Preface

I remember telling a few stories from my childhood to a new friend, and she commented that by looking at my website and the success I have had as a businesswoman, speaker, and author, you would think I had led a charmed life. But looks can be deceiving. After thirty years of presenting to thousands and thousands of audiences around the globe, there is one thing I know for sure. We all have a past — events and circumstances that either propel us or keep us trapped in the memory of our pain.

I recall thinking as I was growing up that I was jinxed. Sexual abuse at four, then again from ages five to nine by my music teacher; poverty; being severely pigeon-toed; a disfiguring skin virus from ages five to seventeen; savage beatings; the death of my father and becoming caregiver for my siblings; depression at sixteen, eating disorders, and drinking issues in my late teens; attempted suicide; sexual harassment in my early career — I couldn’t understand how life could be so cruel as to give me far more than I thought was my fair share of life’s challenges. I fought against the pain in my heart and the confusion in my head for many years. I defined myself by these events and felt worthless for most of my early life — resulting in an abysmal self-esteem and self-image. But I knew how to work hard, and I simply loved helping people.

In my early twenties, the fortune of my career landed me a position with a Japanese/American training organization, and thus began my journey of wanting to know why I felt the way I did, and why I would seemingly, unknowingly, sabotage my own success along the way. The greatest healing I have had in life has come through my relationship with my two beautiful sons, Harison and Jackson, and through the work that I do. (I know, what a cruel mother to spell Harison with one R!) Through these amazing mediums I have been able to use the mirror of my life to finally accept who I really am.

I also realized — through hearing countless stories of other people’s shocking tragedies and challenges — that by comparison my life was not that bad at all. In fact, when I saw how some of these people just got on with their lives and used their pain as a passage to their own evolution, it stirred a curiosity in me to discover how we could all become more successful in our lives because of our past, not in spite of it. I realized that avoiding our pain turns it to poison, whereas accepting and moving through our pain turns it to fuel and passion.

I became a passionate explorer for understanding where irrational thoughts and behaviors came from and for how I could rewrite my life’s script so that my todays and tomorrows were not soaked in the pain of my yesterdays.

I spent many years on the elusive path of finding permanent happiness. I realized after countless disappointments that happiness is not and should not be a goal. It is simply a feeling and, like all feelings, is as transient as the rain. However, the one feeling that can affect me, and all of us, in a negative way is pain. Pain is going to accompany us all throughout our lives — not as a constant companion but as a regular visitor all the same. My years of working with people showed me that we don’t need help in dealing with the joyous, happy, calm, peaceful, tranquil moments in our life. It is the tough days; the days when our heart feels heavy and we feel alone. The days when we feel love has passed us by, the days when we want to crawl into a hole and stay there, the days when our unexpressed rage bubbles under the surface — these are the times when we need help.

It is also, however, a journey that must be taken alone. The moment we realize that no one else can walk our path and heal our hurts, regardless of how close we feel to them, is the moment we start owning our life. Others can certainly encourage us, comfort us, and lend a supportive ear to our woes, but in the end it is we, and only we, who can walk into the pain of our past and find the hidden treasures of wisdom, kindness, forgiveness, and acceptance.

My intention for this book is to give you a support system, a process that will guide you through when the path feels too long or you feel all alone. I want to offer you simple yet powerfully effective formulas that you can recall and use with ease to help navigate your way through life.

Now I look at my life as a great mystery and myself as the explorer, and I invite you to do so as well. It’s an exciting journey — one that can offer us endless opportunities every day to bring us closer to our hearts and souls. I no longer see the events and pain of my past, present, or future as negatives. I am filled with deep gratitude and humility that I have had and will continue to have the opportunity to experience so many facets of this wonderful life.

When we relinquish our resistance to our pain and realize that it is simply a clue in the mystery of our life, we start to comprehend that the greatest gifts we have are those that we give ourselves internally, not externally.

Enjoy your exploration!

Terry
xx o x