Build Productive Relationships
All the shared documents in the world won’t help you if your coworkers don’t trust you. Maybe they don’t think you’ll be available if they need to reach you, or they don’t lobby for your name to be thrown out for consideration when a team is forming to work on a new product. Perhaps they’re constantly nagging you: “Any update since the last time I asked (thirty minutes ago)?”
The success of your collaboration comes down to the relationships you’ve created—relationships that exist, in part or in total, on phone lines and through satellite signals. In this chapter, you’ll learn to establish and maintain rapport, credibility, and true mutual respect from a distance.
“Meet” your colleagues
If you’re working remotely for the short term, you probably know all your collaborators. But if you haven’t met everyone in person, begin with a little background research. Google, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Twitter are obvious starting points, but think about your personal contacts, too. Do you know anyone who’s worked with this person or could speak to their reputation? Ask around, in a positive way: “I’m excited to start working with Nita! What was your experience with her?”
Ideally, you’d meet any new coworker face to face, but that’s not always possible. So imitate an in-person meeting as closely as you can: Video chat is best, followed by phone as a distant second. E-mail is your last resort. The more information available to you (facial expressions, gestures, vocal tone), the better you can interpret communications from this person later on.
Initiate a get-to-know-you conversation in person or online. Pose these questions to any colleague, but focus on the people you expect to work with most closely:
• Where are they based? Are they also navigating remote work?
• What’s their professional background? Their current role?
• How are they approaching your joint work, and what information do they have that you don’t—about the project, the client, your organization?
• What prospects for the work excite them?
• What risks are they worried about?
• What are their expectations about how you’ll collaborate?
• Which communication tools do they like to use, and which do they dislike?
• Do they have any major constraints you should know about, such as a deadline for another project?
• What percentage of their time are they devoting to this project?
• If they work for a different organization, how would they describe its collaborative culture?
At the end of the conversation, schedule your next interaction. Follow up on a particular issue, or make a plan to chat again (set a specific time).
Establish trust
As in face-to-face relationships, trust in a virtual context requires transparency—about what you know, what you want, and what you’re able to do. But these signals are harder to read, because of the social distance that virtual communication technologies create. So they need a boost. Let’s look at how to help establish trust with your colleagues.
Make the most of “swift trust.” Genuine rapport develops slowly, but people usually feel a surge of friendliness and goodwill when a group first forms. Reinforce perceptions of your credibility by beating deadlines, and be generous with praise or gratitude, especially in writing.
Be predictable. Keep regular hours, and schedule check-in calls at the same time every day or week. Respond to e-mails, texts, calls, and the like, in a routine way, even if only to say you’ll answer later. If you only work out of the office occasionally, try to establish a set day that you do so. If you can’t predict which day you’ll be out, communicate the time as soon as you know, and be explicit about when and how folks should get in touch with you. Setting accurate expectations is more important than sending the message that you’re always open for business.
Be persistent. Don’t assume that because interacting online feels awkward at first, the relationship is doomed to fail. Keep smiling, and keep looking for opportunities to make a personal connection with your coworkers. What starts out as stilted (“You had a peanut butter sandwich for lunch? So did I.”) might turn into a genuine exchange or at least a humorous point of reference.
Manage conflict
Conflict that erupts over screens is not much different from in-person fights: It centers on tasks (“I don’t agree with you about how to do the work”) or interpersonal relationships (“I don’t like you”), and without quick intervention, the one can quickly turn into the other. But because communicating online is confusing to begin with, and because it disinhibits anti social behavior, you’ll want to be especially proactive in confronting disagreements before they turn bad. The following dos and don’ts can help you have more productive interactions.
Do
• Discuss interpersonal conflicts in person, if possible. If you can’t, use video chat or a phone call, and ask a supervisor to mediate.
• Pursue task-related arguments. If you don’t agree with a plan of action or if you have a problem with someone’s work, speak up.
• Take your problems to a dedicated problem-solving venue, such as a troubleshooting thread on a discussion board, a one-on-one call, or an “ongoing issues” agenda item during a meeting.
• Switch venues—from e-mail to phone, for example—when you can’t resolve a disagreement easily.
• Practice active listening. Since communication technologies limit visual and vocal cues, check your understanding by reflecting back what you see and hear. See the sidebar “Scripts for Conflict” for more tips on how to conduct these conversations.
Don’t
• Don’t try to resolve complicated or personal disagreements over e-mail.
• Don’t wait for task-related arguments to turn personal.
• Don’t blindside people or embarrass them in front of their peers. If someone thinks you aren’t treating them fairly, they won’t react well.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for a reassignment. If you’re involved in an intractable conflict, look for ways to redistribute tasks so that your interpersonal problems don’t affect the work.
Building strong relationships with colleagues whom you don’t see every day requires persistence, empathy, and a genuine interest in the person behind the machine. To express these traits successfully, you’ll need something else, too: strong communication skills across a variety of platforms.
SCRIPTS FOR CONFLICT
When you confront a colleague about a problem at work, you’ll often discover motivations and interests that differ from yours. These conversations require a lot of back-and-forth, so schedule a phone call or video chat. Let them know ahead of time what you want to discuss, so they can prepare, too. Take notes while you talk, in Google Docs or some other place you both can see and edit. Then dive in with some of these questions:
Understanding your differences
• “I’m sensing a gap in how we think about ___. What’s going on there?”
• “You seem concerned about ___. Can you help me understand what’s driving that?”
• “I’m concerned about ___, but you don’t seem to be. Can you help me understand why not?”
• “How does our shared work fit in with your other priorities right now?”
• “I see the main purpose of this work as ___. What about you?”
• “The outcome I’m most excited about from this work is ___. What about you?”
• “The ___ aspect of this work is the most challenging for me right now [or is taking the most time]. What about you?”
Reconciling your differences
• “In an ideal world, how would you like this to go?”
• “In an ideal world, I’d like ___ to happen. Is that possible?”
• “I would most like to see you take ___ action. Can you do that? If not, what do you propose?”
• “What action would you most like to see from me?”
• “I think we have a lot of common ground around ___ [name the goal, task, problem, or outcome]. Let’s start by figuring out how we want that to go.”
• “I’m really glad to learn about ___ [motivation, goal, or problem] that you have. I think I can contribute there . . .”
• “I see ___ [motivation, goal, or problem] that you have as being connected to ___ priority that I have. How can we build on that?”
• “It sounds like ___ [task] is more relevant to you, and ___ [task] to me—want to trade?”
Specificity is the key to this kind of conversation. Isolate the behaviors you’d like them to change, and keep the list short, say, one to three items. Propose only things you think are important and doable, and look for opportunities for reciprocity.