Chapter 10

Uncovering Your Unique Voice

In This Chapter

Transcending technique with feeling and intent

Discovering your authentic voice

Speaking from within

Think of this chapter as great adventure, with me as your guide on the quest to discover the voice that expresses the best of you – your own authentic voice.

As a first step, take a moment to make a list of some of your favourite communicators from various sources: show hosts, commentators, actors, comedians and others you’ve heard on radio, television or in film. Your list may also include people you know, such as a professional colleague who’s a great presenter, a team member who’s convincing at meetings, a friend who draws an eager crowd in the pub or a member of your family who’s fascinating to listen to. For each person on your list, write down a few words about their voice to describe what in your view makes them a good communicator.

Most people discover that they like a range of different qualities and that the appeal of each speaker is different. Whenever you warm to a speaker, you’re responding to something in the voice that is unique to that person. There are as many different ways to communicate successfully as there are people. Now is your opportunity to explore what is unique and special in your voice.

Moving Beyond Technique

The other day I listened to a recording of a speech that had won an international speaking competition. The skill of the speaker was evident in every phrase. If I’d been judging on individual skills, I would have ticked almost every box: organisation of speech, resonant voice, variety of tone, pace, contrast, use of rhetorical devices, facial expression, use of silence. But there was one box I wouldn’t have ticked – inspiration. The speech was wonderfully competent but the skills failed to add up to something greater than the individual parts. It left me cold. The speaker’s technique led the delivery; it was a display of brilliance more than a communication.

On the other hand, certain speakers don’t have the finest voices and rush sometimes in their eagerness to get the words out or occasionally pause, unable to find the right word. Yet you find yourself inspired when they speak, because of what they have to say and how they’re able to connect with you.

When people listen to you, they’re not actually interested in how you speak, they want to hear what you have to say. They don’t want to be impressed by your technique, but rather to connect with what you’re offering.

While lack of technique may get in the way of communication at times, over-displayed technique is just as problematic, often more so. Technique that is patently visible actually impedes understanding. You find yourself admiring the skill rather than connecting with the message. On some level, the audience knows when a speaker is feeling self-important and indulging too much in their prowess as they show off the brilliance of their range and power. In times of political conferences and elections, you don’t have to look for long before you hear such a speaker.

Inspiration doesn’t stem from technique. It comes from an energy within – a glorious combination of thinking, emotion and purpose – that creates nuanced sounds. Being born of inner impulse and outer expression, your voice is produced by both a physiological and a psychological process. Change to your voice can happen through either route.

Working with your inner energy

Your voice responds best when your internal energy works harmoniously with the physical breath and sound. When you’re feeling passionate, your voice wants to respond vigorously; when you’re moved to sympathy, your voice wants to express that different energy. When you allow this to happen, your inner feelings are reflected in your outer expression.

When your body responds to the inner energy, your communication has an authenticity and ease that transmits to your listener, energising your audience. You yourself feel energised by the process.

The opposite is true if your energy and voice are mismatched. This creates tension and wastes energy. If, for example, you force the energy, using too much breath and pushing the sound, the result is tiring – to you and your listener. You’ll also both get tired if you have a message of excitement and passion but hold back and speak in a boring voice. Moreover, the audience feels the disjunction and steps back emotionally.

The following are three ways for you to access this energy. Practise any and all of the activities before important speaking occasions to get your energy moving, ready to hit the ground running.

Finding the state of readiness

The state of readiness is familiar to practitioners of martial arts. You can call it being ‘switched on’. The following practice gives you the idea.

March around with energy, as if you have an important appointment to keep and know exactly where you’re going. Look out into the distance as you march, swinging your arms with a sense of freedom. If possible, practise in the open air in a park or in the countryside. Breathe in the fresh air, and stride out.

After moving for two or three minutes, pause for a moment. In the stillness, feel the energy coursing through your veins. Your body has come to a standstill, but every cell of your body is alive. You feel alert. That’s the state of readiness.

Using your whole body

Speaking is never just a cerebral activity; it engages the whole of you.

Remind yourself of the physical energy behind what you say. Try the following, and think up some examples of your own:

Remember a time when you were determined when you said ‘no’ to something. Lift your arms and your whole upper body, make fists of your hands and bring them sharply down, at the same time declaring in a determined voice, ‘No!’ or ‘I will not!’

Remember a time when you felt warm and comfortable and you sighed with utter bliss. Take in the full happy breath of contentment, and as you sigh, let your shoulders sink down with the feeling of pleasure and say, ‘What a beautiful day it is.’

Stomp up and down for a few moments feeling impatient while picturing a ticking clock. You’re about to miss that deadline! Then stop and speak with all the energy of the movement, ‘It’s got to be done now!’

Filling the space

Energy is necessary to fill any space – and the larger the space, the more energy you need. Practise filling the space in different-sized rooms with the following steps:

1. Walk into the centre of the room with confidence as if you’re about to give a speech.

2. Stand there open and relaxed, and raise your arms straight out in front of you.

Imagine that your fingertips are touching the wall in front of you.

3. Open your arms out expansively and imagine that you’re touching the walls at each side of you.

This space is yours, and you own it!

4. Lower your arms, and become aware of your body as you stand there.

Expand your awareness and discover that you’re larger than your body. Feel your body expand outwards beyond its edges into the space. Fill the space mentally. This expanded energy commands attention.

5. Open your eyes and make a large slow upward gesture with your arm to express this feeling.

Sense that your fingers can reach to touch the walls.

Note that this feeling is the opposite of that cramped sensation you get when you feel frightened. Carl Jung suggested that people are too limited; he said, ‘We walk in shoes that are too small.’ Be your expansive self. Imagine that your chest has wings that open, and feel them begin to fly.

Finding your inner voice

The energy that produces powerful sound and broad gesture starts within you in the core of your being with a spark of desire to communicate. Finding your voice is about connecting with that inner spark.

The ability to connect your inner impulse or desire with action is shared by the best performers in different fields. The great tennis shot begins with the desire to put the ball somewhere, and that desire connects to the movement of the body. The spark of creativity in the artist turns into the subtle movement of the hand holding the paintbrush. In terms of voice, the spark of desire turns into the muscle movements that produce sound. Your voice reflects your inner world and connects with what is real for you. This connection doesn’t require your body to be physically active in any noticeable sense, but inside you’re aware of something intensely alive. Your life force is not the same as anyone else’s. It is yours and yours alone.

When you tune into this life force, your listeners get your message. You aren’t tuning into your own life force if:

You’re worried about what others are thinking.

You’re hoping to impress.

You think that you should sound a particular way.

You want to think the same as everyone else.

You want to be one-up on someone else.

Tuning in requires you to be internally referenced, at ease with yourself. You can find some helpful tips for combating such concerns in Chapter 11. How to get in touch with your life force is similar to having a strong intention, as explained in the next section ‘Grasping the power of intention’.

Grasping the power of intention

Intention is the desire or energy that fuels your voice. It’s quite different from wishing. If you say, ‘I wish I could finish’, you can hear doubt. If instead you say, ‘I intend to finish’, you can hear the strong energy, involving mind, body and emotions, behind the words.

The inner spark of intention enlivens the breath, and the quality of the in-breath determines the sound you make (see Chapter 4). In order to shout, you take in a quick energetic breath; to describe a beautiful place, you take in a gentle slow breath. The breath is as much a part of producing your voice as the sound you make. Particular breaths create particular sounds.

The word inspiration is made up of ‘in’ and spirare, ‘to breathe’. Your in-breath is indeed your inspiration. You never need to put on a voice to be angry; the angry breath produces a hard voice. By contrast, you never need to put on a sympathetic voice. As soon as you feel empathy, your breath softens the sound you make. And if you feel joy, the lively feeling spreading across your chest gives warmth to your voice.

The connection between your inner impulse and your sound only happens if you go straight from breath into sound without a little gap in between. This is the secret of the expressive voice. (If you do leave a little gap, find remedies in the later section ‘Speaking mechanically: The personality-free role’.)

Find a space where you have room to move and then do the following:

1. Think of something in your life that you passionately say ‘yes’ to or are determined to say ‘yes’ to. This can be anything – a person you want to say ‘yes’ to, a cause that you completely believe in, something you’re determined to achieve, a big yes to life – anything that makes you want to say a full-hearted ‘yes’!

2. Take a big step forward, breathing in as you take the step and breathing out as you land on your front foot.

Don’t over-extend as you step forward, but make the step big enough so that you feel a clear change in body weight as you come off the back foot and land on the front one.

3. Bend your knee as you land, and at the same time come out with a passionate, ‘Yes!’.

Feel strongly the passion of that ‘yes’ as you breathe in and take the giant step forward.

You can also try this practice with the word ‘no’, thinking beforehand of something you strongly say ‘no’ to or intend to say ‘no’ to. Think of activities in the world that you feel shouldn’t happen, someone you want to say a loud ‘no’ to, something you’re determined to do no longer, or anything you can say a loud strong ‘no’ to.

Focus on the feeling of that ‘yes’ or ‘no’. You don’t need to have any preconceived idea of how you should sound. Nor do you need to try to ‘produce’ a particular kind of voice. Your voice is liberated by your intention and sounds authentic and free.

When I reprimanded our young children, I often talked urgently and stridently to them, commanding, ‘Don’t do that!’ ‘Come away from there!’ and so on to ever-diminishing effect. But sometimes a resolve took hold inside me, and I thought to myself with a kind of internal knowing, ‘This is enough. I truly am not going to allow this any more. This is really enough.’ At these times, I breathed much firmer and slower. What came out of my mouth was something much quieter, from deep in my body. When that happened, the response was immediate – the children took it very seriously indeed. I was surprised by the response every time because I hadn’t been thinking about putting on a particular voice! The change was in the strength of my intention.

Your intention profoundly affects your voice and body language. Change your intention and you get a very different result.

Playing Roles

If you aren’t getting the reaction you expect when you speak, a mismatch may exist between your conscious intention and what you’re truly feeling about a situation.

Perhaps you sometimes spend a lot of energy thinking about the impression you want to make and in consciously creating ways of speaking that you believe will get you approval or respect. You straighten and stiffen your shoulders as if you’re wearing the epaulettes of high rank, and you put an artificial energy into your voice. If you do that, you may create the impression you want, but your voice has a curious way of revealing how hard you’re trying. The energetic pace and emphasis are there – but the tension created by your effort restricts your breathing, which is reflected in a tightening of your voice. If you counteract this effect by forcing your voice to do your bidding, your sound becomes tight and pushed. You end up sacrificing freedom and subtlety for something strained and predictable.

The answer is to stop trying so hard, and to regain a sense of ease, so that breath and sound can work smoothly. When you do this, you access your authentic energy, which is much more powerful than false confidence and posturing. Whether your role is CEO, manager, team leader or parent, trying to look assured and professional while you’re feeling the opposite isn’t likely to work. The following sections describe various ways in which people try too hard, and shows you how to avoid them!

Speaking mechanically: The personality-free role

A safe but defeating way of playing a role is to cut all the personal characteristics out of your voice. Doing so is a surprisingly common – albeit unconscious – strategy, and an understandable one when you feel unwanted emotions like vulnerability and fear.

Listen to the example on Track 34. The following activity shows what happens when you strip most of the personality from your voice. I want you to able to recognise it, so that you can take measures to avoid it!

1. Think of something important you want to say.

2. Breathe in and feel ready to speak – but stop for an instant and hold your breath.

3. Speak without taking another breath and notice the sound you make.

Most people, after the hiatus, start their voice with a little kick, sometimes with an audible click as the vocal folds come abruptly together. If you say a word starting with a vowel, such as ‘egg’ or ‘apple’, quite sharply, you will hear what I mean. It’s called a glottal attack. In any case, you lose the connection with the energy that prompted your remarks; all energy drains out of the voice leaving it stripped of its expressive energy. The voice feels tense and you have nothing with which to power the sound.

You often hear voices produced in the preceding manner, especially in business or formal social settings. This kind of voice is sometimes called a ‘social voice’ because people use it when they’re going through the motions of being polite, interested and so on. Unfortunately, it doesn’t express the message that existed in the energy of the breath. The voice seems cut off from genuine communication.

You may be so used to producing your voice in this way that you’ve no idea that you’re doing it. It happens every time you take a half-second to consider or veto your emotional response instead of responding with the natural feelings of the moment. (Go to Chapter 11 for a more in-depth explanation of what happens when you block your voice and how to respond effectively.)

If you ever get feedback that you sound boring, monotonous or mechanical, you’re very likely adopting this way of speaking, dissociating feeling from response. You can find relevant and useful material on dissociating in Neuro-linguistic Programming For Dummies by Kate Burton and Romilla Ready (Wiley).

Try the exercise on speaking with intention (see the earlier section ‘Grasping the power of intention’), to practise going from thought and feeling straight into sound, and hear the difference in your voice.

Playing the prima donna: Putting on roles

Another way of speaking in which the breath is similarly cut off from sound is the ‘created’ or ‘manufactured’ voice, where the speaker has found a way to make sounds that create a particular effect. This act can be performed deliberately in the moment, but more commonly it’s a way of speaking that was picked up early in life and is now involuntary and automatic.

Various versions exist, and I explore them in Track 35:

The Mussolini voice, named after the Italian dictator, involves pushing down into the throat and chest to make yourself sound imposing, authoritative and in control. You push out air too forcibly, giving the sound a hard tuneless edge that bulldozes the listeners’ ears. In London, Speakers’ Corner offers many examples of ranting in public, and you often hear this voice at union or political meetings in the open air, where the speaker lacks a proper microphone. Unfortunately, many speakers also bring the voice inside! US Congressman Anthony Weiner, among others, uses this voice to push his point home.

The Establishment voice, like the Mussolini voice, is also created low down in controlled fashion, producing a voice whose tone is rich and deep but unvarying. The person breathes, pauses for an instant to put on deep cavernous tones, and then speaks. The Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, has a voice that comes into this category. It has a rich Eton ‘plumminess’, which changes very little whatever mood he is intending to convey. The politician William Hague does something similar with his voice. The tone is distinguished by its unvarying quality; pleasure and horror are expressed in the same rich tones.

The ‘Barbie Doll’ voice remains sweet and high pitched whatever barbs are thrown its way. It proclaims in its gentle tones that the speaker is a sweet person, but more often reveals that the speaker is trying too hard to sound pleasant and can sound patronising. It was the fashion for women to speak in this way in the 40s and 50s, so you can find many examples in recordings of that period. A great example is the character Dolores Umbridge, played by Imelda Staunton in the Harry Potter films.

People who use any of the preceding voices have to take a second after breathing to engage their special voices. These voices don’t tune into others or respond to the energy of an audience (see Chapter 10); they’re simply sound created in a vacuum for a particular effect. Your first impression on hearing such a voice may be good, but listen for a while and the artificiality becomes boring or irritating.

Being Authentic

Being authentic is one of the most powerful ways to be believed and respected, which makes it extraordinary how far people go to hide who they really are.

When you’re authentic, you create aliveness and excitement. People instantly tune into you and find you interesting. Sanitised and predictable speaking on the other hand, whether unconscious or deliberate, cuts off connection and creates boredom, disappointment and even mistrust.

If you watch any audience – or read the tabloids or pay attention to non-scripted television – you quickly see that people are curious about other real people and aren’t very interested in people who always perform a role. Much of what people hear in speeches and presentations is predictable and its delivery stiff and formal; the official behaviour of business leaders in their work roles is usually predictable too. Audiences love the genuine aside, the odd mistake, the burst into normality. The more real you are, the more convincing you are – and the more you feel yourself. The opposite is also true: the more rigid you are, the less you feel like yourself, and the more artificial you seem to others.

Finding out how to speak authentically is about reconnecting the energy of your thoughts and feelings with your voice. In other words, you express on the outside what is within you. This approach, pioneered by voice teacher Iris Warren more than 60 years ago (see the sidebar ‘Iris Warren, vocal revolutionary’), is still among the most effective today.

Authenticity in your voice is certainly about being emotionally truthful. When you are, the sound of your voice, the look in your eye, your facial expression and the balance of your body work in harmony, so that all parts of you are telling one story. Authenticity puts your listeners at ease and makes them trust you. Mismatching your signals, on the other hand, creates annoyance, confusion and disbelief. ‘Wipe that smile off your face,’ snaps the teacher, for nothing’s more annoying than a pupil apologising with a mismatching grin.

Expressing different ‘parts’ of yourself

I’m encouraging you to be real and to be yourself to make your voice more authentic, but a snag may have occurred to you. If you’re feeling unconfident, or even pathetic and hopeless, you may wonder how ‘being yourself’ is going to help you. This situation is where it’s useful to be able to access different ‘parts’ of yourself when needed. For example, while you may lack confidence when you present in public, you don’t feel unconfident all the time – it doesn’t represent the whole of you. At times you feel positive and sure of yourself, when you’re with friends, or playing golf, or baking, or fishing, or tying your shoelaces! If you can recover the state of mind you have at those times and access it when you have to give a speech, then you’re laughing.

If you need to be confident, but don’t feel it inside, try the following:

1. Remember a time you have been confident, and imagine yourself in that situation.

Remember vividly the feeling of confidence of that time. Get to know it well. How do you stand and hold yourself when you have that feeling? How do you breathe and speak? What physical sensations accompany that feeling? That feeling is gold dust.

2. Take that confident feeling into a situation where you need confidence.

When you find yourself in a daunting situation, recall the feeling of confidence that is now familiar to you. Note how accessing the confident feeling changes your experience for the better.

This skill is one that many actors use in order to portray characters authentically. You can use this technique to access other feelings useful for speaking, such as calm, ease, enthusiasm or determination. When you adopt this technique, you aren’t stepping into a pretend role; you’re accessing a part of yourself that is true – but just hasn’t shown up at a crucial time!

Truth is always powerful. It won’t stop you feeling vulnerable at times, but the instinct to hide your vulnerability can be misjudged. You look stronger to others when you dare to show your vulnerability than when you attempt (often without success) to mask it and in the effort deaden your voice. When you don’t hide your vulnerability, it turns into a beautiful strength, and the full range of your voice becomes available to you. Your voice has the potential to express your present, your past, your total experience, your agony and your ecstasy.

Granted, you cannot always let people know everything about you – sometimes you’re better off putting up a mask. But be aware that it’s when the mask comes down that you truly connect and people really listen to you. You can find some other good strategies for becoming more authentic in my book, Butterflies and Sweaty Palms: 25 Sure-fire Ways to Speak and Present with Confidence (Crown House Publishing, 2012).

Think of a time when you felt most fully yourself, whether it was with a person or people you love to be with, or in a place that’s special to you, or doing some activity that you love to do. As you remember that time, ask yourself:

What am I feeling?

What am I most aware of?

Where is my focus?

What is true of me as I relive the time when I felt most fully myself?

As you answer these questions internally, you re-access a way of being that frees your body and mind and grounds you. When you speak from this way of being, your voice is clear, open, confident – and ultimately influential.

Return to this practice from time to time, and gradually try to build up awareness of how being real feels for you, so that you can recognise more easily when you are and when you are not.

Developing a voice that suits you

As you develop an awareness of when you’re authentic and when you’re less so (see the preceding section), you can practise more often speaking without a mask.

For example, if you’re angry, expressing that anger in your voice may not be in your best interest – but wearing a mask of pleasantness or subjugation may be equally unhelpful. You want to find a way to bring some of the energy of your anger into how you speak without actually getting angry. You can bring the energy in by acknowledging that all emotion is energy, and using the energetic qualities of an angry voice without feeling angry. That way, you sound more honest and others are more likely to respect you for it.

When I worked with local politicians, I discovered that many of them dreaded public meetings where local agitated residents turned up to hurl insults at them. John worked with me on various strategies for dealing with such situations, and later told me this story. He was at a public meeting in a small town. Midway through his explanation of the reasons for certain road works, a heavy-set man got to his feet and yelled loudly, ‘You couldn’t care less, could you?! This is going to damage our trade!’ Quick as a flash and with a similar volume and energy, John replied, ‘Yes, it is! But very little, in fact, and not for long.’ He then explained that the council had looked at the impact throughout the county, and that scheme was the one with the least impact. His voice remained strong but became calmer. The honest response with similar energy took the wind out of the man’s sails, and he sat down with no more to add.

One way to get to know your voice is to feel it inside. Do the following practice with a friend, if you can. If you do it alone, answer yourself out loud or write down your musings on paper or in a journal.

1. Reflect on your voice’s different tones as you access different feelings.

What does your voice feel like when you speak with impatience or a sense of urgency, compared to when you speak with worry or concern? Think of some other feelings and try out the tone of voice for each.

2. For each feeling, reflect on where inside your voice emanates and where you feel it vibrate.

3. Think about what feelings you hear most often in your voice.

What message does your voice mostly communicate? Urgency, worry, concern, control, excitement, impatience?

What voices do you allow yourself? Confident, playful, stern, angry, sad, gentle, empathetic? Reflect on these voices and choose your favourites.

4. Now ask yourself which sounds you don’t allow yourself?

Silly, strong, peaceful, assertive, tender, angry, joyful? Imagine allowing any missing feelings space to express themselves. What that would be like?

5. What new voice will you give expression to now? Find a poem you love and read it in a new voice. That is your voice too.

If you can’t think of a favourite poem, try speaking the words of the ancient Sufi poet Rumi. Here he invites you to welcome the energies of all your feelings:

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!

Trusting in the Moment

The sidebar ‘Stanley Kunitz’s last poetry reading’ describes the powerful connection that is created when a speaker connects directly ‘from his soul to yours’, without vanity, pretence or role playing. For that to happen, the speaker needs to stay present and trust in the moment. This requires him or her to let go of tight control and be willing not to know exactly what is going to happen from moment to moment. That can be scary! But it gives you an incomparable sense of freedom and self confidence that transmits directly and powerfully to listeners. When you speak like that, people love the fact that you’re completely yourself and at ease in your own skin.

At an international coaching conference a few years ago, the keynote speaker was the coach and author Tim Gallwey. Other speakers on the day had delivered polished presentations with carefully crafted slides and notes. Even the official who introduced Gallwey had prepared a spiel for the occasion. Tim, however, came onto to the stage without ceremony and with the appearance of having nothing prepared. He thanked the official, then looked out at the 800 or so coaches who had come to listen to him. After a decent pause he remarked quietly, ‘There’s usually a blinding light in my eyes . . . you’re very colourful!’ He paused again. ‘It feels quite intimate . . . I hope we can keep this intimate.’ He did indeed keep it intimate. For the audience, his presentation felt natural and spontaneous. He thought and breathed, speaking in the moment, creating something special and irreplaceable in which he was himself and connected with those people, in that place at that time. It was a memorable occasion.

Letting it happen

People who like cats often say it’s because they’re so much themselves. You never see a cat acting self-consciously, or trying too hard. If you watch a cat focused on catching a bird, everything about the experience is graceful. Its stillness is active and alert, and when it leaps for the bird the action is fluid and effortless.

The cat is a great model for you as a speaker. Its energy is entirely absorbed in the now and nothing presents effort. You find this quality in great musicians and dancers. However physically demanding the piece, the artist’s face reveals complete and effortless absorption in the activity. It makes you want to watch and listen; it draws you in.

You can be like a cat when you remind yourself of certain things:

Focus on what you’re doing.

Stay in the present.

Enjoy what you’re doing.

Be alert for whatever happens.

Enjoying uncertainty

When you’re alert for whatever happens, you’ve relinquished that all too human desire for life to be predictable. Life isn’t predictable. The only thing to be sure of is . . . uncertainty! After you can fully grasp this truth, you can do anything.

The great Polish theatre director, Jerzy Grotowski, told his students it was better not to think but to act. He encouraged them to let their performance grow spontaneously and organically and assured them that if they did, the result would always be more beautiful than anything calculated.

You don’t need any preconceived idea of how you should sound. Think and feel before you breathe, then just let your voice happen.

When you speak, the sound waves dissipate on the air. Even if you say exactly the same words a second time, you have to recreate them. When history was told in stories, everyone accepted that each old story was new in the telling. Musicians accept that each playing of a familiar piece is a new story. So even if you’re reading a written speech, each reading is a new utterance and therefore different from anything you’ve spoken before. Whatever you say is a meeting between the words you speak and you, your personality and life story.

People who enjoy public speaking revel in the fact that, even when they’re repeating something they’ve said before, they’re creating words afresh. They never get bored and love to play with saying things a bit differently each time. Each time, what they say is heard like something new.

Play a game of creating something new from old. Your task is to tell a story strongly and convincingly, using the same words – but in different ways. Here is the story:

Mary Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
‘With silver bells and cockle shells
And pretty maids all in a row.’

Tell this story in the following ways:

Electrified with the energy of disbelief and condemnation

Inflated with the energy of pride or superiority

Infused with the energy of huge empathy and concern

Trust yourself and take a few risks. Enjoy the game! Sometimes people find themselves unable to do this practice because they say, ‘It isn’t me. I’m not a proud person or I never condemn’ Yes, you are – and yes, you can! It’s all you, limited only by your imagination.

Having a Voice in the World

Music connoisseurs sometimes say that Beethoven found his true voice in his final quartets or that Mozart found his true voice in his final Requiem. They describe that moment in a composer’s creative life when echoes of other composers become fully assimilated, and their sound is at last uniquely their own.

This moment happens for you when you use all the possibilities of your voice. ‘Be yourself, everyone else is taken’, says Oscar Wilde. When at last you’re able to free your voice of its blocks and inhibitions, the true you emerges, and other people begin to listen to what you have to say. In the act of speaking, you give voice to what is truly you.

Becoming you is to tune into your inner voice and express what is in you – to sing your own life song, not anyone else’s; to find your voice in all senses of the phrase.

The following sections offer some ideas for sharing your true voice with others near and far.

Giving yourself the green light

Someone who worked for a charity in conflict zones wrote after one of my workshops, ‘I found my voice! I felt like this course allowed me to look at me, rather than the technical side of making presentations. I can apply so much of this to all areas of my life!’

Finding your own voice can be facilitated by learning technical voice skills, but it also requires your consent. You’ve passion inside you, but people cannot hear passion in your voice without your permission, and that requires the courage to allow yourself to be seen in your voice.

You don’t actually need to think of expressing passion, you just need to believe that whatever you express is okay.

Marissa was so scared when she gave her presentation at my workshop in London that she was shaking. ‘Just allow yourself to shake,’ I suggested. She looked at me as if I were mad. ‘No, really,’ I urged. ‘Do it deliberately.’ So she did. She shook her shoulders and arms, then gradually her legs too, and she continued to speak. At one moment, her voice wavered with emotion, and it seemed that she would break down, but she continued to shake and speak, and gradually her voice found its strength and the shaking stopped. When she had finished, Marissa made a gesture of triumph with both arms in the air and shouted: ‘I found my voice!’

Becoming eloquent

You’re used to hearing articulate voices in the media, but they’re becoming increasingly predictable versions of reality. Listening to adverts, the voices fit the images, but they’re bland and non-personal. It’s the same with most chat shows and documentaries, the voice fits, but you can change it for another similar voice and not notice much difference.

I watched a programme on building new homes last year. This year a similar programme was born on another channel, and the new presenter’s intonation identical to the person’s on the earlier programme. What is happening? More and more people are performing like stereotypes, becoming cartoons of themselves.

True eloquence is not the same as being articulate. True eloquence is about allowing you to be you, to express freely and be heard – not only your ideas but your emotions and inner energy. When you trust yourself to do that, you have a direct line into others’ lives. Your voice is alive and is able to move others by creating sympathetic vibrations deep inside their hearts. You create harmony between yourself and others like music.

If you produce the voice that you think is expected in a particular situation, if you care too much about what others think, or aim to create an impression or fear to express your own truth, you will not find your own voice. That’s a shame for you – and society is the poorer for it as well. The world needs voices that are forthright and honest in order to truly communicate with each other. A voice of truth ringing with conviction moves people in a way that consciously created voices cannot. The voice of truth constantly varies second by second, reflecting your strength, confidence, warmth, friendliness and sincerity. The speaker is no longer delivering something prepared earlier; instead the words move through, starting from deep inside. This is the voice that changes the world.