CHAPTER

15

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New Ways to Lead

In the late 1980s, Herb and his wife Jeanne went their separate ways. After going back in time and dating some of his early flames, Herb met Sunny, whose smile could light up a room, and certainly his life. She, like Herb, had obtained a Ph.D. in psychology from New York University, but from a younger generation of professors. They soon married, then, a few years later, they adopted two children, Alex and Sally.

Reflecting on his two business partnerships that had dissolved, Herb says, “When I was leading the company with David and then with Jeanne, we lived and breathed the business. It was all around the clock. It was constant. There was very little separation between our work and our play. It all seemed to blend.”

Were you like bookends—in that you were each bringing distinct talents to the partnership that complemented each other?

“No. David, Jeanne, and I were all very similar. Maybe too similar. We were very driven, assertive, persuasive, and always looking around the corner for the next opportunity,” Herb responds. “So, in both partnerships, we ended up doing things together, all the time. Perhaps that became too much. Who knows?” Pausing, Herb adds, “I do think it is doable for a husband and wife to run a business together, but it can be very difficult to separate personal disagreements from business disagreements. They can all seem to blend together. So everything can become merged and magnified. The hard times can be very tough. But, then again, the good times can be wonderful. Eventually, with each of my business partnerships, it got to the point where something that once worked was not working anymore—undoubtedly, for very different reasons.”

With a glint in his eye, the entrepreneur in him adds, “Actually there can be a very lucrative consulting practice in helping family businesses ease their way through some of these inherent difficulties.”

Now for another entrepreneur who might have acted on his impulses, consulting with family businesses might have led to a new direction for the company. But Herb, as he is quick to say, is not one for planning. He is more for seizing opportunities that present themselves and running with them, as fast and hard as he possibly can.

That is exactly what he did when the next opportunity presented itself, which, like so many things in Herb’s life, tied back directly to something he had been pursuing much earlier.

Out of the blue, he got a call from the executive director of Aurora, a London-based organization that advances women in business. She was most interested in coordinating a study with Caliper to see if women leaders in the United Kingdom might be, in some way, different from women leaders in the United States. The idea immediately intrigued Herb. It reconnected him with his dissertation, in which he uncovered the potential of women and others who were not given an equal opportunity, arguing that they deserved a fair break on the strength of their inherent merits. So there was a natural appeal, as it connected with Herb’s long-held convictions. What he did not know at the time was that the study would also help to position Caliper on the cutting edge of thought leadership, focusing on how leaders are changing as a result of the world becoming flatter, as Thomas Friedman so succinctly put it.

Herb says, “By looking at women leaders in the United Kingdom and the United States, we initially thought we might come up with some subtle, possibly counterintuitive findings that would prove interesting. Instead, we came up with a study that had enormous implications far beyond that—for how global leaders today need to adapt in order to be effective.”

The study included the results of Caliper’s in-depth personality assessment, along with comprehensive interviews with women leaders from some of the top companies in the United Kingdom and the United States, including Accenture, Bank of America, Deloitte & Touche, Deutsche Bank, The Economist Group, Enterprise Rent-A-Car, Ernst & Young, IBM, International Paper, Johnson & Johnson, Kohler, Lloyds TSB, Molson Coors, and Morgan Stanley.

“At first, not surprisingly, we did not find any significant differences between the women leaders in the United Kingdom and those in the United States,” Herb says. “But as we matched them against a representative sample of leaders from our database of nearly a half century, some surprising differences arose. The aha moment was when we said out loud, ‘Of course. Most of the leaders in our database have been men.’ Now that’s when our findings became interesting and significant.”

The study was published widely and presented at conferences in both countries, leading to further studies and presentations throughout Europe, South America, and Asia. The consistent findings were that women leaders were more empathic and flexible, as well as stronger in interpersonal skills than their male counterparts. “These qualities combine to create a leadership style that is inclusive, open, consensus building, collaborative, and collegial,” Herb explains.

As a result, women leaders are showing up differently, which is changing our collective perspective and understanding of what it means to truly lead.

“A story told to us by Sara Mathew, who went on to become chairman of the board of Dun & Bradstreet, particularly impressed me,” Herb says. “In many ways, Sara’s story demonstrates the key findings of our study. When we asked her about a career-defining moment, she told us about weathering an unexpected storm that tested her very core. Her openness and candor about sharing what happened during one of the biggest mistakes in her career is admirable—and, in my view, the clear sign of a true leader.”

Essentially, in a previous position with another Fortune 500 company, Sara decided to completely revamp the firm’s investor relations program. Without getting into the details, the introduction of this innovative program fell apart at the seams. She told us, “I did a terrible job, as nearly every major financial publication in the country cited. I could go on and on citing what went wrong. It was years ago, and I can still remember every detail like it was yesterday.” Just imagine waking up and having your name on the front page of the Wall Street Journal, describing a mistake you had made at work. Ultimately, however, Sara was able to turn the situation around, and the investor relations program she created turned out to be one of the best available. As she told us, what she learned was “the most important time to act is immediately after something goes wrong. It’s recognizing the situation and admitting that, yes, I made a colossal mistake.” Then she went back and figured out exactly where, when, and how things went awry. She examined how she could have handled the situation differently, what resources she had within the organization and, most important, how to convince her CEO to ignore the media and the stockholders and give her a second chance.

“The qualities she demonstrated—belief in herself and her cause, her disappointment in its failure, her feeling the sting of rejection very personally, her ability to learn from her mistakes, her persuasiveness, her open style of problem solving, her carrying on with a newfound confidence, and her willingness to take risks—are those that helped her win,” Herb says. “And they are precisely the unique blend of qualities embodied by women leaders in our ongoing studies.”

The study clearly demonstrated that women leaders, first and foremost, are listening differently. And there is the implication that, as a result, they may be hearing things that might otherwise fall through the cracks.

Herb adds, “The strong people skills prominent in women leaders allow them to read situations accurately and take in information from all sides. In that way, women leaders are able to bring others around to their point of view or alter their own point of view, depending upon the circumstances and the information they uncover. Since they are inclined to come at a subject from their audience’s perspective, the people they are leading feel more understood, supported, and valued,” Herb explains. “The male leaders we’ve studied, on the other hand, have a tendency to start from their own point of view. This is something they have to be aware of. They have to be careful not to force their perspective and try to convince through the strength of their position—rather than actually persuading. It is important for them to lean in and listen more, rather than just push their point of view.”

Susan Webb, executive vice president at JPMorgan Chase & Co., confirmed that, for her, the most important part of convincing someone is to make sure that the person is fully educated on the subject and that he or she understands all the issues and ramifications. “Then, together, I like to think through all the options available to us,” she told us. Susan added that she believes persuading is as much about listening as it is about directing. “I want people to be open to different viewpoints, challenge their initial ideas, and to be onboard with a solution that we have arrived at together,” she said.

Herb says, “This is a perfect expression of how women leaders, because of their inherent strengths, are able to convey a willingness to listen, to be open to change, and to sense new possibilities.”

It is also interesting to note that the women leaders in the study were shown to rebound and learn from setbacks in a way that was somewhat different from their male counterparts. “These women leaders demonstrate a unique approach toward dealing with disappointment, rejection, or situations that don’t work out their way,” Herb says. “They feel the sting of being set back. They may even dwell on it, and tend to be a little self-critical. But then, as Sara Mathew demonstrated so beautifully, they will muster their assertiveness, shake off any negative feelings, and learn what they need to do to carry on.”

Kate Rutherford, a partner at Accenture, confirmed, “With women, it is all about confidence and helping them believe that they can do whatever they want to do. And they do not have to change themselves in order to be successful. I find myself mentoring aspiring women and giving them that push to get over being so hard on themselves.”

The study also clearly showed that women are leading teams, solving problems, and making decisions differently than their male counterparts. “The difference in leadership styles between men and women starts with listening,” Herb notes. “Not just listening to form your answer, but really listening, learning, reflecting, then implementing a plan that incorporates the best of everyone’s ideas.”

Lady Susan Rice, managing director of Lloyds Banking Group Scotland, told us, “To learn you have to keep asking. It’s all about asking questions. The people I work with will say that the process of my asking them questions helps them clarify their own thinking, and they actually come out a little sharper. That takes a lot of trust. My job, as I see it, is to set a clear strategy, ask the right questions, and encourage our managers to be the experts in their business.”

Herb adds, “This inclusive style of leadership that incorporates facts and perspectives from as many sources as possible positions women leaders ideally for the future, as our global economy continues to evolve.”

Possibly the most surprising finding in the study was that women leaders are more likely to ignore rules and take risks. Herb says, “One of my favorite explanations for that came from Mara Swan, executive vice president of global strategy and talent for Manpower Group, who told us, ‘Women didn’t make up all those rules and regulations, so why should we focus on following them?’ “

Herb adds, “Women leaders are venturesome and definitely less interested in what ‘has been’ than in what ‘can be.’ They will run the risk of occasionally being wrong in order to get things done. And with their fine abstract reasoning skills, they will learn from their mistakes and carry on.”

Several of the women pointed to taking on assignments that nobody else on the company’s executive team wanted. Then, by succeeding in those high-profile situations, it helped to catapult their careers. That is particularly worthy advice for anyone looking to advance his or her career.

Herb concludes, “These personality qualities combine to create a paradigm of leadership that is ideally suited to today’s workplace, where information is shared freely, collaboration is vital, and teamwork distinguishes the best companies.”

Your Style of Leading

“One of the distinguishing characteristics of great, enduring organizations is that they put a lot of thought into the development of leadership,” says Jim Collins, the coauthor of the acclaimed Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies.

But this leads to an interesting dilemma for companies.

Because, as Warren Bennis, a pioneer in leadership studies, famously said, “Managers do things right, while leaders do the right things.”

If managing people and leading an organization draw upon different strengths, then how can potential leaders rise through the ranks of management? If managers succeed by maintaining the status quo, they run the risk of just blending into the woodwork, and their leadership skills will remain hidden, unrecognized, and undeveloped. However, if they rock the boat, other managers may feel threatened and try to subvert them.

“The ultimate question for leaders is: How can you identify and develop someone who has the potential to replace you—realizing, of course, that the future may call upon them to be very different from you,” Herb says.

This brings forth a huge and daunting question for leaders:

How can organizations break out of this cycle to truly identify and develop the promise of future leaders?

“It starts with having a very clear and focused strategy for recognizing, developing, and rewarding those who show real leadership potential,” Herb says. “For a leader, you always have to have your eye down the road, as you look to where your organization can go, and which people can help take it there.”

He adds, “Leadership is not something that you can designate or anoint. Leadership is about the willingness of individuals to step up, take responsibility, become accountable, accept risk, and move forward. When you see someone who has those qualities and the drive to continually improve, then, with recognition, mentoring, training, and experience, they might evolve from managing to leading.” He adds, “But there is no simple formula.”

Part of the dilemma is the enormous difference between managing and leading. Learning how to lead is becoming comfortable with the unknown. “When we are managing a project, we want to know all of the variables so that we can be assured of the outcome,” Herb says. “When we are leading, we are often dealing with the unknown. We have to become comfortable holding two seemingly contradictory thoughts in our heads at the same time. Then we need to be able to find a way to lead through that ambiguity. As leaders, we have to be comfortable with our own doubt, then realize that we don’t need to have all the right answers immediately, all the time. But we do have to keep asking. And coming up with the right questions: for ourselves and for others. Then we need to know when it is time to stop deliberating and act.”

Herb pauses, then adds, “Leading is also about how you deal with mistakes—because they will happen on your watch. No doubt. So leading means being open and honest enough to take responsibility when a mistake occurs on your watch, apologize out loud, learn from it, and carry on with a fierce determination in a new direction.”

What else does a leader absolutely need?

While it might sound funny to say out loud, a leader needs followers. Otherwise, a leader is someone just marching around by him- or herself, possibly going off into the sunset, or, perhaps, over a cliff.

“In order to inspire followers, a leader needs to have a clear vision,” Herb says. “Ideally, this vision needs to have emerged from the core of his or her life. When others sense that core belief and see you expressing it confidently and enthusiastically, then they will be willing to sign up, to be part of a mission that you and they believe in. After all, why would someone follow you if they did not know where you were going?

“That’s why history has taught us that while autocratic leaders might be successful for a very short while, democratic leaders are the ones that have changed the world,” Herb adds.

People will follow a leader if they believe in him or her—and if they believe in where they are being led. They also want to know that their leader believes in them. Loyalty is a two-way street. The strongest leaders express and reflect genuine concern for those with whom they surround themselves.

While, at first blush, that might sound simple and obvious, how many leaders have a clear sense of not just the strengths and potential, but also the aspirations and dreams of the people with whom they are working? How many have even just had a conversation where they have asked those they are working with what they really love about what they are doing? And what they would change, if they could?

“Such conversations can be so brief, but also so transformative,” Herb says. “By way of a quick example, one of our clients told me that he had two customer service people working for him who seemed just out of sorts. One of them was handling travel, and he could tell that she was not enjoying it the way she had previously. The other was dealing with customer complaints, and he could tell that her nerves were starting to fray. As he talked with them about what was going on, he came to realize that the one who was dealing with customer complaints actually loved travel. She enjoyed going to new places and talking about new experiences. The other person was a homebody. Everyone called her Mom. She was always getting people to open up, then helping them solve their problems. All he had to do was listen to them, then put two and two together and switch their jobs. And he said, ‘Now they both love what they are doing.’ It was as simple as that.” As simple as showing the people around you that you truly care and that you’re there for them.

But how do leaders create an environment where people feel comfortable saying what they love and hate about their current jobs? How many leaders openly ask questions about the aspirations and dreams of everyone on their team?

“Being able to open up the lines of communication is extremely important,” Herb emphasizes. “It is not just about being heard. Leading starts with listening.” As leaders, we need to be able to communicate in a way that is compelling when we are addressing a large audience, as well as personal when we are connecting with someone individually. That is a rare talent, combining an uncommon set of abilities.

He adds, “Leading is also about being able to inspire others and succeeding through them, as you help them succeed.”

Just consider that back when Herb received funding from the United States Department of Labor and the National Alliance of Business to help people move from welfare to the workplace, he had to relocate his offices and increase his number of employees from a dozen to just shy of 100. It is one thing to be able to have a vision and convey it convincingly. It is quite another to pull it off, to seize an opportunity and create a way to manage the outcome—through the people that he hired and the teams he developed.

So, in addition to having a vision, which they are able to convey compellingly, leaders also need to be able to look down the road and sense changes in the environment that will require them to alter their course. “The best leaders we have worked with are able to see the big picture, as well as to sense changes in the marketplace, competitive threats, technological advances, or economic shifts to which they need to respond—often on a dime,” Herb underscores.

It takes an unusually keen and flexible mind to be able to create a new path for your organization (which, of course, you become attached to), then to realize that you have to alter or completely change your newly devised plan in order to get around the next bend. It takes keeping your mind very open. Otherwise, it can be too easy to simply cull out the information you are perceiving in such a way that it confirms your mindset, your preexisting sense of reality.

When all is said and done, leadership takes a complex mix of competencies, including having a vision, communicating in a clear and motivating way, being driven to achieve results, sensing the need for change, managing innovation, developing teams, coaching individuals, delegating and empowering others, objectively and effectively managing the business, and succession planning. “Very few of us, regardless of how talented we may be, are equally effective at all of those key responsibilities,” Herb is quick to say. “We just have to keep stretching.” Keep stretching, so that you can always be “just a little better.”

“Becoming an effective leader is a process,” Herb says. “I don’t think you are endowed by the universe to be a smart, effective, intuitive leader. I think that if you are inclined to be a leader, you have to give it a shot. Go for it. That means putting in your dues, learning from your mistakes, and maturing into the leader you were meant to be. It is like Malcolm Gladwell talks about it taking 10,000 hours for a musician, an athlete, or a leader to become an expert and stand out from the crowd. Then, once there is enough ability, the thing that distinguishes one performer from another is how hard and smart he or she works.” As Gladwell notes, “That’s it. And what’s more, the people at the very top don’t work just harder or even much harder than everyone else. They work much, much harder.”

While the best leaders share certain qualities, when all is said and done, becoming a leader is an individual journey—combining drive, will, determination, talent, opportunity, and just a dash of good fortune.

Lessons from Our Worst Bosses

Recently, Herb and I asked a room full of nearly 100 first-time managers who were attending a seminar we were conducting, “How many of you have had a manager who was so wonderful that he or she became a mentor to you?”

We were knocked out when most of them raised their hands.

“You are among the fortunate ones,” Herb told them. (Ordinarily, when we ask a room full of first-time managers that question, less than half of them raise their hands.)

Then Herb asked, “What did you learn from your mentor that you carry with you and you bring to your approach to management today?”

We heard enthusiastic stories about mentors who brought people under their wings, who confided in them, who shared their thought processes on difficult decisions, who included them in high-level meetings, and who honestly cared about them and their future.

Then, I asked, “How many of you have had a manager who was a complete jerk—someone who you swore you would never be like?” (I’ve always believed that any good question reversed is an equally good question.)

And everyone raised their hands.

So, I pursued, “What did you learn from that lousy manager that you carry with you today? Because of their dreadful example, what have you promised yourself you will never be like as a manager?”

The answers did not surprise us. Some said they were treated shabbily. Others said they were pumped for ideas that were then repackaged and presented as the awful manager’s ideas. Others said their lousy boss was demanding and moody. And others said their horrendous manager would blame things on everyone on their team.

Herb says, “What did surprise us, though, was the energy in the room.” People inadvertently interrupted each other, then apologized, as they excitedly wanted to share their story about what their jerk of a boss had done.

As the room became clamorous, Herb and I thanked them and told them that they were helping us discover something quite amazing.

Ironically, we sometimes learn more from people whom we do not want to be like, from the jerks of the world, than we do from those who have our best interests in mind.

Or maybe it’s not that we learn more from them. Maybe it’s just that we remember them more and still feel the passion of wanting not to be like them. If we ever become leaders, we promise ourselves, we will be the exact opposite of them.

The last thing in this world that we would want is for anyone, in any way, to even vaguely confuse us with them.

So we carry their negative messages with us. Deep inside. We embed them in our subconscious. And we insist, with every fiber of our body, we swear that we will not be like them.

So, here’s to all the jerks we’ve had as bosses. And to all they taught us about ourselves.

Thank you, you absolute jerks!

Your Leadership Strength Test

A true measure of leadership is what we call The Strength Test. “This is not a measure of the strength of the leader, but how strong the people are with whom they surround themselves,” Herb says.

How much disagreement is there among your leadership team? How much healthy debate? How much open dialogue is there? How many secrets?

“There is a false concept that leaders help keep the boat steady,” Herb says. “But I believe that a true reading of how strong a leader is can be measured by how willing he or she is to have their boat rocked from time to time.”

Has the leader set a tone where he or she can be questioned? Is collaboration encouraged? Do ideas emerge, morph, and improve? Or is the environment really an echo chamber, where people are encouraged to agree with the prevailing wisdom, keep their heads low, and compromise? How far is someone allowed to go with his or her curiosity? Or is there an unwritten rule that the leadership team is there to protect the status quo?

As the Pulitzer-Prize winning historian Doris Kearns Goodwin shared, Abraham Lincoln’s political genius emerged after the one-term congressman rose from obscurity to prevail over his better-known rivals to become president.

The differences between Lincoln and his opponents were striking, as they differed over slavery, with feelings so entrenched that secession and civil war seemed inevitable.

“As Goodwin tells us, Lincoln succeeded because of the strength of his convictions and character, as well as because he possessed an extraordinary ability to put himself in the place of other people, to experience what they were feeling, to understand their motives and desires,” Herb says.

It was this capacity that enabled Lincoln as president to bring his disgruntled opponents together, create the most unusual cabinet in history, and marshal their talents to the task of preserving the Union and winning the war.

Herb notes, “Ultimately, as Goodwin shares, the new president overcame the obstacles he faced because he understood the potential and talent of his former rivals, brought them into his confidence, listened to them, and won their respect. His ability to recognize divergent points of view and pull them together forged a stronger executive team than had ever existed in the White House and helped shape what we have come to know as one of the most significant presidencies in the nation’s history—at a time when we needed it most.”

Lincoln’s lesson for leaders is to surround yourself with people who are, at least, as strong as you. He also encouraged leaders to:

• Lean in.

• Listen.

• Let those around you know that you value their opinions.

• Make them aware that you want to hear their thoughts and feelings—whether they agree with you or not.

• Create the space and time to reflect.

And finally, tap into your integrity and ingenuity, as you blend the best of those voices into your own and create something that is bigger than yourself—bigger than anything you or they could ever have imagined.

Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Style of Leading