CHAPTER 2
Individual Appearance and Uncomfortable Workplace Dilemmas

This chapter isn’t meant to be disrespectful, inappropriate, or in any way irreverent. It’s just that these all-too-common workplace issues often get short shrift in the press because they’re simply too uncomfortable to deal with. The path of least resistance is avoidance, and managers often steer clear of confrontation—especially if they hope that the problem will simply disappear. But what are your responsibilities to your immediate subordinates and to the rest of the company when it comes to uncomfortable workplace situations? More important, what do you say to fix the problem without insulting or embarrassing the individual involved?

You’ve probably seen one of these variations on a theme before: Several of your staff members come to see you because a long-time coworker has developed a body odor or a halitosis problem. Or perhaps an individual arrives at work with her hair in a mess, looking like she just got out of bed. Maybe a subordinate’s face sports a new, prominent piercing or maybe a visible tattoo is being shown off to make a statement. How nice it would be to pull out a policy manual that dictates management responses in instances like these. More likely than not, however, you’ll need to verbalize an ad hoc solution to the particular circumstances that you’re facing.

Scenario 8: Bad Hair Days

Bad hair days may be a result of a new hair color, wild style, unkempt appearance, or just about anything else that people could do (or fail to do) to their hair. If an employee shows up at work looking like she’s stuck her finger into an electric socket or otherwise presents some kind of shocking twist to what used to be a “normal” hairstyle, you might want to address the situation using some of the sensitive approaches outlined next.

The Solution

Publicly shaming or ridiculing an individual will only develop resentment and anger. The goal of any management response in situations like these is to ensure that the individual is treated with dignity and respect. So here’s how we might address our first scenario, bad hair days, by making light of the situation and using a little humor:

Leslie, come see me in my office for a few minutes. Here, I’ll shut the door. I have to share something with you, and I don’t want to hurt your feelings or embarrass you in any way. This is private, just between the two of us. Leslie, your hair—something’s either happening too much to it or not happening enough. Have you been to Opal’s Hair Palace recently? You’re making a bit of a statement because it’s looking rather severe, if you don’t mind me saying so. I thought it would be a good idea to address it with you quietly before anyone else addresses it with either you or me. What are you planning on doing with that (pointing to the coif)?

Typically you’ll find some nervous shuffling along with an apology. “Oh Paul, I woke up and went to the gym and didn’t have time to comb it out the way I normally do. I’ll run to the restroom right now and fix it and make sure that I come to work dressed for work from now on—including my hair! I’m sorry about that. Did anyone else say anything? I’m so embarrassed!”

Okay, easy enough. But what if your employee looks at you like you’re the crazy one and is very proud of her new follicular achievement? If you suspect your employee may take offense or if she doesn’t respond well to the light-hearted approach outlined previously, lower your voice and give your discussion a more serious air.

Leslie, that’s not the way you typically wear your hair. And I respect people’s right to adjust their appearance however they see fit. However, there are some parameters in the workplace that typically need to be followed for obvious reasons—clients’ possibly taking offense, the company’s reputation, its perception in the business community, and the like. Do you feel it might be possible that someone could find your unkempt hairstyle a bit distracting or out of alignment with the overall image of our office?

Again, it’s always better to lead the horse to water than to force it to drink. If the employee in this situation sees your logic and accepts your suggestive hints, then she’ll assume responsibility for the problem and fix it. It’s that simple. However, if you still sense resistance or an outright challenge, you certainly have the right to outline the company’s expectations and directions.

Leslie, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to disagree with you. I called you into my office in private so that we could discuss this quietly, and I wanted to handle the issue respectfully, adult to adult. However, if you insist that you have the right to wear your hair the way you’re wearing it today, I’m afraid I beg to differ. If you simply won’t wear your hair in a manner that’s acceptable—the way you’ve typically worn it to work since you began here—then I’m afraid I’ll need to speak with human resources (or senior management) to determine how to best handle this.

I’d like to outline for you, however, what my recommendation to HR will be. I’ll suggest to them that you be allowed to take the rest of the day off with pay to determine whether you want this job and feel my request is reasonable or whether you’d prefer to no longer work here.

Either way, I’ll respect your decision. However, you need to realize that if you’re unwilling to present yourself in proper attire and appearance—which I know you know how to do since you’ve carried yourself that way since you began here—then I’ll accept that as your resignation. Again, I want to speak with HR first before giving you the rest of the day off to rethink this whole thing, but I wanted you to know my initial stance on the matter. For now, please hold off on dealing with any customers until I’ve heard back from HR. I’ll get back to you shortly.

Note that you’re under no obligation to pay a nonexempt employee for the rest of the day. However, you may find that offering time off with pay is a smart move. It shows you to be a wise, patient, and nonjudgmental employer, and it creates a sense of guilt (rather than anger) in the employee. In contrast, if you choose to send nonexempt employees home without pay, then you’d simply dock the hours involved since the time they left the office. With exempt employees, however, you should generally pay them for the full day if they’ve performed any work for you that day, including showing up to begin work. Otherwise, you may end up creating an unnecessary wage and hour claim, which could expose your company to serious liability.

In addition, notice how you’ve clearly laid out your expectations and calmly explained the outcome of the employee’s actions. There’s no need to rush to termination for failure to follow company policy (if you’ve indeed got this outlined in a dress code of some sort in your company handbook or policy and procedure manual) or for insubordination (for failing to follow a directive). Instead, allow the employee to make the decision to adhere to normal dress standards and remain employed or to simply resign. No drama, no fuss—just a calm and respectful response with clear expectations and outcomes.

Special Note

Before you place someone on a “decision-making leave” of sorts, be sure and check with your human resources department or other members of senior management. After all, when it comes to matters that could result in termination, you don’t want to assume all that responsibility by yourself. Instead, think of it as a hot potato that you want to share with others in management. So before you officially send your employee home to consider whether she wants to remain employed or to resign, make sure the appropriate parties are aware of your intended actions. This way, before you terminate anyone, you’ll have gotten the appropriate levels of advanced approval.

In addition, by getting these approvals up front, you’ll be deemed to be working within the course and scope of your employment, which is so important should your company ever be legally challenged by the outcome. Remember that when individual managers get legally entwined in lawsuits and are sued separately from the company, it’s typically because they were deemed to have been operating outside the course and scope of their employment.

If this employee resigns at day’s end based on principle, then so be it. No one on your management team will be shocked to learn of this outcome, and they’ll all be united in fighting any claim for wrongful termination (or discrimination or harassment, for that matter) because they were involved up front in the organizational decision.

Scenario 9: Inappropriate Dress

Let’s assume a female employee shows up for work in a blouse that shows way too much cleavage. This conversation, of course, would work just as well for a male employee who wears his pants too low, but the cleavage example is a bit more uncomfortable, especially assuming that you’re a male supervisor, so we’ll go with that one for the sake of this scenario.

The Solution

As you saw in the previous example and as you’ll see in the following examples in this chapter, the normal way to handle uncomfortable workplace situations is to call the individual into your office in private and relay your concerns appropriately. In the case of excessive cleavage, however, a male supervisor may want to invite a female co-supervisor to join the meeting to avoid perceptions of sexism or, in extreme cases, possible sexual harassment claims. You might initiate your conversation like this:

Phyllis, I wanted to speak with you briefly in my office about your workplace attire, and I invited Joan to join us. I don’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable in any way, and truth be told, I’m a bit uncomfortable bringing this issue to your attention because it has to do with the amount of cleavage that you’re showing in the outfit that you chose today. Again, I don’t mean to offend you, but I’m afraid your choice and style of dress this morning might possibly offend some of our clients. Could you help me find a solution to this?

A reasonable response on the employee’s part might be, “I’m sorry, Paul, but I didn’t think that this was too revealing. Do you really feel like this is an inappropriate outfit?” You might then respond, “Well, it looks fine when you’re standing straight, but truth be told, Phyllis, when you bend over—which you do quite often as a teller—your cleavage becomes more prominent. I don’t want to embarrass you in any way, but I don’t want our customers to feel uncomfortable either. That’s why I’d like your help in figuring out how to best handle this.”

And the most logical conclusion would end, “Well, I don’t have another business outfit here at the bank, so I’ll need to go home and find something else. I could be back in forty-five minutes, and I’m sorry if my choice of clothes this morning made anyone uncomfortable.” And voilà, the employee took the hint and rethought her wardrobe selection every day from that point forward. Happy ending!

But what about someone who challenges your gentle suggestion: “I feel this outfit is perfectly appropriate and shouldn’t offend anyone. I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but last time I looked, I don’t believe we have a policy on the amount of cleavage that’s allowed to be shown.” With a challenge like this, beware: The worker may have an ulterior motive or may simply want to challenge you on principle. In either case, you’ll need help, especially if you’re a male supervisor dealing with this particular topic.

Let the employee know that you hear what she’s saying but that you’d like additional input from your human resources department (or other appropriate department, like legal or administration). The employee could perhaps work on paperwork (but avoid meeting with customers) for the time being while you research this more thoroughly. Assuming that your HR department provides you with the appropriate approval, you’re then free to instruct the employee to return home for the rest of the day with pay to rethink her commitment to the company. At that point, proceed by placing the employee on a decision-making leave, as outlined in Scenario #8.

Scenario 10: Body Piercing and Body Art

Assume that your customer service manager walks in one day with a new ring in his eyebrow and a metal post in his lip. After you gasp and think, “He can’t service customers looking like that!” you again devise a way to position your message so that he arrives at that same conclusion himself.

The Solution

Try opening your initial conversation this way:

Michael, I need to talk with you privately about your fashion decision. First, let me say that I don’t mean to embarrass you in any way. I respect you as a person, and I don’t mean at all to dictate what you do in your personal life. But I’ve got to ask you: Are you sure that you’ve given sufficient thought to your eyebrow ring and lip post in terms of how they might impact the customers that you service in our accounting firm? I guess what I’m getting at is that knowing that kind of look might alienate some of our clients, would you be willing to remove them while you’re at work? Or would you consider removing them whenever you have to deal with the public? What are your thoughts?

The value to this approach lies in its subtlety and reasonableness. Few companies have policies restricting facial hair on men or insisting that women wear dresses in the office. And even the major accounting firms’ consultants now arrive at their consulting assignments in more of a casual dress mode than in the blue suit–red tie combinations of the past. Still, body piercing tends to result from revelations and epiphanies of what’s cool, what’s important in life, and what rights people believe they have over their own destinies. In short, it’s not something to brush over lightly.

If your conversation leads to some kind of compromise where the employee agrees to leave the hardware at home or to take it off whenever dealing with customers, then you’ll have accomplished your goal. Employees who feel they’ve been treated respectfully and not simply been told what to do will almost always agree to some kind of modification that will please the company and allow them to maintain their individuality.

If the employee, on the other hand, insists that he has the right to show off his new accoutrements to whomever happens to walk into the CPA firm that day, you again have the right to send the employee home to think about whether he wants to remain employed or to simply resign. As outlined in Scenario #8, you also have the right to move to outright dismissal if you feel you’re left with no other choice. Just don’t forget to obtain advance approval from human resources or qualified legal counsel.

Scenario 11: Tattoos

Eyebrow rings and lip posts are removable. Tattoos aren’t (at least not for the sake of this conversation). How would you address the ankle bracelet tattoo or back-of-the-neck black widow tattoo that seems about ready to climb into the employee’s hair? The phraseology may be different, but the strategy is the same: Discuss your concerns openly, listen to the individual’s side of the story, and then look for some resolution or compromise that you can both live with.

The Solution

Initiate your conversation on a problem-to-solution level:

Eileen, a few of the staff members brought to my attention that you’d gotten some new tattoos over the weekend. I respect the fact that you have the right to do body art, but as the nursing supervisor in the ICU, I’m a little concerned about how some of our patients might respond. In essence, you know that we’re a little bit more of a conservative hospital, but that doesn’t mean that we want people to act like robots and repress their individuality. I wanted to talk with you and see if there could be a way where your desire to express yourself has a minimal impact on the patients and their families who come to us for care. What are your initial thoughts about that?

Once again, the majority of people will offer alternatives that minimize the problem in the workplace: “Maybe I’ll wear surgical pants rather than a dress to cover the ankle tattoo, and I’ll wear blouses with collars so that patients won’t be able to see the spider tattoo on my neck.” And there you have it—a reasonable approach begets a reasonable response.

Again, more likely than not, employees will respond reasonably to your request if your presentation is respectful and appreciative of people’s differences. In fact, it’s more the exception where employees don’t respond favorably to such an understanding approach.

However, there can be an occasional instance where a subordinate chooses to make a stand over a new tattoo. If, for some reason, the employee totally refuses to engage in a dialogue with you, a decision-making leave as outlined in Scenario #8 may be appropriate. In addition, if you feel you have a legitimate business reason for disallowing that the tattoo be prominently exposed, you may be within your rights to terminate the individual. Again, this is not a protected category under the law, and most “at will” states will provide you with the discretion to separate employment. Always check with your company’s human resources department or with qualified legal counsel before proceeding down that path.

Scenario 12: Halitosis (Bad Breath)

Suppose your subordinates meet with you en masse to complain that a coworker’s bad breath is making the workplace intolerable. Breath odors typically come from garlicky diets or insufficient personal hygiene. Whatever the case, those coworkers shouldn’t have to suffer through such challenges, especially if the issue simply stems from others’ choices about their own cleanliness.

The Solution

As with all cases involving uncomfortable workplace situations, handle the matter respectfully and in private, remembering that your goal is to fix the problem without damaging the individual’s self-esteem or creating unnecessary embarrassment. Here’s how you might open up the conversation with your subordinate:

Dominic, I called you into my office because I wanted to speak with you about something. The feedback is a bit difficult to share, and I’m fairly uncomfortable right now, so I want to make this as straightforward and simple as possible: I believe you may have a problem with bad breath.

You know how most of us would appreciate it if someone told us that we had spinach stuck in our teeth or that our zipper was down just to save us from embarrassment? I see this as one of those conversations because even though it’s difficult news to share, it’s really in your best interests.

I know these things are usually the result of overindulging in spicy or garlicky foods, but is there something you might be able to do on your own to fix this perception problem that exists?

A reasonable response on the employee’s part would be to apologize for the problem and ask if anyone else has noticed. In those circumstances, it’s best to be honest, although you may want to deliver your message gently: “Yes, I’m afraid that I’m not the only person to notice this. But a few of your coworkers came to me out of concern for you, not to get you in trouble. They were about as uncomfortable telling me as I am telling you. That’s why I’m hoping we could agree that this is simply a fixable problem that we can address now that you’re aware of it.”

That caring approach will typically be all you’ll need to fix the problem without a lot of drama. In matters regarding personal hygiene, employees will usually fix problems that are brought to their attention both out of embarrassment and peer pressure. If the problem ever surfaces again, it would be easy enough to remind Dominic of this initial discussion without having to say much other than, “It appears that the problem we discussed about your breath may have become an issue again. Will you be able to fix that for me?”

But if you’re ever called to have this discussion for a second time, you’ll want to add one more sentence to your closing statement: “Dominic, I want your commitment right now that we’ll never have to have a conversation about this again.” With that commitment in hand from the second event, you could probably rest assured that the matter will become a nonissue from that point forward.

A difficult conversation can make the difference between success and failure for a valued employee. Care enough to hold that difficult conversation. You have that responsibility to your subordinates who, for whatever reason, may not see the impact of their personal behaviors.

Scenario 13: Body Odor from Lack of Cleanliness

Body odor is an equally uncomfortable issue to address because of the personal nature of the problem, but don’t expect that the employee is even aware that it’s an issue. If he were, there probably wouldn’t be a problem in the first place. But some members of the younger generation pride themselves on defining a bath as jumping into a chlorinated pool, while other folks simply fail to apply deodorant consistently. At other times, it may simply be a case of too many wears before a wash. Whatever the case, an odiferous offender shouldn’t upset everyone else in the department, and there are tactful ways of handling the matter professionally.

The Solution

You’re best off opening your private conversation with the assumption that the individual isn’t aware there is a problem. This way, even if he does know, he could pretend that he’s being made aware of this problem for the first time and take appropriate measures to correct the situation. Here’s a sample conversation launcher:

Roger, I wanted to meet with you one-on-one in my office because I need to share something with you privately, discreetly, and with as much sensitivity as possible. You may not realize it, but it appears that you have a body odor problem, and it isn’t merely a personal matter—it’s a workplace disruption issue that I’ll need your help to repair.

I’ve had conversations like this with employees before, and usually they’re not even aware that the problem exists. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but don’t mind my asking, Are you aware of the issue, and if so, is that something you could take care of on your end?

Again, this is a fairly comfortable approach that avoids putting anyone on the spot, and assuming the individual is aware of the issue to begin with, your putting him on notice should be all that’s necessary to solve that odious challenge. You might then offer Roger the option to return home with pay, freshen up, and then return to the office when he’s ready. That’s a fair and objective way of handling an uncomfortable workplace situation without drama or histrionics.

People with poor hygiene habits may be oblivious to how that can affect others in the workplace. Your conversation links the personal hygiene problem to a workplace performance matter, which places you on clear ground to address the matter as part of the individual’s overall performance.

You might then choose to end the conversation on a positive note:

Roger, listen, I’m here to help in any way I can. If you’d like us to set up a fan in your office, or if you’d like to change your schedule so that you could take breaks throughout the day to have time to freshen up, I’d be very supportive of that. Just let me know whatever I could do to help, okay? If you wouldn’t mind, though, I’d prefer not to have to address this with you again because it’s a bit uncomfortable for me, so is this something you feel you could fix on a go-forward basis?

And that little segue out of your conversation will allow the employee to dash out of your office, run home to shower, and then make sure that he never has to hear those horrible words from anyone else again for the rest of his career!

Special Note

If the employee begins to offer reasons for his body odor that go beyond mere hygiene (for example, medical issues), stop him before he goes into too much detail. You don’t want much information as to the cause of his body odor if it’s anything more than failure to use the appropriate amount of soap. Instead, let Roger know that if he needs to seek medical treatment for a health-related condition, he should take time off to go to the doctor as soon as he can get an appointment. And if your company offers an Employee Assistant Program (EAP), provide him with an EAP brochure so that he can call them and get the appropriate resources that he needs to solve the dilemma.

If accommodations will be necessary, you’ll receive them from the physician or medical facility in the form of a doctor’s note. Doctors’ notes should immediately be shared with your corporate human resources team or with qualified legal counsel for an appropriate company response.

Finally, if the employee’s offensive body odor continues and it’s not linked to a medical condition as far as you’re aware, inform him that coming to work unclean or unkempt is unprofessional and disrupts productivity. You can then place him on verbal notice that if you have to address this matter again with him, appropriate disciplinary action may follow.

Appropriate disciplinary action in a case like this would most likely be in the form of a first written warning. The very nature of this infraction, especially if it has anything to do with obesity, will not lend itself to more progressive forms of discipline like immediate termination or even a final written warning for this first, documented offense. Of course, this will depend on your company’s progressive discipline practices, but the point here is that this is probably not a good time to accelerate or skip steps in your company’s progressive disciplinary practices.

Scenario 14: Body Odor from Suspected Medical Reason

Delving deeper into the previous scenario, odors may sometimes come from chronic medical conditions like obesity or colostomy bags. These conversations are a little trickier because they’re not necessarily something your employee can physically control. In addition, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) may govern these matters, so it may be more than workplace sensitivity: It may be a matter of law.

The Solution

Now that I’ve gotten your attention, proceed this way:

Joan, I need to make you aware of a situation that has come to my attention, and I’ll need your help to solve it. A few of your coworkers came to me out of concern for you, but also out of concern for themselves. Apparently there is an odor coming from your desk area that makes it difficult for them to do their work. The odor is described as being a combination of sweat and urine, and apparently this is the third time that they’ve noticed it. It’s happening about the same time every month, and they’ve asked me to address it with you. You don’t need to share any specifics with me regarding the cause. I’d rather you address some possible solutions with me so that I could help, assuming that you agree that this could be a problem.

If the employee identifies some underlying cause for the medical problem, refocus her comments on the effects of the issue rather than its causes. Again, under the Americans with Disabilities Act, you’re not obligated to accommodate a disability that you’re unaware of, so the fewer details you have, the less you have to formally “accommodate.” At that point, ask her how she could resolve the matter: “I trust that you understand how this could be a problem.” A typical response on her part might be, “Well, I’ll make a doctor’s appointment for tomorrow and see how this can be solved,” is a typical response that you could expect from the employee under the circumstances.

Special Note

First, a caveat about the ADA: As a civil rights–oriented antidiscrimination law intended to bring disabled workers into the workplace and to keep disabled employees in the workplace, its intentions are more than admirable. However, the law itself was written loosely and provides plaintiff attorneys with lots of room to argue its merits and applications to the workplace. In addition, a number of states have their own interpretations of the ADA, many of which are even more liberal or employee-friendly than the federal version. Add the fact that remedies can include punitive damages, and your company could face serious legal exposure.

In addition to defining a disability as a physical or mental impairment (or record of such an impairment) that substantially limits one or more major life activities, the ADA also covers individuals who are “regarded as having” an impairment. In other words, even if no disability technically exists, a plaintiff’s lawyer could argue that you, the employer, regarded the employee as having a disability and that your company was therefore governed by the act.

Finally, in preparing for any workplace discussions with your employees regarding physical or mental conditions that may be governed by the ADA, remember that the law does not merely prohibit discrimination against the disabled. It imposes additional affirmative obligations on employers to accommodate the needs of people with disabilities and to facilitate their economic independence.

Medical intervention may be the only practical direction in which an employer can lead an employee under these circumstances. Just be sure and close your conversation this way: “Joan, you just take care of yourself. If you need time off, or if your doctor recommends any special considerations that we can help you with, just let us know. We’re all concerned about you and want to make sure you’re okay.”

Practically speaking, you’ll have demonstrated care and compassion to an employee in need of your help. Legally speaking, you’ll have begun the process of fulfilling your obligation under the ADA to engage in an “interactive process” with the employee to determine an appropriate accommodation, if one is applicable, resulting in a work environment that enables the individual to be comfortable and productive. Well done!