Cyril was looking to buy small manufacturing companies, and he'd identified one he wanted to acquire. He'd also identified as his prospective critical enabler a man named Josiah, the president of a tool-and-die manufacturing firm that supplied equipment to his target company, who was sure to have valuable background information that would help him approach the CEO of the company he was interested in.
Cyril was connected to Josiah through Diane, whom he'd met casually. He wanted to get a referral to his prospect from Diane, but because he didn't know Diane well, he was hesitant to ask. This is the classic LinkedIn conundrum. How do you get a referral from someone you know to someone they know? Suddenly two degrees away feels like six degrees away.
His approach to Diane went something like this: after mentioning a conference they'd both attended a while back, Cyril said he was evaluating a number of small manufacturing firms with a view to acquisition, and one of the people he'd really like to ask for advice about them was Josiah, who showed up as a connection of Diane's on LinkedIn.
"I don't feel I know you well enough to ask you for a formal referral," Cyril said, "but I was wondering if you'd be willing to let me mention your name when I contact Josiah. It will make it easier to meet him if I can start by establishing that we simply have a mutual acquaintance."
After gathering a bit more information about why Cyril wanted to see Josiah, Diane said, "Sure, I'm comfortable with that. Do you want me to contact him for you?"
Cyril explained that he'd be happy if Diane gave Josiah a heads-up, but he wanted to gather more information about Josiah and his company in order to develop a well-thought-out approach. He promised to drop Diane a note a few days before he'd be ready to write to Josiah.
Once you've screened your pool of potential critical enablers and identified the one you want to approach, the question becomes the age-old How do I get in to see this person? The answer is just as old: you get a referral from someone who knows your prospect.
For some people, referrals are such a staple of business life that they're easy to take for granted. Unfortunately, the traditional referral process is fraught with subtle problems that make it far less effective and harder than it could be. And it is very difficult to measure the success or failure of a referral—as long as you get one and get in to see your target, it's easy to proceed without realizing that even though the process appeared to be seamless and successful, you may have paid a high price. The full potential value, impact, and effect of a referral is squandered if you think of it as only a way to get in. The real value is realized when a referral is combined with control and intelligence. Although you may say "Yippee!" when someone tells you about a hot fishing hole, you still can easily waste that opportunity if you forget to ask (or find out on your own or from another source) what the fish are biting on and when.
For others, just the thought of getting a referral seems intimidating. As one of my clients told me, "I know so few people; who am I going to ask? I wish the referral process were a problem I could worry about!" But with the process outlined in this chapter, you can generate referrals you didn't know you had access to, fairly easily. And these will not be the traditional referrals, and they will not carry the traditional price.
The price of a traditional referral tends to come in the form of issues that remain below the surface. Here are a few of the reasons the referrals you've received or generated might not have been as effective as you thought, even when they did lead to a meeting:
Nonendorsement: The recipient assumed the person who provided the referral was also providing an endorsement or recommendation at the same time. Unfortunately, it often turns out that referring parties don't actually vouch for the people they refer'they understandably use cautious terms to cover themselves in case the meeting doesn't go well. As a result, even a target who agrees to a meeting does so with reservations.
Misdirected Messenger: The recipient allowed the person giving the referral to approach the target, passing along the résumé or business plan or whatever documentation was designed to support the hoped-for request. But the referring party doesn't make a vivid case. The documentation winds up being forwarded to human resources or tossed onto a pile to be reviewed later, and the target doesn't take the initiative to invite the recipient to meet.
Coattail Comfort: The recipient thought the referring party's name would open the door and provide an "in," with no need to demonstrate further initiative or resourcefulness. But "Joe sent me" hasn't worked since the last speakeasy closed; it's far more effective to make it clear why the referral is worthwhile, and those who expect their target to welcome them with open arms, purely on the basis of the referral, are often disappointed.
Thus even when it may appear that the referral has generated the results the recipient was looking for, it may in fact have fallen short. Your long-term results are apt to be far better if you keep the process in your own hands, as Cyril did. Remember that the referral alone is only part of the entrance fee. It's not enough to say, "I'm writing to you because Joe said I should"; the message is much likelier to get through if you say, "I'm very interested in what you are doing—and Joe, whom we both know, agreed that I should reach out to you."
Rather than asking or simply allowing referring parties to present you to your target or pass along documents for the target to see, it's better to say you would prefer not to impose on them in that fashion or that you don't expect them to do your work for you. They don't need to endorse you or get you an interview—just allow you to mention them as part of demonstrating a more comprehensive, thoughtful, and educated approach.
Rather than leaving referrals essentially under the control of someone else, the Right Person–Right Approach method puts you in control of referrals, or at least in the position of managing them very carefully. This allows you to avoid the many hidden pitfalls in the traditional referral process. These are the three features that make the difference:
You make it easy for your referring party to give you a referral by making it clear you are not asking for an endorsement or recommendation.
You use the discussion of a possible referral to gather additional information about your prospective critical enabler.
You contact the person you're referred to yourself, rather than waiting for the referring party to somehow generate an invitation for you.
Your initial task with people you're asking for referrals is to realign their expectations so they understand what you're really asking of them—which is not to present your credentials or to appear to be your sponsor or (worse yet) your agent.
All you're asking from referrers is permission to use their names. Once people understand that you're not asking them to do your work for you, or really to do very much at all, you'll generally find they become much more willing to help you. But because most people will assume that you are asking for a recommendation when you're looking for a referral, you do need to preface the conversation in a way that makes it clear you're not asking for the moon.
At the same time, you also need to assure people that you understand that the referral needs to reflect well on their judgment. Make it clear that you mean to do your homework, so that your communication with your target demonstrates your informed and intelligent interest and potential usefulness.
Assure your referrers that you will send them copies of any correspondence that mentions them by name. That way, they'll know that you've stuck to your word.
Let's take a look at how one of my clients successfully managed a referral.
John, a sales rep, knew that the components his employer produced had improved to the point where they would stand up to large-scale use by a major manufacturer of consumer electronics. However, his target's online procurement processes were extremely convoluted, and he thought he could make progress much more quickly if he could just talk with Carolyn, the procurement director.
He had no connection to anyone at the target company, but an old friend of his named Fred was connected through Facebook to a woman named Laura, who held a position high up in customer service there. With any luck, she'd know how to reach Carolyn—but how to get to Laura?
John met with Fred and, after chewing over old times a bit, said, "I noticed you've got a Facebook connection to Laura, who's in customer service at XYZ Company." He explained that he wanted to talk with her in hopes of getting an introduction to Carolyn, in procurement at XYZ, because he was sure the company would be interested in his components if he could only present them in person.
"Sorry, John," Fred replied. "I don't really know her all that well, and I don't feel I'm in a position to recommend anyone to her. Why don't you just go to their Web site and run through the application section there?"
"I've done all that—it's like standing in line for a movie that may not open after all. What I really want is to talk with someone at XYZ who can tell me a little about what they really need, so I'm not just making a generic case."
Fred reiterated that he really didn't know Laura well enough to make an introduction—and he didn't know John's products all that well either, if it came to a recommendation.
"But you don't need to do any of that," John replied. "It's my job to put the meeting together if I can. All I really need is to be able to mention the name of a mutual acquaintance when I reach out to her. May I just say I was talking with you, and you agreed that it wouldn't hurt if I tried contacting her directly?"
"Well, in that context, I don't mind at all if you use my name," said Fred.
John's message to Laura went like this:
Subject: Our mutual acquaintance, Fred . . .
Dear Laura,
I was just talking with our mutual acquaintance Fred So-and-so, who agreed it would be a good idea for me to approach Carolyn in XYZ Procurement directly. I've already filled out the automated RFP form, but I'd love to differentiate my company with a more personalized approach—and I'm afraid she's so busy my note would just get lost in the shuffle. If you know Carolyn, I'd be grateful if you'd be willing to share some insight into what she needs.
Laura was intrigued enough to talk with John, and eventually permitted him to name her as an acquaintance when he wrote to Carolyn.
One reason the Right Person–Right Approach method has you work with a critical enabler is to gather important intelligence about the decision makers you're ultimately approaching and the issues important to them, so that you can differentiate yourself from others blindly seeking similar goals. In a sense, when you work with a referrer to get through to a prospective critical enabler, you need to do a scaled-down version of the same thing—gather as much information as you can about the person you hope to engage as your critical enabler. The people who can provide useful referrals are in many cases the ones most likely to have the information you need. Yet all too often, the singular goal of obtaining the referral limits the potential additional value the referring party can provide. Unless you ask, that referring party is unlikely to think of volunteering additional information.
Although many people I introduce this strategy to respond with the concern that it's asking too much of the referring party, I've found that a discussion designed to elicit this information will actually impress the referrer with the thoughtfulness and care with which you intend to handle the referral. Meanwhile, assembling the information will help your referrer understand that you will make them look very good when you contact your prospective critical enabler. This addresses the typical subconscious concern a referrer harbors, worrying whether the one contacted as a result of the referral will perceive it as a favor received or requested.
But you're unlikely to get this kind of information unless you ask for it. In the traditional referral process, all the value and weight is attached to the referral itself, and people asked for referrals tend to stick to yes or no, without considering anything else that might be useful. So ask about what your prospective critical enablers need, value, or appreciate'strategic goals they're pursuing, projects they have in the works, problems they've encountered and are trying to solve. Somewhere within the answers to such questions you are likely to find a clue, something that you can speak to in your proposition that surprises the recipient with what you have obviously taken the time to learn.
The following story illustrates a way to begin gathering the initial information you need as you begin to build your approach to your critical enabler.
Clayton had written a book promoting a new method he'd developed for capitalizing nonprofit corporations. His business objective was to be able to present his method in person to the heads of nonprofits, and he'd identified Barry, the manager of a large charitable investment fund that works with such organizations, as his critical enabler. He didn't know Barry, but he had found someone to provide a referral.
"I appreciate your giving me the referral to Barry," Clayton told that someone, "but I'd actually like to tailor my approach a bit, rather than just take the lazy way out and send everything I have, leaving it up to him to pore through my materials to find the fit. Could you take a few minutes to talk with me about him—his interests, what his challenges are, what kinds of things motivate him? I'm hoping to be able to approach him with a more specific, up-front offer of help or information that would make his life easier, or somehow help him do his job better."
The referring party found this inquiry refreshing and considerate, and he welcomed the opportunity to share his background knowledge. He provided enough information about how Barry got most of his business leads for the lightbulb to go off in Clayton's head about a key introduction that was quite likely to be welcome. As Clayton thanked the referrer, he mentioned that it would be several days before he'd be contacting Barry, but that he'd let the referrer know when he did so.
Although a brief heads-up call at the right time can help pave the way for you, the referrer's name is all that really matters. Name recognition is the most important aspect of the referral in the Right Person–Right Approach method. It's what gets the attention of the prospective critical enabler, and it opens the door for you to make your presentation without relinquishing control of the process to someone else. It takes remarkably little to differentiate yourself from the masses when it comes to referrals.
Although most people you ask for casual referrals will think the best way to help you is to contact the party they're referring you to and give them a heads-up that you're going to call, this isn't necessarily useful if the call arrives two weeks before you're ready to begin talking with your prospective critical enabler. Once you get a referral, you'll generally still have additional research to do on your prospect to find out how best to demonstrate that your proposition fits their needs. Try to make sure that if your referring party insists on calling your prospect in advance, the call doesn't come before you're ready. It is easy to feel obligated to act immediately on a gracious referral. However, the referring party will respect you even more when you explain your desire to make the most of that referral—which includes doing everything you can to learn about the person they refer you to.
When you're using the Right Person–Right Approach method, you contact your prospective critical enabler yourself. You can use only the name of the referring party without implying that there's any recommendation in the exchange. Remember that the behavior you display in your communications says as much about who you are as anything you can say in a résumé or proposal, if not more—for one thing, it's what the people you talk to will notice. In your approach to your prospect, highlight two or three things that will demonstrate knowledge of the prospect's aims—and your willingness and attempt to help advance those aims.
I've found that most people appreciate an e-mail message first, explaining who the referring party was and the reason for the inquiry. To retain control, wind up the message with a statement like "I'll follow up shortly by phone to see if it makes sense to meet." When you do phone, chances are the recipient will recognize you from having read the message prior to the call. If not, you can cite the date and ask if they want to review it to get the gist of your inquiry first. Here's an example of how this works.
Tony was eager to get into hedge fund management as soon as he completed his master's in finance, and he was sure that one of his professors would be an ideal critical enabler for him. He'd researched a fund the professor had written about, and he thought he saw a major area where his own research could be useful. Unfortunately, the professor—a superstar who'd held high government office and was still active in various types of consulting—was in such demand that his classes were crowded and it was very difficult to catch his eye, let alone talk to him seriously. He was notoriously reluctant to provide referrals or recommendations for students; when people offered to give him résumés, he would either shunt them aside or offer to send them on without showing much interest.
Rather than join the group hovering around after class, Tony went to his faculty adviser and asked if she would help pave the way for him. "Sure," she said. "I'll give him a call and see if I can send him your résumé."
"That'd be great," Tony replied, "but it isn't really necessary. If I can just send him a message with a subject line like 'Dr. Andrews suggested——or even just 'agreed——'that I talk to you,— I think that would get his attention. I've been working on a spreadsheet analyzing market behavior in Latin America, and I think he'd be interested."
She agreed that it would be OK for him to do that, and she asked him to keep her posted.
Tony then wrote to the professor and described his interest in hedge funds and their need for more quantitative analysis. He offered to share his spreadsheet'describing some of its predictive power—and asked if it would be possible to get together for a few minutes some afternoon. The professor agreed to sit down over coffee, and after talking for a while, he asked whether Tony was looking for an introduction to someone at the hedge fund they'd been discussing.
"I appreciate the thought," Tony said. "But I don't expect you to do my job for me. I figure it's my job to get an interview, but I really appreciate what you're telling me about this fund—it'll allow me to send a cover letter that reflects some real understanding of their strategy and needs and points out my relevant experience." He asked if it would be OK to say in the letter that he was one of the professor's students and that they'd discussed hedge funds—not claiming a referral, just using the name. He promised to send the professor a copy of the letter, and the professor authorized him to send it.
By maintaining control over the process, Tony was able to present himself to the hedge fund (which eventually hired him) at a time of his own choosing. He improved his reception there by revealing his interest, initiative, resourcefulness, communications skills, and problem-solving ability through his own actions—his approach demonstrated these qualities, so he didn't need to write anything claiming them.
Sometimes it seems like my whole business life consists of making referrals. That's what has led me to spend so much time analyzing the referral process.
Early in my career, being an undisciplined connector, I was somewhat reckless about making and accepting requests for referrals. I would happily take over and shepherd the referral from one person to another. Being the one in control, I inserted myself into the process as the go-between. But often I later regretted volunteering to be the facilitator, because that meant I had to follow up and to deliver on the implied promise of a meeting. And at the end of the day, I simply didn't have the same motivation to follow through and make things happen as the person who requested the referral would have had.
Then I learned a key lesson: losing control is a good thing. I eventually realized that by taking control of the process I actually disempowered the people being referred. I deprived them of the chance to impress the people I referred them to based on their approach. They were left with no way to differentiate themselves other than by being referred by me.
The relationship was not healthy because the people seeking referrals were solely dependent on me to deliver a meeting. Had I instead allowed them to initiate the communication, armed with my additional information about the one they were to meet, it would have been a healthy interdependent relationship.
I've come to regard the concept of interdependence as one of the key elements of my work. My friend Cliff Hakim introduced me to it in his book We Are All Self-Employed, in which he describes it as part of what he regards as the new social contract for work in today's world. "Today each of us must take full responsibility for our career mobility and job productivity," he says. His call for striking an interdependent balance between precarious dependence and lone-warrior independence applies to many business and life situations—not least to the situation my clients find themselves in.
These days, my clients do their part. They identify anything else they can come up with about the people I refer them to, and they also handle the legwork of approaching these people. Meanwhile, I stick to my easier part by lending them my name and providing key additional information, increasing their ability to associate and identify with the target. Yes, in some cases I might give the target a heads-up about the referral, but otherwise I keep my hands off. The shift in control has represented another important benefit. As I migrated from being coach to being coach and agent, I had to make sure every referral was viewed by both parties as nothing other than brilliant. This allowed me to say to clients, "Here is someone I think could help you enormously. However, I can't make the referral until you have learned enough about the person and their business so you can add value to the process. Making you jump through this hoop will ensure that you carry your own weight and eliminate any risk of it backfiring for me."
And everyone wins. I do less but look better in the process, because the people I refer now show initiative by taking an educated and thoughtful approach. That allows them to be more impressive, on their own, than they would be if I acted as their messenger. And that means I am now associated with making referrals for impressive people: the ones who take the initiative and are thoughtful in the referral process.
The traditional referral process is worth a closer look, if only to illustrate what can go wrong when things get out of hand. As happened to my client Susanne.
Susanne had gotten a referral to the head of a department at a company she really wanted to work for. Unfortunately, the referral hadn't worked'she hadn't been offered an interview, even though she'd been referred by a big wheel in the company.
I asked her to tell me more about what had happened. She explained that her uncle Matt had suggested she call Sam, a vice president at the company. This seemed really promising. Susanne thought she had it made.
When Susanne told Sam that her uncle Matt had suggested it, Sam asked, "How is old Matt? I haven't seen him for quite a while, but we go way back." He then told Susanne to send along her résumé and he'd personally forward it to the department head Susanne wanted to meet with. Susanne thanked him, sent off an e-mail with her résumé attached, and waited for a call. And waited. Two weeks elapsed, and the call still hadn't come in.
What had gone wrong? Susanne couldn't find out. Her uncle Matt told her he didn't feel right about calling his friend Sam to ask why his niece hadn't gotten in for an interview. "It would seem like I was implying that he hadn't done what he told me he would do," was how Matt put it. "Plus, it would make it look like I was saying he didn't have much clout with the higher-ups."
Susanne herself didn't know Sam at all and felt that calling him would make her look pushy—compromising their relationship, tenuous though it might be. She didn't want to damage any goodwill Sam might have held for her by questioning him in any way.
For Susanne, as for many others caught in referral limbo, uncovering the details was impossible, but the outline of the problem was clear'susanne had lost control over the referral process, and in doing so had lost control over achieving her business objective. It was easy to count the ways in which this referral almost certainly went wrong:
Giving the documentation to the referring party
Leaving the referring party to make contact with the target and to present the documentation without further reference to the one being referred
Failing to take the opportunity to get to know more about the target
Assuming that the referral would come with a warm endorsement
What generally happens in this sort of situation is that once referring parties are in control, they feel they need to protect themselves from a potential backlash, one that can cast a shadow on their judgment and risk their own relationship capital. So in the interest of self-protection, they're apt to be reluctant to say, "Oh, I hear she's really good," because if the meeting or interview is a bust, their own credibility takes a hit. Somebody in Sam's position is more likely to say, "I don't know this woman at all, but here's her résumé. I know her uncle, and I told him I'd pass it along to you." No wonder Susanne didn't get a call back.
In this kind of scenario, both parties wind up feeling uncomfortable and regretting the whole thing. The party getting the referral squirms about the persistence it takes to chase down the one giving it. The one giving the referral regrets having overcommitted and now underdelivering and wishes the whole thing hadn't come up. It isn't that people don't want to help, or even to follow through, but they don't know the easy way to make it happen.
Once you've gotten referred to your critical enabler, you're ready to take the next step in the process of accomplishing your business objective: making the right approach. The right approach consists of making a gesture of progressive reciprocity to engage the interest and support of your prospective critical enabler. This is the subject of the next chapter.