Communicate Effectively

Communicating with virtual colleagues can feel like screaming into the wind. It takes much effort, but you’re still not sure you’re being heard. Because you’re not face to face, you won’t see the glints of recognition in their eyes when your idea lands, or catch the skeptical looks on their faces. You could spend all day replying to e-mails, and still miss a coworker’s SOS if you’re not also regularly checking texts, calls, IMs, and all the rest of the dozen other channels you use to communicate. How are you supposed to get any work done when just staying in touch requires so much time?

In this chapter, you’ll learn how to get the most out of your technology, capture your colleagues’ attention, and limit the total amount of time you spend on it.

Pick the right channel

You’ve spent two weeks trying to get a video call on the calendar with a busy colleague, but when the moment comes, you realize with embarrassment that the only thing you really have to ask is a simple yes-or-no question. Five minutes into the call, your colleague asks you in a disbelieving tone, “So . . . that’s it?”

Anyone who’s made this mistake knows how important it is to match the mode of communication with the content. If the fit is off, you’ll waste time and goodwill on fruitless or confusing interactions. Written formats strip emotional context and inhibit back-and-forth on complicated or extended points. Audio and video can be intrusive and often require advance planning. With too many participants in any one of these, it can also be difficult to follow the thread of who says what.

How can you make an exchange as effective and efficient as possible? To decide which mode to use, ask yourself two questions. First, what do you want the recipient to do after you convey your message? If you think they’ll have a lot of questions or will need to craft a detailed reply, phone or video is best. If you just need a quick answer, try e-mail, text, or another IM service.

Second, how do you think the recipient will react after you convey your message? If you think they’re likely to be confused or upset or to have any other heightened emotional response, go for video or phone, where you can project and read feelings more accurately.

There are other considerations, too. If the message is urgent, tools that let you reach people instantly—like text, IM, or phone—are best. If it’s complex, then phone, video, or a shared document is best. You also need to think about the audience: to get input from multiple people, use phone, video, or a group messaging service such as Slack; for one-on-one or unidirectional communications, e-mail and text are OK. For tips on handling time zones and language barriers across these platforms, see the sidebars “Bridge Time Zones” and “Surmount Language and Cultural Barriers.”

As you get a feel for what works best with your particular colleagues, remember that you can always switch between channels. Just because a conversation starts on e-mail doesn’t mean it has to stay there. If you feel as if the discussion is becoming unproductive, consider whether a change in venue could help: “It’s hard to answer that question over text—can I call you?”

Get—and keep—your colleagues’ attention over e-mail

Whether you’re scheduling a meeting, sharing information, or making a request, most interactions with your virtual collaborators begin with an e-mail. When colleagues see your name in their inbox, you want them to think, “I’d better see what that’s about!” Frame your message for maximum impact by following several practices.

Craft your subject line carefully. Clarity and brevity rule. Use the project name, or set expectations (“Quick question” or “Project update: reply by COB [close of business]”).

Lead with what you want. Don’t make them skim to the bottom of an e-mail or suffer through a meandering voicemail to find out what you’re asking. Start with a clear request: “I’d like your help organizing the permissions for our upcoming showcase. I’ve drafted a timeline—can you review it and let me know by the end of the week?”

Provide context. What do they need to know for this request to click? How does it connect to their bigger picture? Are there recent events that help explain what you’re asking for—complications, setbacks, errors?

Spell out your request. What specific actions do you want the recipient to take? If you need a response immediately, don’t assume they’ll get back to you in a timely manner. And if you want an update later on how things are going, make that explicit, too.

Make it memorable. Use powerful, vivid language. Avoid exaggerations or rhetorical flights of fancy: Short sentences with forceful, simple verbs make a strong impression.

Curb emoji usage. Emoji can effectively convey emotion, but they can also make you look immature or out of touch. Do you have a relationship with the recipient that will help them interpret the signal correctly?

Say thank you. It’s common sense, but not always common practice: Gratitude oils the gears of all working relationships. Don’t ask “Please?” without saying thank you.

End with a call to action. Refocus their attention on your central objective: the task you want them to perform, attached to a specific timeline. “Today I need last quarter’s numbers for the Bhattacharya account, and tomorrow I’ll follow up about the Meyer and Abbott accounts.”

Hold people accountable

Maintaining accountability with virtual collaborators requires empathy and ingenuity. As in other parts of real life, it’s a good idea to start by reflecting on where a recalcitrant colleague is coming from. What are their motivations, interests, and constraints? If both of you are part of a team, take into account the other person’s role on the team and the chain of command. Who are they responsible to, and how does your collaborative work align with their role?

If you’re working together in a looser arrangement, pose this question more broadly: What’s at stake for them here? How can you connect your issue to the things they already care about? Once you have a handle on the answers to these questions, you can try several communication strategies.

Push colleagues to commit to concrete plans. A concrete plan is an action item plus a deadline. If you keep hearing “I’ll get to that soon,” be blunt: “When? How about Monday?” Document your agreement in writing, then remind them of the commitment as the deadline approaches. By extracting an explicit promise from them, you take away their plausible deniability for ignoring your texts and calls come Monday.

Let them know they have an audience. The biggest leverage you have in this situation is probably your overlapping professional networks. You can’t hail them in their cubicle with a hearty “Did you get my e-mail?” while the rest of the office listens in, but you can remind them that other people will see their work. Bring it up in a positive way: “Dan and I were just talking about this project—he’s excited about our work and asked us to share the finished product!” Your collaborators will understand that you aren’t the only person with high expectations for their performance. If you need to push harder, express concern before anger, and remember that a threat is never professional (and rarely productive, anyway).

Create a sense of reciprocity. If your request is one-way, they might think of it as a favor. Push back against this illusion by showing that you’re in a mutual professional relationship, where both people are giving and receiving something of value:

• Surpass their expectations by beating deadlines and exceeding quality standards in your work.

• Volunteer to help them with an annoying or difficult task.

• Ask them what they want! “I’m so grateful for the work you’re doing on this. What can I do to make this a good experience [or investment of time] for you?”

• Deepen the social dimension of the relationship. What are they looking forward to this weekend? Is their pet recovering from its recent surgery?

• For a long-term assignment or a particularly onerous task, send them a small gift. An ebullient thank you is a great motivator, and while you can’t beguile a faraway coworker with homemade cookies, you can have flowers delivered to their desk.

Maintain a positive, generous frame of mind. Your grievances may be legitimate, but grousing about them will only poison the relationship further. Interpret their communications with charity, and make kind assumptions.

Give and receive feedback

Generosity is particularly valuable when it comes to feedback. You might struggle to figure out when and how to deliver constructive criticism in a virtual setting—and receiving it can be just as challenging. “Your recent work contained some major problems” looks much worse in an e-mail than it sounds when delivered with a compassionate facial expression by someone you frequently lunch with.

To start the conversation off well, pick your timing carefully. Avoid delivering difficult information right before another meeting or a deadline they have. If you’re using video, position the camera at eye level so you’re not looming over your interlocutor. Keep your body language open and relaxed, and maintain natural eye contact.

Plot out the actual conversation ahead of time, following these steps:

1. Think about the bigger picture. What else is going on in this person’s personal and professional life right now? Sometimes that’s harder to know when you aren’t interacting in person every day—but see if you can find out. Also, what’s the context for this feedback in your relationship with them? What do you want this feedback to accomplish in the relationship?

2. Start on a high note. Be warm, and don’t skip the usual small talk. Emotion is harder to read over video or on the phone, so be explicit about your positive feelings: “I’m really enjoying working with you.” “We’ve still got some work to do, but I’m confident we’ll get there.”

3. Express honest appreciation for the other person’s work. Start with some good feedback, and be specific. What are they doing well? What have they made easier or more interesting for you?

4. Give feedback about a specific behavior. Don’t speculate about motives or talk about big patterns: Keep your comments concrete and narrowly focused to avoid a defensive response. Listen to the reply, and follow up on anything that seems ominous. For example, if they won’t meet your eyes, is it because of where the camera is positioned, or do they feel attacked?

5. Suggest a specific fix, or ask them to come up with one. You want to end the conversation with an action item for your colleague, something they feel ownership over and excitement about. Ask how you can help them execute it.

6. End on a positive note. Thank them for listening to you, and reiterate the positive feedback you gave at the beginning. Then follow up with an e-mail briefly summarizing what you agreed on, and thanking them again for the conversation.

The key to giving effective feedback is do it right away or to let your colleague know it’s coming. If you respond to all e-mails immediately with “Looks great!” it can be awkward to reach out later with a criticism, and you may miss the window of opportunity altogether. It’s better to prepare meaningful comments immediately or to send a placeholder message: “Thanks for sharing! I’m planning to look at it Friday and will send you my feedback then.”

Some of the same advice applies when you are on the receiving end of feedback. Ideally, the person contacting you shares your hierarchy of technologies and will reach out in person or by video or phone. If not, redirect the conversation: “I just got your e-mail about my performance on our last quarterly report. I’d like to talk more about this—could we do a video call tomorrow afternoon?” When the time comes, find a private location that’s clear of distractions, and follow these tips:

1. Prepare ahead of time. Review your work and any previous feedback from your colleague/supervisor. Reflect on how you think things are going.

2. Listen, take notes, and ask questions. Your first task isn’t to respond to the criticism, but to understand it. What exactly are you being told, and do you understand the values or concerns behind it? Explain to your colleague that you’re taking notes so you can review them later—otherwise they might think they don’t have your full attention.

3. Summarize the feedback verbally to check your understanding. It’s hard to process criticism under any circumstances, and technology generally increases people’s emotional confusion. Repeat back key points: “I’m hearing that my humor on phone calls can be alienating and confusing to other people. Am I getting that right?”

4. Clarify your emotions. Part of professionalism is managing your feelings in difficult situations, so don’t let video glitches or a delayed phone connection imply things about your response—own it openly: “This definitely comes as a surprise, and I’m sad to hear I’ve made people uncomfortable.”

5. Suggest a specific fix, or ask them to come up with one. You want to end with an action item: What would solve this problem? Ask for help if you need it.

6. Buy time. If you don’t feel you can respond well in the moment, end the conversation gracefully. “I think I need some time to process this feedback. Thank you for being open with me; can I follow up with you tomorrow?”

Working remotely can sometimes hinder people from offering you feedback, so ask for it. When you share your own work, invite comments explicitly and then follow up if you don’t hear back. Because you’re in another location, no one can casually stop you in the hallway to share their reaction. So be direct: “Nora, I think your ideas about the layout I sent last week would be really helpful. Can you take a look?”

Set boundaries

You want other people to reply to your e-mails and react to your work—but the influx of communications can be distracting. Think about the last time you were really in the zone during work. What brought you out of it? Was it your phone buzzing? An e-mail notification on your computer screen? Did a coworker try to strike up a conversation over IM, or did your boss send you a calendar request?

You don’t get to choose when people interrupt you. But you can choose how to respond. And when you’re bombarded by signals from your menagerie of communications devices, remember this: You don’t have to answer everything immediately. Instead, create sensible schedule boundaries, and obey them.

For example, consider answering e-mails exclusively in the morning and again at the close of the day. In between, check in periodically to let people know you got their note: “Thanks for this message! I’ll get back to you by the end of my day.” Record a special voicemail greeting, or set up auto-reply messages for your e-mail for a couple hours. An anxious or peeved coworker who gets no response from you might assume that you’re simply off the clock. A prompt, if not substantive, response will go a long way toward assuring them that you’re just tied up with other work.

For text or IM conversations that go on too long, keep a rote response on hand:

• “This is interesting, and I want to talk more about it. I have to go now, but I’ll message you to set up a call.”

• “Thanks for these sharp comments; it’s been helpful! Unfortunately, I have to go, but let’s follow up later.”

• “I’m glad you asked, but unfortunately now is not a good time for me—can you send me an e-mail?”

• “Let me get back to you this afternoon, when things settle down over here.”

Finally, know when to bail. If you don’t need to be involved in the discussion, don’t be.

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Communicating effectively with your virtual colleagues requires imagination and discipline. You need to think strategically about how best to reach individual collaborators and push these interactions into the most productive channels—maybe without the help or even the awareness of your colleague. It’s a lot to master, but the payoff will be worth the effort when you spend two hours each day on your inbox instead of four. Savings like these are the difference between feeling unproductive and feeling like a true contributor to the work at hand. You can enjoy more of the latter feeling by learning how to handle the most common challenges of remote work, in the following chapter.