Ten Commandments for the office

It’s just business as usual, day in and day out. The fast lane gets faster. Competition for business and jobs gets meaner. The world gets smaller every day. You’ve dealt with a hundred coworkers, customers, vendors, and the irritating kid who works at the lunch counter. It’s time to go home and unwind.

The traffic jam gives you an opportunity to replay some of the day’s encounters. Regrettably, you wish you would have handled a few things quite differently. How can you make tomorrow better?

My mother always told me, “You don’t have to like everybody, but you do need to learn to get along.”

Over the years, I’ve developed a list, a “Ten Commandments for the Office,” which makes my commute home a little less guilt-ridden. Better yet, it’s improved my commute to the office. If I follow my own advice, I won’t have to spend my time apologizing for what I should have done in the first place. Try it out.

1. Be respectful. This includes respect for other people’s property, ideas, and time. Frankly, this commandment should about cover everything. If you are respectful of others, you can usually work out most issues—even if it’s agreeing to disagree. An added bonus is that when you treat others with respect, they are more inclined to return the favor.
2. Follow through. If you promise to do something, do it. No ifs, buts, or maybes. No excuses, no whining. You are only as good as your word. There will always be a place in this world for the person who says, “I’ll take care of it.” And then does it.
3. Think before you speak. Don’t say whatever is on your mind, unless you want your mindless thoughts to come back to haunt you. Those ghosts can rise up years later, just when that promotion looks so promising. And while we’re on the topic, remember that how you say something is as important as what you say.
4. Help out. So what if it’s not in your job description. If you have an opportunity to be useful, jump at it. Even if the rewards are not in the form of a paycheck, your coworkers will remember who helped them when they needed it. Taking on a little extra work—or a lot—shows that you are a team player, an employee worth watching.
5. Learn something new every day. It could be a new skill. Maybe the latest developments in your industry. Or just the name of a person you see daily at the copy machine. You have millions of brain cells just waiting to work for you!
6. Pay attention. If you go directly to your cubicle and barricade yourself all day, you’re missing important developments in your workplace. Not the gossipy events, of course, but the really good stuff—new procedures, new ideas, and so on. This commandment also covers those occasions when the value of your input depends on your familiarity with the situation at hand. In short, always keep your antennae up!
7. Ignore pettiness. Rise above it, or you will be dragged down with it. There will always be someone who will make a mountain out of a molehill. It better not be you.
8. Be patient. Not to be confused with tolerating incompetence, this commandment covers a multitude of situations. Someone misunderstood you. A job is taking longer than you planned. You are missing every traffic light. What will you gain by losing your cool? I’m not a patient guy by nature, so I’ve really had to work at this one. If I can do it, you can too!
9. A good attitude is up to you. It takes a lot for the world to come to an end, so don’t act like it’s happening every day. Be encouraging, be cheerful. Refuse to be brought down by minor—or major—setbacks. Bad attitudes are contagious. The good news is that positive attitudes are catching, too.
10. Do your best. Like commandment #1, this should also cover just about everything. No one can ask you to do more.

It’s important to decide early on how you will conduct yourself. Then, when a crisis erupts or challenge arises, you won’t have to think twice about the right thing to do. I’ve always said that perfect practice makes perfect. These rules are no exception. And just for the record, these commandments work outside the office too.

Bad manners are bad for business

If your mother was anything like my mother, good manners was her middle name. Please and thank you were just the beginning, followed by respect, tact, patience, consideration, and all the other forms of etiquette so important in a civilized world.

Today, I consider myself incredibly fortunate that she and my dad took such pains to impart such values to my sister and me.

Good manners are never out of style or out of date, although lately, I’m seeing less and less of them. My theory is that as business in general becomes more impersonal, people become less concerned with the long-term ramifications of their actions.

In other words, you can now do business by phone, Internet, email, or fax and be essentially anonymous. You’ve probably been put on hold, paced through a phone menu, pressed every button, transferred to several incorrect departments, and nobody but the machine knows or even cares. There’s little pressure to be polite, just businesslike and efficient. Sadly, it soon becomes the rule rather than the exception. Sooner or later, you have no other choice than to put up with it.

As customers do business farther away from home, the likelihood that your next door neighbor is also your banker or grocer or school principal lessens. We lose some of the sense of community that helps us behave civilly even when we are disappointed.

Customer loyalty is at an all-time low. Consumers are shopping wherever and whenever it’s convenient, in part because the same products are available at many outlets, but also because the stores aren’t enticing them to come back. They can zip over to the net any time. Could it be we’re not getting the kind of treatment we want?

My favorite example is the telemarketer who calls at a time most likely to interrupt your dinner, hawking a product that precious few people are likely to buy over the phone. How many of you have actually bought insurance/phone service/mortgages/credit cards or similar offerings from an unknown faceless solicitor who doesn’t have the decency to ask if you’re busy? Is this what business has become?

Well, business may have changed, but people haven’t. They still have feelings, and they’d like a little consideration. The best part is that it’s sooooo easy to do. (And free!)

I’d like to start a campaign to return good manners to business. I’d like the folks on the other side of the cash register or order book to see me as more than just another account. I don’t necessarily want to get personal—I just want to be a person. I’d like to leave the transaction feeling like a valued customer who is worth their best behavior.

Exhibiting good manners does not make a person appear to be weak or wimpy. Rather, it demonstrates that person’s maturity and ability to appropriately respond to business situations. Who would you rather have working for you—the sales rep whom customers look forward to dealing with or the bulldozer who’ll stop at nothing to get the order?

Bad manners are bad business.

Wouldn’t it be great if all your meetings and appointments started on time because nobody was late? Punctuality is just good manners.

The voice on the phone identifies herself before you have to ask? Wow! What a concept!

Somebody actually reloaded the copier paper when he used up the supply? This is starting to sound too good to be true.

A little consideration goes a long way. And it’s really all so basic. Everyone could benefit from reading Emily Post’s classic best-seller, Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home. Some aspects of our society may have changed in the century since she penned her book, but the core principles of proper etiquette and professional behavior are timeless.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “What we need in the world is manners…. I think that if, instead of preaching brotherly love, we preached good manners, we might get a little further. It sounds less righteous and more practical.”

More simply put, good manners are like a roadmap for society. They help us navigate through tough situations. We don’t have to backtrack because we haven’t taken wrong turns. We will reach our destination without the road rage.

Maintain a civil tongue

Rudeness rules the headlines these days—seems we can’t escape it no matter where we go. Crudeness is the norm rather than the exception. Can we even call ourselves a civilized society anymore?

From the hallowed halls of Congress to the usually civilized tennis world to television talk shows to music awards: what are these people thinking? That no one will notice? That they are exempt from the rules? That their behavior won’t have a profound effect on their futures?

I would refer all these offenders to a few hours of Disney movies, where the Golden Rule prevails without fail and conversation is G-rated and uplifting. Bambi’s little friend Thumper could teach them all a lesson: “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.”

This is not just kid stuff. Knowing that few of us would take Thumper’s advice literally, I’ll rephrase: If you can’t say something nicely, don’t say anything at all.

There is always a dignified way to get your point across, and you won’t end up having to apologize or explain your actions. Believe it or not, people actually listen to reasoned arguments. They don’t give much credence to hotheads.

We all know how damaging and hurtful an outburst can be in our personal lives, and often we assume our family and friends will forgive our bad behavior and overlook our lapses.

But in a business setting, where those we deal with don’t necessarily have to deal with us again, rudeness or disrespectful behavior is never a good option. A lapse in judgment can easily translate to a collapse in business. Word travels fast—and your reputation is at stake. Your future is at stake.

Walk away, count to 10, bite your tongue, whatever works for you. Practice self-control at every opportunity. You may not have much control over a situation, but you can control how you respond to it.

A Carnegie Foundation study once found that only 15 percent of a businessperson’s success could be attributed to job knowledge and technical skills, which were considered to be an essential element but overall, a small contribution. A whopping 85 percent of one’s success could be determined by the “ability to deal with people” and “attitude.”

The lesson for anyone wanting to get ahead and still get a point across is that self-control and consideration are critical ingredients that supersede even a superior product or top knowledge. The “scorekeepers” in business are not so very different from the line judges and umpires in tennis: you will lose points if you lose control.

As my friend motivational guru Zig Ziglar said, “You are free to choose, but the choices you make today will determine what you will have, be, and do in the tomorrow of your life.”

“No one characteristic will help one to advance, whether in business or society, as politeness,” said B.C. Forbes, founder of Forbes magazine. “Competition is so keen today, there is so much standardized merchandise, there are so many places where one’s wants can be satisfied, that the success or failure of a business can depend on the ability to please customers or clients. Courtesy—another name for politeness—costs nothing, but can gain much both for an individual and for an organization.” It is interesting to note that Forbes made those comments more than 50 years ago. Clearly, some things never change.

As Mark Twain observed: “Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity—these are strictly confined to man; he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing; they are not ashamed. Man, with his soiled mind, covers himself. He will not even enter a drawing room with his breast and back naked, so alive are he and his mates to indecent suggestion … Man is the Animal That Blushes. He is the only one that does it—or has occasion to.”

Dear readers, what do you say we try to reverse this trend?

It is perfectly acceptable—even occasionally necessary—to disagree with those around you. But you needn’t be disagreeable. It’s okay to make waves; it isn’t necessary to drown the other person. But lose your cool, lose your temper, lose control, and you’ll find you are the one who’s all wet.

2, 4, 6, 8—Who do you appreciate?

A university professor began reflecting on the people who had a positive impact on his life. In particular he remembered a schoolteacher who had gone out of her way to instill in him a love of poetry. He hadn’t seen or spoken to her in many years, but he located her address and sent her a letter of thanks. A short time later, he received this reply:

“My dear Willie, I cannot tell you how much your note meant to me. I am in my eighties, living alone in a small room, cooking my own meals, lonely, and, like the last leaf of autumn, lingering behind. You will be interested to know that I taught school for 50 years and yours is the first note of appreciation I ever received. It came on a blue-cold morning, and it cheered me as nothing has in many years.”

The teacher’s note brought the professor to tears—and then he began searching for others who’d shaped his life, just to say thanks.

If only more people held onto gratitude the way they hold a grudge!

None of us got to where we are alone. Whether the assistance we received was obvious or subtle, acknowledging someone’s help is a big part of understanding the importance of saying thank you.

It’s more than just good manners. Saying thank you—and meaning it—is never a bad idea. It appeals to a basic human need to be appreciated. It sets the stage for the next pleasant encounter. And it helps keep in perspective the importance of receiving and giving help.

Retailing giant Sam Walton wrote 10 rules for success, and the Walmart founder didn’t mince words when it came to being thankful. The fifth of Walton’s rules is “Appreciate everything your associates do for the business.”

I wish I could convince every business owner and manager to adopt that attitude. If you have hired well and provided the necessary tools that allow your staff to perform their jobs, and they have achieved accordingly, the next logical step is acknowledgment of their efforts.

The cost of praising someone is nil—but a recent study has found that the payoff can be huge. Employees want to be seen as competent, hardworking members of the team. Good managers want satisfied, motivated, and productive staff members. What better motivator than thanking employees for their contributions to the company’s success?

A Personnel Today survey of 350 human resources professionals found that the greatest factor in workplace productivity is a positive environment in which employees feel appreciated. According to the survey, two-thirds of the respondents said they felt a lot more productive when they received recognition for their work, while the remainder said they felt a little more productive.

Just feeling productive can be motivating in itself. When workers don’t feel productive, frustration sets in, according to 84 percent of the survey respondents. Here’s a startling result: 20 percent said they felt angry or depressed when they weren’t able to work as hard as they could.

How to best praise effectively? Try these ideas:

• Be sincere. Give praise only where it is due.
• Give public praise. The goal is to encourage employees to keep up the good work, while simultaneously encouraging others to put out greater effort. Praising in public raises general morale. Doing this in a department-wide email or the company’s newsletter helps, but doing it in meetings or at in-person events is even better.
• Be specific in your praise. Identify exactly what the employee worked on and what he or she accomplished. Don’t just say, “Well done, Maggie.” If the employee feels the praise isn’t genuine, it could have a negative effect.
• Provide some lasting recognition. Consider a letter in the employee’s file or a simple celebration for the department that overcame a tough challenge. Appreciation is not a one-shot event. It needs to be ongoing.

A smart manager will establish a culture of gratitude. Expand the appreciative attitude to suppliers, vendors, delivery people, and, of course, customers.

All links along the chain are essential to your success. It’s so easy to ignore the person who delivers office supplies, the tech who unfroze your computer, or the customer who referred you to a great new account. Big mistake. They all deserve acknowledgment, especially if you want to preserve the relationship.

And while you’re at it, don’t forget your favorite teacher.

Harvey’s short course in class

You have probably heard the term, “He (or she) is a class act.” Of course, it’s always a compliment. But exactly what does that mean?

Class is easy to recognize but much harder to define. Similarly, the absence of class is easy to detect—and a serious flaw for anyone who aspires to be successful.

First of all, class is not an “act.” It’s a deep-seated way of life for those who possess it. Having class involves good manners, politeness, pride without showboating, empathy, humility, and an abundance of self-control. The actions of class-act people speak louder than their words. You can see it in their body language and the way they carry themselves. Class always shows without being announced.

People can tell whether you have class by the way you interact with others. If you have class, you don’t need much of anything else to be a winner. If you don’t have it, no matter what you do, it won’t make up the difference. Money, notoriety, or success by themselves won’t give you class. Class comes from within, not from external sources.

As an explanation, I’ve created an acronym of what it means to be a class act:

C is for calm, courteous, and in control. People who have class carry themselves in a certain way. They stay calm under pressure and don’t lose their tempers. They are respectful and use good manners. They don’t use crude language or criticize or complain in public. They don’t interrupt others.

L is for living by high standards. Class acts set goals in both their careers and personal lives. They are not afraid to step out of their comfort zones and push themselves beyond their limits to see how successful they can become.

A is for above it all. Class acts take the high road and refuse to stoop to the level of their adversaries. They don’t have to apologize for their unfortunate words because they know better than to give in to the heat of the moment.

S is for self-respect, and respect for others as well. They don’t gossip or say mean and petty things about others. They take every opportunity to make others feel good about themselves and appreciated.

S is for self-confidence without being arrogant. Class acts understand their abilities and are not afraid to use them. You can develop confidence, just like any muscle or character trait, if you are willing to work hard. Class acts also increase the confidence of others.

A is for accountability. Class acts take responsibility for their actions and results, whether it’s a success or failure.

C is for compassion. Classy people understand that helping someone up will never pull you down. Compassion is a vital part of class acts. Compassion feels and whispers, “I’ll help.” Class acts really care.

T is for trust. Truthfulness and integrity are the basis for trust. Classy people are trustworthy and understand the importance of maintaining confidentiality. To me the most important five-letter word in business is T-R-U-S-T.

In his book The Success Principles, my friend Jack Canfield lists “Be a Class Act” as Principle #55. What I found most intriguing are some of the reasons he lists as why being a class act helps you succeed.

He writes: “People want to do business with you or become involved in your sphere of influence. They perceive you as successful and someone who can expand their possibilities. They trust you to act with responsibility, integrity and aplomb. Class acts tend to attract people who are at the top of their game.”

That’s true in the game of life or sports. Class athletes have an edge over their opponents. Why? Their poise allows them to concentrate better. They exhibit better confidence to play to their potential. An added plus: classy athletes usually have the crowd behind them.

So take a close look at your network of friends, coworkers, customers, and so on. Are they class acts? Whether you realize it or not, they are a reflection of you. The good news is that you can change.

Make a decision to re-create yourself as a class act and see what kind of people you start attracting. Do fewer things, but do them better. Change your behavior for the better. Raise the quality of your attitude. When you have a higher level of personal standards, you get better treatment from everyone around you.

Who’s buttering your bread?

Former U.S. Senator Bill Bradley told this story on himself years ago. He was in Philadelphia and went into a restaurant and ordered dinner. The busboy came up to him and put a roll and pat of butter down before him. Bradley looked at the busboy and said: “I’d like another pat of butter.”

“One pat of butter to a customer, sir,” replied the busboy.

Bradley looked at him and said: “Don’t you know who I am?”

The busboy said: “No, who?”

He said: “My name is Bill Bradley. I graduated #1 in my class at Princeton University … Associated Press First String All-American in basketball … drafted in the first round in the NBA … Rhodes Scholar … elected U.S. Senator!”

The busboy replied, “Those are very impressive credentials, Mr. Bradley, but don’t you know who I am?”

“No, who?”

“I’m the man in charge of the butter.”

There will always be someone in charge of the butter, the plates, and everything else. We need to get along with everyone. We can’t put ourselves ahead of others. Many people are important and can keep us from getting what we want. It doesn’t matter if it’s a waiter, parking lot attendant, mail person, UPS driver, ticket seller, or whoever; everyone is important.

When you are good to others, you are best to yourself. I make it my business to get to know the managers and servers of the top restaurants in town, just as I do the bell captains and so on. Similarly, I let them get to know me. It doesn’t take a $100 tip for someone to remember you. But I will guarantee you, the minute you are rude, demanding, arrogant, or otherwise dismissive, they will remember you—for all the wrong reasons. Don’t even think about asking for a second pat of butter then. From my perspective, there are way too many people who are so arrogant, they have chapped lips from kissing the mirror too much.

Terry Paulson, author of They Shoot Managers, Don’t They?, witnessed an angry executive take apart a baggage handler who was working as fast as he could. After the executive left, Paulson sympathized with the poor fellow, but he replied, “Don’t worry, I’ve already gotten even.”

“What do you mean?” Paulson asked.

With a sly smile, the baggage handler replied, “He’s going to Chicago, but his bags are going to Japan.”

A prime people skills tutorial is the election season. Have you ever watched a truly seasoned politician work a crowd? Yeah, sure, they know where the money might come from, and they might give those folks a little special attention at the $1,000-a-plate dinners. But why would a candidate for the highest office in the land spend a few hours in Podunkville, USA, in a hot factory, answering the same questions he’s been asked a million times, shaking every hand until his own is swollen to twice its size? Because that astute candidate knows that every vote counts and he might only have one chance to meet and greet these humble but all-important voters. The photo ops are not at the black-tie dinners. They’re among the “real” people whose work keeps this country running.

Perhaps one of the finest testimonials to looking out for those who are taking care of you is the story of Greg Booker, the attendant at the parking lot where the Minnesota Twins players and luxury suite holders park. Booker was a cheerful fellow, always polite, always helpful. He died during the baseball season a few years back, and the players, on their way to the airport for a road trip, made a special stop at his wake to pay their respects. Important, famous, well-paid players, making sure they said goodbye to the fellow who said hello to them every day at the ballpark. He was as much a part of the organization as the guys on the highlight films. As a final tribute, the Twins named the street into the stadium after Booker. That’s how it should be.

The best ship to sail—friendship

“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” I’ve heard this quote many times, including from my good friend, the late Muhammad Ali.

I have friends whom I’ve known since I was a little boy, friends from college, friends who started out as business contacts, golfing friends, friends who share my passion for community service, and friends I met last week. And they all have one thing in common: We like each other for what we are, not what we want each other to be.

Greek philosopher Socrates was asked, “What is the most beneficial thing a person can acquire?”

He answered, “A friend who gives sincere advice.”

I am fortunate to have friends who aren’t afraid to ruffle my feathers when it comes to advice. If I need to adjust my attitude, alter my course, back off, or move forward, I have friends who will tell me. And because I value their friendship, I listen. And I will return the favor, if necessary. And we will remain friends because friendship is like a bank account: You cannot continue to draw on it without making deposits.

Friendship must have been a hot topic among the Greek philosophers. A century later, Aristotle viewed friendship among the highest virtues. It was an essential element in a full, virtuous, and worthwhile life. He identified three kinds of friendship:

• Friendship of pleasure. Two people are wonderfully happy in each other’s company.
• Friendship of utility. Two people assist one another in everyday aspects of life.
• Friendship of virtue. Two people mutually admire one another and will be on best behavior in order not to jeopardize their relationship.

We need all three kinds of friends. Chances are we have some in each category, as well as friends who meet all the criteria.

Great literature, movies, and music lyrics are full of references to friendship. The Beatles got by “with a little help from my friends.” James Taylor reminded us that when you need a helping hand, “you’ve got a friend.” Bette Midler gave us a long list of reasons why “You’ve got to have friends.” One of the most successful and longest-running television shows of all time was Friends, which will probably continue to run in syndication when the stars are old and gray.

And contrary to popular belief, dogs may not be man’s best friends! However, they are extraordinarily loyal and trustworthy—and one reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

We have wonderful opportunities to make friends wherever we go. I jump at those opportunities! I love meeting new people because I get a different view of the world. I may not agree with everything I hear, but what a way to expand your mind.

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They stayed with a very poor family.

When they returned, the father asked the son what he thought of their trip.

“It was great, Dad.”

“Did you see how poor people live?” the father asked.

“Oh yeah,” said the son.

“So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father.

The son answered: “I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us; they have friends to protect them.”

The boy’s father was speechless.

Then his son added, “Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are.”

Isn’t perspective a wonderful thing? Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!