, such as minimizing eye contact, or declining to respond to challenging comments and questions. This “flight” response can cause alienation and erode trust between collaboration parties.

If the conflict is resolved, there is an Aftermath stage when all parties experience the effects of what has occurred. Perhaps some individuals will be relieved that the conflict is over and resort to their usual behaviors, whereas other individuals might retreat for some alone time as they attempt to recover from the emotions they either observed or experienced. Regardless of individual reactions, this is a period of recovery for those parties involved directly, as well as those who witnessed the conflict.

Applying Strategies for Each Stage

For the Dormant stage of conflict, the following strategies are recommended.

Strategies for Dormant Stage:

1. 1. Remind all parties that expressing different ideas and concerns openly is necessary for a successful collaboration.
2. 2. Arrange for the group leader or facilitator to meet with each individual confidentially to find out if there are any personal concerns or issues that need to be addressed.
3. 3. Ask a neutral or third party to observe group dynamics and recommend specific actions to take.

During the Emerging stage of conflict, those individuals involved begin to show their discomfort or disagreement both verbally and nonverbally. There is the possibility that “metatalk” will occur, which is when the words stated contradict the body language demonstrated. An example of metatalk is when a collaborator says, “I do not have any objections to that,” but frowns and crosses his arms to indicate nonverbal discomfort.

The following strategies are recommended to address and manage conflict during the Emerging stage:

Strategies for Emerging Stage:

1. 1. Meet individually with all group members to discuss concerns and needs.
2. 2. Consider that if only a small percentage of the total collaboration team is involved, meet with those individuals separately to discuss issues, concerns, and proposed solutions before addressing the entire group.
3. 3. Remind the group that disagreement can lead to new ways of thinking and more innovation, and encourage an open discussion about concerns.
4. 4. Reinforce the “ground rules” and group norms for disagreement to ensure a “safe” environment for discussion and constructive input from all parties.
5. 5. Include the issue or concern on the next meeting agenda to discuss then, after team members have had time to think about it and prepare well.
6. 6. Remind the group that disagreement can lead to new ways of thinking and more innovation, so it is important to have open discussion about any concerns.

In the Active stage of conflict, opinions and related emotions are all out in the open. When strong disagreement is vocalized, the group can become divided. Some individuals might seek alliances to support their own interests or political affiliations, and adversarial subgroups can potentially emerge. During this stage when there is so much active disagreement, it is critical to maintain a strong emotional climate of trust that encourages the group to remain unified despite differences. The following strategies are recommended to navigate conflict during this most active stage of open disagreement:

Strategies for Active Phase:

1. 1. Appoint a “neutral” leader or facilitator to solicit constructive input for discussion.
2. 2. Get individual and group commitment to follow the “ground rules” and group norms for behavior.
3. 3. Ensure that the “ground rules” and group norms are identified clearly.
4. 4. Visualize key points and areas of agreement and disagreement within the group, to help everyone remain focused on constructive comments only.
5. 5. Ensure sufficient time for less vocal parties to convey their views as well.
6. 6. Meet in person when possible to maintain unity and build trust.
7. 7. Restrict the use of too much written documentation, such as overuse of e-mails and social media, to minimize conflict escalation.
8. 8. Reframe the focus of the discussion on the collaboration vision, mission, and goal.
9. 9. Summarize and paraphrase points frequently.
10. 10. Document points to refer to afterwards for clarity and understanding.
11. 11. Encourage members to ask questions to uncover underlying motivations, risks, and gains to emphasize the group collaboration goal as the primary focus.
12. 12. Agree on decision-making guidelines that support the collaboration goal.
13. 13. Schedule sufficient time for team members to process the comments intellectually and emotionally before responding or making any decisions.
14. 14. Avoid pressuring the collaboration parties to reach agreement prematurely.

The Aftermath stage is especially important in a collaboration because it offers a unique opportunity for the group to re-establish their trust and consolidate their relationships. Since each individual will experience different postconflict reactions, it is crucial for the team as a unit to re-establish trust, assess how they managed the conflict, and identify action steps for continuous improvement when future conflicts do occur. Conflict strategies for the Aftermath stage are identified as follows:

Strategies for Aftermath Stage:

1. 1. Vocalize and summarize initial concerns and suggestions immediately after the conflict.
2. 2. Conduct postconflict discussions in person whenever possible to rebuild trust.
3. 3. Remind the group that the aftermath might be uncomfortable, but it is an opportunity for the team to re-establish its commitment to each other and develop resiliency to handle the future disagreements that are inevitable in any collaboration.
4. 4. Discuss how the group managed the conflict by balancing positives with negatives.
5. 5. Schedule at least one session to discuss group lessons learned from the conflict.
6. 6. Modify “ground rules” and group norms for disagreement, as
   needed.

Summary

To succeed, collaborators should be self-aware of their individual responses to conflict on three levels:

1. 1. Emotional
2. 2. Physiological
3. 3. Cognitive

Emotional reactions can include fear, frustration, anger, impatience, uncertainty, resentment, and avoidance. Some examples of physiological reactions are rapid heart rate, sweating, increased adrenaline, tightening of one’s vocal cords, nausea, and digestive issues, to name a few. For self-protection and also by force of habit, individuals typically respond to conflict in one of three ways: fight, flight, or passive-aggressive.

The cognitive responses to conflict involve views about conflict itself: levels of comfort or discomfort, and attitudes about the best way to handle it. Some cognitive responses are personal and cultural attitudes, values, and beliefs about conflict that contribute to one’s overall mental perception of it.

There are two key strategies that are especially useful for navigating conflict in a collaboration, as follows:

• • Setting expectations for interacting and communicating.
• • Identifying the conflict stage and applying targeted strategies for that stage.

The first strategy, setting expectations for communicating, involves planning for how the parties will interact during times of tension, disagreement, and more emotionally charged conflicts. The second strategy is identifying the specific stage of the conflict, and then applying appropriate tactics to manage that stage efficiently.

The four stages of conflict include: Dormant, Emerging, Active, and Aftermath, and each one can be managed proactively with dedicated strategies. Among the strategies for managing the Dormant stage, the most important one is to remind all group members that expressing differing ideas is essential for a successful collaboration. During the Emerging stage, a key strategy is to remind each member that disagreement, when managed proactively, can foster increased innovation, so it is important to share any concerns before they escalate. When conflict is in the Active phase during a collaboration, an essential strategy is to encourage members to ask questions to understand motivations and not judge external behaviors as much. Finally, during the Aftermath stage, an important strategy is to conduct postconflict discussions with participants and witnesses to help identify lessons learned and rebuild trust.