When your life is stretched so thin, the thought of volunteering or doing good works within your community at large may be the furthest thing from your mind. “If I can't even find enough hours in the day to get my 'to-do' list done, how am I going to find time to volunteer?”
Yet, for many, there may be an internal “calling” to volunteer. You may see an ad on television for the Boys & Girls Clubs of America or you may get a note home from your kids' school asking about tutoring kids who are having trouble reading. You may look around your neighborhood or community and see some very pressing needs—homelessness, neighborhood blight, teens with no place to hang out. Maybe you want to volunteer for more global issues like social justice. But you wonder if you have the time. When contemplating volunteering, consider the following:
Volunteering is almost universally considered, by those who do it, an integral part of their lives. Most call it “enriching” and “rewarding.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that success is marked by leaving the world a better place, whether by a “healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition.” Volunteering can include activities large and small.
Volunteering can be an hour a week doing something as simple as cleaning the altar of your church or doing gardening work at your synagogue or place of worship, or it can be as extensive as becoming certified as a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) for an abused child.
Most volunteers feel they get more from the volunteering than they put into it.
As the Baby Boomers age, there may be a sense of wanting to make a difference in a real way, as the passage of time becomes more clear and real. Volunteering is a way of feeling useful, vibrant, and relevant.
Okay, so you're running in a thousand directions. How and when will you find the time to volunteer? Well, if you're restoring some balance to your “house,” you should be seeing some things settle down. There is also a question of prioritizing your volunteering. By this we mean that sometimes, particularly if you have school-age children, you will be asked to sell popcorn for Scouting or magazines for the school library, come in to make copies for the teacher, spend weekends helping out the soccer team, coach two sports, bake cookies for the church bake sale . . . you get the idea. But is this the kind of volunteering you want to be doing or are you starting to become a victim of “volunteer burnout”? If the answer is that all this is making you dizzy, then learn a very powerful two-letter word: NO! And stick to it. This doesn't make you a terrible person or a terrible parent. Obtaining a life in balance is about setting priorities that work for you—which is the perfect way to express yourself to others. “No . . . I am prioritizing my life and right now, this doesn't work for me.” End of story. Don't be bullied or goaded into it (unless this is what you want to do). Next, you need to use our clear thinking techniques to figure out what you want to do as a volunteer.
Instead of Fuzzy Thinking | Think Clearly | ||
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I want to volunteer for several “important” causes. → | I will spend some time clearly thinking about my priorities and find one cause I believe in passionately to give my time to. | ||
I will do as much as I can for my cause. → | I will start with a small commitment, see how that works in my life, and then build from there. An hour a week might work for me to start. I need both passion for a cause AND boundaries. | ||
If you now feel as if making time for volunteering or finding a place of balance in your life where you can contribute to your community is important, where do you begin? First, it might help to come up with some ideas for the broad types of causes that you feel are important to you. Is it the well-being of kids and teens? Homelessness? Helping alcoholics or victims of domestic violence? Manning a suicide hotline? Helping your church or place of worship? Helping the nation's schools? Wildlife preservation?
Next try plugging in “Volunteering” in a search engine, or read your local paper, which often has free ads for local charities and organizations needing help.
Then, when you have narrowed down your choices, “interview” the organizations you find interesting. For instance, how long has the charity been in existence? How much of its budget actually gets into the hands of those in need? What is the annual salary of the CEO? Frankly, if it's in the half a million dollar range, we think that's offensive for a charitable organization! If it's a smaller scale organization, you can ask how hands-on your experiences will be. Once you've made your choice, you will likely either receive some training or a background check, depending on the work you choose to do. To mentor teens, Erica had to be fingerprinted and checked out by the FBI. Thank goodness that old bank robbery didn't show up!
Now it's time to write your specific map.
What are your goals as far as volunteering? (Remember to be specific and measurable.) What causes would you like to help?
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This next part is important. Imagine for a moment that you are a volunteer. Answer this question:
What will your life be like when you are doing some social good every week or month? How will volunteering change your life? How will it feel?
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When there is a positive change in one area, other positive changes will occur somewhere else. If you restore some order into your work life, you may find volunteering is a new room in your house that feels fantastic. If you think of the house analogy, all the rooms work in conjunction. You don't build a house (unless you have a very funky architect) and set pods or separate rooms all over your land connected by tunnels, with no order, only chaos. If your marriage is in balance, you may feel that you do, indeed, have the time to make a difference. Just remember to do things in moderation.
Too Big | Just Right |
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I will run off with Greenpeace and save all the whales.→ | This week I will contribute to a letter-writing campaign to my senator about the issues important to my cause. |
I will work five days a week on my lunch hour at my child's school. → | I will speak to my child's teacher about one area I can help out in once a week or once every two weeks. |
Try to avoid all or nothing thinking. Yes, there are some courageous and even foolhardy souls who place their lives on the line for causes in which they believe. But, if you get involved in small ways, you are still making a contribution, just as if you decline to sell popcorn and magazines and gift wrap and calendars, guess what? You are still a good mom or dad.
Now it's time to balance your world with clear ideas of your goals regarding volunteering.
Write down your top five goals about volunteering, now that you have read this chapter.
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Now ask yourself this question:
On a scale ranging from 1 to 10, with 1 being “the worst,” and 10 being “great,” how well would you say you are taking care of your dreams and goals about volunteering right now?
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If you answered with a 9 or 10, that's impressive. But you may find things falling out of balance at some other point in your life, remember that the balance game is NOT static. It is very much like the tightrope—full of little wobbles and almost invisible tremors of the rope.
How have you managed to maintain your sense of balance in this area so far? What is working for you? (Give yourself some well-deserved credit!)
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What could you do to bring your score up half a notch, say to a 9½? If you gave yourself a 10, what can you continue to do to keep your score at a 10?
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If you feel you have not been doing things in the volunteering arena well—or you feel you are volunteering, but not for the causes you want—look at that.
What kinds of things have you been doing to keep your score at a two or five? Think about it—you didn't give yourself a zero so you must be doing a few things correctly. What have you managed to do right?
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If you are thinking that there simply couldn't be anything in a score that low, you're wrong. If you didn't give yourself a flat zero it is because in some small ways you are doing a few positive things to make a difference.
What is one more thing you can do to find balance in this area and bring your score up a point?
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What will do you do to ensure that you keep doing that one small thing?
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How will your life be different when you manage to get your score up a few points?
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What will you be doing that you are not doing now?
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Who will be the most surprised about these positive changes?
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One final word about volunteering. It's no crime if a year from now you decide the cause you were once so passionate about no longer interests you. You may also get involved in an organization that from the outside looks great, but on the inside is full of infighting. Alternatively, you may be so good at what you do as a volunteer that you are taken advantage of. That is not good for your sense of balance. Erica was once a member of a very small church and taught Sunday school as well as ran a youth group. Although the new minister swore he would never allow volunteers to not be thanked, in fact, the more people did, the more that was expected of them, and the words “thank you” were never uttered. If you have an experience like this, don't let it sour you on volunteering. It's a noble pursuit, and there are literally thousands of organizations that can use your help.