BE AS ASSERTIVE AS HCPs ARE AGGRESSIVE

Let’s start with what not to do. One common (and natural) response to very aggressive behavior is to become passive—to defer to the aggressive person. With an HCP, however, never respond with passivity. If you do, they will trample you, humiliate you, attempt to destroy you, and call you weak. They will never pause in their attacks, even for a moment. Some literally never stop for as long as they live. As we have seen over and over again, with more time and power, they always become more dangerously aggressive, not less.

Another common (and equally natural) response to an HCP’s over-the-top aggression is similar aggressiveness. But with an HCP, never respond with aggression either, even for a moment. If you do, then from that moment on, they will paint you as angry, crazy, destructive, and potentially violent—and themselves as sane, reasonable, and level-headed. They will show the world a video clip of your aggressive response thousands of times.

Yet another common (and natural response) to an HCP’s highly aggressive attacks is to ignore them. But if you refuse to respond, the HCP will attack you for running away, for being a coward, or for trying to hide from “the truth.” They will relentlessly repeat these baseless attacks.

Here’s an example of trying to ignore a high-conflict personal attack during an election.

Swiftboating

In the 2004 United States presidential election, John Kerry was running for president against George W. Bush. Kerry touted his experience in the Vietnam War as a Navy officer in charge of sailors on several Swift boats patrolling in the Mekong River Delta, for which he received several medals. After the war he became a congressman and then senator.

During the 2004 campaign, a book was published by a group of sailors called the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth (SBVT), which claimed that Kerry’s military service was dishonest and unpatriotic, and that he should not have received his medals. John Kerry considered these claims so absurd that he assumed that no one would pay attention to them. As a result, his campaign did not respond to them. Then, suddenly, the accusations exploded in the news with lots of repetition, as though they were all true.

In time, journalists took a close look at these claims and interviewed numerous military people who were involved around him. It became clear that these claims against Kerry were almost completely false. A connection was also discovered between the SBVT and a lawyer for the Bush campaign, who promptly left the campaign. As one journalist said at the time:

Unfortunately, Mr. Kerry did not respond to these allegations against him until they gained significant coverage during the campaign—possibly contributing to his loss of the election.

Since then, Swiftboating has become the term for a dishonest smear attack during a political campaign that often goes without a response.

The Assertive Approach

The best approach—perhaps the only approach—that works with a high-conflict politician is an assertive one, in which you actively protect yourself (or the candidate you support); match the HCP’s energy, but not their vindictiveness; focus on the facts; and do so without attacking or trying to destroy the Wannabe King.

The key is to present only factual, accurate information, and to do so in a way that is focused, clear, and strong (even forceful), but calm.

Always present this information as soon as possible after an HCP’s attack. When possible, present it in the same forum—for example, in the same newspaper, in the same debate, or on the same social media site.

Its fine to be very brief, but you must respond as quickly as possible so that your factual information follows quickly on the heels of the HCP’s misinformation—and so the HCP doesn’t have a lot of time to spread their lies and have them grow.

At all times, be just as energetic as the HCP. Show strength and confidence while providing useful information. Stay matter-of-fact and calm. Your accurate, helpful information and your demeanor are your strengths. Both clearly differentiate you from the HCP and their surrogates.

When you take such an assertive approach, the HCP and their followers will do everything they can to confuse you, upset you, or make you angry. They will call you names. They will accuse you of saying things you did not. They will claim that you committed some imaginary sin or crime. Their goal is to emotionally rattle you in the hope that you will misspeak or lose your cool and stop looking reasonable.

All of this means that you must do your homework and be accurate at all times. The HCP will seize on the slightest error or inconsistency and use it to “prove” that you are a sleazy, untrustworthy liar who just wants to hoodwink everyone.

Actually, no matter what you say and do, the HCP may denounce you as a total liar—or crook, or paid sycophant—anyway. Remember, they are endlessly aggressive and can’t stop themselves. Respond to these accusations with even more factual, accurate information. Or simply repeat your prior factual points once more.

The reason this is successful is that you look reasonable, and not wild and angry and dangerous. As a result, it’s hard to paint you as an extremist, so you won’t alienate anyone. Also, the assertive approach makes it harder for you to be seen as a fantasy villain or Target of Blame.

Be Everywhere

When campaigning against an HCP Wannabe King, you are always in an uphill battle. Most HCPs are intuitively media savvy and will flood every possible medium with the same false and emotionally seductive messages, repeating them endlessly.

So, if you can, be just as present as the Wannabe King on every medium they use. Remember, Hitler, Stalin, Mao, McCarthy, Berlusconi, Trump, and many other HCPs succeeded significantly because their faces and messages were everywhere.

If this isn’t possible, then be as present as (or more present than) the HCP on social media. If an HCP puts out a tweet a day, tweet at least as often. If they post to Facebook three times a day, post relevant information to your site at least three times daily. Keep all your messages brief, clear, calm, factual, and accurate.

And remember, wherever you go, never insult the HCP, even indirectly, even in a very private forum, even once. The Wannabe King will find a way to use it against you, calling you abusive and unfair, even as they heap abuse, scorn, and lies on you. By not insulting them, you will surprise many people and throw the HCP off balance. This is the secret power of the assertive approach. You will look strong and reasonable, and they won’t.

Factual Repetition

Our brains are very susceptible to simple phrases, repeated over and over again, so that we remember them whether we want to or not. That’s why advertising jingles work so well.

We have seen that repetition works for Wannabe Kings. High-conflict politicians win votes through emotional repetition of false statements hundreds and thousands of times, until people begin to believe them (or at least take them seriously).

Respond by repeating the same truths hundreds or thousands of times. Factual repetition is necessary to get through to people who aren’t paying attention or who have an initial positive feeling about the HCP.

If you and an HCP (or their surrogate) appear together in front of an audience, match the high energy of the HCP’s extreme and emotional statements. But be calm, straightforward, and factual at all times.

Also, you can include emotions in your message. You can be excited or enthusiastic. But avoid high-conflict emotions such as rage, terror, blame, fear, and helplessness.

The ideal message has factual and emotional repetition in it. It also needs to be simple, so that it’s memorable.

Keep It Simple

Because of their all-or-nothing thinking, HCPs are highly skilled at promoting simple (and usually utterly false) concepts. They often believe in the simplicity of problems. Heroes and villains says it all for them.

Typically, phrases with three beats in them are the easiest to remember. For example, during the 2016 presidential campaign, Donald Trump had three very common chants at his rallies, each with three beats: “Build the Wall!” “Lock Her Up!” and “Drain the Swamp!” Although these ended up meaning nothing, they became memorized by the entire nation. Our brains like remembering things with three beats, four or five at the most.

Some examples of phrases that oppose an HCP and their fantasy promises might be these:

Phrases should include words that produce or suggest positive, mild emotions—not intensely strong ones. Strong emotions tend to shut off people’s logical thinking. You want thinking and emotions to energize people and stimulate their logical memories.

Encourage Everyone to Respond and Repeat

When speaking before a crowd, recognize the presence and energy of that crowd, and use it to promote your (or your candidate’s) causes and values. And you can use this opportunity to teach the Fantasy Crisis Triad while you are also bonding with your audience. This is a good time to ask the three key questions from Chapter 5 in a call-and-response manner:

Is _____ really a crisis? [Crowd response:] NO!

Is _____ really a villain? [Crowd response:] NO!

Is _____ really a hero? [Crowd response:] NO!

[If appropriate, you can add]:

Then vote for ______ on ________! [Crowd response:] YES!

Such call-and-response interactions connect with people’s positive emotions and power without misleading them like Wannabe Kings so often do with their fantasy crisis emotions.

Conclusion

The assertive approach is necessary to confront the endlessly aggressive behavior of HCP Wannabe Kings. Simply put, our society has begun to confuse fantasy and reality. In the ancient past, human beings needed to be adversaries and highly aggressive to survive. In the present, we are too interconnected to be able to afford endlessly aggressive behavior by any individual or group—and especially by our Cultural Leaders.

Our social DNA has allowed us the ability to be both adversarial and cooperative. If we can learn to restrain our leaders and ourselves from too much aggressive behavior and threats of it, we will have a much better chance of long-term survival. It’s up to us as citizens of the world and as voters.